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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25558216">I Can Still Recall</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Realismreading/pseuds/Realismreading'>Realismreading</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Eventual Happy Ending, Eventual Sirius Black/Remus Lupin, Gay Remus Lupin, Gay Sirius Black, M/M, Mild Smut, Teacher-Student Relationship, wolfstar</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 11:55:16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>129,720</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25558216</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Realismreading/pseuds/Realismreading</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Falling for someone he met on a business trip with his family becomes more than just a summer romance that Sirius wished he'd initiated sooner. Especially when that person has taken up a job at Hogwarts.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>39</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>82</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Sirius sighed as he sprawled out across one of the compartment seats. <br/><br/>“Feeling melodramatic already, are we, Padfoot?” James asked, sitting with crossed legs on the other bench alongside Peter. <br/><br/>“I’m always feeling melodramatic, my dear Prongs,” Sirius replied. <br/><br/>“What’s wrong this time?” Peter said. <br/><br/>“It’s our last year of mischief!” Sirius complained. “We have this school year and that’s it! Our reign of chaos and fun is over and we have to do all that boring adult shit, like get apartments and file tax returns.” <br/><br/>“Do you have any idea what a tax return <em>is</em>, Sirius, or did you just hear it on the Muggle radio that Mum and Dad got over the summer?” James said. <br/><br/>“Does it matter?!” Sirius exclaimed, sitting up. “The point is, we have to make this year count!” <br/><br/>“And how do you suppose we do that?” James asked. <br/><br/>“We prank the Slytherins at least once a term, we pull off the most spectacular Halloween prank ever and end the year with a bang at the end of year party,” Sirius told him. <br/><br/>“<em>Now</em> you’re talking.” James grinned. "Come on, you two, hit me with your best ideas. And don’t be scarce on any details."<br/><br/>~</p><p>Sirius was barely listening to Dumbledore as he made his yearly ‘start of the new year’ speech. He was too busy watching the addition to the staff table. <br/><br/>There was someone new sitting next to Professor Haywood, the Defense Against the Dark Arts professor. She had miraculously lasted three years in the position so far, despite all attempts at getting her fired or driving her insane enough to resign.<br/><br/>The new addition had light brown curls, lightened to almost auburn thanks to the summer sun and had a pair of glasses perched on his nose that he pushed up every so often. His robes were slightly too big for him. He looked way too young to be a new Professor, not much older than Sirius. And yet there he was, sitting with the other staff members, laughing and drinking pumpkin juice with them over dinner. <br/><br/>“And, finally, I would like to introduce you all to a new member of staff joining the faculty. Professor Lupin will be training this year to take on Professor Haywood’s role at the beginning of next year. A very warm welcome to you, Professor.” Dumbledore gestured towards Lupin and he stood.<br/><br/>Sirius’ eyes had been glued to the man for the entire evening, not just because he was a fresh face at the staff table, but because Sirius knew him.</p><p>He knew that name, knew that face, knew that there were freckles dusted across his nose and cheeks, and there were some hidden just under his eyebrow that were visible if you knew where to look. He knew those eyes, a dark mossy kind of green that lit up brilliantly with hints of golden-brown flecks in the sun. <br/><br/><em>Sirius remembered him. </em><br/><br/>He’d been on a business trip with his family for a few weeks before he’d left to go to the Potters over the summer. They’d gone to Italy. Sirius had loved every second, but not because he’d been spending time with his family, but because, completely by chance, he’d met Remus and had found a friend in him.<br/><br/><em>Sirius had been given free rein to do whatever he liked while his parents were in meetings with Italian Ministry workers, talking about some new legislation that they wanted passing. </em><em>His family knew that there were Italian officials who thought in like-minded ways to them, that they were transferring to work over in England to be closer to London, hoping to rise the ranks of the Wizengamot. This, of course, would benefit Walburga and Orion in their plans to have more sway in the Ministry.<br/></em><br/><em>On their first day in Rome, Sirius decided to leave Regulus moping at home. He’d woken up in a mood and didn’t feel like talking to Sirius very much. <br/><br/></em><em>So, Sirius went out in search for something to do, scraping his hair off his face and tying it back. His parents owned a villa a twenty-minute walk from St Peter’s Basilica, so he decided to go there first, wanting to see if it was as beautiful as he’d heard. <br/></em><br/><em>It hadn’t disappointed, that was for sure. It was certainly stunning. </em><em>When Sirius was done looking around the Basilica, drinking in the sight of the beautiful architecture, he continued walking along a street he picked at random, smiling softly at the hustle and bustle around him. It was almost like living in London with all these people around, except the weather was better and Vatican City was much prettier than the whole of London put together.<br/></em><br/><em>And then he spotted the library. </em><em>It was a Muggle one, of course. </em><em>Sirius thought it was likely to be vastly different to the library at Hogwarts, or any other wizard library, so he went in, curious as to the differences between his world and the Muggle one. There would be no floating books here and no Restricted Section that he would have to steal James’ Invisibility Cloak to sneak into.<br/></em><br/><em>He was looking around when someone hurried past him from behind as he entered a new aisle. Sirius had a brief moment of stumbled panic before someone caught him around the waist, their reflexes fast and arms strong, supporting Sirius’ weight and helping him to regain his footing. </em></p><p><em>Sirius looked up at saw the most beautiful eyes he’d ever seen in his life, accompanied by a mop of curls and freckles and his brain completely cut out, thinking only about how beautiful this stranger was. <br/></em><br/><em>“Are you okay?” the stranger asked. <br/></em><br/><em>Sirius nodded, finally snapping out of his stupor and realizing that he was on his own two feet again, hands still gripping the soft fabric of the very large jumper covering the stranger’s torso. <br/></em><br/><em>“Sorry, they just barged straight into me. Thank you, you have very good reflexes.” Sirius chuckled, letting go of the stranger’s shoulders.<br/></em><br/><em>The stranger suddenly went red, realizing that his arms were still wrapped around Sirius’ waist and they were still incredibly close. He let go and Sirius felt his cheeks warm as well as he took a step back, righting his jacket and brushing a strand of his hair out of his face.<br/></em><br/><em>“It’s quite alright, I wasn’t just going to let you fall flat on your face.” The stranger said, ducking his head nervously, seeming shy all of a sudden. <br/></em><br/><em>“I’m Sirius,” Sirius said, sticking his hand out. The stranger looked at it, smiling softly.<br/></em><br/><em>“Remus.” He replied, shaking Sirius’ hand. “Sirius … I haven’t heard of that name before. Very unique.” <br/></em><br/><em>“My parents are strange people. Loads of us are named after stars and constellations. It’s a bit of a weird tradition.” Sirius shrugged. “It’s nice to meet you, Remus. Can I buy you lunch, maybe? As a thank you, I mean, for helping me.” <br/></em><br/><em>Remus blushed brilliantly.<br/></em><br/><em>“I-I mean-”<br/></em><br/><em>“Please? It’s my first time in Rome, and it’d be nice to make a friend while I’m here.” Sirius told him. <br/></em><br/><em>“Sure. I’d like that. Thank you.” Remus said softly.<br/></em><br/>They had spotted in a café not too far away, laughing and getting to know each other over the course of a few hours. Before they had realized, it had been late evening and Sirius was running late for a formal dinner. Remus had given him a phone number that Sirius could chat to him on if he was ever bored or lonely in the evenings, and they’d agreed to meet again the following day at lunchtime in the same spot in the library.<br/> <br/>For the following two weeks, that was what they’d done every day. Meet at the library, Remus would sometimes exchange books he’d finished for ones he hadn’t, and sometimes they’d whisper to each other at one of the tables in the library before going to the café again.</p><p>For three weeks after that, they’d only grown more comfortable with each other, spending lazy days in Remus’ rented apartment and enjoying the simple domesticity of a friendship.  Sirius had become enamoured with Remus, falling more and more for him which each day that passed.</p><p>There were some days where he thought that Remus might have had a hint of affections for him as well, but Sirius was too worried of spoiling the only good thing about this godforsaken trip to do anything about it.<br/><br/>He had found out that Remus was nineteen, almost twenty, and had gone to school in France for his teenage years before moving to Italy, wanting to travel and getting some experience out in the world before settling and starting a life somewhere. He’d initially lived in Wales as a child, and he and his family had moved to France when he was nine.</p><p>He wanted to be a teacher, but Sirius had never expected him to mean at Hogwarts. Sirius hadn’t told Remus about him being a wizard, and Remus hadn’t said anything about himself being one either.<br/> <br/>He’d spent five weeks spending time with Remus before he’d had to come back to England. Sirius remembered their last day together with perfect clarity. <em><br/></em><br/><em>“Sirius, you can’t stay with them! They hit you, and they haven’t done it just once either! You’re not safe with them!” Remus exclaimed. <br/></em><br/><em>They were in Remus’ apartment, on his sofa, curled up at opposite ends of it and facing each other, completely comfortable in each other’s company. S</em><em>irius felt more at home at Remus’ than he did at his parent’s house, both the one in Italy and the one back in London. </em></p><p>
  <em>Sirius had tried a concealment charm over his obvious black eye, but it hadn’t worked as well as he’d hoped. So, he’d gotten rid of it and had tried the stick of concealing makeup that he’d bought a few days previously.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He’d been early going to meet Remus and the girl standing outside the shop had offered to show him what the stick did, as well as the black eyeliner pencil that Sirius also ended up buying. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>All of the money he’d taken with him had thankfully been converted into Muggle money and he’d felt proud at knowing exactly what coins to hand over. </em>
</p><p><em>But Remus had seen right through the makeup and Sirius didn’t have the heart to lie to him.<br/></em><br/><em>“What do you expect me to do, Remus? Just run away?! I don’t have anywhere to go!” Sirius said. <br/></em><br/><em>“What about your friends? James and Peter? Can’t they help you?”<br/></em><br/><em>“I won’t be a burden on my best friends. It’s not fair on them or their families.”<br/><br/></em> <em>Remus looked like he wanted to say more but Sirius cut him off before he had the chance.</em></p><p>
  <em> “Please, Remus, I can’t argue with you today. It’s my last day here. I leave tomorrow morning and I don’t want to be any more upset about leaving you than I already am. You’re the only good thing about this trip.” <br/></em>
  <br/>
  <em>Remus looked dismayed, but Sirius could see that he forced himself not to argue, wanting to enjoy their final hours together.<br/></em>
  <br/>
  <em>“Okay, Sirius.” Was all he said. <br/></em>
  <br/>
  <em>They’d looked at each other, both feeling oddly vulnerable at that moment. And Sirius had never wanted to kiss Remus more. <br/></em>
  <br/>
  <em>So, throwing all caution to the wind, knowing that if he screwed up now, at least he’d had five weeks to enjoy Remus’ company, at least he’d made the most of the friendship he’d created. </em>
</p><p><em>No sooner than he’d moved to throw himself across the sofa and press himself against Remus, Remus had met him in the middle and had slotted their mouths together. <br/></em><br/><em>Metaphorical sparks flew and Sirius whimpered quietly. Remus coaxed him off the sofa, trying to avoid disentangling themselves from one another, and Remus had lifted Sirius, securing Sirius’ legs around his waist and holding onto his arse with bruising force, carrying him to the bedroom. <br/></em><br/><em>How quickly everything had escalated. How quickly they'd been desperately ripping at one another's clothing, tugging on hair and belts, pulling at buttons and throwing fabric.<br/></em><br/><em>When they’d torn each other’s shirts off, Sirius tried his hardest not to gape at Remus’ body. </em><em>Thick scars were crisscrossing across Remus' torso, smatterings of silvery marks across his shoulders and arms. There were so many of them. </em><br/><br/><em>“I-I’m sorry. I was in an accident as a child. I wandered off when my parents weren't looking, we were camping in a forest and I got attacked by a wolf. I never healed completely. I’m sorry, I know they’re not very attractive-” Remus stumbled over his words and Sirius shut him up with a kiss. </em><br/><br/><em>“You don’t have to apologise. You’re beautiful. So beautiful. Or handsome, whichever you prefer, but some scars aren’t going to change that in my eyes. My feelings for you are as strong as they’ve been from the moment we met.” Sirius whispered.</em><br/><br/><em>Remus looked so amazed as Sirius spoke, as if not used to hearing those words come out of someone’s mouth, and he pulled Sirius down for another kiss. </em><br/><br/>Not even three days later, when they were back at Grimmauld Place, his parents had figured out what had been going on in Italy, with him always sneaking off in the early hours as he and Remus started to meet for breakfast as well. <br/><br/>They’d had a good system. Remus cooked breakfast, Sirius bought them lunch, and they’d cook dinner together. They often did domestic bits and pieces together, such as when Remus had to go food shopping.</p><p>Remus was very careful with his money and often bought the cheapest products. Sirius never pressed, but he couldn’t help but feel terrible for Remus. He’d been working night shifts at a company caring for elderly people with deteriorating health, but it didn’t pay brilliantly. It was only just enough to keep him comfortable. <br/><br/>But Sirius parents had gathered that the ‘friend’ he’d met was more than that when they’d burst into Sirius’ room unannounced, seeing him in tears and clutching a picture of him and Remus grinning at Remus’ polaroid camera.</p><p>They’d taken it on Sirius’ last day, just after their first time together. Sirius had made a silly joke about having ‘Sirius-ly’ fallen for Remus, and they’d been so happy that Sirius had picked up the camera and taken a picture of them still shirtless and covered in hickeys. <br/><br/>They’d taken so many pictures together over the summer, and they’d both taken their picks of the mementoes that they wanted to keep. <br/><br/>That was when Sirius’ parents had started spitting homophobic abuse at Sirius. He’d whirled his wand, forcing everything into his trunk before his parents could get their hands on the photos.</p><p>He’d grabbed his trunk, spit at his parents’ feet and had Apparated to the closest place he knew to James’ house, deciding that he was going to take Remus’ advice, hoping that his best friend’s family would take him in. <br/><br/>Sitting in the Great Hall, watching Remus stand and smile graciously at the crowd now applauding him as a welcome, made Sirius’ heart beat faster.<br/><br/>“What are you staring at, Pads?” Peter asked.</p><p>Sirius shook his head. When the crowd had calmed and the feast began just mere seconds later, Sirius stood and left, not caring about the looks he got as he passed. His appetite was gone and his whole body felt cold.</p><p>If Remus was here, then they would be spending lessons together four times a week until the end of the year, and Sirius couldn't handle that. Not in any capacity. Not when they'd spent the whole summer together, falling for each other, sharing their hopes and dreams, their fears and insecurities. <br/><br/>Sirius was quiet for the remainder of the night, the curtains remained drawn around his bed and he refused to speak to James and Peter. He didn't get much sleep, thinking about all the times they'd spoken of a reunion, of going back to that library next summer and trying to find a way to stay in contact this time. <br/><br/>No, Sirius would not last the year. <br/><br/>~<br/><br/>The seventh years' first Defense Against the Dark Arts lesson was three days later. Sirius had been a mess for all of those three days. Even James and Peter had been finding him more insufferable than usual.<br/><br/>“Alright, what the fuck is wrong with you?” James asked eventually. <br/><br/>It was their free period before their first Defense lesson and Sirius was filled with anxiety. He’d been avoiding the Defense corridor as much as possible and hadn’t wanted to cross paths with Remus yet. He wasn’t ready to pretend like he didn’t know Remus, wasn’t still grieving for the relationship they could’ve had, the feelings they’d shared.</p><p>He'd stayed at Remus' apartment on their last day, sleeping there and wishing he didn't have to leave at the crack of dawn. He'd left a note for Remus on his bedside table and a duplicated version of the photo they'd taken after their first time, not wanting to part with the original, but wanting Remus to have the same reminder of them as Sirius. <br/><br/>“What do you mean?”<br/><br/>“You know what I mean. You’re behaving like a child.” James said. “Is this about the summer? What happened while you were in Italy?”<br/><br/>“I already told you, Jamie. I don’t want to talk about it.” Sirius said sourly. <br/><br/>“Well, something's happened! You appear at my doorstep with a black eye and your trunk three days after you come home. Now you’re avoiding the Defense corridor, you start acting weird about your favourite subject, and you’re trying to tell me something isn’t wrong? Don’t try to bullshit me, Padfoot. I know you better than that.”<br/> <br/>Sirius took a cigarette out of the pack in his pocket and stormed out of the dorm. He couldn’t tell them now. He needed to work out his shit before he included them. He just couldn’t handle the idea of telling them that he was gay and had fallen for their DADA Professor in training over the summer all at once. <br/><br/>He didn't know where his feet were taking him, he just needed to wander. Time alone, time to clear his head was what he needed in preparation for seeing Remus again.<br/><br/>~<br/><br/>When Sirius arrived at the Defense classroom, it was without James and Peter. He'd gone towards the classroom twenty minutes before the lesson started, long before James and Peter had left, but was still running five minutes late.<br/><br/>James and Peter were waiting outside for him, making sure that they always walked in together, not addressing Sirius storming out of the dorm and going missing for almost an hour.</p><p>The three of them had been trying to get Haywood fired for three years. She was useless, it was honestly a wonder they’d managed to learn anything at all.</p><p>She was always at least fifteen minutes late to every lesson and didn't do anything other than read things out of the textbook and write them in pitifully small handwriting on the chalkboard, and yet Dumbledore wouldn’t fire her because she was the only teacher willing to stay on for longer than a year. <br/><br/>“Settle down, seventh years!” Remus called from the front.</p><p>He glanced up as James, Peter and Sirius arrived inside after everyone else had already taken their seats and started chatting amongst themselves. His eyes widened slightly at the sight of Sirius. <br/><br/>“You alright, Professor?” James grinned. Remus snapped out of whatever thoughts he was deep in and tried his best to smile. <br/><br/>“Yes, good, thank you. I’m assuming you three are the ones I’ve been warned about?” Remus said. “Let me guess. James Potter,” He looked to James.<br/><br/>“At your service,” James said. <br/><br/>“Peter Pettigrew,” Peter waved. Sirius stared at him in disbelief. <br/><br/>“Seriously, Pete? Waving? Are you a first-year?” He teased. James snorted and Peter elbowed him, cheeks going red.</p><p>"And that leaves Sirius Black," Remus said. </p><p>"The one and only." Sirius grinned, tightening his tie and trying to keep his trademark laid back facade up as if he hadn't spent his last twenty-four hours abroad crying out and screaming Remus' name in pleasure, now faced with that man as his new Professor. <br/><br/>“Alright, take your seats, you three. I’d like to speak to you after class. Professor Haywood’s regular tardiness may give the impression that you can follow her lead, but that won’t be the case with me.” Remus said. James, Remus and Peter took their seats at the back of the classroom, James and Sirius at a desk behind Peter. <br/><br/>“Where <em>is</em> Professor Haywood?” Lily asked as Remus begun to write something on the chalkboard.<br/> <br/>“We’ve agreed to split your lessons between us, as we’ve done with the younger years as well. I’ll be taking your Wednesday and Thursday lessons and Professor Haywood will be taking your double on Fridays.” Remus replied, turning around and revealing the subject of the lesson. “Right. Unforgivable Curses, who can give me a brief overview of them?”<br/><br/>~<br/><br/>Throughout the lesson, Sirius was careful to avoid getting caught by Remus as he and James passed notes to each other. <br/><br/><em>What was with that look Lupin gave you at the start of the lesson? – Prongs</em><br/><br/><em>No idea, mate. Bit strange, if you ask me – Padfoot</em><br/><br/><em>Do you know him? – Prongs</em><br/><br/><em>Why would you think I know him? – Padfoot</em><br/><br/><em>Because you’ve been acting weird about Defense all week, he’s giving you weird looks when he thinks people can’t see and you stormed out earlier when I mentioned Italy. Did you meet him there? – Prongs</em><br/><br/><em>No, Prongs, I was stuck with my parents and little shit of a brother. He was getting on my fucking nerves the whole time. They all were. It was a miserable trip – Padfoot</em><br/><br/><em>I don’t believe you, Padfoot. I’ll get it out of you eventually. You’re going to make this whole year awful for Wormtail and me, which isn’t fair at all, not when you were so excited about causing mischief on the train – Prongs</em><br/><br/><em>I don’t care, James. You can think what you like, but I don’t want to talk about the summer – Padfoot</em><br/><br/>Before James’ had had a chance to respond to that comment, the parchment had whizzed out from under his hand and landed in Remus’. His eyes skimmed over the paper and he rolled it up, putting it on his desk.</p><p>”Mr Pettigrew, I no longer need to see you after my lesson. It seems Mr Potter and Mr Black are the root cause of the problem today.” <br/><br/>Remus returned to what he was doing at the front of the room and Sirius clenched his jaw, angry at the lack of emotion Remus was showing. He was so far from the shy, blushing man that Sirius had known in Italy.</p><p>Now he seemed colder, his emotions and true thoughts concealed from Sirius, who had been so good at reading him beforehand. The thought scared Sirius, that this was a Remus he didn’t know, that this was what it would be like for the rest of the year, with them unable to access each other as the men they’d been in Italy. <br/><br/>When the end of the lesson finally rolled around, Sirius was slow in packing his things into his bag, as was James. Peter would wait outside, as he often did if he’d escaped from a telling off from teachers during lessons.</p><p>Once everyone had left, Sirius and James walked over to Remus’ desk, where he was watching and waiting for them.<br/> <br/>“I expect note passing from first and second years, but not from seventh years. You’re adults, I expect you to act like it. I’ll excuse it this time, but just this once. Mr Potter, you may go, I need to have a word with Mr Black.” James hesitated for a second, looking towards Sirius. <br/><br/>“Take Pete back to the Tower. I’ll see you guys there.” Sirius assured. James still looked hesitant but left regardless, and it wasn’t until he’d seen the door close and heard James and Peter’s voices recede that he turned back to face Remus. <br/><br/>“So,” Sirius said. “You’re a wizard.” <br/><br/>“As are you,” Remus replied stiffly.<br/><br/>He walked around his desk so that he was only a metre from Sirius. Sirius had never felt so far away from him, had never felt so separated. He wanted nothing more than to break the distance. Remus wasn't usually so stiff and unwelcoming with him and the thought was almost enough to bring Sirius to tears.</p><p>He'd imagined their reunion so many times, but never this way. It was always with kisses and tears of happiness. Sirius would give anything for that kind of reunion, anything other than being separated by the titles of 'Professor in training' and 'student'.</p><p>“You know, when I was warned about three students called Sirius, James, and Peter, I forced myself to believe that it was a coincidence. I thought that there was no way I would be teaching students with the same names as the person I’d spent the best summer of my life with and his best friends. That didn’t stop me hoping, though. And now that I know I was right, I don’t quite know how I’m supposed to feel.” <br/><br/>“What do you mean by that?” Sirius asked. <br/><br/>“I don’t know whether to burst into tears with happiness or yell at you for not telling me about your magic.”</p><p>“You didn’t tell me you were a wizard either! I know the law, I wasn’t going to break the Statute of Secrecy when I could get jail time for it! My pretty face wouldn’t last a <em>day</em> in Azkaban!” Sirius exclaimed.</p><p>Remus cracked a small smile for that, though he looked like he was forcing himself to stop. Sirius counted that as a small win. <br/><br/>“Look, Sirius, we’re going to have to be careful. James already thinks we know each other and we’re not even a week into the new year!” <br/><br/>“It’s not a crime to know each other, Remus,” Sirius said. <br/><br/>“But we don’t just <em>know</em> each other, do we?” Remus hissed. “Are you forgetting your last day in Rome?”<br/> <br/>“I don’t think I could ever forget. My arse hurt for almost a week afterwards.” Sirius laughed. Remus groaned and buried his face in his hands. <br/><br/>“Merlin, Sirius, you’re insufferable, you know that?” <br/><br/>“I <em>have</em> been reminded once or twice.” Sirius shrugged. <br/><br/>“Look, let’s just agree to keep things professional, okay? Act like we don’t know each other and like it all never happened.” Remus said. Sirius’ façade fell away then, revealing the hurt in his eyes. He knew by the look on Remus’ face that Remus regretted the words. <br/><br/>“What if I don’t want to forget everything that happened?” Sirius asked quietly. “I can’t just pretend like we didn’t spend five weeks together every single day, as if I didn’t grow to love you.”</p><p>There was silence following his confession and Sirius could feel his heart jack-rabbiting in his chest. <br/><br/>He had never admitted to himself that he loved Remus. But he did, he knew he did. He knew it should’ve been impossible to not even be in a relationship with someone, to only know for them for five weeks and say that you were in love with them, but could feel it in his bones that what he felt was strong enough to only be love.</p><p>It was all-consuming and scary, and Sirius never wanted to stop feeling it, never wanted to stop looking at Remus and knowing that he wouldn’t want anybody else. <br/><br/>Remus seemed to be in a state of shock. Sirius felt every second that passed by as if it was an hour until Remus finally spoke.</p><p>“Sirius-”<br/><br/>“Don’t you feel the same?” Sirius asked. Remus just stared at him. There was a conflict there, two halves of Remus waging a war in his head. “Don’t lie to me. Please, don’t say that you don’t feel it, because I know you do. You can’t have gotten over it so quickly. It’s only been two weeks since I left, you can’t have stopped feeling that way about me. <em>Please</em>.” Sirius begged, his voice soft and cracking. </p><p>“Sirius, you understand that I can’t feel that way about you. Not when I work here. You knew I wanted to teach, and I can’t get involved with a student.”</p><p>“How was I supposed to know you were a wizard?! Or that you would be travelling halfway across Europe to teach at my school?!” Sirius exclaimed. “Besides, you’re already involved! We spoke about reuniting next summer, having a proper shot at this, at <em>us</em>.”</p><p>“We aren’t in a relationship, Sirius!” Remus said. “I need this job. You’ve seen my apartment in Rome. It’s not the kind of place I want to live in for the rest of my life. Nowhere else will hire me, Dumbledore is doing me a favour by letting me work here. I can’t get involved with you, Sirius. I’m sorry, but that’s final. Whatever you thought would come of this conversation is impossible.”</p><p>Sirius’ eyes brimmed with angry tears and he grabbed his bag, violently swinging it over his shoulders before storming out. </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>As soon as Sirius had left, Remus found himself choking on his tears, clamping his hand over his mouth to muffle the sound of his sobs and cursing himself for getting upset so easily.<br/> <br/>The look on Sirius’ face as he stormed out was enough to shatter Remus’ heart into a million pieces. He’d had to force himself to not admit the way he felt for Sirius. He'd fallen so hard and so in love with Sirius so quickly. <em>Too</em> quickly. It scared him that it was even possible. <br/><br/>And of course, he wanted Sirius to know that their last day and night together was not just a fluke, it was not just a moment of temporary attraction brought about by Sirius' departure. <br/><br/>Remus had been attracted to Sirius from the moment they met. But he was a Professor now. Or, at least he was training to be one. He couldn't let anything jeopardise that.</p><p>Dumbledore had known Remus’ parents and had provided them with advice when Remus had been bitten by a rogue werewolf as a child. He’d told Sirius some semblance of truth during their first time, that he’d been attacked as a child, but he’d left out the very important detail that it had turned him into a werewolf himself.<br/><br/>The nightshift from six in the evening until four in the morning for the job he’d stumbled across in Rome had been a stroke of luck. He had Saturdays and Sundays off, and throughout the weekdays in summer, he’d often woken up to Sirius curled up with a book on his sofa in the mornings.</p><p>Remus had left a key for Sirius after his first few visits to Remus' apartment so he could let himself in in the mornings. But now that Remus knew Sirius was a wizard, he would be surprised if that key had ever actually been used, with Sirius being able to cast a rudimentary unlocking charm. <br/> <br/>The good thing about working nightshifts was that Sirius wasn’t suspicious when Remus had been more drained than usual when the full moon had rolled around. He’d gotten into his apartment just mere minutes before Sirius had and had made up some excuse about having to stay later at work and being unable to sleep once the birds had started to sing.</p><p>Sirius didn't seem to care that he fell asleep on the sofa just an hour later, or when he drifted off during lazy days in his apartment, and Remus was grateful for it. There were only so many excuses he could come up with at once.<br/><br/>But now … Sirius would understand. He was from Remus’ world, the world he loved, where he could make sparks fly from a piece of wood and could do so many wonderful things with just a thought. <br/><br/>He wouldn’t have to hide from Sirius, would he? <br/><br/>Remus' parents had always encouraged him to avoid telling people about his lycanthropy. His father had always been insistent that people wouldn't care how nice or kind he was, people would only ever think of him as a monster. The fear of rejection had stuck with him throughout his life. <br/><br/>No, he couldn’t tell Sirius. Remus wouldn't be able to bear the idea of Sirius hating him if he ever found out about Remus' condition. He couldn’t trust anyone. <br/><br/>Remus didn't want to let Sirius think that there his feelings were one-sided; he knew that it would now make things difficult and awkward as they both dealt with their heartbreak in secret.</p><p>But he couldn't let himself slip into a relationship with one of his students, not when he'd struck lucky with this teaching position.<br/><br/>He forced himself to stop crying, wiped at his eyes and summoned a glass of water, drinking all of it in one gulp before scrubbing at his face in frustration. <br/><br/>He hated crying. It never did any good, it just made his eyes puffy and head throb. It never helped any situation and just made Remus feel worse about whatever predicament he'd gotten himself into.</p><p>He had no more lessons for the rest of the day and took it as an opportunity to walk towards the staff wing, trying to avoid the denser, more tightly packed corridors until he reached his room. He didn't want anyone seeing the obvious giveaways of his misery. He couldn't bear the questions or the attention now. <br/><br/>Inside his quarters were a kitchen and a living room with a fireplace, which also functioned as his office, as well as a bedroom and a bathroom. It was cosy and homely, nothing too lavish, just how Remus liked it. <br/><br/>He went straight to his bedroom, discarding his robes on his bed and kneeling on the floor. He reached underneath his bed, aiming towards the headboard and pulling out a medium-sized box. It was tucked right against the wall, hidden away from prying hands and seeking eyes. </p><p>The box was simple, with no designs and nothing that would draw attention. It was the perfect hiding place for the pictures and memories he had from summer that he held close to his heart.<br/><br/>Hogwarts was safer than most places, but Remus could never feel completely at home. He’d learnt from a young age to hide things, and to hide them well, otherwise, there was no point in even trying. </p><p>It was second nature to hide these memories, not wanting to risk other staff members knowing about his connection to Sirius. The pictures were also private and personal. Remus didn't want anyone else to see them. It would unveil more about himself than he'd ever revealed to anyone.</p><p>Sirius had broken down so many of his walls and defences just by being himself. He'd made Remus want to share his innermost thoughts and desires, and had shared his own in return.</p><p>But now, things were so much more dangerous. He and Sirius were both of age, they had not done anything wrong by being together, but there were so many things at stake now they were in the same school and separated by their positions.<br/><br/>Remus sat against the side of his bed as he retrieved the box. He didn’t care about the coldness of the stone floor beneath him, tapping the box with his wand and muttering the password. Remus had bought two identical boxes once he and Sirius had been picking out their favourite images. He had given Sirius the twin to store his memories in.</p><p>The lid flipped open and Remus took out the polaroid photos and the note that Sirius had left on the morning of his return to London. <br/><br/><em>My dearest Remus, <br/></em><br/><em>I’m sorry that I won’t be there when you wake up. God knows I wish I could be. But my parents will be murderous if they find out I’ve been gone all night. They won’t want to be late for travelling home, and I would rather not make them angry and risk spoiling what has been such a beautiful final twenty-four hours. </em><br/><br/><em>I wish I could stay with you here and wake up beside you every day. I wish I’d said something about my feelings for you sooner. These past five weeks could’ve been spent with so many more domestic blisses with the knowledge of what we meant to each other. </em><em>Regardless, I'm glad to have had every second with you in bed yesterday. I never thought I was much of a pillow talker, but with you, it felt right. </em><br/><br/><em>My parents have been talking of coming back over Christmas. There are a lot of officials that my parents would like to convince and sway at work. If we land in Rome at Christmas, I'll do my best to let you know. </em><em>I have no idea where you’ll be, whether you’ll be travelling or still living here. I can only hope it’s the latter. You are the first beautiful sight I want to see when I’m in the city again. </em><br/><br/><em>Please stay until then. Or if you're going travelling, if it isn’t too much to ask, please try to be back in the city for next summer. I’ll find a way to come and visit. I have the money, I have the means, I’ll come back for you and we won't have a time limit. </em><em>I can stay for longer, get a job, find a place to live. I'll have finished school by then, too. </em></p><p>
  <em>Either way, I will find a way back to the city soon. I hope to find you in one of the many spots we have claimed as our own. </em>
  <em>Attached to this note is the photo I took of us yesterday; when I made that ridiculous joke. I want you to remember us this way and to hold on. Please wait for me. This cannot be the end of us, I won’t allow it. I’m too stubborn to let someone as amazing as you pass me by. </em>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <em>With my genuine and heartfelt affections, and immense sorrow that we didn’t have longer,</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Your Sirius</em>
</p><p>Remus was in tears again, wiping furiously at his eyes to look at the photo again for what must have been the millionth time since Sirius had left Rome. They'd been so happy. It had only been two weeks ago and yet it felt like a lifetime away. He wanted that back. That final day where they spent almost all day in bed, the sheets kicked off them every time they had another round of mind-blowing sex and drawn back over them when they cooled down and started to shiver, despite the Italian summer heat. <br/><br/>There we so many photos of the two of them. Remus had captured one of Sirius eating ice cream from Remus’ favourite parlour, eyes wide and grinning at the taste, a slight smudge of the treat on his nose. There was another photo of the two of them while they’d been walking along the River Tiber, and one of Sirius staring at the Castel Sant’Angelo in wonder. </p><p>So many other wonderful moments from lounging around in Remus' apartment, walking around different historical sites. These were the things that Remus remembered, and it hit him now that so many of Sirius’ behaviours from the summer were because he was a Black. He was sheltered, kept away from experiencing life outside of the wizarding world. </p><p>Sirius was so different to the Blacks he’d heard about. He looked at the things that Muggles created and sustained with wonder; impressed at how people without magic could do such things and how they were finding amazing and inventive new ways to make life exciting every day.</p><p>He'd wanted to learn more, he'd wanted to see how they'd accomplished so much. He'd wanted to understand their thought process and their creativity, and Remus was so shocked at how he had escaped the poisonous viewpoints of his family. He was kind and funny, smart and sweet. And Remus loved him for that. He loved what he could no longer have, at least not when he was at Hogwarts.</p><p>The thought made him cry harder. They'd had no choice but to part ways, and Remus had fully intended to go back to Rome during the Christmas and summer holidays, hoping that Sirius would find a way back to him. They didn't need to find their way back now, they had once again stumbled across each other in another country, in a different circumstance and only two weeks apart. But they were now forbidden from the reunion they should've had.<br/><br/>There was a knock on his bedroom door and Remus hastily wiped at his eyes. He stood, putting the note and the picture of him and Sirius in bed into his trouser pocket before opening the door to find McGonnagall standing there. <br/><br/>“Good afternoon, Minerva. How can I help you?” Remus asked. <br/><br/>“My apologies for bursting into your quarters like this. I knocked on the main door but there was no response. Are you alright, Remus? You look as if you’ve been crying.” <br/><br/>“I have allergies.” Remus dismissed, trying to smile and pass off his obvious state of distress. “Can I help you?”<br/><br/>“I’m aware of the approaching full moon, but it seems an extra wand is needed out in the field. Albus has requested that you spend Friday until Monday with McKinnon and Meadowes tracking down a string of Muggle deaths.” McGonnagall said. <br/><br/>Remus was taken aback for a few seconds. He couldn’t exactly refuse Albus. Dumbledore had recruited him at the end of the summer to be a part of a group of strong magic-wielders rising against a blood supremacy group. Remus had felt obliged to join as a thank you for Dumbledore for giving him a teaching position.</p><p>There would be a reason why he wanted Remus to go with Marlene and Dorcas. He would have to go. And at least it would mean reducing the chance of bumping into Sirius in the corridors all weekend and feeling his heart shatter and break over and over again.  Sirius would ignore him, he would wallow and refuse to reach out for help from his friends. It was the kind of person he was, to try and deal with everything alone instead of relying on the people that loved him. <br/><br/>“Of course. I’ll ask Albus to give me the finer details tomorrow. I assume I’ll be meeting the girls down in Hogsmeade?” McGonnagall nodded. <br/><br/>“Stay safe, Remus. Word has it that you’re already popular among the students. I would hate to see you out of commission so soon. You’re a good influence on them already.” She said. <br/><br/>Remus smiled genuinely at that. He’d wanted to teach for as long as he could remember. He’d had brilliant teachers at Beauxbatons who made him fall in love with so many different areas of magic and wanted nothing more than to be that for other students. Due to his father’s continued support of Dumbledore’s advocacies in the Ministry, and after Remus had been turned into a werewolf, Dumbledore had wanted to keep an eye on him, to make sure he was safe and adjusting well. <br/><br/>He’d heard about Remus’ grades while at Beauxbatons and had offered him the teaching job at Hogwarts, impressed by his work ethic and passion for doing well despite his condition. </p><p>"What's that box?" McGonnagall asked. Remus looked over his shoulder and cursed himself.</p><p>He'd left the box on the floor in the rush to get up and open the door. There were polaroids spread out across the stone, and the leather-bound notebook that Sirius had sneakily bought for him from a market stall while Remus had been fetching some drinks was open to the first page, where Sirius had written a small foreword for him. </p><p>Remus hurried over and began tidying them up. McGonnagall joined him and his heart stopped when she reached for a photo. </p><p>"Wait!" he said sharply, reaching for the photo in question, trying to be careful as he piled the photos into the box again. </p><p>"Remus-"</p><p>"I'm sorry, I just-"</p><p>"No, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have pried," McGonnagall said. "I'm assuming you met someone?"</p><p>"I ... yes. I'm sorry I snapped. I just ... I'm very protective of these. They're all I have left of summer. We had a friendship for the most part. We had mutual feelings but didn't tell each other until his final day in the city. He was on a trip to Rome with his family for just over a month and we met completely by accident on his first day. All I have left are these pictures and that notebook he bought for me. He wrote a silly little foreword to make me smile."</p><p>"Could you not get in contact with him?" Remus shook his head.</p><p>"I don't know where he lives. I know he's British and lives in London, but he never gave me any contact details. He just left me a note on his final day, saying that he was aiming to go back to Rome either at Christmas or next summer and asked me to stay for long enough to see each other again."</p><p>"Is he a Muggle?" McGonnagall asked quietly. She was taking this remarkably well but Remus still couldn't look her in the eye, staring down at the words Sirius had written in the notebook. </p><p>
  <em>Remus,</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I know you'll probably tell me I shouldn't have bought this for you, and you'll try to tell me that it's too expensive, but I know how much you love writing and documenting the world around you, so here's another notebook to add to your collection.<br/></em>
</p><p>
  <em>I only ask that you put your most precious memories and important reminders in here, things that will make you happy to look back on. </em>
  <em>I like to think that maybe our summer together is one of those precious memories. I am quite a joy to be around, after all. </em>
  <em>Maybe this can be a place to stick in your polaroids and vintage style pictures from your travels. I know you're sentimental like that, and I find that to be one of your best qualities, how you find joy in the things you've experienced even when it's in the past.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I hope you like it,</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Sirius</em>
</p><p>"No. He's a wizard." Remus said softly, closing the notebook before McGonnagall could read it and discern who it was really from.</p><p>He slotted it back into the box, only just fitting inside over the top of the photos, and closed the lid. He finally raised his eyes to meet McGonnagall, who was looking at him kindly, smiling and seemingly wanting to help.</p><p>"That's all you need to go on. What's his name? I have a lot of friends in London, someone is sure to know him." McGonnagall replied. A burst of panic went through Remus and he shook his head. </p><p>"I - no. That - that wouldn't be a good idea, Minerva."</p><p>"Whyever not?! You said that there are mutual feelings, why would it not be a good idea?"</p><p>"Because his family ... they wouldn't approve. I can't explain it, Minerva, I just ... it wouldn't be a good idea." Remus stumbled. "I'll probably end up returning to Rome over the summer holidays, maybe I'll get lucky and stumble into him in one of the places we spent time together. For now, I'll just have to wait." He said.</p><p>McGonnagall simply smiled then, a desire to say something more evident in her eyes, but she didn't give in. Instead, she left Remus alone again, leaving Remus to breathe out a sigh of relief. </p><p>For now, his secret friendship, his love for a student he was now teaching, was safe and get hidden away in a box under his bed.</p><p>~</p><p>Sirius was in a foul mood for the rest of the day, taking a vow of silence in his other lessons. James and Peter noticed. Of course, they did. But they didn't mention it until they were back in their dorm. </p><p>"What happened after Lupin's lesson? What did he say to you?" James asked as they dumped their bags near their beds. It was almost dinnertime and they had some time to relax before they went down to the Great Hall.</p><p>"It doesn't matter," Sirius said. </p><p>"Your silence is deafening," Peter said. "You've not been yourself ever since we arrived. We're worried about you." </p><p>"Well, don't be. I'm fine." </p><p>James sighed and stood. "We're not going to get anywhere with him, Pete. I'm going to see what Evans is up to. See you two at dinner." </p><p>Sirius watched him go and felt his frustration rising. Why did everything get to be so simple for James? Why did <em>he</em> still manage to get to be around the person he loved? It was such a cruel trick of fate that circumstances had already made it so hard for Sirius and Remus to make an honest attempt of a relationship. </p><p>Sirius drew the curtains around his bed and ignored Peter when he called Sirius to go down to dinner. His appetite was gone, still feeling sick at the words Remus had said to him. </p><p>Had he forgotten completely the way that things had been? The ease in which they'd operated and spent time together? Was it so easy for Remus to get over him with two weeks of no contact? The very thought made Sirius' eyes brim with tears. He clearly cared way more about Remus than Remus cared about him. </p><p>Sirius sniffled as he flung open the curtain, digging around in his trunk for the hidden box that he'd buried under all of his clothes and books. He and James regularly borrowed each other's clothes out of pure familiarity and Sirius desperately wanted to avoid James finding out about his sexuality before he was ready. </p><p>Pulling out the photos, Sirius sniffled again, smiling at how happy and goofy they had been. So many of the photos that he'd kept were of Remus grinning and blushing at Sirius, trying to escape the camera. Looking at them now, Sirius wondered how he had ever missed the look of clear, unadulterated affection in Remus' eyes. </p><p>He took his time looking through the pictures, heart still aching for the love he could've had.</p><p>~</p><p>Sirius did his best to hide his shattered heart for the following week, avoiding Remus and the Defence corridor as much as possible.</p><p>He knew that James and Peter were still curious and frustrated. They desperately wanted Sirius to get everything off his chest, to confess what was hurting him so much. But they also didn't want to press and force him to talk when he was ready.</p><p>When he went into Remus' class the following Thursday, he was quiet, as he had been in the two previous lessons he'd had with Remus since their disagreement. He kept his head down and refused to answer questions or get involved with the lesson. Sirius caught Remus' eye a few times and always avoided staring, no matter how much he wanted to. </p><p>It had been excruciating to sit there and pretend to be okay. He hated having to act as if his heart wasn't breaking and wasn't yearning for the man in front of them. The lesson passed slowly and Sirius was desperate for it to just be over. He was looking forward to having Professor Haywood for his double lesson instead of Remus, which was a comment that he never thought would enter his mind. </p><p>"Professor, can I speak to you, please?" James called once the lesson was finally over and everyone was packing up. Remus frowned and nodded. </p><p>"What are you up to, Prongs?" Sirius whispered, elbowing James discreetly. </p><p>"Never you mind. I'll catch up with you in a bit," James said to Peter and Sirius, swaggering up to the front and waiting for everyone to leave. </p><p>~</p><p>James was cocky and confident as he stood in front of Remus. </p><p>"Is everything alright, Mr Potter?" Remus asked. "Is it something to do with the homework I set?"</p><p>"No. I just ... I wanted to speak to you about Sirius." James said, and suddenly the confidence melted away, replaced by concern and nerves. </p><p>"What about him?" Remus asked. He'd noticed the change in Sirius. The boy had been cold and quiet in lessons, refusing to so much as look at Remus. Remus had never seen him so unlike himself.</p><p>"He's not okay. He hasn't been since term started, and it's only gotten worse since lessons with you have started. He won't talk to me or Pete and I don't know what else to do." </p><p>"What are you insinuating, Mr Potter?" Remus asked, eyes narrowing. </p><p>"I'm not saying you've done anything bad." James amended. "I think that he's lying to me. I think you two know each other, that you met in Italy, but for some reason, neither of you are admitting it. He thinks I can't hear him, but he's been crying himself to sleep every night. I've seen him through his bed curtains, he's been crying over a box of photos-"</p><p>"Wait, what?" Remus interrupted. "A box of photos?"</p><p>"Yeah, I think they're from a Muggle camera, they don't look magical at all." James shrugged. </p><p>"Did they look like this?" Remus pulled out the picture he'd been carrying around with him for the last week from his and Sirius' first time.</p><p>He held it far enough away that James couldn't see the exact detailing of the picture, couldn't see the hickeys adorning their necks and the lack of shirts, the clear markers of what they'd been doing. </p><p>"Yeah, that's it. Sirius had one that looked kind of similar to that one, sat with someone and smiling at the camera with no shirt on and the sun shining. I thought maybe he'd been at the beach with a friend and sunbathing."</p><p>James said, peering at the picture slightly. Remus frowned and tucked the photo away, not wanting James to get too close of a look. The sheets of film for his camera were smaller than those of the average polaroid. Remus had liked the way he could tuck both his camera and the developed photos into smaller bags. They had proven to be easier to carry around.</p><p>"He can't have had one similar to this. This is the only copy. He left it for me the day he came back to London." Remus told him.</p><p>"So you two <em>did </em>meet in Rome?" James asked. Remus hesitated. </p><p>It was a bad idea to let James know that they even knew each other. Even riskier to imply they'd been friends for the entire five-week trip. The pictures, the content of them, their friendship, they could very easily be looked into with more scrutiny if even the slightest bit of suspicion arose. James could hold so much power over the two of them.  </p><p>"Yes. We met in Rome." Remus admitted slowly. "We ... we stumbled into each other in a Muggle library. Well, more accurately, Sirius fell into me. I caught him and he bought me lunch as a thank you. We became friends after that. The pictures were taken on my polaroid camera. It's a Muggle brand. I like vintage things and Sirius thought it looked cool. We took a lot of them together."</p><p>It was safer to tell James they were acquaintances rather than close friends, as people who had slept together multiple times and were falling for each other. This way, James would be less likely to spill the secret to anyone. There was nothing to hide if people believed they'd briefly crossed paths and nothing more.  </p><p>"Whatever's happened, it's ... it's hurting him. He definitely had a photo similar to yours. I didn't see it up close, but maybe he duplicated it. You're not telling me the whole story either, I can see it in your eyes, but you’ve got to do something because Pete and I are out of ideas. We still don't know why he ran away from home in tears with a fading black eye three days after he came back to England." </p><p>"He ran away from home?!" Remus asked, his heart skipping a beat. James nodded. "Oh my god. Please tell me he went to you or Peter instead of slumming it on the streets of London."</p><p>"Yeah, he Apparated to mine. How did you know he would’ve come straight to us? How did you know he lived in London?" James responded. </p><p>"He talked about you and Peter loads during the summer, I tried to convince him to get help from you, but he said he didn't want to be a burden and then begged me to not argue about it. He didn’t want it to spoil our last day together. He got that black eye two days before he left; after he'd arrived home from seeing me during the afternoon. I saw him the next day as well, he'd tried to cover it with makeup, but I knew it was there. He told me his parents regularly hit him." Remus told him. </p><p>"Professor, you're the only other person who knows what happened apart from him, I'm begging you to just <em>talk to him</em>."</p><p>There was desperation in James' eyes and Remus could see the panic there. James was right. Remus hadn't known how to approach Sirius about their argument, hadn't known whether or not it would do more harm than good. But things were desperate now, Sirius wasn't himself, he was emotional and hurting and isolating himself. </p><p>It was so much responsibility to be the only one who knew why Sirius was acting like that, and the professional side of him, the one that cared about his job and wanted nothing more than to make this permanent, was urging him to talk to McGonnagall or Dumbledore. But the part of him that was screaming out for Sirius' closeness, the way he smiled and the happy glint in his eyes when Remus said something that made him laugh, it was stronger. It would always be stronger, and it would always be a hard line to toe. </p><p>"Where will he have gone?" Remus asked. </p><p>"Back to the Gryffindor Tower. He's been hiding himself away in his bed with the curtains closed in between meals and lessons for the last week." James told him. </p><p>"Show me. I think I can fix this." Remus said. James nodded resolutely and took off out of the classroom, trusting that Remus would keep up as they raced up towards the Gryffindor Tower. </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Sirius was holed away in Gryffindor Tower when James burst into the dormitory. He'd evolved from having his bed-curtains drawn around him constantly and now had them open, moodily flicking through a Charms textbook. </p><p>"Sirius, I need you to come downstairs with me right now." He panted. </p><p>"Why?" He asked dully. </p><p>"Because it's urgent."</p><p>"Unless the Giant Squid has evolved to survive outside of the Black Lake and is currently in the process of eating Snivellus alive, I doubt it's very urgent at all," Sirius said. </p><p>"<em>For Merlin's sake, Sirius!</em> If you don't get up off your arse and go downstairs right now, I'll drag you down there by your ear, <em>so help me God</em>-" </p><p>"<em>Alright</em>! Bloody hell, James." Sirius snapped. </p><p>He stood and followed James downstairs. The feelings of heartbreak and yearning were beginning to get more manageable, and Sirius knew that he wanted to talk to Remus again privately. They needed to talk about this. They couldn't dance around it all year and Sirius knew that he would never heal the hole in his life without Remus. </p><p>He remembered vividly the words he'd written to Remus in the note he'd left on his last day. </p><p>
  <em>This cannot be the end of us, I won’t allow it. I’m too stubborn to let someone as amazing as you pass me by. </em>
</p><p>Sirius had to fight for them because Remus couldn't. He was too scared of losing his job, too worried about the way that things would look if people knew that they'd met during the summer. </p><p>But they could make it work. He knew they could. Sirius was of age, he was eighteen in November, and he was due to leave Hogwarts at the end of the year. He couldn't wait that long, not when Remus could get bored of waiting, move onto someone else. Sirius had to act soon. The only concern he had was whether or not Remus would warm to the idea. There had to be feelings still there, but they were buried under mounds of anxiety and fears of the unknown, fears of what they could become if they dared to try.</p><p>James let him down to the common room and out to the Fat Lady portrait. Sirius froze when he saw who was waiting for them by the stairs, pacing and regularly dragging his fingers through his hair, making the usual neat waves stick out wildly.</p><p>"Rem - <em>shit</em>! I mean Professor Lupin - what are you doing here?" Sirius asked, remembering that James was standing beside him and Sirius was still trying to keep up the facade of having never met Remus before. </p><p>"It's alright, Sirius. I know you two met in Italy." James said. Sirius looked at him, knowing that there was anxiety brewing behind them, scared that James might've figured out everything. There were so many ways that sentence could be interpreted. </p><p>"We need to talk. I know you're upset, I know you're angry at me-" Remus started.</p><p>"I'm not angry at you, Remus. Upset, yes, but never angry and never at you." Sirius interrupted. </p><p>"Do you think it's a good idea to be having this conversation in the middle of the corridor?" James asked anxiously. </p><p>"Why did you drag him up here then?" Sirius said. </p><p>"Alright, fine, come on, let's go somewhere quieter. My office might be a better idea." Remus compromised, already seeming stressed.</p><p>"Careful now, Professor, people will start to think you're having your way with me." Sirius grinned. Remus gave him a sharp look. </p><p>"You shouldn't joke about things like that, Sirius, I could lose my job if someone gets the wrong idea," he said, and Sirius grinned mischievously, knowing the real reason of Remus' worry.</p><p>Internally, he was frustrated. That’s all it was. He was frustrated, and scared, and worried. Sirius acted blase about it all, but he felt the fear of being caught just as much as Remus. The thrill of it all was exciting, sure, but what made it worth it was the way Remus looked at him, the way they looked at each other and understood each other. </p><p>"Don't worry so much, Re, no one will get the wrong idea," Sirius said softly, his facade slipping, hoping that Remus could still read him as well as he had once been able to. </p><p>"Let's just go down to my office," Remus said. If there was any recognition of Sirius' attempt at silent reassurance, Remus hid it well. </p><p>So Sirius sighed, looked to James and gave him a wan smile. </p><p>"Don't wait up for me at dinner." James nodded, squeezing Sirius' shoulder reassuringly and smiling. </p><p>~</p><p>The walk to Remus' office was quiet, practically silent, but neither of them seemed bothered. They'd been used to occasional bouts of silence as they pottered around Remus' apartment or spent time in the library, reading books and looking through old bits and pieces that Remus had collected from his travels. </p><p>When they arrived, Sirius closed the door after them and Remus beckoned him over to the sofa. They both sat, instinctively curling up in the way that they would've in Rome, with Remus on the left-hand side and Sirius on the right, leaning against the arms of the sofa.</p><p>"This almost feels like nothing's changed," Sirius said softly. "Like if I just look over my shoulder, your squeaky patio doors will be behind me, the ones that almost fell of the hinges when I tried to open them the first time I went to your apartment. Do you remember?" </p><p>Remus smiled widely, and Sirius felt more relaxed in Remus' presence than he had since the term had started. For the first time, it seemed like Remus was finally comfortable enough to let him in, to be himself again. </p><p>"Of course. You almost had a panic attack, you thought you'd done something wrong." He replied. </p><p>"I tried to do magic on them when you were sleeping one morning, you know. To try and fix them, I mean, so I could impress you and say that I'd done it while you were in bed." Sirius told him. </p><p>"That was you?!" Remus laughed. "I thought I'd done it while I was sleep-deprived and completely forgotten."</p><p>Sirius laughed with him at that, and he dragged a finger over the blanket thrown over the back of the sofa. This had been at the end of Remus' bed in Rome.</p><p>They'd used it a few times when the weather had been bad and they'd gotten caught in the rain. There had been a few times where they'd had to huddle under the blanket, shivering and wet through. Remus had lent Sirius fresh clothes and gotten changed himself while their original clothes had been drying, and Sirius remembered the feeling and the smell of the fabric as clear as day. Mainly because he had pinched one of Remus' baggy band t-shirts the morning he'd left for London, but that was beside the point. </p><p>"It's not at the end of my bed because it smells like you," Remus said softly. </p><p>"I didn't know that was such a bad thing. Why didn't you just wash it?" Sirius sulked. </p><p>"It <em>isn't</em> a bad thing. We huddled under it so many times over summer that your smell has lingered in the fabric. I stopped having it at the end of the bed before I'd even left Rome. I spent the rest of the summer with it close by in the day whenever I was at home, which was very often after you’d left. It was only at night when I couldn't bear to have it near me." </p><p>"You're not the type to sit in and do nothing," Sirius stated, frowning. </p><p>"Everywhere I went reminded me of you. I know you won't believe me, but I grieved just as hard as you did. I'm still grieving. I still wish we'd had longer." Remus said. </p><p>"Then why did you-"</p><p>"I don't know why I said what I said!" Remus exclaimed. "Maybe because I'm scared, Sirius!" </p><p>"Scared of what?!" </p><p>"Of feeling the way I do about you," Remus said. "I need this job. I got lucky to get it. This is my shot at having everything I've ever wanted. Things that I've never had."</p><p>"Why not? You're so smart, and you said you got good grades from your school, which I'm assuming was Beauxbatons?" Remus nodded and Sirius threw his hands up in exasperation. "Exactly! So why are you so caught up in unemployment ruts? Does Rome honestly hate young people that much?" </p><p>"It doesn't matter why, Sirius!" Remus snapped, and Sirius was taken aback. </p><p>Suddenly, the facade was back up, and he couldn't read Remus anymore, couldn't understand what was going through his head.</p><p>"Remus, why did you ask me here?" Sirius asked. </p><p>"James said you were hurting. I knew you were, but I thought that ... I don't know, you'd be upset for a few days but-"</p><p>"But I'd get over it?" </p><p>Remus looked ashamed as he nodded, and Sirius found some solace in that easy admission. </p><p>"I'm not the kind of person that people get caught up over," Remus said quietly. </p><p>"Neither am I. Look at the both of us now, defying the norm." Sirius said.</p><p>"Sirius, you understand that we can't do this, right?" Remus asked. </p><p>"I know," Sirius whispered. In his heart, he knew Remus was right. The fear of being caught would always be looming over them. "Can we not still be friends?" Sirius asked. "For now?"</p><p>The look of fear in Remus' eyes was back briefly, flashing across the familiar green irises before fading away as Remus rationalised and thought it over.</p><p>"I would like that," Remus said eventually. "It's not permanent, Sirius. You know that, right? When this year is over, we can look at this again. We can find a way to make it work, it thats something we both want. If not, we'll remain as friends." </p><p>Sirius nodded and hoped that his disappointment wasn't showing through too clearly.</p><p>He desperately wanted Remus to just say the words, tell Sirius that he felt the same, reassure him that those affections would still be there by the time summer came. </p><p>"Well, I suppose I should head back to the dorm. I'm glad we could clear this up," Sirius said.</p><p>He didn't want to leave, not really. He wanted Remus to ask him to stay for longer. He wanted their friendship to pick up where it had left off.</p><p>But he stood anyway, moving towards the door, each step he took away from Remus agonizing as he waited for an answer that likely wasn't coming. </p><p>"Wait, Sirius! There's something else." Remus blurted out as Sirius' hand landed on the doorknob. Sirius let go and whirled round to face Remus, who was now standing by the arm of the sofa that he'd just been sat against.</p><p><em>Something</em> <em>else. </em></p><p>He knew it was naive to have his hope be so brightly displayed, his heart once again on his sleeve, but he couldn't help it. </p><p>"James said that he saw you crying over photos," Remus said. Sirius cursed impressively and Remus grinned, still finding Sirius' random curses hilarious. "He said that one of them was similar to this."</p><p>Remus took a photo out of his pocket and held his hand out, letting the photo fly out of his hand to hover in front of Sirius' face. Sirius took out the identical photo that he'd kept in his pocket and compared them. The photo from their first time. His duplication spell had worked a treat. There was no way of telling that one was the original and the other was a duplicate unless Sirius mentioned it. Sirius tapped the photo with his wand and it floated back to Remus. </p><p>"I duplicated the original," Sirius said, holding his copy up. "I thought it was selfish of me to keep it, even though you said you didn't mind. I wanted you to see everything that had happened the way I did. I left your initials on the back so that I wouldn't get them mixed up." Remus frowned and checked the back, smiling softly as he saw the 'R.J.L' written in the top right-hand corner of the film.</p><p>"Sirius-"</p><p>"I know, it's sentimental and it's sappy and I shouldn't have kept it from you, I should have told you I had magic, and I should've thought of a way for you to contact me-"</p><p>Sirius was cut off by firm hands pushing him against the door by his hips and a mouth slotting against his. He gasped and grabbed at the loose cardigan that Remus was wearing, taken aback by the sheer desperation in his actions. Remus had moved so quickly, and Sirius had been too busy staring at the back of the sofa in embarrassment, unable to keep his eyes on Remus to see the man moving. </p><p>The cardigan that Remus was wearing one of Sirius' favourites. It was a light grey and drowned Remus' body adorably.Despite the baggy clothes, he was lithe under all the fabric. Sirius could tell that Remus took comfort in larger, more comfortable clothes so as not to draw attention to himself. Sirius found it endearing.</p><p>He forced himself to tune back into his surroundings, feeling the press of Remus' lips against his own, the hands gripping his hips strongly. There would be bruises there, but there was no care on either of their parts. Sirius' skin was pale and sensitive, and it took nothing much for marks to flare up, and Sirius wanted nothing more than to have the reminders of this moment, relishing in the knowledge that he was right.</p><p>This confirmed it. This confirmed that Remus still had feelings for him, he still wanted Sirius. He was just scared, and couldn't see the positive aspects through all of his worries. Their kisses were frantic, desperate, and both of them knew that they would have to pull away eventually, but neither wanted to be the one to shatter the illusion. </p><p>Because that's what it was. Nothing more than an illusion. </p><p>At that moment, they were fooling themselves, believing that if they just closed their eyes and wished hard enough, kissed and grabbed at each other as strongly as they had in their final day together, they would somehow find themselves in Rome again, in Remus' apartment.</p><p>Maybe on his sofa, or on his bed, enjoying the beginning of an Italian autumn and content in each other's presence, knowing that they had time. Neither wanted to believe that they were in a draughty castle in Scotland, with the rain lightly tapping on the windows and the wind whistling through the trees of the Forbidden Forest, a fireplace kept alive by magic crackling close by. </p><p>If they acknowledged it, if one of them pulled away first, it would be an admittance that they had to stop. That they had to go back to ignoring their feelings, hiding behind their titles of Professor and student.</p><p>And it could not be allowed to happen again. </p><p>So they remained kissing until Remus pulled away to press kisses against Sirius' cheeks, on his jaw, down his neck while Sirius undid his top two buttons. He heard Remus mutter, 'thank you, dear' and felt a blush settle across his cheeks at the sound of the term of endearment.</p><p>Sirius buried his hands deep in Remus' hair, tugging gently now and then and feeling the vibrations of Remus' groans against his skin. He could feel Remus leaving bruises on his neck and the idea that they would be there, just tucked away under his shirt collar, made Sirius whimper. His neck was full of sensitive spots that made his knees knock, and Remus had discovered them all. He loved the way Sirius fell apart with such simplicity. </p><p>Sirius drew Remus upright, pulling him into another deep kiss, their bodies pressed tightly together, and Sirius saw stars behind his closed eyelids at the feeling of being so close to Remus again. There were hands in his hair and a feeling of slightly sore, abused skin along his neck and the beginnings of his collarbones. </p><p>And then Remus was gone, stumbling a few steps backwards and forcing distance between them. Sirius' legs gave out and Remus darted forward again to catch him, lowering them both to the ground with their backs pressed against the door. </p><p>"This seems oddly reminiscent of the first time we met. You catching me, me being in a daze." Sirius said thickly, still trying to get used to the idea of using his mouth for speaking rather than kissing. </p><p>"Oh yes, I remember the part where we both nearly finished in our trousers like randy sixteen-year-olds in the middle of a Muggle library in a foreign country," Remus said sarcastically. Sirius elbowed him softly and they both cast amused glares at each other before bursting into peals of laughter. Sirius leant his head against Remus' shoulder and felt Remus pull him close, an arm around his shoulders.</p><p>When their laughter died, Sirius felt Remus lay his head against Sirius', pressing soft kisses into his hair, and knew what was coming next. </p><p>"That shouldn't have happened. We never should have let it escalate."</p><p>"This one's on you. <em>You're</em> the one who kissed <em>me, </em>not the other way around." Sirius reminded.</p><p>There was no malice in his words, and he was surprised to not have the sour tang of bitterness on his tongue.</p><p>He'd been back at Hogwarts for two weeks by now, and almost every moment had been spent hiding from his feelings, holing himself away and snapping at everyone around him. </p><p>He'd been treating his friends horribly, his acquaintances even worse. He'd been a nightmare in lessons, either deadly, worryingly silent or troublesome and snappy, landing himself in so many detentions and losing House points. He'd quickly become everyone's least favourite Gryffindor. </p><p>"I know. But I'm serious-" Sirius smirked and Remus tapped his head in warning, knowing exactly what joke he wanted to make, and continued, "It was irresponsible of us. I want us to be able to wait until the summer." </p><p>"It's so hard, Remus," Sirius said, sitting up properly and letting Remus' arm leave his shoulders. "We can make an honest attempt of this. We can hide it. We can keep it quiet."</p><p>"But is that any healthy way for a relationship to thrive?" Remus asked. "I don't want to have to hide you, Sirius. I want to be able to walk around with you on my arm, hold the door open for you when we go out for a meal or a drink in a pub. I want to be able to hold your hand in public. We can't do that if we're together here."</p><p>"We can't do it at all if we aren't together for almost another year!" Sirius said. "You realize that; right?! Next summer is almost a year away. I feel like you don't want me; like you're completely over me." Remus put a finger under Sirius' chin and tilted his face towards Remus. </p><p>"I want you, Sirius. Please don't mistake my hesitance for a lack of wanting you. I don't want us to be ripped away from one another before we have a chance to be happy. <em>That's </em>what I'm concerned about. I don't care what other people have to say about us. But I need us to wait so that we can have all that wonderful time together than we promised each other during that last day in Rome." Remus said. "Please tell me you understand."</p><p>Sirius' heart and mind were soothed at Remus' words. Remus' harsh words in the previous week had been a regret.</p><p>"I understand." He said. Remus' smile showed the relief he felt. </p><p>They helped each other to their feet and Sirius leant their foreheads together, linking his arms around Remus' shoulders. </p><p>"I know what you're going to say. I'm just trying to remember this. I need something to hold onto." Sirius said.</p><p>Remus drew him into a hug. </p><p>"We're here together. We don't have to worry about my travelling or finding each other in Rome again. I'm going to be right here, ready and waiting for you as soon as summer is here." Remus promised. </p><p>They pulled back and righted themselves, their once tight trousers now comfortably loose in the crotch again. Sirius checked the watch on his wrist. It was almost dinnertime.</p><p>"Goodnight, Remus," Sirius whispered. </p><p>"Goodnight, Sirius," Remus whispered back, both smiling and feeling the melancholy in their words.</p><p>They stole one last kiss and Sirius left, holding his head high and trying to be brave, trying to act as if he didn't want to give in to the tears.</p><p>~</p><p>When dinner was over and Sirius, James, and Peter were comfortably sat in their cosy dorm again, James finally brought up the elephant in the room. </p><p>"So I'm guessing the conversation with Lupin went alright, then?" He asked tentatively. </p><p>"Yeah," Sirius confirmed. "It went well." </p><p>"What did you talk about?" Peter asked. </p><p>"Important things." Sirius shrugged.</p><p>"What kind of important things?"</p><p>"Just ... you know. That I have every right to be upset and angry about some harsh words that were exchanged after his lesson last week, but I shouldn't take it out on people that didn't deserve it." Sirius lied.</p><p>His revelations in Remus' office had forced him to confront that he'd been the worst friend since realizing that Remus was working at Hogwarts. "I'm sorry, you two. I've been awful." </p><p>"Yeah, you have." James agreed. "But we forgive you. Right, Pete?" </p><p>"Right," Pete said. </p><p>"Thanks, lads. I appreciate it." Sirius grinned. </p><p>~</p><p>The difference that their evening encounter made on Sirius' general behaviour was astronomical. After another three and a half weeks, Sirius was doing well in all of his other lessons. His usual brightness was shining through and Remus found it easier to teach knowing that he didn't have to worry about Sirius' mental state. </p><p>"So, how have you been finding everything, Remus?" Dumbledore asked. </p><p>Remus had even gotten used to staff meetings with teachers decades older than him. His parents had always said he was an old soul, and he found that he got along well with adults throughout his childhood, more so than he did with other children. </p><p>He had three days until his second full moon since working at Hogwarts, and he was finding it difficult to be patient in this particular meeting. He'd resolved to keep his mouth shut to avoid snapping at anyone. </p><p>Remus took a sip of his tea before he responded. </p><p>"I've been enjoying it immensely, thank you." He said brightly. His habit of remaining cheery despite his circumstances was a tactic he'd undertaken a long time ago, to put his best foot forward and let people see a person rather than a rabid beast. </p><p>"Word has it that you've had not nearly as many problems with Sirius Black since working here," McGonnagall added. </p><p>"<em>And </em>Potter and Pettigrew." Professor Sprout added. </p><p>"Sirius was a struggle at first, as were Peter and James," Remus admitted slowly.</p><p>There were murmurs and chuckles of agreement from some of the other staff, all of them knowing how bad the three of them could get when enabled by one another. James and Peter seemed to have a respect for Remus as a friend of Sirius, making them act a little more subdued than how they were in other lessons.  </p><p>"But I suppose they're growing up a bit more this year." He shrugged. </p><p>"I never thought I'd see the day when I heard those words." Slughorn joked. "How did you manage it? Was Sirius not a nightmare in the first two weeks for you? All of us struggled with him in lessons at the beginning of the term."</p><p>"He was quiet, barely did any work I set. He was very sulky. I spoke to him in my classroom before dinner at the end of the second week and he's been fine ever since." Remus said. </p><p>"Well, taming Black certainly has been your highest achievement thus far," Haywood said, an undertone of snark in her voice.  </p><p>Haywood was not a fan of Remus. Remus could tell that she hated the way he taught the class, how he set them targets to reach, the topics he chose to set assignments on. She couldn't see how much the students were thriving in Defense lessons across all the years. To her, it was a statement of undermining her, of taking over her subject before she'd even left. Haywood was more comfortable teaching from a textbook.</p><p>She was very gifted with magic and was rumoured to be a strong dueller, being able to pick up on people's weaknesses and exploit them. But the echoes of that person had not shown themselves yet. Remus had not been impressed thus far. </p><p>"Come now, Aurelia." Dumbledore tried to reason. "Between the two of you, all year groups have been improving their grades in Defense Against the Dark Arts. Whatever has changed since Remus has arrived seems to be working a treat." </p><p>"I think Sirius especially could do so much more," McGonnagall said. "Maybe it's worth setting up some extra lessons for individual students who need a bit of a push. Sirius and his friends might be able to get O's this year in their N.E.W.Ts if they have a reason to believe they can." </p><p>"Do you think you could organise something of the sort, Remus?" Dumbledore asked. </p><p>"Just for Defense, or every lesson? I have my weaker areas that might be better filled by other teachers." Remus said apprehensively. </p><p>"Ridiculous, Remus, you got incredible results from Beauxbatons. Feel free to gather some names of students that you think might need more support and you can pass them on. Though, I suggest you take on Mr Black." Dumbledore said.</p><p>Remus knew that he couldn't refuse to take Sirius on without coming up with a decent excuse. And whatever excuse he <em>did </em>come up with would likely be shot to pieces by Dumbledore. </p><p>"Of course, Albus." He agreed, trying to smile and covering the apprehension in it with another sip of his tea. </p><p>This 'wait until the summer' predicament would be much harder than he initially thought.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Remus plucked up the courage to talk to Sirius about the potential extra classes the following day. He'd sent a letter to the staff members that afternoon already, suggesting a variety of students across the different year groups from different Houses, ones that he’d observed in his Defence lessons and thought might be struggling in other subjects as well.</p><p>But Sirius had been left to him. </p><p>Remus was hesitant to approach him. Not because he didn't think Sirius would take him up on the offer, but because he knew Sirius <em>would</em>. </p><p>The last time he had been alone with Sirius, Remus had had to force himself to drag his body away and keep his hands off the dark-haired boy before they ended up spending the night together. Remus didn't even know what had compelled him to kiss Sirius. There was always a voice in the back of his head that wanted to, that tried to urge him on because kissing Sirius was quickly becoming Remus' favourite pastime. Usually, he was so much more in control than this. </p><p>He had to set an example. He might only be just over a year older than Sirius, but he had to be the responsible one in this situation. So Remus did what he did most of the time, and blamed his irrationality on the wolf living under his skin.</p><p>His next full moon was in two days, but his usual nausea and sickness that he faced in the lead up had been eased slightly. </p><p>The encounter with Sirius that had led to the marks on Sirius' neck had been in the aftermath of September's full moon, and Remus had convinced himself that the adrenaline and wildness usually leftover in his system had what made him make such a rash decision. </p><p>After their Thursday lesson, Remus waited until the class began to pack away before he said anything. "Mr Black, could I have a word, please?" he called over the sound of students packing away. He saw Sirius frown at him, but nodded, finishing up with his bag and breezing over to Remus' desk. </p><p>"Everything alright, Professor?" Sirius asked, as chilled and relaxed as he had been for the last three weeks, despite the obvious longing for a relationship that couldn’t take place for another few months.</p><p>"I've been asked by Professor Dumbledore to set up some extra lessons for a few students. Professor Dumbledore has asked me to take you on specifically. It's not a punishment, just a suggestion." </p><p>There were still a few stragglers in the class, fiddling with parchment and inkwells, chatting idly. The Gryffindors and Hufflepuffs had a free period next, so there was no rush for them, no class to meet.</p><p>They probably wouldn't even get much work done if Sirius agreed to these tutoring sessions, choosing to just recount funny stories and giggle at well-timed jokes, their minds working in tandem as they noticed something around them that would cause a laugh. </p><p>Sirius just smiled that charming Sirius-like smile and nodded. "Sure, Professor. Why not? When do you want me in for my first one?" He asked. </p><p>"When's the earliest possible convenience for you? How often do you have free time?" </p><p>"I normally go down to Jamie's Quidditch practise on Tuesdays and Thursdays. So, how about Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays after dinner?"</p><p>"You're sure? You'd be giving up so much of your free time." Remus said. </p><p>"It's alright, Professor, I'd only be racing through my forgotten homework in the Gryffindor common room otherwise. All the good spots are already taken by the time I go down there for a proper table to lean on. I normally have to sit on the floor by the fireplace so I can use the coffee table. I’m surprised I haven’t been burned by the bloody thing yet. Maybe your extra lessons will help me be a bit more organised with my work." Sirius shrugged. </p><p>"One can only hope," Remus said dryly and Sirius gave him a grin. "I'll see you after dinner tomorrow, Sirius. Bring whatever homework you like. I'll do my best, but I can't guarantee I'll be as good in every subject as I am in Defense." Sirius rolled his eyes and smiled fondly. </p><p>"You're smart, sir, I'm sure you'll figure it out. See you tomorrow." Remus smiled and watched Sirius leave. </p><p>Three days a week, on top of the hour lessons he had with Sirius on Wednesdays and Thursdays. He didn't even know how long these lessons would last, whether they'd be an hour or two, or maybe more. Or how many weeks or months Dumbledore expected them to go on for. He didn't know how he was going to cope with being sitting across from Sirius, marking his work and helping his student, and not be sat beside him instead. It didn't feel right. </p><p>Remus cursed himself and thought, not for the first time since starting at Hogwarts, how completely and utterly <em>fucked</em> he was. </p><p>~</p><p>Sirius was grinning as he sat down to dinner. He and Remus would <em>finally</em> be getting some alone time, thanks to the previous day’s conversation about extra lessons. </p><p>"What's got you in such a good mood?" Peter asked. </p><p>"Nothing much, my dear Prongs," Sirius told him, feigning innocence. </p><p>"Oh God, what bird are you looking to pull tonight?" James asked. </p><p>"I'm not looking to pull <em>anyone</em>, James! How dare you insinuate such a thing!" Sirius exclaimed. There were twin looks of disbelief on James and Peter's faces. "Fine. Let's just say, I'm meeting with someone tonight after dinner. I don't know what time I'll be back at the dorm, but don't wait up for me."</p><p>"Honestly Padfoot, I don't know how you keep all of these late-night adventures quiet," Peter said in wonder. "All the girls I know would've spread the news like wildfire if they'd spent the evening with you." </p><p>"That speaks volumes about the kind of company you keep, Pete," Sirius said, taking a bite out of some chicken that he'd piled onto his plate. "Besides, who says anything naughty would be going on? Things could be perfectly innocent."</p><p>"Nothing is perfectly innocent with you around, Black." Lily Evans called from just further along the bench. </p><p>"Excuse me, Miss Evans! I don't believe you're a part of this conversation." Sirius said. </p><p>"Don't be a knob, Sirius." James reprimanded. </p><p>"You're whipped, Potter! You and Evans aren't even dating!" Sirius laughed. James rolled his eyes, cheeks going red as he picked up a few peas from his plate and chucked them at Sirius in retaliation. </p><p>"So go on then, who's this mystery girl?" Peter pressed. </p><p>"None of your business, Mr Pettigrew," Sirius said, a sly smile spreading across his face.</p><p>"Well, whoever it is, she better not keep you too active tonight. Or up too late. Merlin knows you get cranky as shit if you don't get enough sleep." James said. </p><p>"Don't you worry, Prongs, I'll be back before the clock strikes midnight." Sirius joked. </p><p>The rest of dinner passed in comfortable conversations with fellow Gryffindors. When the meal came to its inevitable end, Sirius was feeling confident. He bid his farewells to his friends and stood, casting a glance to the staff table to see Remus glance over to the Gryffindor table, trying to make it look like he was just surveying the room. Sirius smiled and left for Remus' classroom. </p><p>He made sure to walk slowly, hoping that Remus would catch up with him. It was when he reached a junction in the corridors that he heard a voice call out as he began to turn towards the corridor that would lead to Remus' classroom. </p><p>"Wrong way, Mr Black." Sirius turned to his right and saw Remus leaning against a wall. <em>How did he get there to meet me so quickly? And how did I never see him?</em></p><p>"Your classroom is this way, Professor." Sirius reminded him, gesturing towards the corridor leading left. </p><p>"I'm well aware of that. But it's being occupied by Professor Haywood for the students in her extra sessions. We'll have to use my office." Remus said. </p><p>Sirius smiled and caught up with Remus. There was a comfortable silence as they walked. Not for the first time while in Remus' presence, Sirius felt like if he just closed his eyes, when he opened them again, they'd be walking the streets of Rome. They'd be taking a venture across the River Tiber and weaving through the streets, admiring the sights of the Pantheon di Roma and Temple of Hadrian and basking in the heat. </p><p>When they reached Remus' office in the staff wing, Sirius settled on the sofa. It seemed too awkward to sit at the desk just a few feet away. He was already in Remus' living space, it was an informal as an extra lesson could be. So Sirius, being Sirius, did what he always did, and aimed higher, to test the limit. </p><p>He set his bag down, kicked his shoes off and took off his robes, draping them over the back of the sofa. He pulled out a random textbook, curling up and sitting against the arm of the sofa, knees drawn up to his chest and feet on the large sofa cushions beneath him. </p><p>"Comfy, are we?" Remus asked, mirroring Sirius' actions with a smile.</p><p>He was holding a stack of papers and some ink and a quill. He was using a large leatherbound book resting on his stretched out legs as a place to rest his inkwell and write notes. This was the way they often found themselves in Remus' apartment, Remus finding that his long legs preferred to be stretched out, but Sirius liking to ball himself up.</p><p>There was only just enough room for the two of them in Remus' apartment, their bodies and preferences seeming to line up perfectly, but there was more than enough space now. Sirius missed the feeling of their feet brushing now and then as they shifted to get more comfortable. It had been oddly intimate in Rome, even before they'd slept together. </p><p>"Incredibly." Sirius retorted, flipping his textbook open to a random page. </p><p>"What are you looking over? Anything interesting?" Remus asked. </p><p>"Nah, just doing it for the sake of it. I've already done all my homework. I may as well have a little look for future reference. Maybe I can use the information to one-up Evans in lessons."</p><p>"You could've told me that before you agree to have our first extra lesson tonight!" Remus said in exasperation. </p><p>"Oh, come on, Remus! Do you honestly think we can have an 'extra lesson' while we're sat like this? This is a very informal setting." Sirius pointed out. </p><p>"We could've at least tried!" Remus said. "You really will be the death of me, you know." Sirius shrugged and smirked. </p><p>"What are you marking?" He asked. </p><p>"Third-year essays about Boggarts. Unbelievably bad, for the most part. They have no idea how to write an essay about Defense lessons."</p><p>"You can't blame them. Every other subject has a decent teacher. For the last three years, Defense hasn't had that. They don't know anything else."</p><p>"Haywood is that bad, huh?" Remus asked.  </p><p>"She’s awful at teaching. She barely ever lets us do practical work, she just assumes we can do it all on our own without any demonstrations. Our work doesn’t get marked unless its the end of year exams. She just reads out of a textbook and writes it all out on the chalkboard." Sirius complained. "You're doing a better job than she's been doing. You're not even twenty yet <em>and </em>you've only been here for a few weeks. She's in her sixties and she's been here for three years." </p><p>Remus laughed at that. "Sounds like a drag." </p><p>And just like that, they slipped back into their old habits of just chatting about everything and nothing. Their books and papers were left discarded on the table. Soon after they'd begun to chat rather than work, they were making their way steadily through numerous cups of tea.</p><p>And then, before they knew it, it was getting dark outside. By the time Remus looked up at the clock above his fireplace, it was almost eleven o'clock. He sighed. </p><p>"As much as I wish we could carry on talking, you should head back to your dormitory. I'm sure your friends are worried about where you are." </p><p>"I told them I was meeting someone." Sirius shrugged. "But I <em>did </em>promise James that I'd be back before midnight. I don't want them asking questions about which girl I was shagging in which secret passageway. I'd have to lie on the spot and give them loads of details. Everyone thinks I'm some kind of ladies' man because of my looks. No one ever suspects that I'm into guys." </p><p>"Why would you have to lie?" Remus asked softly. "It's okay liking men <em>and</em> women if that's what you mean. It's as normal as only liking men is."</p><p>"That's the thing, I <em>don't </em>like girls. At all." Sirius said. "I just like men, but everyone thinks I'm straight. I don't like lying to James and Peter, but they big up this idea of me hooking up with girls all the time, and I do the same with them because that's just what guys our age do. I want to tell them, I just don't know how." </p><p>"The time will come when it just kinda ... falls into place, where you're scared but more relieved about getting it off your chest," Remus said. </p><p>"How did people close to you react when you told them?"</p><p>"I don't have anyone that close to me that needs to know. I haven't told my parents, they're still in France. I never really got the chance to tell them before I finished school. I was still in denial."</p><p>"What changed to make you stop being in denial?"</p><p>"Meeting you," Remus said quietly. "I had a few hookups with some of the Beauxbatons boys in broom closets and empty classrooms, a few short term boyfriends that lasted no more than two or three months.  I regret a lot of them. I've got nothing but embarrassing stories for almost all of my firsts. You were the first 'crush', I suppose, that I allowed myself to feel, that I recognised as an actual crush."</p><p>"Really?" Sirius asked curiously. The idea that he had been a first for somebody was ... startling. But coming from Remus, it was sweet. </p><p>"You seem surprised." Remus laughed. "I'm not that much older than you. I haven't experienced much more out of life than you have." </p><p>"But you're a lot wiser than I am," Sirius said. </p><p>"This is true." Remus shrugged. "Now go on, don't keep your friends waiting. I'm sure they're waiting to hear all about your latest 'conquest'. You'll have to tell me what magnificent story you embellished to them next time I see you."</p><p>"Sounds like a plan," Sirius said, grinning. He finished his cup of tea, taking his empty mug over to the kitchenette on the other side of the room. As he put his shoes and robes back on, grabbing his bag and going to the door, he spared a final glance at Remus, who had picked his papers back up but was still watching Sirius. "See you later, Re." </p><p>"Goodnight, Sirius," Remus said, watching him leave.</p><p>Sirius' last sight of him before closing the door was of him smiling. Sirius felt light and relaxed, more relaxed than he'd felt in a long time. </p><p>Making his way up to the Gryffindor Tower, that smile was all he could think of. He'd make something up with little planning when he got to the dormitory. Right now, that smile was too busy making his stomach fill with butterflies.</p><p>He'd have to think of a very good lie to avoid the teasing from James and Peter.</p><p>~</p><p>"So go on, then, Pads." Sirius squinted at the sudden light in what had previously been a dark dormitory. </p><p>"Go on <em>what</em>, Pete?" He grumbled. </p><p>"Give us all the details," James said, grinning madly. He was squinting at the sudden brightness of the room as well, and almost poked himself in the eye as he slid his glasses onto his face. "Is this the same girl that gave you all those hickeys the other week? Show us your neck!" </p><p>Sirius rolled his eyes, undid his tie and partially unbuttoned his shirt, yanking the collars apart to show his bare neck, completely healed from Remus' attack there three weeks ago. It didn't take too much thinking for Sirius to remember the feeling of Remus' lips on his neck the feeling that had accompanied it of intense longing and happiness in the idea that <em>Remus</em> had left them, had wanted something visible on Sirius' skin to say that he was accounted for by someone. </p><p>"It was just a bit of a snog in a classroom." Sirius dismissed, beginning to get changed. Over the last six years, the three of them no longer had any qualms about getting changed in front of each other, and Sirius didn't care whether they watched and talked at the same time. They were best friends and it meant nothing. </p><p>"Long snog, then. It's lasted nearly six bloody hours!" Pete exclaimed. "Come on, surely you must've done more than that!" </p><p>"That's none of your business," Sirius said slyly. </p><p>"You said that earlier at dinner as well," James said. "Are you keeping a relationship hidden from us? Has the legendary Sirius Black finally been tamed? Is he finally as whipped as I am for Evans?" </p><p>"Sirius Black can never be tamed by anyone, least of by all a <em>girl</em>." Sirius laughed. </p><p>"What about a bloke then?" Peter asked sincerely. </p><p>So much time around James and Sirius meant that Peter often spoke before he thought. It also took Peter's brain a few seconds to catch up with his mouth, and Sirius saw the moment where it did in this instance, deciding that it was his moment to speak.</p><p>"Wormtail, you absolute buffoon, what <em>are</em> you talking about?" Sirius asked, throwing himself onto his bed. "Are you insinuating that I, <em>Sirius Orion Black, </em>heir to the Black family legacy and fortune, a member of a sacred and noble family full of dubious morals and shitty life decisions, am attracted to men?" </p><p>Peter looked confused and almost unsure for a few seconds, frowning and wondering how to go about answering. "I ... I suppose so?" He said, uncertainty heavy in his voice. </p><p>Sirius realised that this was the moment that Remus had been talking about. He had already handled it so far in his natural dramatic way, with humour and flamboyancy. All it would take now was a simple yes or no, a casual acceptance and admittance uttered aloud. Nothing more and nothing less. But of course, nothing was ever simple with him. It was always 'go big or go home'.</p><p>"Well, Mr Pettigrew, I thank you for your candour. In the spirit of honesty amongst friends, <em>yes</em>, I am incredibly bent. Absolutely and terminally so. I'm afraid my attraction to men will be the death of me. They're all so handsome! Apart from you two, of course. Seeing you two in the mornings is almost enough to turn me straight, and certain things have happened in this dorm room that I wish I could erase from my memory forever-"</p><p>"Alright, Black, we get the picture, you’re a poof." James laughed, rolling his eyes and putting his glasses back on his bedside table. </p><p>"Does that bother you, Prongs?" Sirius asked. There was no humour in his voice now, no traces of drama in his tone or body language. </p><p>"You're assuming that Pete and I haven't already known for the last three years. If it bothered us, it would've come up by now," James said. "Turn the light off, will you?" </p><p>Sirius was left stunned for a few seconds and he glanced towards Peter, who just shrugged and smiled, following James' example by settling under his covers again. He turned off the lights with a flick of his wand and clambered under his sheets. </p><p>"Thanks, lads." He said into the darkness. He got a snore from Peter in response and heard James mutter, 's'alright, mate. Now shut up and go to sleep'. </p><p>Sirius realised at that moment what brilliant mates he had. </p><p>~</p><p>Remus felt terrible the next day.</p><p>He had a fever and was torn between hot and cold flushes. He felt sick to his stomach and the very thought of eating something made him feel worse, but not eating anything was having the same effect. He could barely walk without feeling dizzy and he was only just able to summon himself endless jugs of water as he laid on his sofa, trying to will himself better. </p><p>This was all the full moon's doing. Remus very rarely had this kind of reaction, it was usually a lot less severe, but it was not uncommon to experience the worst of the symptoms as the wolf got closer to the surface. The wolf was antsy, trying to break free from the frame he was trapped in hours before the full moon appeared in the night sky and allowed him to roam. He was angry at the lack of freedom he had, and it was harder and harder to force him down as Remus got older. The older they both got, the stronger the wolf seemed. </p><p>There was a knock on Remus' office door and he almost cried at the loudness of it. His senses were on overload. <em>Everything hurt</em>. But maybe it was Madame Pomfrey, come to check on him before the moon tonight, ask him if there was anything in particular that he needed or wanted to make the night easier. </p><p>"Come in," He managed to call. The door opened and instead of hearing Madame Pomfrey's voice, which had become a source of familiarity and comfort during his short time at Hogwarts so far, he heard another all too familiar voice and almost burst into tears. </p><p>"Oh my <em>god</em>, Remus!" Sirius rushed around to kneel beside the sofa and gaped at Remus' face. </p><p>"Sirius, you can't be here." Remus raised his hand to push at Sirius. His face went warm in embarrassment, helping slightly to relieve the cold flush he was currently experiencing.</p><p>Sirius just grabbed his hand and squeezed it gently. Remus hated to think how ill he looked in this moment. "You have to leave. I'm fine, I just need to sleep for a little while." </p><p>"Why aren't you in bed then?! Merlin's ballsack, what's brought this on?! You were fine last night!"</p><p>"It must be some kind of bug. I always get them around this time of year. I'm <em>fine</em>, Sirius! What are you even doing here?" Remus croaked weakly. </p><p>"I wanted to see you again. James is at practice and Peter is in detention. One of the Slytherins caught him in a bad mood and he launched into a swearing fit too close to McGonnagall." Sirius explained. "Have you called for Madame Pomfrey?" </p><p>"No. I can barely stand without getting dizzy." </p><p>"I'll run down and get her then." </p><p>"Sirius, it's fine, she'll be coming down later anyway." </p><p>"Why?" Remus opened his mouth to answer and found the truth lying at the back of his throat, ready to roll along his tongue and emerge from his lips. </p><p><em>You can trust him</em>.</p><p>He had been so ready to tell Sirius the truth, that he was cursed with lycanthropy and was doomed to the full moon's bidding every month, that something was sharing his soul with him every day and only grew stronger with each moon that passed. He was so scared of the wolf overtaking him completely, of it getting to a point where he was driven insane or made more animal than human.</p><p>Remus had been fighting so hard for so long against the beast that was brought about by each month, and his body and mind ached at the thought of having to bear this for the rest of his life, never being allowed to tell anyone, of having to live alone with no one close by to love him without risking them. But he didn't know any different. And the thought that Sirius might be the one to change his mind, make his walls collapse and leave his carefully guarded heart exposed to the elements of emotion completely. </p><p>"Remus?" Sirius' voice carried an undertone of fear and worry, scared of what Remus had stopped himself for. </p><p>"Do you remember when I told you about that wolf that attacked me as a child?" Sirius nodded. "I was on a lot of medication to combat the infections that I was susceptible to while I was recovering. My immune system never fully recovered. I get very sickly very easily. Madame Pomfrey visits at least once a week just to check in on me. You should go before I pass it on to you." </p><p>It wasn't strictly untrue. Deep down, it was a fear of Remus'. That one day, his condition may have such an effect on him that he would turn someone himself, that he would subject someone to the horror that had been forced upon him as a child. Remus wouldn't be able to bear the guilt or the shame if he did that. Especially if he did it to someone he loved. He would never be able to forgive himself if he did it to Sirius. </p><p>But Sirius took his words to mean 'You should go before I pass this bug onto you,' which was a relief to Remus and had been partially his intention. It was his way of telling part of the truth, but still keeping his secret tucked away behind the walls around his heart. </p><p>"I don't care if you pass it on to me, Remus. I'll fight it off with no problem. What do you need?" </p><p>"Sirius, please, just-"</p><p>"I'm not leaving." Sirius interrupted. Remus cursed the boy sat beside him and wished he wasn't so stubborn. "I know that look. You're wishing I would just listen to you for once, and you're calling me every name under the sun synonymous with 'idiot', aren't you?"</p><p>Remus laughed weakly. "Yes. Yes, I am. Stay, but on one condition." Sirius raised an eyebrow. "You have to be gone before dinner starts." </p><p>"Why?"</p><p>"If people see you leaving my office while everyone's going down to dinner, they'll get the wrong idea."</p><p>"Remus-"</p><p>"I'm not joking, Sirius! It doesn't matter how innocent this is, no matter what we tell people, it's still frowned upon for you to be visiting my offices just because you wanted to see me. It doesn't matter how ill I am." </p><p>"Okay, fine. I'll leave before dinner." Sirius agreed. "What do you need?"</p><p>Remus pushed at the sofa beneath him and struggled his way into a sitting position. Sirius put an arm around him and helped. Remus summoned the bin as a wave of nausea overtook him, closing his eyes against it and trying to wait until the dizziness subsided.</p><p>"Have you had anything to eat?" </p><p>"No, it took a lot of energy to just get to the sofa. The thought of standing too much or eating anything made me feel sick."</p><p>"Well, that's half of the problem then. Let me make you some toast with loads of butter and some tea. It's the best remedy when you're ill." Sirius said, rising to his feet and walking over to the kitchen. </p><p>~</p><p>In the few hours that Sirius stayed beside Remus, Remus was only sick once, which he had managed to instruct Sirius to turn away for. Thankfully, Sirius hadn't questioned it, he'd trusted Remus immediately and saved Remus the embarrassment of throwing up in front of someone. </p><p>Sirius had been right. Toast with a large helping of butter and a hot cup of tea had made a small improvement on the way his body was reacting to the full moon.</p><p>They'd been sat together, chatting, Remus slowly feeling less and less awful as time went on. The close the wolf got to the surface, the more he started to relax in the hour or two before the moon rose. The anticipation was what made them both fight each other internally, waging a war over the same body and mind. But then the wolf would calm, knowing that he had to save his strength for the changes and the few hours that he would get free. </p><p>"Sirius, it's time for you to go," Remus said softly, eyes glancing towards the clock on his mantlepiece.</p><p>Sirius clenched his jaw, a minute movement that Remus had come to understand it was Sirius' way of forcing himself to avoid saying what was on his mind. It described his current mood accurately, that he desperately wanted to stay and help Remus through whatever he was going through.</p><p>"Thank you. For everything. I appreciate it."</p><p>"You don't have to thank me, Remus. I want to be there for you. You deserve it." </p><p>Those words alone were what made Remus want to expose everything, to out himself as a werewolf, tell Sirius about every single scar that he had already seen and traced, placed kisses on and seemed to find beautiful. Sirius had muttered compliments and words of appreciation against all the deformed tissue, the thick and distorted skin that Remus couldn't look at without feeling disgusted.</p><p>And for the first time, Remus hadn't felt sick, hadn't felt repulsed. Sirius saw past them like they were just as much a part of Remus as his eye colour was. They were unchangeable, but still worthy of being loved. </p><p>"Still, I want to thank you anyway." Remus smiled. Sirius smiled back, and there was that flash in those familiar pools of grey that Remus knew were mirrored in his own eyes. That want, that desire to just throw all caution to the wind and risk it all. It was all worth it for one another. This job, his stability, he would give it all in for that chance to call Sirius his boyfriend, to fall asleep with him every night. </p><p>But Sirius stood, breaking the eye contact, and there was a stiff and forced goodnight as Sirius left. It was no easier to manage, this sordid little love affair that they were trying to nip in the bud until a safer time; than it had been three weeks ago. </p><p><em>And</em> <em>yet ... </em>they were making it work. </p><p>~</p><p>Remus sat up slowly and then coughed. Blood splattered onto the floor beside him. He hastily wiped at his mouth and winced at the pounding in his head. </p><p>It couldn't have been any later than half six in the morning, and the castle would be waking up soon. Remus didn't know how bad he looked, and was just as worried about traipsing through the castle looking half-dead as he had been last month.</p><p>He forced himself to stand, pulling on his clothes as quickly as he dared. He wasn't bleeding any more. It had likely stopped hours ago, but Remus knew that he had a series of shallow grazes along his shoulderblade and chest that had been bleeding for a while and had since dried. He staggered his way out of the Shrieking Shack and snuck through the castle up to the Hospital Wing. Madame Pomfrey noticed him immediately and led him over to a bed that had already been made up for him. </p><p>"How was it last night, dear?" She whispered. </p><p>"Just tiring. I'm okay. I've been fortunate these last three months." Remus whispered back.</p><p>"That's good. Have you done a check for me already or do you need me to check you over?" </p><p>"Scratches and grazes on my back and chest. My legs are fine, I think I've gotten away relatively scot-free." Remus told her. </p><p>"Right, shirt off then! Let's have a look at these scratches." </p><p>~</p><p>By the time November's full moon rolled around, it had become a common occurrence for Sirius and Remus to see each other almost every evening.</p><p>He still attended all of James' Quidditch practices, but every other night, he was curled up on the sofa in Remus' living room.</p><p>They settled into a routine, where they did their work, laughing over stupid comments that the younger years made on their homework, while Sirius poured over notes and textbooks. </p><p>Sirius' eighteenth came and went, and the night before, he stayed until midnight in Remus' office at Remus' request, and at the stroke of twelve, Remus summoned a small cupcake with a candle in it. </p><p>
  <em>"Happy birthday, Sirius. I know it isn't anything much, but-"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"You remembered my birthday?" Sirius asked quietly. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Of course I did. You told me over the summer. I committed it to memory so that I could maybe celebrate it with you if you decided to return to Rome next year." Remus said. He went ever so slightly red as he added, "In case you decided to stay." </em>
</p><p>
  <em>"That's one of the nicest things anyone's ever done for me. Thank you, Remus," Sirius said. </em>
  <em>He blinked back the tears and blew out the candle, taking the cupcake from Remus and splitting it with him. </em>
</p><p>And then, before they knew it, it was December, and Sirius was in Hogsmeade, watching as Remus walked into the Three Broomsticks with Professor Sprout and thinking, '<em>Fuck! I forgot to buy Remus a Christmas present!</em>'</p><p>"Be right back lads!" Sirius said, pushing his chair back and racing out, yelling, 'Sorry, Professors', to Remus and Sprout. He burst into one of the clothing stores and looked around hastily. </p><p>"Can I help?" the store attendant asked. </p><p>"I - uh - I'm looking for a Christmas present for a friend. I won't have a chance at the next Hogsmeade weekend, I'll be going home next Friday." </p><p>"Tell me about this friend of yours, we'll find something perfect."</p><p>~</p><p>Twenty minutes later, Sirius was sliding back into his seat in the Three Broomsticks with a brown paper package. </p><p>"What did you forget?" James asked. </p><p>"I put an order in for something at that cool little vintage clothes place a few buildings down from here," Sirius explained. James narrowed his eyes in suspicion. </p><p>"If you were buying a Christmas present for your secret boyfriend, I wouldn't mind, ya know? And neither would Pete." </p><p>"I don't have a secret boyfriend, James." Sirius rolled his eyes. It was a truth, of sorts. He and Remus technically weren't dating yet. They agreed to wait until the summer to be together, but they both knew that there was only a growing attraction between them as they spent more and more time together. </p><p>"Yeah, whatever, mate," James said with a smirk. Sirius elbowed him and finished the last of the Butterbeer he'd left behind. </p><p>~</p><p>"Here," Sirius said, handing the brown package to Remus. </p><p>"What's this?" Remus asked.</p><p>"Take it and open it for yourself," Sirius said, forcing the package onto Remus' lap as he took off his shoes and settled on his usual spot. </p><p>"Is this a Christmas present?" Sirius nodded. "Shouldn't I wait for Christmas Day to open this?" </p><p>"You can if you want, I just kinda wanted to see your face when you opened it." Sirius shrugged. </p><p>"I got something for you as well." Remus summoned two parcels and handed them to Sirius. "The smaller one is a late birthday present. There have been some problems with owls delivering parcels recently. It arrived two days ago. The other parcel is something I would like for you to open on Christmas Day like you're supposed to do." </p><p>Sirius smiled and they both tore into the packaging in their hands. "Oh my god, <em>Remus</em>." Sirius gaped at the small camera in his hand. It was a wizarding one but had a stack of film in a box and a note attached to it with a loosely tied string around the width.</p><p>
  <em>Sirius, </em>
</p><p>
  <em>I know this isn't much, and it wasn't majorly expensive before you go worrying about me spending all my wages on a birthday present.</em>
</p><p>
  <em> I ran into an old friend from my childhood in Wales in the Broomsticks about two months ago. She lives in the village now. We got talking and she said she wished she'd have known I was working at Hogwarts sooner, as she had an old camera she didn't use and wanted rid of.<br/></em>
</p><p>
  <em>She remembered how much my family and I used to take pictures together and offered it to me. She'd bought it earlier on in the year while drunk and then realized that she didn't know how the film worked. </em>
  <em>I gave her about twenty Galleons for it, and it's got enough film to last a while. It's got the same mechanics as my Polaroid, except these coming out moving like wizard photographs. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Hope you enjoy it.<br/></em>
</p><p>
  <em>Happy birthday, </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Remus</em>
</p><p>"Do you like it?" Remus asked. </p><p>"Do I like it?! Re, I love it!" Sirius said. He gently placed it down and threw himself at Remus to hug him. Remus laughed and hugged back tightly. "Now go on, open yours." </p><p>Remus finished unwrapping his parcel and laughed hard when he saw what was inside. </p><p>"Enchanted socks!" </p><p>"Look, they've got little twinkling snowflakes that on them!" Sirius said, pointing them out. "Your feet are always freezing, even with a fire blazing. I thought that enchanted socks that are always warm and cosy would be perfect for you. The shop attendant said that they have little rabbits on them around Easter time, and flowers in the summer months, then multicoloured leaves and pumpkins and stuff during the autumn."</p><p>"That's so thoughtful of you, Sirius. Thank you." Remus said, grinning at them happily.</p><p>He put the wrapping paper on the coffee table in front of him and took off his current socks, balling them up and throwing them towards the washing basket by his bedroom door. He slipped his feet into the new socks and smiled widely, looking up at Sirius at just the right moment for Sirius to snap a picture, having already slid film into the camera and loading it up. </p><p>Remus blushed brightly as Sirius removed the film, shaking it out and putting his camera down again. The two of them smiled as the picture developed, chuckling at the happy grin, the realisation of what was coming, replaying on the enchanted film. </p><p>The smiles and the happiness were soon replaced with tension and both of them were breathing deeply, wondering who would be the first to give in. They both moved at the same time, looking at each other, realizing how close their bodies were pressed, thigh to thigh, hip to hip, arm to arm, their foreheads almost touching as well. They watched each other through their lashes for seconds that could just as well have been hours. </p><p>And just like they had in Rome that fatal last day, they fell into each other in coordinated movements, coming together like opposite ends of a magnet, fitting like puzzle pieces. </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Sirius felt nothing but weeks' worth of tension and buildup finally fall away. </p><p>Remus' body was warm. His arms came around Sirius and Sirius had never felt better. He let his hands trail from Remus' stomach, up to his chest, grabbing his shoulders and softly pushing at the, leaning in to press Remus back. </p><p>Remus obliged and let himself be pushed back, giving Sirius the chance to climb on top of him and straddle his hips. </p><p><em>This is bliss, </em>Sirius thought.</p><p>They were both clutching at each other and holding onto each other tightly, pulling on clothes and hair, desperate to get a reaction and pretend like what they were doing wasn't completely wrong. </p><p>There was a sharp knock on the door and they both froze, moving only to pull away from each other and stare at the door, unsure as to whether they'd imagined it. </p><p>The knock came again and someone called in. "Remus, are you in?" <em>Dumbledore</em>.</p><p>"One moment, Albus! I'm just in the middle of getting changed for bed. I'll be out in a minute." Remus called back. He pushed at Sirius', indicating for him to get up and he handed Sirius his Christmas present, along with the note, and pointed towards the bedroom.</p><p>Sirius went without any objection, closing the door quietly behind him. Remus summoned his pyjamas from the bedroom and hurried to put them on, sending his clothes into the washing basket and vanishing the mess of wrapping paper. </p><p>
  <em>Shit, Sirius has left his other parcel in here. Just lie if Dumbledore asks. It's fine, you're fine. </em>
</p><p>He opened the door to his rooms and plastered a smile onto his face. </p><p>"Is everything alright, Albus?"  Remus asked, holding the door open for Dumbledore to come in. When Dumbledore had stepped inside, Remus closed the door behind him, anxiously looking around to make sure that nothing was indicating that Sirius had been here. </p><p>"Yes, I just had a question for you," Dumbledore said. </p><p>"Oh?"</p><p>"Sirius Black is currently nowhere to be found. His friends snuck Firewhiskey into their dormitory and Minerva had to go up there and reprimand them because they were causing a racket. She took note that Sirius wasn't there and his friends didn't have a clue where he was, saying that he often disappears for a few hours during the evenings, except when he goes to James' Quidditch practice. Would you happen to know anything about his whereabouts?"</p><p>"No, Professor. I've seen him a few times for an hour or two after dinner for extra lessons, tutoring, whatever you wish to call them. I don't know what he does with his time after he leaves here."</p><p>"Has he been here tonight?"</p><p>"Yes, he knocked on the door about two hours ago to wish me a merry Christmas. We agreed a few days ago to postpone our sessions until after the holidays now."</p><p>"He didn't stay for any longer than that?"</p><p>"No. He said he was just wandering, but he was passing this way and thought he'd 'kill two birds with one stone', as he put it." </p><p><br/>He blocked out all truthful thoughts of Sirius, thinking of fake memories that would throw Dumbledore off the scent should he be trying to trigger the truth in his words. <br/><br/><em>“Hello, Sirius! You really shouldn’t be down here so late. What are you up to?”</em><br/><br/><em>“Nothing much, sir, just passing through.”</em><br/><br/><em>“Somehow I don’t quite believe you. Are you up to some kind of mischief with James and Peter?”</em><br/><br/><em>“Not at all, sir. They’re back at the Tower getting drunk. James’ mum is gonna kill him when we go back to his parents' place tomorrow and he’s hungover, but he thought it’d be fun to have one last Christmastime drink in our dorm before we leave school at the end of the year.”<br/></em><br/><em>“So why aren’t you with them?”</em><br/><br/><em>“Didn’t feel like it. Contrary to popular belief, I don’t drink just for the sake of it or just because my friends are drinking. I’m just going for a walkabout. I realized that I was near to the staff wing and thought I’d pop by to say hello and wish you happy holidays. Kill two birds with one stone, ya know?” </em><br/><br/><em>“That’s very sweet of you, Sirius. Thank you. I hope you enjoy Christmas at the Potters’. From what I’ve heard from the other teachers, James always brags when the new term starts that his mother does the best Christmas turkey in the world.”</em><br/><br/><em>“Yeah, I can’t wait! It's all James has been banging on about for days. What about you? Are you doing anything exciting?”</em><br/><br/><em>“No, just staying in the castle over the holidays. I’ll send my parents their presents in a few days so that they arrive in France a day or two before Christmas Day. Otherwise, my mother will get too tempted to open them in the middle of the night.”</em><br/><br/><em>“You’re French? You don’t sound it, sir.”</em><br/><br/><em>“No, I’m Welsh. My family and I moved to France when I was nine. I went to Beauxbatons.”</em><br/><br/><em>“Makes sense. You don’t look that much older than me, and I haven’t seen you here as a student. Well, I hope you enjoy all the boring marking and staff business while we’re all away.” </em><br/><br/><em>“Thank you, I most certainly will enjoy the extra time to get ahead of my lessons. And thank you again for stopping by. Merry Christmas, Sirius.”</em><br/><br/><em>“Merry Christmas, Professor.” </em><br/><br/>“Why would you think Sirius would come here? He doesn’t seem like the type of person to hang around one of his Professors any more than he has to.”<br/><br/>“He seems oddly partial to you, Remus.”<br/><br/>“In what way?” Remus asked. <br/><br/>“He just doesn’t seem so chaotic or so scared of staying still anymore. He’s predictable in the most unpredictable way possible. You never know what he’s going to do next, just that something is coming. Since you’ve been teaching here, and since he’s been taking extra lessons with you, he’s calmed. He’s still boisterous and loud and Sirius in every sense of the word, but it doesn’t seem like he’s doing it to distract people from something any more. Now he’s doing it for fun because he likes the thrill of it all.” Dumbledore explained.<br/><br/>“What do you mean, he’s distracting from something?”<br/><br/>“He has a troubled home life. The Blacks’ pureblood prejudices still stand strong. They’re a big family and are masters of tactical marriages to expand their influence. Sirius has been one of only three Blacks in recent knowledge to defy them, and he's the youngest. He’s been defying them since the age of eleven, possibly even younger. It’s rumoured that his parents used to hit him regularly, that he would take the blame for anything that happened so that Regulus, his brother, wouldn’t get hurt. There have been a lot of suspicious injuries when he's returned from holidays, broken fingers in makeshift splints, bruises on his wrists and on his neck. The school can't do anything against the family because Sirius has never admitted to where they're from.” <br/><br/>“That’s – that’s awful!” Remus breathed. <br/><br/>“Sirius’ nature of being a whirlwind of chaos and mischief has long since been considered by staff to be a façade. He knows that he can cause trouble at school because the punishments will never be as bad as the ones at home. He doesn’t want people to know that he’s hurting, that his life has been filled with more trouble than anyone could ever believe. He believes that people would think that he’s lying, that the son of a Sacred Twenty-Eight family would never have such a terrible life.”<br/><br/>“That’s why he’s never faced anything more than a few lost House points and minor detentions,” Remus said.</p><p>Everything fell into place, why Sirius had been so hesitant to leave his family home, why he refused to lean on his friends for support. Years of suffering at the hands of his parents had conditioned him into believing that no one would ever believe him.</p><p>“The staff know that school is his getaway from his family.”<br/><br/>“We’re trying to make life here as pleasant as possible for him so that he has something positive in his life, a reason to believe that the world won’t always be so horrible,” Dumbledore added. “I’ll ask you one last time Remus. Do you know where he’s gone?”<br/><br/>“No. I don’t know where he is.” Remus said. <br/><br/>“Okay. I’ll go and check the Gryffindor Tower. Maybe he’s returned there.” Dumbledore said. There was a look in his misty blue eyes like he’d seen something that Remus had been thinking, and Remus could only hope that it was the fake memories. “Good evening, Remus.”<br/><br/>“Goodnight, Albus.” <br/><br/>Dumbledore turned and walked out and Remus waited a few seconds, waiting for the sound of receding footsteps clacking against the stones of the castle’s corridors before he turned around, meaning to warn Sirius. <br/><br/>But Sirius was already standing outside Remus’ bedroom door. He was crying and Remus’ face fell as he rushed over, pulling Sirius into his arms. <br/><br/>“You should’ve said something to me before, back in Italy. If I’d have known things were that bad, that you were forced to make those choices to protect Regulus, I would’ve insisted that you stay, I would’ve brought you back to London myself when school started; when I got this job.”<br/><br/>“Neither of us knew that the other was a wizard. How would that have worked, Remus?”<br/><br/>“I don’t know, but we would’ve thought of something," Remus said. He pulled back and pressed a kiss to Sirius' forehead. "As much as I want you to stay so I can comfort you, you need to go back to the Tower, and you need to beat Dumbledore there. Hurry, Sirius. Don't dither, he's already got a headstart. Use the passageways, be careful of Filch. <em>Go</em>."</p><p>Sirius went to pick up his camera, but Remus stopped him. "Come by tomorrow morning before you leave for the Potters'. I'll keep it safe until then." </p><p>Sirius pressed his lips to Remus' once more and sprinted out of the door, his footsteps echoing loudly, and Remus' heart constricted, terrified about whether or not Sirius would get to the Tower in time. </p><p>~ </p><p>Sirius' lungs were aching and he forced the lump in his throat down into the pit of his stomach so that he could breathe properly, trying to avoid the sick feeling in his stomach at the thought of being caught out. </p><p>
  <em>Hurry, Sirius. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Don't dither, he's already got a headstart. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Use the passageways</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Be careful of Filch. </em>
</p><p>He burst out of the secret passageway that led into an alcove near the moving staircases, running down the stone steps, uttering the password to the Fat Lady before he'd even reached the bottom and racing through the tunnel. </p><p>He took the stairs to the dorm two at a time, bursting into the dorm and throwing himself onto the bed. </p><p>"Where have you been?" James asked. </p><p>"I'll tell you in a bit. I've had to sprint here from the other side of the castle because you two couldn't keep your  mouths shut. Now Dumbledore thinks I'm a bloody ten-page risk assessment because I wasn’t here drinking with you two." Sirius snapped, breathing heavily. He groaned and clutched his side, laying on his back. "<em>Merlin's balls, </em>my side is killing me. I've got a really bad stitch." </p><p>"Sirius, answer the question! We've been worried sick!" Peter said. His cheeks were rosy and he hiccuped as he spoke. </p><p>"I don't have time to tell you now. Dumbledore's on his way here, if he asks you anything, just cover for me." Sirius said. </p><p>Less than a minute later, there was a knock on the door and Sirius moved to lay on his side, facing away from the door and sending warning glares to James and Peter as he called, "Who is it?" </p><p>The door opened and Sirius sat up, looking over to the door as Dumbledore and McGonnagall arrived. </p><p>"Mr Black! Where have you been?! We've been on a wild goose chase trying to find you! We've had the ghosts looking for you!" McGonnagall exclaimed. </p><p>"Sorry, Professor, I was just going for a walk to clear my head. I felt a bit strange about not going home for Christmas for the first time. I'll be spending it with the Potters, you see, and I was just a bit upset that I wouldn't get to spend it with my brother. It's the first time I'll have not gone home with him." Sirius explained. </p><p>"You went to see Professor Lupin, is that correct?" Dumbledore asked. </p><p>"Yeah. I was just wandering around aimlessly, really, and I ended up near the staff wing, so I thought I'd wish him happy holidays." </p><p>"Sirius, I have to ask you something," Dumbledore said. </p><p>"Albus, I thought we agreed-" McGonnagall said in warning. </p><p>"We need to be sure, Minerva." </p><p>"What's going on?" Sirius asked. He hated the sound of fear in his voice. </p><p>
  <em>They've figured us out. They're going to fire, Remus, he's going to lose everything because of me, because I couldn't hold on until the summer. </em>
</p><p>"Sirius, the staff are all growing increasingly concerned with your relationship to your family." </p><p>
  <em>Merlin's beard, my relationship with my family, not mine and Remus' love affair. You’re fine, you’re okay, Remus is safe. </em>
</p><p>"I don't have a relationship with my family," Sirius stated. "I left. I went to James' place. His parents took me in."</p><p>"Could you tell us why?" McGonnagall asked. "We know it might be uncomfortable talking to your teachers about this, even more so in front of your friends, maybe, but we don't want you to suffer in silence." </p><p>"I don't have a relationship with my family because they're tyrannical snobs that hate people for the pure and simple fact of how they were born. I don't want to be around people like that. Why would I?" Sirius said, feeling his anger rise. "James and Pete are my family. So long as I have them, I don't need anyone else." </p><p>McGonnagall and Dumbledore were smiling at him softly, and Sirius tried to relax. He didn't want to snap at his teachers, he knew that they were trying to help, but they had no business driving home the point of him having a shitty family who didn't care about him, who wanted power and nothing else. </p><p>"We're glad to hear that, Sirius. How long have you been back here?"</p><p>"Only about five minutes," Sirius said.</p><p>"Okay ... well, as long as you're alright ..." McGonnagall trailed off. "We'll tell the ghosts to call off the search. Goodnight, boys, don't be staying up too late, we wouldn't want any accidents on your way home." </p><p>James, Peter, and Sirius parrotted back their goodbyes and Sirius sighed, flopping back down onto his bed in relief.</p><p>Everything was fine. He and Remus had not been found out. Their secret was safe. Sirius traced his lips absentmindedly. He hadn't had time so far to process yet another moment where they'd been unable to avoid their attraction to each other. They were playing with fire, and Sirius loved it.  </p><p>"Are you going to tell us what's going on?" Peter asked quietly.</p><p>"Did you just go to Lupin's to say hi, or have you been there all evening? Is that who you've been spending all this time with? Have you been letting us think you had a secret relationship when you were just spending time with our teacher? What's so great about him? Why are you doing that thing with your mouth?" James asked. </p><p>"I've been having extra lessons with Remus, you know that. That's where I go in the evenings."</p><p>"I thought your lessons had been postponed until the new term started?"</p><p>"They have been," Sirius said. "I'm used to just swinging by his office for a chat and a laugh in the evenings. It's stress relief. And I haven't been letting you think I've been having a secret relationship. I've been actively denying it every time it comes up."</p><p>"But you're always gone until almost midnight. Surely you're not spending time with him just for a chat when he's supposed to be tutoring you. I've never known you to want to study and do homework until midnight. Why do you keep fiddling with your mouth?" </p><p>"James, I'm tired, okay? I just want to go to bed." Sirius sighed, beginning to shuck off his clothes. He had to get up early tomorrow if he wanted to grab his camera off Remus, plus the Christmas present he'd left in Remus' room. </p><p>Remus' room was simple and scarce. It was practical, with very little decoration. But Sirius thought that was very telling when it came to Remus, who enjoyed the simplicity of things. And even though he could probably now afford to add a spark of character to his quarters, he still took pleasure in adding that character in his mannerisms, the way he arranged his books and pictures of all the countries he'd visited. </p><p>"No way, Sirius, you're answering our questions before we go to bed. I don't care if it takes all night, you're not sleeping without letting Pete and me in on whatever's changed with you in the last few weeks." James told him. </p><p>"What is there to say?" Sirius asked. "I enjoy his company. He's a friend."</p><p>"Are you sure about that?" James retorted. Sirius froze and turned around to face James. </p><p>"I'd choose your next words very carefully, if I were you, Prongs."</p><p>"You're sleeping with him, aren't you?" James asked. </p><p>"No, I'm not sleeping with him." </p><p>"Well, you're ... I don't know, romantically entangled with him."</p><p>"You know there's an easier word for that, right?" Sirius laughed. "Look, Remus and I are <em>friends</em>. We aren't having sex with each other, we aren't dating, so whatever you think is going on with us, I can assure you, you're wrong. Everything is platonic with him." </p><p>"Was it platonic in Italy?" Peter asked timidly. Sirius sent a glare in his direction and Peter shifted uncomfortably. </p><p>"You heard him, Pads, were you just platonic in Italy?" James added. </p><p>"No," Sirius said, after a brief hesitation. "Well ... we <em>were</em>, for the most part."</p><p>"What do you mean, for the most part?" James asked. </p><p>Sirius sighed again, dragged his fingers through his hair, not wanting to divulge his connection to Remus yet. He wanted to keep this to himself, not because he was ashamed, but because it was special. If he told someone, it wouldn't be just Remus and Sirius any longer.</p><p>But this was James and Peter, his best friends, who he couldn't bear to keep anything from. It had been hard not letting them in on this side of his life, the part of them that was all girly and shy about someone he liked, someone he desperately wanted to love without shame. </p><p>"We were mates at first," Sirius said slowly. "We spent every day together after someone ran into me, I lost my balance and he caught me. It was only on my last full day in Italy that I ever acted on my feelings. I'd been too scared of ruining everything before, but he kissed back and things escalated. We stayed in bed for the rest of the day and I stayed the night. I never got to say a proper goodbye the next morning. I had to race back to my parents' house at the crack of dawn so they wouldn't know I was gone. I left him a note and a duplicated version of this picture."</p><p>Sirius pulled the picture from his pocket. He kept it with him most of the time, as a sentimental treasure of the past, a reminder of what he had to wait for a few months to get back. He tapped it with his wand and it flew over to James, then over to Peter when James was finished looking. </p><p>When it had flown back to Sirius, he gently dragged his thumb over the words he'd written on the borders of the film, '<em>Rome, August 20th 1977, R&amp;S 1st time, mindblowing!! Super happy' </em>and smiled. </p><p>"Lupin had his copy in his pocket when I went to see him the other week," James said. "He seemed hesitant to show me it properly, I had to guess that it was the same picture I'd seen you holding," </p><p>"Are you two ... you know ... still-"</p><p>"No, Pete. I was telling the truth, we aren't sleeping together." Sirius confirmed. </p><p>"But you're dating?" James asked. </p><p>"No, not really," Sirius said, wincing slightly. "I don't know what we are the minute. Remus thinks it's too dangerous to risk dating now that we're both here and I'm still a student. But ..."</p><p>"But what?" James asked in alarm. "Sirius? Don't tell me something happened tonight."</p><p>"Something happened tonight." Sirius winced again.</p><p>"Merlin's beard, Sirius! He could lose his job! He could go to Azkaban!"</p><p>"He wouldn't go to Azkaban, Prongs! Don't be dramatic!" Sirius said. "It was nothing huge. We slipped up the other week as well when I went to his office after you brought him up here to talk to me. We ended up making out a bit, he's where I got those hickeys from. Nothing more happened, he pulled away, he stopped himself. We agreed to not let it happen again, that we would wait until the summer until we made a proper attempt of a relationship. But we slipped up again."</p><p>"What do you mean, you slipped up again?"</p><p>James and Peter were watching him in a mixture of alarm and curiosity, finally getting the full story from Sirius, torn between wanting to know what he'd been keeping from them, but knowing that they were now complicit in keeping it quiet. </p><p>"We were just chatting, and we ended up giving each other Christmas presents. He gave me a late birthday present as well. He got me this cute little camera that operates the same as his Polaroid and the pictures are enchanted to move. I took a picture of him when he put on the enchanted socks I got for him. He looked so happy and I couldn't resist. We were looking at the picture move and before I knew it, we were kissing, and then Dumbledore interrupted by knocking on the door. I hid in his bedroom while he threw Dumbledore off the scent." Sirius explained. </p><p>"Sirius ... you know that we're now going to have to lie for you, right? That we've got to cover for you both now."</p><p>James seemed to be seething, barely keeping in concealed. Sirius had never seen him so angry and it had never been pointed at Sirius. This whole conversation had sobered both him and Peter up dramatically. </p><p>"You asked me to tell you. If you'd just left it alone from the start like I tried to tell you to, you wouldn't have to hide it." Sirius pointed out. "Besides, it won't be lying if no one asks what's going on."</p><p>"How are you so calm about this?!"</p><p>"Because in my mind, he's Remus, not Professor Lupin. He's my friend, he's someone I care about a lot. Someone I love. I can't think of him any other way."</p><p>"You barely know him, how can you love him?" Peter asked. </p><p>"Because we don't just work during the evenings. We talk. As I said, we spent every day together in Rome as well, so we have those five weeks of familiarity to lean on. I know the silly things that I shouldn't. The specific way he likes his cups of tea, his favourite book, his favourite place that he's travelled to, his most vivid memories from childhood. I know I love him." </p><p>"You're fucking delusional, mate. It's his life you're ruining if you keep this up. You're playing with fire, Sirius, someone is going to catch you out!" James said.</p><p>"We're careful."</p><p>"The careful thing to do would be to stay away from him, to wait until the summer. We're all going to suffer if he gets fired for a steamy little affair that he probably doesn't think that much of. You'll get to summer and he'll break it off. He'll only want this for the danger and the thrill of getting caught, just like you. He's the best teacher we've had in our entire school life and you're going to fuck it up."</p><p>Sirius' heart stopped, breath freezing in his throat as James ranted.</p><p>Deep down, it prickled at his deepest insecurities, that he wasn't as well-liked or wasn't as wanted as he fooled himself into believing.</p><p>Remus cared, he <em>did</em> want Sirius. He had to, otherwise, why would he have promised to wait until the summer so that they could be together?</p><p>There was the anxiety, the uncertainty, the doubt stirring at the back of his mind, rising from the pit of his stomach to make a compressed cage out of his chest.</p><p>Did Remus just want Sirius for the pure and simple fact that he'd never had someone willing to be with him at school, someone who would willingly give themselves up, would bare their heart to him?</p><p>"He <em>does </em>care," Sirius whispered, unsure of the words now. </p><p>"Are you sure about that?" James scoffed. Sirius' eyes snapped to him. </p><p>"You're a real knobhead sometimes, James, you know that? You have the emotional capacity of a teaspoon." He spat, eyes brimming with tears. He didn't know whether or not they were from anger or hurt or both, but at that point, he didn't care. He just needed to get out of this goddamn dormitory. "Fuck this, I'm not coming back with you to your parents' place tomorrow, I'm staying here." </p><p>He got up and pulled on some socks and shoes, grabbing his wand and storming out. </p><p>Before he'd even reached the bottom of the stairs, he knew where he needed to go. There was only one other place he could go at this time, where he felt safe. </p><p>~</p><p>Remus was jolted awake by the sound of someone at his door. He'd decided to go to sleep once Sirius had left, completely drained after the rollercoaster of events throughout the day. </p><p>The revelation of the severity of Sirius' home life had made him feel sick to his stomach, and he wanted nothing more than for Sirius to stay at the castle over the holidays so that they could talk about it properly. </p><p>There was another series of raps against his door and Remus groaned, throwing the covers back and making his way to the door. When he opened it, Sirius was standing there, tears streaming down his face.</p><p>He held the door open wider, letting Sirius come inside to avoid the draught in the corridor. Sirius was shaking, having made his way from the Gryffindor Tower to the staff wing with no robes to keep him warm. </p><p>"Sirius, what are you doing - hang on, is that my shirt?" Remus asked, closing the door behind them as Sirius stepped inside, just then noticing the familiar black t-shirt drowning out his body.</p><p>He had a pair of black joggers on, thick and warm and comfortable, perfect for wintertime in Scotland. But that was Remus' shirt. It was an old piece of band merchandise from a Fleetwood Mac concert that Remus had gone to three years previously. It was two sizes too big on Remus, which meant that it was even bigger on Sirius.</p><p>Remus couldn't help but smile. </p><p>"I pinched it from your apartment by accident. It’s black, I thought it was mine. When I picked up my actual shirt off the floor, I was halfway through eating a slice of toast and trying to clear things up for you. We'd made such a mess the day before and I told myself I'd change once I'd finished, but I was in such a rush to get back before my parents realized I was gone that I forgot, and I just ran straight out of the door." Sirius explained, head downcast as if he were ashamed and embarrassed. </p><p>Remus stepped closer, keeping a respectable distance between them, but also being close enough that he could reach forward to tilt Sirius' head up so that their eyes met. </p><p>"It looks good on you," Remus said. Sirius smiled weakly.</p><p>"I'm sorry, Remus." He said softly. </p><p>"I don't care about the shirt, Sirius, I care about <em>you</em>. What happened at the Gryffindor Tower? Did Dumbledore say something?" </p><p>"I got there before him. I had an argument with James ... a bad one." Sirius said. </p><p>"What about?" Remus asked, frowning.</p><p>Sirius had confessed once during the summer that he and James very rarely fought with each other. They were closer than brothers and had always been so alike in their personalities, with such a strong love for each other that they couldn't bear to fight. </p><p>Sirius sniffled and frustratedly wiped at his eyes as they began to fill with tears again. </p><p>"Come on, take a seat on the sofa, I'll make some tea," Remus said quickly, wanting Sirius to have time to sort through whether he wanted to talk tonight. Sirius loathed crying just as much as Remus did, though they were both very emotional people. </p><p>Sirius' eyes betrayed the amount of gratitude he felt as Remus went to the kitchen and put the kettle on.</p><p>~</p><p>When Sirius finished recounting what had happened since he'd gone back to Gryffindor Tower, Remus could barely think of anything to say. </p><p>Part of him knew that he should be angry at Sirius for divulging their 'slip-ups', as Sirius had put them, but he knew that Sirius had been backed into a corner, having narrowly missed Dumbledore and McGonnagall, and then had been questioned for weeks on top of that by his closest friends in the world, forced to hide such a big secret from them both. </p><p>Remus couldn't blame him.</p><p>Sirius loved James and Peter like brothers. He was so used to sharing things with them, that it would've only been so long until the truth had come out.</p><p>Remus was just glad that it had come from Sirius' mouth rather than someone else finding out and exposing it. It could be controlled this way. Peter and James could be trusted. They knew how much of positive impact that resolving the issues between Remus and Sirius had made on Sirius' overall happiness. </p><p>Mostly, he was concerned for how things would be once Sirius went back to the dormitory, or when they left for the Potters' tomorrow morning. </p><p>It was getting late, almost eleven o'clock, and Sirius' eyes were bloodshot and puffy from crying. They were in their usual spots on the sofa. Remus knew that Sirius needed to vent now, not to be comforted. </p><p>"I'm sorry to just barge back here after earlier. I know that it was stressful for you, having to lie to Dumbledore like that." Sirius said. </p><p>"Don't apologise for coming to me when you need me. I want to be here for you. What James said was inexcusable, he and Peter shouldn't have pressed you so hard to talk to them about us. To outright say that I don't care, that I'm using you for nothing more than a bit of thrillseeking ... I'm speechless. But ... I think you should head back soon to talk to him about this before the morning. It'll only eat you both up on the inside if you don’t." </p><p>"I'm not going to the Potters' tomorrow," Sirius said. </p><p>"Sirius-"</p><p>"No, Remus!" Sirius exclaimed, setting his tea down on the coffee table and sitting upright, one leg and foot still curled on the sofa and the other firmly planted on the floor. "He's being a knob!"</p><p>"I agree with you, Sirius, but can you not see where he's coming from?" Remus asked. "Before tonight, you hadn't told him everything that happened in Italy. No wonder he pressed so hard! He was probably worried you were doing something dangerous. I don't agree with the way he approached it, but he's only hounding you because he cares." </p><p>"He has a funny way of showing it," Sirius grumbled. </p><p>"This isn't the end of the world. It's just a little tiff. Just like how our start to the year was a little tiff. We got through it, but we had to talk to first. Those first two weeks were agony for the pair of us. Look at us now, sat on the same sofa most nights with a cup of tea and talking about our days to each other. We're getting along <em>brilliantly</em>. You and James will sort it out as well, but you need to <em>talk to him</em>." Remus insisted. </p><p>"Why do you always have to be the voice of reason?" Sirius asked, but there was a tone of softness and fondness in his voice, betraying the facade of him being exasperated. </p><p>"Merlin knows you need someone to balance you out," Remus answered, chuckling slightly. "Come here." He set his tea down and held his arms out. </p><p>Sirius grinned and launched himself across the sofa into Remus' arms, his knees straddling Remus' thighs. Remus made a slight '<em>oompf</em>' noise as Sirius collided into him and was forced to lean back into the arm of the sofa as the pair of them buried their faces into each other's shoulders, clinging to each other tightly.</p><p>"You know, I remember us being in a similar position to this earlier before we got interrupted." Sirius' muffled voice came from Remus' shoulder and Remus couldn't help but laugh. </p><p>"Hmm, it's quite possible we were, but you'll have to remind me," Remus said, lifting his head slightly. </p><p>"Remus Lupin, you flirty bastard," Sirius said, sitting back and looking at Remus in awe. </p><p>Remus just shrugged and smiled, his hands trailing lightly from Sirius' upper back to his waist. He smiled even wider when Sirius' cheeks darkened to a blush. It happened so rarely and was such a delight to see. There was something quite special about seeing someone usually so confident and assured in his romantic business be dismantled with such a small gesture. </p><p>"Only for you, Sirius Black." He said.</p><p>Sirius smiled so softly then, in a way that not many would get to see, without the mischief and the mayhem in his lopsided smirk and piercing grey eyes. There were genuine dimples in this smile, and a kindness to him, so genuine and open about what he was feeling in that moment.</p><p>Sirius leant forward and brushed their lips together. They both smiled. </p><p>"You've changed your tune about us," Sirius whispered. </p><p>"No, I still think we should wait until the summer, but it's getting harder and harder to keep it from happening. I'm still worried, Sirius."</p><p>"Are you worried when I do this?" Sirius asked, pressing his lips to Remus' gently for only a moment before pulling away. Remus shook his head. "So just let it happen. Let's take it slow, there's no need to rush. This can happen very rarely if you want, just enough to stop us from going stir crazy, but we don't have to be scared. No one has to know." </p><p>Remus was the one shaking now, and Sirius gently played with the hair at the nape of Remus' neck.</p><p>"I can wait. And if you still want us to be just friends until the summer, then I'll try my absolute hardest from here on out to keep my hands off you, to not let it happen again. You're worth it, I'd wait for the rest of my life if I had to-"</p><p>Sirius was cut off by Remus surging forward and capturing his lips in a searing kiss. </p><p>And suddenly, that familiar feeling was back, where the world felt like it had shifted into focus again, like Remus had been without his glasses for too long and he'd put them back on, only to realise just how much better things were with them. </p><p>Kissing Sirius was like coming home after a long day and knowing that things would be okay as long as they were in each other's arms. Remus loved him, loved the feeling of safety and tranquillity that Sirius inspired within him.</p><p>Remus forced himself to pull back, heart threatening to burst from his chest if he didn't say the three fatal words that he would never be able to take back once they were in the open. Sirius whimpered and chased him, leaning their foreheads together. </p><p>"Why did you stop?" Sirius whispered. Both of their breaths were coming in heavy pants, chests rising and falling rapidly. </p><p>"I have to say it now before it slips out at the wrong moment."</p><p>"Say what?"</p><p>"You don't have to say it back, please know that I don't expect that from you, but you need to know. I don't want you to take James' words to heart because this isn't temporary for me, this isn't just an adventure and you aren't just someone I'm going to grow bored of-"</p><p>"Remus, stop rambling." Sirius laughed. "There are other things your mouth could be put to better use for right now."</p><p>"I love you," Remus said, leaning back and cupping Sirius' face, looking straight into the grey eyes that he loved so much. "I love you. I have loved you since Rome and I never said it because I didn't want to scare you off. I was terrified that you wouldn't want to come back and find me like we promised would happen next year."</p><p>Sirius was just looking at him, eyes searching for any hint of uncertainty, any hint of lie or trick, and Remus hated the family that had such an influence upon Sirius' ability to believe that someone could love him.</p><p>"Sirius, please say something. Anything. Slap me if you have to, but don't just sit and stare." Remus begged, his heart bare on his face, the truth so open for anyone to see if it weren't just him and Sirius. </p><p>Those words seemed to bring Sirius back to life, suddenly taking a sharp intake of breath and smiling brightly. He took Remus' hands, still planted on Sirius' face, and kissed both palms, linking their fingers with their palms pressed together between them. </p><p>"I love you too."</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Chapter 6</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>There was a knock at the door, and not for the first time, Remus cursed the entire evening. <br/><br/><em>I really cannot catch a break, can I?</em> He thought<br/><br/>He and Sirius pulled back from each other reluctantly. Sirius moved back to his spot on the sofa and grabbed his cup of tea, returning to his usual sitting position and trying to look casual. He made it look easy; as if he hadn't just had an incredibly special and intimate moment with his teacher. It hadn't been intimate just for the way they'd kissed, but for the words that they'd spoken; Sirius acknowledging Remus' fears of being caught and trying his hardest to respect his choice, even if it wasn't what Sirius wanted.</p><p>Remus finally got the words and feelings he'd felt for months off his chest, feeling the heavily defended prison walls around his heart beginning to crumble with every kiss he shared with Sirius.</p><p>There was a series of more sharp knocks and Remus stood, making sure that everything was in order, his clothes straightened and his hair flat. <br/><br/>"Alright, alright! I'm coming!" He called frustratedly as the knocking continued. He opened the door to find none other than James and Peter standing in his doorway. "Evening, you two. What can I help you with?" <br/><br/>"Is he here?" James asked. <br/><br/>"You're going to have to be a little more specific, Mr Potter. I know a lot of 'he's'." Remus said. He wasn't in the mood for pleasantries right about now, though he kept his usual tone and neutral facial expressions, trying to distract from the passive-aggressive words.<br/><br/>The fact that James had managed to easily find the words that hurt Sirius the most rubbed Remus up the wrong way. That kind of power over someone was a cruel thing to have. He knew from experience, the guilt of his words to Sirius after their first lesson together still clear as day in his head. <br/><br/>"Don't play this game, Professor, this is the only logical place he'd go." James snapped. Peter elbowed him. <br/><br/>"Sorry about him, Professor. We mean Sirius. Is <em>Sirius</em> here? He stormed out of the dormitory after some harsh words were exchanged and we're worried about him. We've checked everywhere else we thought he might go, it's been over an hour."<br/><br/>"You know, you're not the first ones to ask me that question tonight. But I don't suppose you'd believe me if I told you I hadn't seen him for the majority of the evening?" Remus said. He knew that resolving things with James was the last thing Sirius wanted right now. He wanted to vent and cry, to kiss Remus and forget for a while. <br/><br/>"Not in the slightest. He told us everything that happened earlier, we know it's a cover-up." James said. <br/><br/>"Well, then you're not as easy to fool as Professor Dumbledore, that's for sure. At least not when it comes to Sirius." Remus sighed, opening the door wider for them to step through, revealing Sirius staring at his drink as if it held all the answers to the world's secrets. <br/><br/>Remus closed the door and crossed the room to grab his now cold tea from the coffee table. Sirius looked up at the movement, catching Remus' eye and immediately looking for reassurance. Remus raised his eyebrow, lifting his mug slightly, knowing that Sirius would understand the question.</p><p>
  <em>Do you want a fresh one?</em>
</p><p>Sirius nodded and Remus took the mug from him, going to his kitchen for fresh drinks.</p><p>He had to keep his hands busy. This was his way of coping when something in his life was going unexpectedly. Keep his hands busy, give himself time to put his defences up. It was a reflex, to hide behind a persona, something to protect him from being hurt. Merlin knew that he’d had a lot of experience in being hurt by other people, despite the warnings he’d always had to avoid others like the plague. <br/><br/>Remus knew that he hadn’t had lycanthropy, he would’ve been like Sirius, with his heart on his sleeve and willing to have it there for the world to see no matter how times it let him down. In a sense, he still was like that sometimes, letting people see glimpses and then always getting hurt. But it was foolish to think of what his life may have been like without this condition.<br/><br/>"Do the two of you want anything? Water, tea, coffee? I think I have some Firewhiskey somewhere if you prefer." Remus called, looking over his shoulder at Peter and James.<br/><br/>They both shook their heads and the room remained painfully quiet until Sirius had another hot mug in his hands. A grateful look passed between them as Remus then perched a safe distance away on his desk. <br/><br/>"Sirius-" Peter started.<br/><br/>"Don't start making excuses for him, Pete. If you're here to give me some half-arsed apology on James’ behalf, you can save your breath and fuck off now because I'm not accepting it." Sirius snapped. <br/><br/>"And if you're going to be a snobby prick-" James muttered. <br/><br/>"Jesus Christ, can none of you communicate like adults?!" Remus interrupted. Peter, James, and Sirius all looked to him. "Sirius, listen to what they have to say instead of just assuming the worst. Peter, I understand that you're usually the mediator, but right now, this needs to be settled between James and Sirius. James, if you can't be bothered to make a genuine apology instead of just going on the defensive, then Sirius is right, you may as well leave." <br/><br/>"With all due respect, Professor, this is a private matter," James said stiffly. <br/><br/>That was the last straw for Remus. James incessant need to be the only one who knew Sirius, who cared about him, was beginning to show through. <br/><br/>"With all due respect, Mr Potter, you're in <em>my</em> quarters. Sirius came to <em>me</em>, sat on <em>my</em> sofa to tell me that you'd insinuated some very unkind and untrue things about my character. I think I have every right to be present at this little discussion; if only so you won't tear each other's heads off."  Remus said, his voice hard, now fully in Professor mode. <br/><br/>He very rarely brought out this sharp-tongued version of himself, saved it for the days and the students who deserved it most at the moment. The fact that he brought it out now made James clench his jaw and visibly force himself to calm down, looking almost ashamed at his comments. <br/><br/>From what Sirius had told him of James, he was hotheaded sometimes, and headstrong. He was stubborn and so loyal that it made him act insane sometimes, so desperate to fight for his friends’ honours, both in their presence and on his own.<br/><br/>"Look, I didn't mean to snap and be so harsh, okay?" James started. "I didn't think that Sirius would admit to thinking about our Professor in that way. I don't think your ... '<em>slip-ups</em>' should have happened. I think it's a dangerous line to be towing. But I also know that Sirius is a good judge of character. He doesn't trust easily, so if he trusts Professor Lupin enough to have ... <em>romantic</em> feelings for him, which is something I haven't seen Sirius feel before, then I understand that it was unfair of me to make those comments. I'm sorry. To both of you."  <br/><br/>Throughout his short speech, James kept his eyes firmly on Sirius, seemingly willing his best friend to believe the words. Sirius just kept his eyes on the opposite arm of the sofa to him, sipping his tea, despite the heat. <br/><br/>To break the silence, and to provide some support to Sirius, who would be more likely to speak up if he knew that Remus accepted James’ apology, Remus took a deep breath and spoke. <br/><br/>"Thank you, James," Remus said. He had dropped his previously sharp tone, a lot calmer now. "I can imagine it was a strange thing to be told. You would be right in saying that this is a dangerous risk to take and trust me, Sirius and I will be continuing our conversation about it once term starts again. This is not the time for such things. It's late and you should all be going back to your dorm before someone notices you're gone. I'd rather not have any more scares tonight. Dumbledore's surprise visit earlier has given me enough fear to last a lifetime."<br/><br/>He put his tea to one side and stood up properly, walking over to the sofa and sitting on the arm that Sirius was staring at, tilting his head and trying to read Sirius' face. He could see the emotions brewing behind those eyes, still upset, still angry, but grateful that the topic had been broached by one of them, that James had made that decision for them both. <br/><br/>"Sirius, you haven't said a word, are you okay?" Remus asked softly. <br/><br/>"I'm fine," Sirius replied. <br/><br/>"You're still coming back to Mum and Dad's tomorrow, right?" James asked. "You didn't mean what you said, that you'd rather stay here?"<br/><br/>James had dropped the casual and cool popular boy facade. It was instead replaced with the fears and desperation of someone who regretted his words if it meant that his best friend no longer wanted to spend Christmas with him, or possibly would not want to spend time with him again at all. <br/><br/>"I don't know, Jamie. I'll think about it, see how I feel in the morning." Sirius said. The tension in the air eased at Sirius' use of 'Jamie' instead of James. That was a start. He would not use that affectionate name if he was still as angry and upset as he had been when he'd returned to Remus' quarters. <br/><br/>"I think it would be good if you spent Christmas surrounded by your best friend and his family, with plenty of good food and central heating instead of draughty corridors and fireplaces," Remus said, trying to encourage Sirius to have some time away from the castle. <br/><br/>Remus didn't want Sirius to leave Hogwarts. It would mean two weeks alone, with very little company outside of his staff meetings. He'd come to love and wait excitedly for his evening meetups with Sirius. Along with watching the wonder and pride in students' faces when they completed a new spell for the first time, his evenings with Sirius were the highlights of his day. For those reasons, he was glad he had begun to work at Hogwarts and was forever grateful that he'd been given the opportunity. </p><p>But right now, Sirius and James needed each other. They had fallen out properly for possibly the first time, and it was a hard thing to experience when the friend you called a brother suddenly felt like an enemy. Sirius looked up at him, uncertainty in written into every part of his face. Remus smiled and watched as Sirius' eyes, misty and fogged up with so many things to deal with at once, cleared slowly. <br/><br/>“Yeah, alright. I’ll go back with you tomorrow.” Sirius said quietly. <br/><br/>“Thank you. That means a lot that you’re willing to come. Professor Lupin is right. We should go back to the Tower. We’ve got an early start tomorrow.” James said.</p><p>He looked relieved at the sound of Sirius’ decision, and there was a smile on Pete’s face, happy that his best friends had resolved their issues. Sirius stood and made towards the kitchen, but Remus stopped him, taking the mug out of his hands. <br/><br/>“I’ll clear things up, go get some sleep,” Remus said softly. Sirius thanked him and put his shoes back on. <br/><br/>Things were quiet again as Remus cleared out the mugs of half-finished tea. Merlin knew that he wouldn’t be awake long enough to finish his drink once James, Peter and Sirius left. The entire night had been stressful and it seemed like it had been forever since he hadn’t felt his heartbeat pounding in his head. He needed sleep. <br/><br/>“Re?” Sirius called. Remus turned, an immediate response to the affectionate way Sirius shortened his name. No one had ever had a nickname or something affectionate that they referred to him as, but Sirius had. He’d started using it within the first three weeks of their friendship in Rome, and had continued in the privacy of Remus’ quarters. <br/><br/>Now, Remus couldn’t imagine Sirius calling him much else, and it seemed wrong to think that anyone could ever call him, ‘Re’ or ‘Rem’ except the wild-haired and even wilder natured young man Remus found himself loving. It was a sentimental nickname from Sirius, holding a lot of value to both of them. <br/><br/>When Remus had turned around, he had only a second to process the headful of black hair coming towards him before Sirius was hugging him, arms wrapped tightly around his neck. The force of him made Remus stumble back against the counter as he hugged Sirius back, arms kept higher up rather than near his waist, and both he and Sirius giggled slightly as they scrambled to regain their footing. <br/><br/>“Thanks for letting me ramble tonight. I’m sorry again. I know that tonight’s not been as relaxed as either of us wanted it to be.” <br/><br/>“Stop apologising, Sirius, it isn’t your fault. It is how it is right now.” Remus said. He pulled back from Sirius and summoned the gifts he’d gotten for Sirius’ birthday and Christmas. “Don’t forget these.” <br/><br/>Sirius beamed and took them, casting a glance down at Remus’ feet as he backed away to James and Peter. <br/><br/>"I'll take plenty of pictures of Muggle London in winter for you, you'll love it!" Sirius said. "Enjoy your socks, Rem.” He chuckled, and Remus smiled down at his feet, then at Sirius. <br/><br/>“I already am. I’m looking forward to seeing what they look like as the seasons change.” He said. “Have a good Christmas, Sirius. See you in the new term.” Sirius, James and Peter said their goodbyes and left, leaving Remus alone once again. <br/><br/>~<br/><br/>Sirius yawned as he boarded the train. In the end, he’d made the right decision. Although he would never give James the satisfaction of being right, his mother did do the most amazing turkey he’d ever had in his life. And even though he’d missed Hogwarts at Christmastime and missed his frequent meetups with Remus, he’d enjoyed the holidays.</p><p>The thickness of London crowds during this season always made Sirius happy. He complained about living in the capital a lot, but he wouldn’t change it for the world. He and James had gone wandering through Central London, checking out shops down the Strand and forcing their way through the throngs of people doing their last-minute present shopping along the streets shooting off from Seven Dials.<br/><br/>Remus’ Christmas present to him had been something simple. Well, it had been several simple small things in one package. He’d found some new aviators to replace the ones that Sirius had lost in Rome, as well as a Muggle band t-shirt. He had also introduced Sirius to Queen in the weeks and months that they’d been spending their evenings together, and Sirius had loved the whole discography that he’d listened to so far. Finally, Remus had gotten him a small Muggle stereo with cassette tapes from various artists, ranging from Queen to Jackson 5. <br/><br/>When James, Peter and Sirius had settled in their usual compartment on the Hogwarts Express, their planning for their next prank began.<br/><br/>"Sirius and I are still enchanting the suits of armour, right?” Peter asked. <br/><br/>“Yep, I’ll release the toads near the Great Hall. After the toads have been released, it’s your job to guide the suits of armour into one of the main corridors. You should have plenty of time. That'll be a piece of piss, lads. By far one of our easiest pranks so far.” James said. <br/><br/>James and Sirius had resolved everything over the holidays, getting everything off their chests the moment they were back at the Potters’. <br/><br/><em>“I know it’s a lot, Prongs. But you’re just going to have to trust me until you can learn to trust Remus. He’s genuine. He … he loves me. He said so himself.”<br/></em><br/><em>“When?”<br/></em><br/><em>“Just before you and Peter arrived at his office last night. He said he didn’t want it to slip out at the wrong time and he didn’t want me to feel pressured to say it back, but he didn’t want me to think that the things you said were true.”<br/></em><br/><em>“What did you say to him?”<br/></em><br/><em>“I told him I loved him too, you fucking pillock! Of course, I did! What was I going to do, lie?” <br/></em><br/><em>“Well, if you’re sure, Sirius, then … I trust you.” </em><br/><br/>Those three words had been all Sirius needed to hear to forgive James completely. ‘I trust you’ meant more to him than almost anything in the world.</p><p>The sound of the compartment door opening sounded and James, Sirius and Peter looked to the door to see Rololphus Lestrange and Regulus Black, Sirius’ brother, standing there. <br/><br/>“What do you want?” James asked. <br/><br/>“What, Regulus can’t come and see his big brother?” Lestrange asked innocently. <br/><br/>“He hasn’t wanted to see me since the new year started. He made that very clear when he started avoiding me and ignoring my attempts to talk to him.” Sirius said. <br/><br/>“I can’t change my mind?” Regulus said. <br/><br/>“Get to the point, Reg. What are you here for?” Sirius said. <br/><br/>He could see through Regulus’ act with ease. He would’ve recognised it anywhere. The way he leaned against the doorframe, how he folded his arms and smirked, quirking his eyebrow and trying to come across and cocky and confident. Sirius was the pioneer of that act. It was his way of establishing his place as an infuriatingly arrogant, but oddly charming person. <br/><br/>Despite popular opinion, Sirius was aware that he came across as self-centred and conceited. And he was, to an extent. He had an expensive taste and was used to a privileged upbringing that most people could only dream of. Sirius was able to afford some of the best clothes and items in the world, even after being disowned by his parents over the summer. He’d saved up enough of his own money from birthdays that he was still able to live comfortably. He wasn’t as rich as his parents, not by any means, but he was okay. <br/><br/>He wasn’t deliberately this way, but sometimes it played to his advantage. The charm and the wit had helped to shroud him in mystery and give him a relatively easy ride. It had offered him something to hide behind when he realized his attraction to men. To have Regulus acting this way, to see him matching Sirius’ habits, made Sirius realize just how alike they were. They were two sides of the same coin, one of them breaking free from their parents’ clutches, the other forced to remain. <br/><br/>“I’m here because of a rumour,” Regulus said. <br/><br/>“What rumour?”<br/><br/>“That you’re queer.” Lestrange said.</p><p>There was a deadly kind of smirk on his face, dangerous and sly. Sirius knew that he had to tread very carefully from this point forward. Too much cockiness and he’d give himself away. Too much nonchalance, the same outcome. <br/><br/>“Where have you got that from?” Sirius asked. <br/><br/>“Just people.” Regulus shrugged. <br/><br/>“Honestly, I thought you were better than that, Reg. The number of rumours that have gone round about our family over the years, we’re really in no place to start partaking in the spreading of gossip.” Sirius said, turning so that his legs were resting on the compartment seat, one drawn up and the other flat, with an arm resting on his bent one. <br/><br/>This was casual enough to be seen as unfazed by the news. He could keep this up, he could hide it all, pretend he was okay, pretend nothing was wrong.</p><p>Sirius was very worried what people thought of him. His public image was something that was both in and out of his control. He had to be careful of how he portrayed himself so that people would think the right things. He wanted people to think he was charming and nice, not like his family, but also a hotheaded Gryffindor that was brave and chivalrous. But he couldn't control people, and the idea that there were some people that he rubbed up the wrong way and who disliked him had been a hard pill to swallow, but something Sirius had come to accept with time. </p><p>"Are you bent?" Regulus asked. </p><p>"Not in the slightest." Sirius shrugged, the lie rolling off his tongue. "If I was, don't you think I would've been flaunting it by now? The scandal that it would cause! I almost wish I was, just so I could be the talk of the school for something new!" </p><p>"Don't you two have something better to do than come to gossip like girls after a few drinks? Or do you just like to stir up shit and then run away from fights because you're too embarrassed that you'd get your arses kicked?" James asked. </p><p>"Don't get touchy, Potter, or you'll see what happens when you piss off one too many Slytherins," Lestrange snarled.</p><p>"What, you'll get your crew to stand behind you and preen while you throw weak spells at me? I'm pretty sure I could take on any seventh year Slytherin with one hand behind my back. You're all weak and cowardly and pathetic." James spat. </p><p>A crackling noise erupted from Peter's wand and both Lestrange and Regulus yelped as Peter sent Pinching Charms in their direction, surprising them in multiple different places at once. Peter was lethal with Pinching Charms and had worked hard to cast them so strongly that it could often be used on more than one person in quick succession. </p><p>"Nice seeing you, lads! Don't let the door hit you on the way out!" Sirius said, aiding Pete with pinching as the two Slytherins glared in their direction, hissing with pain and swatting at invisible fingers for a few more seconds before deciding it wasn't worth it, leaving for their compartment. </p><p>~</p><p>
  <em>Where's Remus? Why is he not at the staff table? Is he sick? </em>
</p><p>A million thoughts and worries and fears were racing through Sirius' head as he scanned the room, going through each of the Professors slowly as they sat down and began their dinner, making sure that he hadn't accidentally skipped over Remus' face in the hustle and bustle. But no. He was definitely, definitively <em>not there</em>. Sirius' eyes drifted across the staff table one last time. </p><p>
  <em>There. That's his seat, next to Haywood. It's empty.</em>
</p><p>"What are you looking at, Black?" Came Lily's voice. She'd slipped onto the bench beside James, across from Sirius and Peter. </p><p>"Just wondering where Professor Lupin was. His empty chair next to Haywood is very obvious." Sirius said absently, tucking into his dinner. </p><p>"He's probably just got the flu," Peter said. </p><p>
  <em>Do you remember when I told you about that wolf that attacked me as a child? I was on a lot of medication to combat the infections that I was susceptible to while I was recovering in the aftermath of the attack. My immune system never fully recovered. I get very sickly very easily. Madame Pomfrey visits at least once a week just to check in on me. You should go before I pass it on to you. </em>
</p><p>Sirius let his mind wander as he thought about any other illnesses that Remus had shown. There had been times where he'd seemed tired and snappy ... worn out and pale, like he was recovering from an illness.</p><p>There'd be rumours of irritability for a day or two before he'd show up to lessons looking like he'd been dragged through hell and back overnight. It was a regular occurrence for there to be times where no one wanted to cross him for three or four days out of the month, always accompanied by this strange air of sickness. It was unusual for someone who was so calm and kind most of the time.</p><p>When Remus had been sick just a few months previously, he had been concerned with passing the illness onto Sirius, had demanded that Sirius leave before dinner, had said that Madame Pomfrey checked in on him regularly. </p><p>
  <em>And all of this because Remus was attacked in the woods by a wolf. </em>
</p><p>And then Sirius remembered the bite he'd seen on the skin just below Remus' collarbone in Rome, distorted and thick, made by something large and powerful and strong. It was like the wolf had held on for dear life even though Remus had <em>surely</em> been flailing and screaming, trying to get loose. Almost like it wasn't a regular wolf; like it was one that walked on its hind legs and looked human every night and day except <em>one</em>. </p><p>
  <em>The full moon. </em>
</p><p>The last full moon had been the previous night. Sirius had been watching it in fascination from James’ bedroom window, as he often did whenever he realised what time of the month it was. He found the full moon beautiful and had never understood what had drawn him so much to it. </p><p><em>I have to find Remus</em>. </p><p>Sirius climbed out of his seat, struggling to untangle himself amongst all the rabble. </p><p>"Where are <em>you</em> going?" James asked through a mouthful of food. </p><p>"Not hungry!" Sirius said, hurrying out of the Great Hall quickly. He couldn't risk running. Not now. Not when it would draw attention to him. </p><p>This was a revelation that Sirius had never thought he'd come to. Not about Remus. Never Remus, who folded his socks and arranged his ties in colour order. Remus, with his sweet nature and his bookish personality, who would much rather wear jumpers, be pushing his glasses up his nose every few minutes, reading and drinking tea than be anywhere else in the world. </p><p>
  <em>"I need this job. I got lucky to get it. This is my shot at having everything I've ever wanted. A good job, colleagues I like, a place to call home, hot meals every day, a decent salary, good healthcare, stability. All things that I've never had."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Why are you so caught up in unemployment ruts? Does Rome honestly hate young people that much?" </em>
</p><p>
  <em>"It doesn't matter why, Sirius!"</em>
</p><p>How had Sirius missed it?! All those clues, all those times where Remus had been ill. </p><p>Sirius remembered one such time in Rome, where Remus had seemed so much more tired than normal when Sirius had come to visit. </p><p><em>"Why are you so tired? You're not usually like this after a night shift."</em> <em>Sirius asked, curling up on the sofa. </em></p><p>
  <em>"I had to stay later, we had loads of paperwork to do that weren't filled in properly a few weeks ago. I was the unlucky fucker on shift when management realized. I finished two hours later than normal, and by the time I'd gotten back, the birds were singing and I couldn't fall asleep." Remus yawned, dragging his feet over to the sofa and settling opposite Sirius, barely able to keep his eyes open. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Get some sleep then. I'm more than happy to just chill here and read. Or I can go if you'd rather call things off today."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"No, stay," Remus said, smiling tenderly. "I like having you here." </em>
</p><p>"Oh my God." Sirius breathed, stopping in the middle of the corridor just before the moving staircases. "You fucking <em>moron</em>, Black! All this time and you never figured it out. How stupid can you be?!" </p><p>"Sirius?" Sirius whirled around to see Remus standing in the corridor behind him, a small leather bag over one shoulder. </p><p>Lo and behold, he was looking ill. His shoulders were slumped, his posture awful. There were dark circles under his eyes and he looked about ready to collapse. </p><p>"Hiya, Re," Sirius said, using Remus' nickname to try and alleviate the feelings of shock numbing his body, hoping that Remus didn't spot that something was wrong. The smile on his face was genuine. After two weeks away from Remus, Sirius was happy to see him again. "Can we talk? Somewhere private?" </p><p>Remus frowned but nodded. </p><p>"How was your Christmas? Was James' mother's turkey as good as expected?" Remus asked as they walked.</p><p>"Yeah, it was wonderful," Sirius said. "I took some pictures with that camera you got me. And I love all the band merchandise as well. I've listened to the cassettes so much it's a wonder I haven't damaged them yet." </p><p>Remus beamed at that and Sirius almost forgot the reason why there was a pit in his stomach.</p><p>When they reached Remus' office, Sirius didn't sit. Remus was busy lighting the fire when he looked up and frowned, noticing Sirius standing behind the sofa rather than sitting down. He rose. </p><p>"Sirius, what's going on? Are you alright? You're worrying me." He said. </p><p>"I-I just came to a bit of a conclusion at dinner," Sirius said. Remus went pale.</p><p>"You ... you don't think that this, <em>us</em>, is a good idea anymore?" He asked softly, eyes averted. Sirius' heart stopped and he moved closer to Remus to pull him into a hug. </p><p>"Oh my God, no, that's not at it at all. <em>Fuck</em>, Re, <em>no</em>. I love you, nothing's changed that. Do <em>you</em> think that?" </p><p>"No. Well, it <em>is </em>a bad idea while we're both still here in the castle, but not because of you, its the whole teacher-student thing, it makes me nervous. But no, I love you too, everything's fine." Remus pulled back, both of their arms still around each other. "What was this conclusion then?"</p><p>"I saw your chair at dinner empty, and I was sad to not see you. Evans asked what was wrong and I mentioned that I thought it was weird that you weren't there. Peter suggested you had the flu. It just got me thinking about what you said the other month when you were sick; that you have a weak immune system and Madame Pomfrey has to check in on you regularly. Then I-I don't know, things just started stringing together in my head-"</p><p>Remus pulled back properly and took a few steps back, his face devoid of any emotion so suddenly. </p><p>"Sirius, what are you saying?"</p><p>"I'm saying that I should've pieced it together sooner. You said you got sickly because of the medication you took to combat infections after you were attacked as a child. It wasn't a regular wolf, was it?" Sirius asked. </p><p>"Choose your next words wisely, Sirius."</p><p>"You're a werewolf, aren't you? That's why you're so sickly so often, why you have such shit job prospects. You got bitten by a werewolf as a child." </p><p>There was silence. Sirius could feel every beat of his heart pounding hard against his ribcage. </p><p>"I want you to get out," Remus said eventually. That wasn't the answer Sirius had expected to hear and he tried to reach out for Remus, but the man backed away. </p><p>"Remus-"</p><p>"<em>I said get out</em>!" Remus yelled. </p><p>Sirius hesitated for only a second longer before he backed out and left. He made it only a few steps before he leant against a wall and slid down to the ground in shock.</p><p>Remus had never yelled at him like that before. He had never yelled <em>at all</em>. </p><p>Had Sirius gotten it wrong? Had he upset Remus by insinuating he was something that he wasn't? Sirius had no idea what he'd done wrong. </p><p>~</p><p>Remus paced in panic. He hadn't meant to snap at Sirius, not at all. But he'd strung it together, had discovered the back entrance into Remus' most heavily guarded secret without Remus even knowing. It had been a rough full moon last night. He was so much more ill than usual. His leg was beginning to ache again, his arms stinging and rubbing against the fabric of his jumper in a way that just aggravated the cuts there even more. </p><p>His head felt like it was full of ants. All he wanted to do was get an early night, maybe have some toast before he settled, and then sleep off his exhaustion and his injuries so that he wasn't feeling so rough tomorrow.</p><p>But <em>Sirius </em>... he'd figured it out by accident, and the very thought made Remus terrified that someone else had as well. Would Sirius expose him? Would he confide in his friends? Would <em>they</em> tell everyone? </p><p><em>Merlin's ruddy beard, I'm screwed.</em> Remus thought. </p><p>"Okay. Okay, think, Remus, <em>think</em>." He muttered aloud.</p><p>He stormed into his room, pulled out his trunk and began to shove things into it, clothes and books and the few possessions he'd brought with him to help him feel at home. He had to leave before the decision was made for him. </p><p>Just as he'd finished packing and then gone to the door, trunk in hand, he was greeted by Professor McGonnagall stood in front of him, fist raised and ready to knock. </p><p>"Remus, I was just coming to let you know-"</p><p>"I'm sorry, Minerva, but I don't have the time right now." Remus interrupted. </p><p>"Whyever not?! Where are you going with your trunk?"</p><p>"I'm leaving, I'm going to tell Albus that I'm resigning." </p><p>"Resigning?! Why?!" McGonnagall exclaimed. "You're adored by the students, you've made such an impact!" </p><p>"It's Sirius. He - he figured out about my furry little problem." Remus said quietly. </p><p>"How?" McGonnagall whispered, face stern, but worried. "Right, back inside, tell me everything." She ushered him back into his quarters and closed the door.</p><p>"I-I don't know. He said that he'd been thinking about weird it was that I wasn't at dinner, Peter said I might have the flu, but Sirius started thinking more and more and he stumbled across it." Remus rambled. </p><p>"Is that why he left the Great Hall so quickly? He barely even touched his dinner." </p><p>"I suppose so, we saw each other in the corridor by the moving staircases and he asked if we could talk, so we came back here and he told me that he'd come to the conclusion."</p><p>"That boy is smarter than anyone gives him credit for." McGonagall sighed. "Remus, you know he won't tell anyone. He isn't like his family. You're his favourite teacher. Anything can see that he's quite fond of you." </p><p>"It doesn't matter how fond any of the students are of me, Minerva!" Remus hissed, the fear and panic in his chest lacing his voice. </p><p>"Remus, I urge you to think about this. Sirius wouldn't tell anyone. Not even his friends, if you asked. What did you say to him when he was here?" </p><p>"I told him to get out. I was scared, I didn't know what else to do." Remus told her. </p><p>"It might've been wiser to handle it differently than that," McGonnagall said. She looked to be deep in thought for a few moments before she finally spoke again. "I came here to tell you that Dumbledore has another mission for you. I think it would be good if you took this as an opportunity to clear your head for a few days." </p><p>"Where does he want me to go?" </p><p>"Wales. Newport, to be specific. " </p><p>Remus sighed. He hadn't been to Wales since he was a child. He remembered very little of it. He and his parents had lived in Port Talbot up until he'd been bitten, and then they'd moved further inland and out into the countryside, away from all the populated roads and civilians. He'd always wanted to go back to Wales one day. Maybe not to the family home in the countryside, where the ghosts of full moons past would likely be haunting the space.</p><p>He would go back to Port Talbot if he could, the memories of a childhood long since lost now foggy in his mind. He could remember the smell of the sea and the sight of the steelworks factory looming. There were flashes of his mother's smiling face and a beach, of his father holding up a camera and laughter as he splashed in the sea as a young child. So many memories.</p><p>Remus still thought of the small town just eight miles outside his parents' native Swansea as home, somewhere that would always be dear to his heart.It was somewhere that he yearned to return to, to maybe live one day, where he could grow old with someone in a home of his own. He could have a family. He would travel somewhere secluded only for the full moons before going back to the sea air and the arms of someone who loved him.</p><p><em>And deep down, you want that person to be Sirius. What a fool you are</em>.</p><p>"I'll take the mission," Remus said quietly. "But somehow, I don't know if I can stay when I return." </p><p>"Just think about it, Remus. Do not make any rash decisions and don't overthink it." McGonagall encouraged, placing a hand on his shoulder and giving it a comforting squeeze. </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Chapter 7</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Remus wheezed slightly as he made his way back to his office. His ribs were screaming in pain. He'd narrowly missed breaking four of them when twisting out of the way of a Stunner. It had hit Dawlish instead, who had been down and out in an instant without even a moment to process the oncoming sizzle of magic shooting towards him.</p><p>The Stunner <em>had </em>skimmed past Remus, and the force of twisting away from it had made him lose his balance and sent him sprawling to the ground, landing on the beginning of an incline and rolling down it for about thirty feet before hitting an outcropping of sharp boulders. That’s where the broken ribs were from. <br/><br/>Remus had cast a quick ‘<em>Episkey’ </em>on himself before he’d had to force himself to Apparate back up the hill and join the fight. He had managed to keep his head protected, but his left wrist had been fractured in the fall and there were now harsh purple and blue bruises all over his ribs.</p><p>His ankle had twisted as he fell and he now limped on it slightly as it screamed for him to stop putting pressure on it. Madame Pomfrey would likely not have something to take the bruising down or ease the pain enough. He'd have to just get on with it. He had no classes for the next two days and then he'd be forced to confront Sirius' class of seventh years.</p><p><em>Sirius</em>.</p><p>Remus was up shit creek without a paddle when it came to Sirius. He'd been away for two days, wouldn't be in lessons with the seventh years for another two, and he'd supposedly left Hogwarts with no explanation.</p><p><em>Merlin</em>, what people must think of him with all his disappearances.</p><p>
  <em>What would Sirius think? Would he think I'm avoiding him?</em>
</p><p>Realistically, he knew that he should find a way to talk to Sirius before their lesson, but the idea of navigating the moving staircases right now was a bit too daunting to Remus. He could barely make it up one flight of stairs, let alone multiple flights of enchanted ones. So instead, he struggled his way down to his office, braving the small flight of four steps that led to the staff wing, and sighing in relief when he managed it with minimal pain. <em>Almost there</em>.</p><p>Upon reaching his office, he swung the door open, focusing mainly on getting his shoes off and closing the door behind him, hanging his robes up and leaning against it heavily, his forehead pressed against the cool wood. He was so exhausted. He pushed back from the door and stumbled over to the sofa, grabbing ahold of the blanket thrown across the back and carefully manoeuvring his way onto it, laying down and drawing the blanket over himself.</p><p>~</p><p>Sirius woke suddenly and sat bolt upright, a loud gasp falling from his lips.</p><p>"What's up?" James asked. He was stood in front of the doorway of the bathroom and adjusting his tie, trying to get an opinion on his attire from different distances. The uniforms didn't allow for much freedom, but students did what they could to stand out. James was no exception.</p><p>His carefully styled hair was deliberately made messy, his tie a ridiculously short length and hilariously fat. His shirt was half untucked and unbuttoned at the collar. He looked like he'd woken up five minutes before breakfast started and had spent four of those minutes trying to drag himself out of bed.</p><p>Sirius put the same amount of effort into how he looked as James but came out looking vastly different. His hair was messy in a stylish way, the curls settling nicely around his ears with a slight bit of static to it, making him look like a devilishly handsome madman. His shirt was always untucked completely, and he took it a step further than James by having two buttons undone at the top, just enough to expose his collarbones. His tie was done up just enough to reach under his collars.</p><p>Sirius had fought against the pureblood upbringing that screamed at him about his presentation and looking respectful. He loved any act of rebellion against a lifetime of repression at the hand of his parents.</p><p>"Nothing, I just ... had a weird feeling." He said.</p><p>"What's that supposed to mean?" Peter asked.</p><p>"Is this a Seer thing or ..." James trailed off, suddenly interested. Sirius rolled his eyes. His friends were convinced that he had the Sight. And, to be fair, they weren't exactly <em>wrong</em>, but they weren't exactly <em>right</em>, either.</p><p>Generations ago, there had been a strong Seer in the Black family tree. She'd supposedly passed the gift down and it would resurface every few decades in someone, manifesting differently every time. Sirius' intuition was extremely strong and could tap into cold spots, which was why his friends had assumed he could eventually hone his skills into something more.</p><p>
  <em>"Evans, can we talk?" Sirius asked quietly. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>"What do you want, Black?" Lily snapped. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>They were in the process of packing up at the end of a Potions lesson and Sirius had felt something off about Lily all day. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>It wasn't until the last half an hour that it had become obvious. Someone in her family had died last night after dinner. Lily had been pulled to one side once the school had gotten the letter at around half eight, and Lily had been grieving ever since. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>It had been someone she was close to, a cousin who'd died tragically, taken from this life too early. The classroom was slowly emptying and Sirius had waved James and Peter ahead so that he could offer his condolences to Lily. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Are you okay?" He asked. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>"What do you mean?! Of course, I'm alright!" Lily said. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>"I just wanted to say that I'm sorry about your cousin. Rose, right? She was in a car accident on her way back from university to visit her parents for the summer." Sirius knew vaguely that a university was a Muggle school, but he knew very little about it. "My Uncle Alphard died over the summer as well. He sent </em>
  <em>me letters even though he'd been disowned and we're not technically allowed to have contact with him. I miss him a lot. What I'm trying to say is that I understand what you're going through." </em>
</p><p>
  <em>"How did you know about Rose? I haven't told anyone. Not even James." Lily said. Sirius shrugged. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>"I have a smattering of Seer's blood in my family. It's mainly a bunch of superstitial nonsense, but my gut was telling me something wasn't right. I couldn't quite put my finger on what had happened until about halfway through the lesson." Sirius told her. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Lily smiled then. "Thanks, Sirius. I appreciate that." </em>
</p><p>"I'm not a Seer, for a start. I'm not a nutter, I don't read tea leaves, or stare into crystal balls and try to predict some vague ass future event." Sirius said.</p><p>"So what was this weird feeling then? Your intuition?" James asked, smirking. He knew how much it wound Sirius up to insinuate that his intuitive nature was anything other than good luck and observation.</p><p>"Yeah, it was weird. It was the vaguest thing ever. Just ... something <em>wrong</em>. But I have no idea what."</p><p>"You never have any idea what, Sirius. Someone's family member or their pet Kneazle just died or something." Peter dismissed, tying the laces on his shoes.</p><p>"What's got <em>your </em>knickers in a twist, Petey? You're usually the one trying to help me figure out what's wrong." Sirius asked as he got up and started getting dressed.</p><p>"Nothing, I'm just knackered, that's all. I had a shit night sleep." Peter said.</p><p>"Whoa, Pete! Since when did <em>you </em>start saying 'shit'?!" James laughed. "You've barely ever said anything other than 'fuck'. Well done, mate, you're finally out of the Dark Ages. The rest of us left it about five years ago."</p><p>"Bugger off, James!" Peter snapped, throwing a pillow at James' head. James ducked, mouth agape. There was a stunned silence before Sirius started laughing.</p><p>"He really put you in your place, Jamie!" He cackled. "Nicely done, Pete, you almost got him. Keep practising, you might hit him by the end of the year." Peter seemed to relax then, chuckling slightly as James ruffled his hair with a smirk and the three continued getting ready.</p><p>"So what do you think it is, then? This weird feeling?" James asked.</p><p>"I can't tell. Sometimes it takes a while to become clearer. It feels worse than what happened with Evans' cousin; like there's something that's <em>going </em>to happen." Sirius said.</p><p>"So something is coming? Is it dangerous?" Peter asked.</p><p>"I don't know. I think so." Sirius said worriedly, chewing on his lip. "I'm going to check Remus' office again. It might be something to do with him."</p><p>"You've been checking on him every morning for the last two days and you haven't had any of your late-night extra lessons. Did something happen with him?" James asked.</p><p>"We had a bit of an argument the day we got back from the holidays and now he's disappeared. No one's seen him since and I'm really worried that something's happened to him." Sirius rambled. "I just need to check to make sure he's alright."</p><p>"Can't it wait until tonight? We're supposed to be playing that prank after dinner and I don't want you in a sulky mood if he's not in his office." James said.</p><p>"James-"</p><p>"<em>Please</em>, Sirius?"</p><p>Sirius sighed. "Alright, <em>fine</em>. I'll wait."</p><p>~</p><p>Remus struggled to get off the sofa the next morning. The pain was much the same as it had been before he'd fallen asleep and he didn't want to be doing anything today. But he desperately needed breakfast and he couldn't cook much in his kitchenette other than soup.</p><p>So he had a brief shower, changed into some clean clothes and slowly made his way to the Great Hall. His ankle wasn't hurting nearly as much as it had been the day before, so at least he could walk without too much of a limp. Upon entering the Hall, he kept his head down and avoided the Gryffindor table, going past the Slytherins instead. Some of the older ones smirked and whispered to each other as he walked by.</p><p>Remus was well aware that some of the older Slytherins had connections to the Death Eaters through their families. He'd fought many of their family members over the last few months. He knew that many of them would likely know he was involved with the Order. The sight of him looking so tired, disappearing for a few days and being so obviously hurt would confirm to them that there had been a fight recently, and Remus had not come out of it looking so pretty.</p><p>"Morning, Remus." McGonnagall greeted, taking up a seat beside Remus' usual place at the staff table. "How did the venture to Newport go?"</p><p>"We were led on a bit of a wild goose chase out into the sticks somewhere. Dawlish isn't looking so good. Dolohov got to him. He's had to go to St Mungo's, he hit his head pretty hard and got a concussion." Remus told her, slowly and carefully sliding his way into his seat and wincing visibly in pain as he did so. McGonnagall steadied him and he gave her an appreciative smile.</p><p>"What about you? You're looking a little worse for wear."</p><p>"Thank you, Minerva." Remus chuckled. He tensed and gritted his teeth when the movement created a stabbing sensation in his ribs and McGonnagall fixed him with a disapproving look.</p><p>"You know what I mean. Albus wasn't too fond of sending you out after a full moon, but the numbers were needed and you're one of our strongest duellers."</p><p>"I know. I'm still recovering. It's nothing I can't bear, though. One doesn't spend the last fifteen years of their life turning into a beast every month without having some harrowing injuries to match."</p><p>McGonnagall gave him a disapproving look as he murmured the last part of his sentence, trying to make his lips virtually unreadable to anyone who might be watching.</p><p>She could tell that he was being more bitter than humorous about his condition, and Remus knew that she wished he wouldn't reduce himself to something he couldn't control. It was second nature at this point, and he only felt slightly guilty about it.</p><p>"I heard that you only narrowly missed Dolohov's Stunner."</p><p>"The one that hit Dawlish was meant for me. Quick reflexes are both a blessing and a curse." Remus said.</p><p>"Ridiculous, Remus. Dawlish will be fine in a few days. If anything, it'll probably do him a world of good. Merlin knows he needs some sense knocking into him." Remus grinned at that. He began to pick out some toast and a glass of apple juice for his breakfast, leaning back against his chair. "Speaking of people that need some sense knocking into them, have you thought any more about our conversation the other day?"</p><p>Remus took a deep breath, took a sip of his drink and a bite out of his toast. He'd had a long, hard think about it. It was the <em>only </em>thing he could think about. He didn't want to leave Hogwarts.</p><p>There was no way that he could teach at Beauxbatons, or even at Durmstrang. He certainly would not be able to teach at Ilvermony, the wizarding school in America.</p><p>The Americans had the strictest werewolf laws in the world, so strict that Remus had dashed the dreams of going to visit New York a long time ago. Now, he was too scared of being discovered. He wasn't even on the English Registry. That would be considered as lying and treachery in America if he was found out.</p><p>He would be punished harshly by their Ministry before being sent home, and then punished again by his own country. Border Control would be difficult, and he'd heard rumours of them doing regular werewolf checks, sticking silver against suspected lycanthropes faces and necks when they were distracted to burn them and out them.</p><p>No, Remus would never be able to go to America.</p><p>Beauxbatons had been welcoming to him, and he'd 'met' some Durmstrang exchange students during his seventh year; if getting off with some of them in empty classrooms counted as 'meeting' someone. But he knew that England was the place to be if he wanted to teach as a werewolf.</p><p>He hadn't any relevant qualifications from a Muggle school, which would make applying for a Muggle teaching degree hard, so he was limited only to Hogwarts. Teaching had been the only thing he'd wanted to be for as long as he could remember, and he couldn't afford to take a few years off and come back to it when he'd already started and the position would be filled when he was gone.</p><p>He couldn't afford to lose this opportunity. It would be a slap in the face to Dumbledore and would be for incredibly cowardly reasons. He would be running away from his problems rather than facing them. McGonnagall had said herself that Sirius was not like his family, and Remus knew that. He had seen it first hand.</p><p>"Minerva-"</p><p>"He won't breathe a word," McGonnagall said softly. "You should see how worried he's been. I've spotted him pacing outside your office these past two nights, waiting for you to return and pounding on your door."</p><p>"I shouldn't have been so harsh, I know." Remus sighed.</p><p>He looked out towards the crowd of students funnelling into the Hall, grabbing spare seats where they could find them and chatting quietly amongst themselves over breakfast. His eyes landed on a familiar mop of messy black curls entering the room, bracketed by Peter and James, all three of them chatting about something.</p><p>Whatever it was, it didn't look funny or uplifting, as conversations regarding the three of them usually were. It looked solemn, serious, almost worrying.</p><p>"You care for him a great deal, don't you?" McGonnagall asked softly.</p><p>"I care about all of my students."</p><p>"You know what I mean, Remus," McGonnagall said. "He was the one you met in Rome last summer, wasn't he?" Remus' head snapped to hers.</p><p>"Minerva-"</p><p>"I'm not judging." McGonnagall held her hands up in surrender. "Sirius was of age, as were you, and nothing occurred within the confines of the castle, so there's nothing for me to be concerned of. I trust that you've not taken things any further while teaching here."</p><p>"I haven't. Neither of us has." Remus lied. His heart was hammering in his chest, threatening to break through the confines of its cage. "How did you figure it out?"</p><p>"You've both seemed different since having these extra lessons; like you've improved each other. He was missing someone to calm him, and you were looking for someone to bring you out of your shell, someone to make you believe that you were capable of great things. You balance one another out. And then I remembered how he'd improved after your 'discussion' that you mentioned in that staff meeting a few months ago. And then there was the secrecy around those polaroids in your room."</p><p>Remus felt a patch of his pocket warm and he brought out the infamous polaroid that he kept in his robes. He hid it somewhere safe whenever he knew the house-elves came to collect his clothes and bedding to be washed, not wanting it to be damaged or seen.</p><p>He looked down at the image and writing began to appear along the bottom. The paper began to smoke slightly and he wafted it away, squinting and seeing the words, <em>'Need to talk. 6 pm, your office - S</em><em>' </em>appear. His eyes flicked up to the Gryffindor table. Sirius caught his eye briefly and then looked away.</p><p>"Sirius Black never chases anyone. The fact that he's so dedicated to making things right with you proves how special you are to him. Anyone who knows where to look can see he cares, but it takes a keen eye to see just how much. His eyes give everything away." McGonnagall said.</p><p>She glanced at the polaroid and Remus tucked it away again, knowing that it must be strange for her to see such a picture of someone that she taught.</p><p>"Trust me, I know. I learnt very early on how to read him like a book. He finds it maddening, and he has no idea how I do it. He can do the same to me, sneak around and break down every defence I have. It's very unnerving, which is why I was so harsh with him. No one else has managed to do that before." Remus said. McGonnagall smiled.</p><p>"As long as nothing happens while in the confines of the castle, you have my complete support in pursuing each other when the year is over." She said.</p><p>Remus felt lightheaded as he nodded. In his head, he focused on putting up a barrier around his memories taller than the castle grounds and thicker than the walls of Azkaban prison.</p><p>If anyone were to find out what lurked in his thoughts, the way Sirius' lips felt and the imagining that Remus had done about what it would be like to finally have Sirius in his bed again, then he would most certainly be leaving Hogwarts. "You'll stay, though? You won't hand in your resignation?"</p><p>Remus shook his head. "No. I'm not handing in my resignation."</p><p>~</p><p>"You've got some explaining to do," Sirius said angrily, storming into Remus' office dramatically, closing the door behind him and putting up a Silencing Charm.</p><p>"I know," Remus said, standing from the sofa with some difficulty.</p><p>"Where have you been for the last few days?! Do you have any idea how <em>worried</em> I've been?!" Sirius exclaimed.</p><p>"I had some business to attend to outside of the castle," Remus told him.</p><p>"What business?" Sirius said.</p><p>"Dumbledore needed some help with something, I had to go to Newport."</p><p>"Newport?! That's so far away! What did he need you to go there for?"</p><p>"It doesn't matter, Sirius, it was an errand he needed running. He couldn't go himself and a lot of the other staff were busy, they had classes to attend to that no one could cover. Haywood covered my lessons for me." Remus dismissed. "I assumed you were here because of our little ... <em>tiff</em> the other day, not to question where I've been."</p><p>"Yeah, I am," Sirius said. "First of all, I'm pissed off that you yelled at me like that. You've <em>never</em> yelled at me before. Do you have any idea how hurtful the things you said to me were?!"</p><p>"I'm sorry. I should've reacted better than I did. I was so scared and I lashed out at you when I shouldn't have done. That's not an excuse, I know, but I just ... I feel terrible. I'm truly very sorry."</p><p>"Secondly, you never answered my question." Sirius was looking a little calmer now. He almost seemed nervous to hear the answer, several days' worth of worry and tension manifesting at this moment where he was now certain he would get the truth.</p><p>"I want to assure you that I'm still the same Remus. The one that you said you loved. This ... this changes nothing. It's just one night a month. I keep myself locked up and holed away so that I don't hurt anyone. That's where all my scars are from. He gets pissy that I don't let him roam free so he punishes me by tearing us both to shreds every month."</p><p>"I'll take that as a yes, then," Sirius said.</p><p>"Yes." Remus breathed. "I'm a werewolf."</p><p>He swallowed hard and he knew that he was trembling slightly from fear, from anxiety. This was the moment of truth, where Remus' heart was left in Sirius' hands and was now his to choose what to do with.</p><p>Sirius would either break it or nurture it with his next words. Would he let Remus down as so many others had before? Remus had never gotten to the point of telling others about his condition, he'd always used the same excuse of them being marks from the wolf that had attacked him as a child rather than the wolf under his skin, and he always got the same words eventually.</p><p>
  <em>"You're just too damaged. You're too sickly. You're too poor. You're too shabby. We just aren't compatible. We had fun, but I'm not like that ... not like you. This was just an experiment, a bit a roll around for stress relief. It didn't mean anything. We can still be friends. We can still pretend like this never happened." </em>
</p><p>Remus was so bruised and battered from the words by this point and didn't know if he would ever recover if he heard them from Sirius. He'd never loved anyone before, not like Sirius. He'd had four very short term boyfriends in the time since leaving Beauxbatons that he'd grieved for, but they'd never hold this power over him, they'd never have the magnetic pull to them that Sirius had.</p><p>"Why didn't you tell me?" Sirius asked softly. "Didn't you trust me?"</p><p>"It's not that. I've been taught to avoid getting too close to people lest they find out. It's a way to protect myself. People don't like my kind. We're treated as subhuman, inferior. I was so scared you'd feel like that for me. I didn't want you to run away, to see the fear in your eyes when you realized I was a monster. It would break me to see you ever look at me like that."</p><p>"So what? You were just going to keep it from me forever?"</p><p>"Not forever. I wanted us to have a shot at this first before I threw a spanner in the works. I want us to work, Sirius."</p><p>Remus knew there was so much love and pleading in his eyes, hoping that Sirius could see the desperation and hope, would know that Remus wanted him to understand his intentions. Sirius stepped closer and looked up at Remus, his eyes searching for something in the older man's expression. There was a slight frown and he gently cupped Remus' cheek. Remus leant into the gesture.</p><p>Eventually, after a few torturous seconds, Sirius took a deep breath and spoke. "I want us to work too. It doesn't matter to me, Remus. I just hate that you felt like you couldn't talk to me. I know you would never hurt a fly." Sirius said. He gave Remus a teasing look as he continued. "After all, how could you? You fold your socks."</p><p>"You looked through my sock drawer?" Remus asked.</p><p>"<em>That's </em>what you take away from that?! You're unbelievable." Sirius laughed. He twined his arms around Remus' neck. "I love you. Nothing can change that."</p><p>Remus smiled and leant his forehead against Sirius'."You have no idea how glad I am to hear that. I love you too, Sirius."</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Chapter 8</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"So come on then, are you making me a cup of tea or what?" Sirius said. Remus pulled away and looked at him in disbelief. </p><p>"Someone's very demanding this evening." He said. </p><p>"I'm usually two cuppas deep by this point! Tut tut, Remus, you're slacking, you know how much I need tea to function throughout the day." </p><p>"Come on, don't lie, Sirius. You practically thrive on coffee." Remus laughed, removing himself from Sirius' embrace and going over to the kitchenette. </p><p>"Yeah, but I'd rather not feel like I have anxiety on steroids when I'm with you. Coffee in the evenings tends to make me a bit weird. And you make the best cups of tea in the world." Sirius said. Remus just smiled. </p><p>"I don't know about that, you make a pretty good herbal one." He said over his shoulder.</p><p>"I should hope so. I made enough of them for you in Rome." </p><p>"You should try them for yourself sometime. They're quite nice." </p><p>"I think I'll stick to my regular milky teas with two sugars, thank you very much. I'm a creature of habit." Sirius said. </p><p>"Don't I just know it?" Remus teased. </p><p>When the teas were done, Remus handed Sirius a mug and braced himself to settle on the sofa. He managed it without hissing in pain and only a slight wince that he hoped wouldn't open up a slew of questions. Sirius was a curious and inquisitive person, and often nosey by mistake. He didn't mean to be, he often didn't even realize that he was overstepping a boundary. In his eyes, he was making sure that the people he cared about were safe. </p><p>"Are you alright, Remus? You look a little stiff." Sirius asked. </p><p>"Hmm? Oh, yes, I'm fine. I fell asleep on the sofa last night when I came back from the errand Albus asked of me. I think I must've slept funny." Remus replied.</p><p>"I could give you a massage if you wanted?" Sirius suggested, quirking his eyebrows suggestively.</p><p>"I don't think that's either necessary or appropriate, Sirius," Remus said, blushing slightly.</p><p>Sirius smirked and shrugged. "I know. I just wanted to see you blush." He said. "I like seeing you flustered."</p><p>Remus spluttered and shook his head, finding it unbelievable how Sirius could be so forward and flirty. They were in the privacy of Remus' quarters, no one would be able to see them or hear them, but the nerves and the panic were still there.</p><p>There was still a likelihood of someone coming to visit Remus and finding Sirius here. There would be questions about why things were so informal, and there would be so much suspicion that it almost made Remus' head spin from the anxiety that it gave him.</p><p>What would McGonnagall say if she saw how casually they were sat, how relaxed they were in each other's company and how comfortable they were to just exist in each others' space? Would she still be so calm? Would she still be as supportive of Remus 'tutoring' Sirius in the evenings? Would she deem it best to keep Sirius away from him outside of lesson time? </p><p>Sirius was stubborn and would find other ways to see him if that happened, that could be guaranteed upon. And Remus was uneasy about Sirius being tutored by anyone else. He'd been doing so well in his lessons and watching the way Remus marked papers gave him fresh insight on what mistakes to avoid in his work. Who knew what kind of mess Sirius would get into if he was palmed off to some other teacher?</p><p>"Remus!" Remus jolted out of his thoughts at the sound of Sirius calling his name and forced himself to focus on Sirius' face.</p><p>"Sorry! What were you saying?"</p><p>"You're getting yourself worked up again, aren't you?" Sirius asked quietly.</p><p>"What do you mean?"</p><p>"You're dwelling too much on the things you can't control."</p><p>"It's not on the things I can't control, Sirius, I can assure you that," Remus said. "This is very much something I <em>can </em>control."</p><p>"If you're worried about us-"</p><p>"Of course I'm worried about us! There shouldn't even <em>be </em>an us at the moment, you're still my student! This is ten different kinds of wrong and a hundred kinds of illegal."</p><p>"It's not <em>illegal</em>, Remus! I'm eighteen, and you're nineteen. I was seventeen when we slept together, it was completely legal, and we haven't had sex since. We're fine, we've only kissed!"</p><p>"Yes, but I'm in a position of power!"</p><p>"You're a <em>trainee </em>Professor, not an <em>actual </em>Professor."</p><p>"I won't get to <em>be </em>an actual Professor if we get caught!"</p><p>"We <em>won't</em> get caught!"</p><p>"Tell that to Minerva, James and Peter!" Remus exclaimed. Sirius froze and looked at him with concern.</p><p>"McGonngall knows?"</p><p>"Well ... <em>sort of</em>." </p><p>"What do you mean, sort of? It's a yes or no answer, Remus. Is she going to tell Dumbledore that we've snogged a few times or not?"</p><p>"She doesn't know that we've 'snogged' as you so eloquently put it, but she knows that the two of us met and had a bit of a summer romance, of sorts. She clued some things together from the last few months."</p><p>"What did she say? How long have you known that she figured it out?"</p><p>"She only let slip this morning over breakfast. When you managed to scrawl that message on my polaroid, we'd been talking about it. She said she won't judge, since we're both of age and nothing happened within castle grounds, and as long as nothing <em>does </em>happen on castle grounds, she gives her approval once the year is over."</p><p>Sirius breathed a deep sigh of relief. </p><p>"Well. Thank <em>fuck</em> for that." He chuckled. </p><p>"Sirius!" Remus scolded. "There's nothing to be thankful for! Things <em>have </em>happened between us while we've been on castle grounds. I had to lie to Minerva! I had to set up a block around my memories so that she couldn't see anything if she decided to check. I've had to do it with Dumbledore when he came to check for you here before the holidays. I had to create false memories to cover for us!" </p><p>"They're not going to go rooting around your head. They trust you."</p><p>"Well, they shouldn't because I'm lying to their faces every time you come up in conversation!" Remus was panicking and hyperventilating now. </p><p>He was most certainly going to get fired. McGonngall knew that something was going on. Either that or she would eventually. She would discover them both somehow, through whispers or slip-ups, and Remus could only keep up the facade for so long. He couldn't go back to Rome and his shabby apartment that would likely no longer be there if he returned. The tenancy would be filled by someone else and his old job would've replaced him too.</p><p>He could go back to France, to his parents, but he couldn't bear the idea of crawling back to them with his tail tucked between his legs, nothing to show for himself since leaving Beauxbatons. He would prove his father right. His father, who had told him that he was better off just sticking to the odd jobs he could find within close range of their small cottage in rural France instead of having 'delusions of grandeur', where he could somehow have a happy life as a werewolf.</p><p>Remus hadn't even had the chance to visit Port Talbot again, and likely wouldn't get the happy ending he wanted because nothing <em>ever </em>worked out for him. He was destined and doomed to always pull the short straw. </p><p>Suddenly, there was a weight on his lap and a hand was taking the tea from his hands, placing it on the coffee table and then settling on Remus' cheeks. </p><p>"Remus! <em>Remus, look at me</em>!" Remus blinked a few times and his hearing returned to him. Sirius' eyes were the first thing he could focus on, the piercing grey of them still as mesmerising to Remus now as they had been all those months ago when he'd first seen them.</p><p>"I'm alright, Sirius." He managed to croak. </p><p>"You don't seem fine," Sirius said. "I'm sorry I make light of it all the time."</p><p>"It's not that. I want this more than I've ever wanted anything, but there's too much risk at this time. You understand that, don't you?" Remus asked. Sirius' eyes betrayed his disappointment, but he swallowed past it and nodded anyway. "For now, we have to remain friends. We cannot let anyone know we're even that. They have to believe that I'm tutoring you, that I'm making sure your grades are the best they possibly can be at the end of the year." </p><p>Sirius nodded again. "I understand. I just ... I hate waiting when you're right here." </p><p>"I know, Sirius, I hate waiting too. But this is just the way that things are right now." </p><p>Sirius took a deep breath and hesitantly lifted his hand, worried that he would be shot down for whatever he wanted to do.</p><p>But Remus didn't stop him as he brushed his hand gently through the fringe of Remus' hair, gently moving it out of his eyes and smiling at the softness. Remus' hair was naturally a bit wavy, curling when wet and when it grew too long. It was thick and still had the remnants of auburn that the summer had seared into the strands.</p><p>Remus leant into the light touch and smiled. He felt at peace. It had always supposed to be like this. He cursed all the times he hadn't kissed Sirius over the summer. Part of him was glad he hadn't, though. It would've been much harder to say goodbye if they'd had the time to explore this romance.</p><p>He'd been prepared to wait when the end of Sirius' trip came and when he'd written the note for Remus to wake up to. Waiting had always been in the cards, and Remus had had time to get used to being separated from Sirius before he'd arrived at Hogwarts. </p><p>"You should get up before I do something I shouldn't," Remus whispered. Sirius sighed and smiled sadly.</p><p>They both desperately just wanted to give in, say 'fuck it' and have their way with one another. But they were doing well. They'd lasted almost half the school year with only two minor incidents. They could and would cope. Just as long as they could still see one another. </p><p>Sirius tried to manoeuvre so that he could stand up and return to his spot rather than wriggle off Remus, but in the process of moving his left leg from where it was settled by Remus' hip, he lost his balance and nudged it into Remus' rib with just enough force to cause Remus to cry out.</p><p>He tried to twist away, which only made the pain worse. Sirius knelt beside him immediately, concern written into his features. </p><p>"Fuck, what happened?! Are you alright?"</p><p>Remus didn’t answer as he waited for the pain to subside. It had spread like wildfire through his torso and was making it very hard to focus on anything else around him. <br/><br/>It took a few seconds for it to calm into a dull ache and for his eyes to stop watering. He forced a deep breath into his lungs, ignoring the slight stabbing that it provoked in his ribs, and blinked the tears in his eyes away. <br/><br/>“Re, talk to me. What’s wrong?” Sirius asked. The panic that had laced his voice just a few seconds ago was almost all gone, replaced by concern instead. <br/><br/>“It’s nothing.” He dismissed. <br/><br/>“That was <em>not</em> nothing! Is it something to do with the full moon? Did you hurt yourself? Is that why you have bandages around your wrist? Please don’t be stubborn and try to pretend like you’re alright when you’re not.” Sirius said.<br/><br/>Remus forced himself to breathe past the mention of the full moon, almost forgetting for a second that he had told Sirius and that he was fine about it. He hadn’t baulked, he hadn’t been scared. He had just been relieved to know what Remus had been hiding. <br/><br/>“No, it’s not to do with the full moon. Though I appreciate the concern for my health, I promise you that I’m okay.” Remus told him. Sirius just raised an eyebrow.  And then his hands were wrestling with the buttons on the lower half of his shirt and Remus hissed in pain as he tried to fight Sirius off. <br/><br/>“Sirius! This is entirely inappropriate!” He tried to reason. <br/><br/>“This is to do with your health, Remus, not to do with how much I want to be in your bed.” Sirius retorted, and that comment stunned Remus enough.</p><p>He blushed and spluttered in embarrassment, giving Sirius a few more precious seconds to finish unbuttoning some of Remus’ buttons. He pulled the two halves of fabric aside to reveal the harsh bruising stamped around his ribs.</p><p>Remus caught Sirius’ hand as it was reaching out to brush against the marks and knew that his eyes had an enormous level of pleading in them. <br/><br/>“Please, don’t.” He didn’t know what he was asking for Sirius not to do, whether he didn’t want Sirius to tell anyone, to ask about where and how he’d gotten them, or to fuss over him. He just knew that he couldn’t divulge any of it tonight. <br/><br/>He was desperate to keep Sirius away from what he did on the backburner, what he snuck off to do for Dumbledore sometimes. He wanted Sirius to be safe, to not have to worry and be burdened with any more secrecy. <br/><br/>“Did you hurt your wrist when you did this as well?” Sirius asked. Remus nodded stiffly. <br/><br/>“Please don’t ask how. I can’t tell you, it’s not my place.” <br/><br/>“What do you mean, it’s not your place?” Sirius asked, and then Remus could see the anger start to pour out of him. “I thought there were no more secrets, Remus. We dealt with that earlier, what more can there be that you’re hiding from me?” <br/><br/>“I’m trying to keep you safe, Sirius! I’m not allowed to tell you about things going on behind the scenes because I wouldn’t just be risking myself, I’d be risking other people too. But most importantly, I don’t want to burden you. If I told you, you would be forced to keep your mouth shut about it. It would distract from your N.E.W.Ts and it wouldn’t be fair of me to place this pressure on your shoulders.” Remus told him. <br/><br/>“I know that something is going on with the Slytherins. They’ve been more sly and cunning recently. James, Peter, and I almost got caught pranking Filch by Snape and my brother earlier, when they had no way of knowing where we were or what we were planning. This is to do with the pureblood families, isn’t it?”<br/><br/>“I’m not allowed to say.” <br/><br/>“Remus!”<br/><br/>“I’m sorry, but I swore that I wouldn’t tell anyone without Albus’ or Minerva’s explicit permission.” <br/><br/>“So get their permission! McGonnagall will be coming back to her rooms soon, she normally does a quick tour of the main corridors before the Prefects go on the prowl. But we can talk to her-“<br/><br/>“Sirius, I’m not going to try and convince them into letting you risk your life!” <br/><br/>“It’s my life! I’m allowed to do with it what I please, and if I choose to get involved with whatever’s going on, then there’s nothing you can do to stop me. I’ve been told many times that I’m too stubborn and I’m not going to change that now.” <br/><br/>Remus sighed as he saw the determination and fierce desire to be involved in the Order in Sirius’ eyes. <br/><br/>“Was that a sigh of exasperation or a ‘fine, I’ll talk to McGonnagall’ sigh?” Sirius asked, smirking. <br/><br/>“You know what it meant. I’ll speak to Minerva in the morning.” Remus said. Sirius pulled a face. “Don’t give me that look, Sirius, it’s either I speak to her in the morning or I don’t speak to her at all! ” <br/><br/>Sirius pouted and Remus smiled. He wouldn’t be able to give in and do it sooner, and they both knew that.</p><p>Remus would worry too much and would never find the confidence to do it tonight. But Sirius gave a valiant attempt at trying to change his mind, and Remus put up a fight against Sirius’ efforts to get his way. Eventually, Sirius was the one to give in. <br/><br/>“Alright, fine. Tomorrow, it is.” He relented. <br/><br/>~</p><p>“I tried to get him to drop it,” Remus said.<br/> <br/>“He’s more stubborn than anyone I’ve ever met.” McGonnagall sighed. She and Remus were sat in Dumbledore’s office with the headmaster, who was listening quietly. <br/><br/>“How did he know about your bruises?” Dumbledore asked. <br/><br/>“I twisted awkwardly trying to sit comfortably on the sofa in my quarters. It showed on my face that I was in pain and I couldn’t convince Sirius that I wasn’t. He kept pressing, so I relented and showed him.” Remus lied, making sure to keep his mental block around his memories as he spoke. <br/><br/>It was a half-truth, as many of Remus’ stories to Dumbledore about the goings-on with Sirius seemed to be these days. He always made sure to keep some of the truth in his words, both for a more believable story and to lessen the guilt in his heart at lying to someone who had provided him with a stable, long term job in a society that thought of him as subhuman. <br/><br/>“I see.” Dumbledore mused. He leant back in his chair. “Well, I think it may be a good idea to finally introduce the idea to him.”<br/><br/>“What do you mean, ‘finally’ introduce the idea? Surely you weren’t thinking of recruiting him at the end of the year?” Remus asked. McGonnagall and Dumbledore remained silent. “Minerva, come on, you can’t agree with this?! He’s eighteen!” <br/><br/>“He’s of age, he can make his own decisions,” McGonnagall said. <br/><br/>“You know he’ll say yes! He’ll be the youngest member!”<br/><br/>“We were going to ask Miss Evans, Mr Potter and Mr Pettigrew to join as well, so he wouldn’t be the only younger member,” Dumbledore told him. <br/><br/>“That makes it even worse! They’re too naïve, they don’t know what they’ll be getting into.” Remus exclaimed. <br/><br/>“You’re only just under two years older than them, Remus, and you’re not naïve enough to get involved. That is not a huge age gap. It’s not like they’re fifteen or sixteen.”<br/><br/>“It may as well be! I’ve had more time to get experience in the world. I’ve lived in three different countries, one of which I'd never been to before, but lived in on my own for over a year after I left school, I know four different languages, this is not the same! You’re asking students to join what could escalate into a war before they’ve even left school!” <br/><br/>“They’ve been on our list of potential recruits for the last two years. Miss Evans, Mr Black and Mr Potter are incredibly strong duellers, as I’m sure you’re aware. Mr Pettigrew is the usual lookout, and will be very useful for spying, especially if we get him a job in the Ministry. His father works in the Transport Office and his mother is in the Department of Magical Accidents and Catastrophes, so it shouldn’t be too hard to shoehorn him in wherever we need him.” Dumbledore said. <br/><br/>“We’re doing this sooner than we’d like, but it’s necessary,” McGonnagall added. “I understand that you want to protect them all, as is your duty as their teacher, but they won’t be students here for much longer. You can’t protect them forever, Remus.” <br/><br/>Remus just scoffed and shook his head, incapable of believing what he was hearing. They were still students, not commodities or pawns to be used in a game of chess. They were too young. <br/><br/>“Minerva, could I have a moment to talk to Remus privately?” Dumbledore asked. Minerva pursed her lips, clearly uncertain about would warrant the need for privacy, but left regardless. When the door had closed behind her, Dumbledore leant forward, arms folded on his desk. “What is this about, Remus?” <br/><br/>“What do you mean?” <br/><br/>“Minerva told me that you and Sirius became friends over the summer.” Remus’ eyes snapped up to look Dumbledore right in the eye and he deliberately focused his energy into thickening that wall around his memories. <br/><br/>“Yes, we did. Completely by chance. His family were on a business trip to Rome. I was living there at the time. We didn’t even know the other was a wizard until we saw each other here.” <br/><br/>“You’ve made a habit of having a mental block around your memories since before Christmas whenever you talk to me. Minerva said she’s noticed it a few times as well. Why is that?”<br/><br/>“I don’t like having people rooting around my head. I already share my body and soul with a beast, my mind is the only thing that truly belongs to me and me alone.” Remus said. <br/><br/>This was the truth. Even if nothing had happened between him and Sirius that he needed to be ashamed of, the idea that someone could force their way into his head and look through the memories that he held dear to his heart was disturbing and uncomfortable. </p><p>"Remus, has anything happened with you and Sirius Black?" Dumbledore asked. </p><p>"In what way?" </p><p>"You know very well what way I mean." </p><p>"We spent one night together on Sirius' last day in Rome. That is all. Things have been completely professional between us since the beginning of the year." Remus said firmly. Dumbledore looked at him for a few more seconds before nodding. </p><p>"I trust you, Remus." He said, unwrapping one of the sweets on his desk and popping it into his mouth. "It's very clear that Sirius is very fond of you. He feels things very intensely, and I'm glad that you can keep a level head around him. Not many people are immune to his charm."</p><p>Remus forced himself to think of nothing but darkness, knowing that if he didn't focus on keeping his thoughts to himself, Dumbledore would find out just how much Remus indulged Sirius in unprofessional conduct between teachers and students. </p><p>"Of course, Albus." He said instead. </p><p>"Sirius' discovery of the Order will be discussed within the following week. I imagine he'll have a lot of questions that he'll come running to you about, so I suggest you indulge him just this once." Remus nodded. "Have a nice evening, Remus."</p><p>"You too, Albus." Remus took his leave and fought to kept his mind blank as he walked back to his rooms.</p><p>He took a moment to pause when he'd closed his door behind him, cursing this whole godforsaken situation. </p><p>~</p><p>"Oi, Black!" Someone whispered.</p><p>Sirius looked to his right to see Savanna Hatch looking at him intently. Savanna was a Hufflepuff. She had mutual friends with Lily, but Sirius had never had many interactions with her before.</p><p>From what he knew, she mainly kept to herself and the other Hufflepuffs, spending most of her time either by the Black Lake or under the Quidditch Stands, regularly smoking the dodgy joints that they would sometimes offer to Sirius, James and Peter. They obliged on occasion, but the comedown always left Peter in tears over how hungry he was, and the high made James want to go skinny dipping in the middle of the day or try to make a parachute out of his robes and jump off the Astronomy Tower.</p><p>"I'm not paying you for a joint now, Hatch, McGonnagall will tan my hide if she catches us. If you've got one, meet me in the courtyard during lunch, I'll give you five Galleons for it." Sirius whispered. </p><p>"Sorry, I gave my last roll-up to Elenna Greaves about an hour ago. I won't have any more for a few days. My brother sends it via the owls, the teachers think it's medicinal." </p><p>"So what's up?" </p><p>"Julian Drake wanted me to give you this."</p><p>Sirius took a piece of parchment off her and glanced a few rows down to where Julian was sitting. Julian was a dark-haired, tanned Slytherin.</p><p>He was a half-blood, which was rare enough for a Slytherin in of itself, and was almost as well known as Sirius for his looks, and he was currently looking right at Sirius, smirking and winking at him quickly. Sirius turned around and opened the piece of folded up parchment, reading over the words. </p><p>
  <em>Fancy getting to know each other a bit more? Broom cupboard outside the Charms classroom during Potions. Slughorn's off ill, the class is being taken over by one of the ghosts - J</em>
</p><p>Sirius' heart was hammering in his chest. He could hear the blood rushing around his ears and knew that the tips of them had gone red. If they hadn't been covered by his hair, he knew it would've been obvious that he was embarrassed. </p><p><em>Fancy getting to know each other more</em>.</p><p>If Sirius was any good at flirting and innuendos, which he knew he was, he knew it to mean Julian wanted to get off with him. For what reason, he didn't know. He and Julian barely knew each other. He didn't particularly <em>want </em>to have a one-off romp in a broom cupboard with someone he barely knew, and a <em>Slytherin</em> at that.</p><p>Sirius had never gone much further than a few quick fumbles around in the dark with different girls, and then guys once he'd realised he was that way inclined. He'd not gone much further until he'd met Remus. And he didn't want to share that kind of thing with anyone other than Remus, not when they were supposed to be waiting until the summer to be together. He wasn't even attracted to Julian, and he certainly didn't want to lead anyone on.</p><p>So he decided to just stuff the note into his pocket and tried to pay attention to the lesson happening in front of him. </p><p>~</p><p>Sirius was wandering along the corridor towards Remus' office when someone tugged on his wrist and pulled him into a passageway. He fumbled for his wand and cast a wordless <em>Lumos</em>, lighting up the stone passageway brightly. He winced against the light and focused in on the face in front of him. </p><p>"Julian?" He said. </p><p>"Hey Sirius," Julian replied.</p><p>"What's this all about?" </p><p>"You got my note earlier, but you didn't turn up during Potions."</p><p>"Yeah, I thought you got the hint when I didn't reply that I wasn't interested." </p><p>"Why not? You and I are similar, you know. I think we might have a lot more in common than you'd think." Julian said.</p><p>He gently pushed Sirius back into the stone wall behind him by the shoulders and then leant his arms on either side of Sirius' face, boxing Sirius in completely. </p><p>"Somehow, I don't think so." </p><p>"No?"</p><p>"I wouldn't stalk someone and then drag them into a secret passageway for a romp around. And even then, I'm not into blokes." Sirius lied. </p><p>"You're bluffing, Sirius. Anyone with eyes can see that you're bent. I am as well, though no one else knows that. It's all a bit exciting when you've not told anyone, isn't it? I wonder what your friends would think. I wonder what your family would say." </p><p>"Look, I'm not interested, alright?" Sirius said, grabbing one of Julian's arms and pushing it out of his way as he made his way back towards the entrance to the passageway.</p><p>Julian grabbed him by the hips suddenly and pulled him back sharply, so Sirius reacted on instinct, aiming an elbow over his shoulder and relishing in the feeling of it connecting against Julian's nose. Julian cried out and Sirius grinned. </p><p>And then natural light flooded the passageway as the tapestry covering the entrance was pulled back. Sirius extinguished the light coming from his wand and turned to face the entrance, and his mouth dropped. Remus was standing there, looking shocked and lost for words.</p><p>"Come on out, you two. It's late, you should both be in your common rooms at the very least."Sirius responded immediately, grateful for the intrusion, and he gently brushed by Remus, with Julian following close behind. "I don't want to know exactly what was happening in that passageway, nor do I need to know. Do not let it happen again, boys, or next time I will be docking house points. Is that understood?" Remus asked.</p><p>Both Sirius and Julian nodded and Remus gestured that they were dismissed. Julian went one way, while Sirius went the other, and when Sirius dared to stop and look over his shoulder, Remus wasn't standing in the corridor anymore. </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Chapter 9</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Sirius was anxiously biting on his hangnail as he walked with James and Peter to his Defense lesson.</p><p>"What's up with <em>you</em>?" Peter asked him. Sirius frowned and looked to Peter. Peter had been snappy and aggressive for days. Sirius was starting to worry about how much he seemed to be growing unhappy as the year went on. Maybe it was the approaching exams or the impending doom of life after Hogwarts, but Sirius couldn't wait for it to be over, whatever it was. He imagined that this is what it had been like when he'd been moping over Remus. </p><p>"Just ... worried," Sirius said. </p><p>"What about?" James asked. Sirius fixed him with a stare. </p><p>"Are we forgetting about the whole, '<em>Julian Drake tried to convince me into getting off with him in a secret passageway after I rejected him</em>' thing?" </p><p>"Sirius, you've been in more dangerous situations than a Slytherin with a crush on you," James said. </p><p>"I would argue that there's <em>nothing</em> more dangerous than a Slytherin with a crush. The girls are bad enough, trying to slip love potions into my coffee. The boys are even worse. They're more heavy-handed."<br/><br/>"Speaking from experience, are we?" Peter asked. </p><p>"How many Slytherin boys have tried to have a sordid little affair with you? I thought they all hated you."</p><p>"So far, only Julian. Most of them <em>do </em>hate me. But not him, apparently.” Sirius said. “And that 'sordid little affair' was enough bloody experience for me, thank you. The feeling of his grubby hands on my hips is enough to make my skin crawl."</p><p>"He didn't even touch your skin, it was over your shirt!" </p><p>"That doesn't mean it wasn't weird, James!"</p><p>"I thought Slytherins had a blood purity thing. You'd think his hands were pretty clean if he was going near a blood traitor."</p><p>"Well, Julian's a half-blood, isn't he? He's not as mental as most of the others about that kind of thing. He hates his Muggle side, of course, but he wouldn't feel like he needed to wash his hands around a pureblood like me. Not when my family is as pure as you could get." Sirius said sourly. </p><p>"Either way, Sirius, the sentiment I showed last night still reigns true. If he so much as <em>looks</em> at you funny, I'm hexing him into an early grave." James said, slinging an arm around Sirius' shoulder. </p><p>"Cheers, Jamie. Just as long as I get to draw first blood." Sirius replied. </p><p>"You drive a hard bargain, Mr Black, but I'll compromise." James mimed spitting on his hand and stuck it out, and Sirius grinned as he did the same, shaking James' hand firmly. </p><p>~</p><p>"Listen up, seventh years!" Remus yelled over the loud chatter of the seventh years piling into Defense. The desks were pushed to one side and the classroom looked oddly bare without them. This could only mean one thing. It was a practical lesson. Judging by the space they would now have to work in, it was going to be a hard spell to learn.</p><p>"Who can tell me anything about the Patronus Charm?" Remus asked once the silence had crept through the room. Lily raised her hand. "Yes, Miss Evans?"</p><p>"It's a kind of anti-Dementor charm, a positive force, and a projection of the very things that a Dementor feeds upon, such as hope, happiness, and the desire to survive," Lily said. </p><p>"It can't feel sorrow, either. That's what makes it separate from its caster." Sirius added. "Dementors can't hurt it because it's pure." </p><p>"Excellent, you two. You've been doing your homework. Ten points each to Gryffindor." Remus said. "As I'm sure you've all guessed, we're doing a practical today. And we're going to be working on Patronuses. They take on two forms, non-corporeal, and corporeal. What's the difference? Mr Drake?"</p><p>"A non-corporeal Patronus is just light, like regular magic. But it's wispier, like smoke. A corporeal Patronus takes the form of an animal that represents its caster. A phoenix could represent someone who keeps getting up even when they get knocked down, while a snowy owl would be representative of a someone who's protective of those they love." </p><p>"Thank you, Mr Drake. Ten points to Slytherin as well." Remus said. "The incantation is, '<em>E</em><em>xpecto Patronum'</em>. I want all of you to spread out and practice the incantation a few times to get a feel of the pronunciation. And then I want you to think upon the happiest memory that you can see in your mind's eye and project outwards. After that, try to pair it together. I'll be walking around ready to lend a hand, so let’s get started." </p><p>With a flick of his wand, a stream of white light burst from his wand, racing around the room and whipping through students' hair as it weaved between them. There were exclamations of wonder and laughter as students watched it make its way back to Remus, leaving a trail of magic that looked like mist in its wake before fizzling out. </p><p>~</p><p>"Right! Mr Black, last one, let's see what you've got." Remus said. </p><p>Many of the students had taken their robes off to have the comfort of practising without getting too warm. Sirius was no exception, but of course, he'd taken it further than everyone else to try and distract Remus as well. </p><p>He'd gone a step further than his usual two undone buttons and had unbuttoned a third to expose a small sliver of his bare chest.His tie wasn't done up anymore, the continuous strip of fabric tucked under his collar and further apart than it had been since he'd put his uniform on that morning.</p><p>His shirt was now untucked, sleeves rolled up to his elbows, and he knew that stretching up, as he had done already a few times, exposed a strip of his stomach and hips, as well as the 'V' shape that led beneath his trousers that were perpetually slung low on his hips. His trousers were as tight as school trousers could be, and showed off his arse nicely.</p><p>He looked like he'd wandered into the common room after hooking up with someone and wasn't even bothered at the obvious assumptions at what he'd been doing. </p><p>Sirius had felt Remus' glance over a few times over, pretending to be keeping an eye on the students in that area of the room, but Sirius had made sure to untie his shoelaces with magic before leaning over and tying them, his arse on full display to anyone standing behind him. </p><p>Of course, James had known exactly what he was planning and had given Sirius a chance to get away with it smoothly, casually letting Sirius know that his shoelaces were untied before focusing again on his Patronus, hiding his smirk as Sirius all but begged for Remus' full attention.</p><p>Sirius glanced at James now. He was currently sulking over the fact that he'd only managed to manifest the legs of his Patronus before he'd gotten distracted by his pride and lost it. </p><p>"If you do this first try, we're not friends anymore," James grumbled softly. </p><p>"I've already been demoted to 'friend', what more do I have to lose?" Sirius laughed, settling into a strong stance, his feet planted firmly on the ground and his wand aimed at the space in front of him.</p><p>His memory came easy, as it had all lesson, making his face break out in a smile and his heart flutter in his chest. </p><p>
  <em>Sitting on the sofa in Remus' Rome apartment, they’d looked at each other, both feeling oddly vulnerable at that moment. And Sirius had never wanted to kiss Remus more. </em>
  <em>So, throwing all caution to the wind, knowing that if he screwed up now, at least he’d had five weeks to enjoy Remus’ company, at least he’d made the most of the friendship he’d created.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>No sooner than he’d moved to throw himself across the sofa and press himself against Remus, Remus had met him in the middle and had slotted their mouths together. <br/></em>
  <br/>
  <em>Metaphorical sparks had flown and Sirius whimpered quietly. Remus coaxed him off the sofa after a few moments of kissing soundly, trying to avoid disentangling themselves from one another, and Remus had lifted Sirius, securing Sirius’ legs around his waist and holding onto his arse with bruising force, carrying him to the bedroom. </em>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <em>How quickly everything had escalated. How quickly they'd been desperately ripping at one another's clothing, tugging on hair and belts, pulling at buttons and throwing fabric.</em>
</p><p>Sirius focused on the way that he'd felt experiencing that moment with Remus, the culmination of five weeks of a beautiful friendship finally meeting the point of no return. It had sent them down the path they were now, in the same school and spending as much time together as they possibly could.</p><p>He remembered the way Remus' lips felt against his, how he'd looked at Sirius when Sirius had admired and kissed every single scar he came across. Remus had worshipped Sirius in return, made him feel like the eighth Wonder of the World; like he was something to be treasured and protected, not something to be paraded around and shown off to dignitaries.</p><p>Remus had made him feel like he was worth love, worth every scrap of affection Remus bestowed and more, <em>so much more</em>. Sirius had never felt as loved and respected as he did with Remus. It was a different type of love and respect to the kind he had from his friends and the student body of Hogwarts, where he was known for his pranks and how he defied his family, how he taunted and fought back against the Slytherins, against everything they stood for. </p><p>In Remus' arms, Sirius was just ... Sirius. He liked music and discovering new things in unconventional ways and places. He liked adventures, and learning new things by experience rather than by a book, though he did enjoy reading now and then if it was remarkably unique. Sirius was every bit of the star he was named of, and Remus found it endearing, it made him want to be around Sirius more rather than less.</p><p>Remus never seemed to get tired of his antics, never complained of his arrogance. Instead, he saw the person beneath the facade, and never forgot that Sirius had his defence mechanisms in place, the same as Remus did about his lycanthropy.</p><p>"<em>Expecto Patronus</em>!" Sirius said firmly. White light burst from his wand and he grinned. It deliberated, gathering like smoke and seeming to debate upon whether or not it wanted to form anything more solid. <em>Come on, Sirius, get a corporeal one, keep thinking happy thoughts!</em></p><p>"Nearly there, keep focused." Remus encouraged. </p><p>Sirius saw, in his mind's eye, the way Remus had laughed when they'd been sat on the floor, backs pressed against the door to his office, giggling like children about how they'd been desperately clinging to each other, kissing as if they were oxygen to one another.</p><p>They had nearly finished in their trousers, and Sirius' legs had given out beneath him as if Remus had never kissed him before. Sirius saw those green eyes twinkling, looking darker in the light of the fire, the singular deep dimple in Remus' right cheek and the way the corners of his eyes crinkled adorably when he let himself laugh properly. </p><p>There had been plenty of memories from the last few years that Sirius could've chosen from. The moment he'd been Sorted into Gryffindor and James had become his best friend, the first time he experienced Christmas festivities at Hogwarts and his first summer sat under the trees by the Black Lake. </p><p>Those memories had helped him produce the thin, foggy streams of light of non-corporeal Patronuses, but his most powerful memories were of Remus because of the way he made Sirius feel; like he deserved love and had it from so many people around him.</p><p>"That's it! You've got it!"</p><p>Sirius focused in on what was happening in front of him again, eyes fuzzy for a few seconds before he got used to his surroundings again, and he beamed when he saw the happy dog chasing its tail right in front of him. The dog gave up and sprinted around the room around the students as people yelped and backed away, laughing and smiling at the sight. It stopped to sniff at James and Peter, and James reached out to pet the dog on the head.</p><p>Finally, the dog bounded up to Remus excitedly, circling him a few times as Remus laughed. "Marvellous work, Sirius! Absolutely <em>outstanding</em>! Fifty points to Gryffindor!" </p><p>The dog returned to Sirius and fizzled out and James and Peter jeered at him, elbowing him and clapping him on the back. "I'll forgive you this time, mate, purely because that dog let me pet it." James laughed. </p><p>"We'll continue with this tomorrow and hopefully, we'll have some more animals running around. Sirius, I'd like you to prioritise holding onto that memory a little more firmly. With some more practice, your dog will stay solid for longer. You should all be very, very proud of yourselves! Apart from Sirius, who I've already given points to, everyone gets ten points for their work today. If you could all help me by enchanting the tables back to their rightful places for Professor Haywood's lesson, I would be immensely grateful. Enjoy the rest of your day, everyone!" Remus dismissed. </p><p>People began to gather their clothes and enchant the tables back into their spots on the floor and Sirius swaggered over to where he'd left his stuff, feeling immensely proud of himself. He'd chosen his spot to practice in the centre of the room well. Everyone had seen his Patronus clearly, and many of them were impressed.</p><p>Sirius felt exhilarated at the feeling of raw magic tingled through his veins as he tied half of his hair back, wrapping it around his wand and twisting it all into a messy bun of curls and waves. </p><p>"Oh, and Sirius?" Remus called. Sirius looked over to him, now standing parallel to him near the front of the room, and smiled. </p><p>"Everything alright Professor?" He asked, leaning over to pick up his bag from the floor, trying to keep his smile from turning into a smirk at the way Remus tried to keep his eyes on Sirius' face. Sirius straightened, his robes and bag divided between his hands. </p><p>"I would amend your uniform if I were you. It's barely acceptable for a practical lesson, but I'll allow it this once due to how hard you've worked. However, Professor McGonnagall has been handing out detentions and docking House points for anyone she comes across with uniform infringements. It would be a shame to lose the points you've earnt today." Remus said. </p><p>Sirius pouted. "Boo, no fair, Professor."</p><p>He said, shoving his shirt back into his trousers, exaggerating tucking the front of his shirt in near his crotch. Remus rolled his eyes and turned away, transferring a stack of papers into his satchel. </p><p>"Oi, Black, can we talk?" A voice asked from behind him. </p><p>"Bugger <em>off</em>, Drake!" Sirius snapped, whirling around to face the Slytherin. He had purple and blue bruising over the bridge of his nose and had small and skinny strips of tape over the worst of it. "Did that elbow to the face not give you the hint?"</p><p>"I just want to talk." </p><p>"Bullshit!" </p><p>"Can we please just go somewhere private? I had a few drinks last night, I was a bit lary. I was nervous about speaking to you after you didn't show up during Potions. I needed some courage, but I had a little too much. I'm sorry." Julian said. </p><p>"Apology not accepted!" Sirius said.</p><p>"Black-"</p><p>"The fact that you can't even call me by my first name isn't helping you here," Sirius said. "I don't care if you were sober, high, drunk or tipsy. Don’t <em>fucking </em>come near me again or I'll rock your jaw so hard you'll be drinking your food through a straw."</p><p>"Sirius, <em>please</em>-"</p><p>"You heard him, Drake, fuck off!" James growled, appearing by Sirius' shoulder suddenly. Peter was stood nearby, fiddling his wand with a strange look on his face, like he wasn't nervous by the confrontation, just observing it all.</p><p>"Boys!" All four of them looked to Remus, who was stood watching them, his stern Professor look in full force. "I won't have that kind of language <em>or</em> a brawl in my classroom, thank you very much. Mr Drake, I believe you're supposed to be in Divination. Mr Potter, you have Head Boy duties to attend to, and I suggest Mr Pettigrew goes to the library to read up some more on Patronuses." The four of them began their exit from the classroom, the embarrassment for having been called out by a teacher heavy in the air. "Not you, Mr Black!" Remus called after them, and Sirius turned. "Could I have a word?" </p><p>Sirius waited for Julian, James and Peter to leave before relaxing and walking back over to Remus. "Remus, I'm so sorry about last night. I wanted to say something, but I thought you'd assume the worst. I didn't want to be stuck in another rut where one of us says something stupid because we're fired up emotionally-"</p><p>"Sirius, it's fine."</p><p>"It's not fine! He put his hands on me, he wanted me to do shit with him. It makes my skin crawl just thinking about it. That's what that noise was, he wasn't getting me off or anything, and I wasn't touching him either."</p><p>"What <em>was</em> that noise?" Remus asked.</p><p>"I may or may not have elbowed him and broken his nose doing so." </p><p>"Is that why he's got that bruising and the tape?" Sirius nodded. "And you did it because he kept ... putting his hands on you?" </p><p>"He pushed me against a wall and put his arms either side of my head, and when I pushed an arm out of the way so I could leave, he grabbed my hips and tried to pull me back, so I broke his nose," Sirius said. </p><p>Remus chuckled then. "Thank you for giving me some space to calm down. I was irrationally very hurt and angry about it all. I may have cried a little in frustration. Only a little, though. I didn't go through half a box of tissues." </p><p>Sirius laughed and slowly wandered closer, wishing he could reach out and touch the other man to provide some comfort. </p><p>"I'm saving these hands for someone special, you know. That's why I didn't touch him." </p><p>"Oh?" Remus said. "And who might that be?"</p><p>"Well ... he's quite tall. I do have a thing for tall men." Sirius said. "He wears the most adorable woolly jumpers and knitted cardigans. He has a very funky pair of socks that change based on the season that his amazing sort-of-boyfriend bought for him. He's got really cute freckles, some of which are hidden in his eyebrow that he thinks I haven't noticed. He always blushes when I compliment him-"</p><p>"Alright, alright, I think that's enough, Sirius." Remus chuckled. He bit his lip and looked down at his feet briefly before looking back to Sirius' eyes. "Sort-of-boyfriend?"</p><p>Sirius cast a glance at the door behind him and set up a quick Silencing Charm, as well as a locking charm for good measure, before returning to Remus.</p><p>"I don't really know how else to describe us if I'm honest," Sirius admitted. "We're kind of dating, but kind of not."</p><p>"I guess you could say it's a bit of a Shrodinger's Cat situation. We're both dating and not dating." Remus mused. Sirius frowned at him and Remus laughed, stepping even closer to press a kiss to the crease between Sirius' brows. "It's a Muggle science thing, I wouldn't worry about it."</p><p>"Merlin, I can't believe I fell in love with such a nerd." Sirius teased. Remus went bright red and rolled his eyes, an echo of his shyer self showing through. "Don't go getting all bashful on me now, Remus. I think it's endearing."</p><p>"You do?" Remus asked. Sirius nodded.</p><p>"Do you want to know what the memory was that helped me produce that Patronus today?"</p><p>When Remus raised an eyebrow in curiosity, Sirius couldn't help but smirk. He let his tongue dart out quickly to lick his lips, watching as Remus' eyes flicked down, his attention now fully on Sirius' mouth without the fear of someone noticing.</p><p>“I was thinking about how good it felt when I was begging for you in Rome. And then I started thinking about how good it's going to feel with the summer arrives and we don't have to hold back anymore. It felt so real that I think it fed into my memories somehow, made my Patronus quite strong."</p><p>He winked at Remus, leaned up to press a kiss to Remus' cheek, gesturing over his shoulder with his wand to undo his charms before walking out.</p>
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<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Chapter 10</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p><em>Merlin</em>, Sirius was going to be the death of him. </p><p>Remus could tell that Sirius had dramatised the retelling of his memory that he'd used for his Patronus. He wouldn't have fantasized while casting the spell without the magic fizzling out. But that didn't mean Remus was any less turned on by the idea of Sirius thinking about him in that way. </p><p>Sirius taking the time to reassure Remus that nothing had happened between him and Julian Drake had comforted Remus immensely. The look on Sirius' face as he'd stared down the Slytherin trying to make amends for their encounter in the passageway had been murderous. Remus had been proud of him.</p><p>Deep down, he knew that Sirius could look after himself. He'd heard of the fights Sirius had gotten himself into over the years from other teachers and always felt like smiling at how incredibly lethal the boy could be with <em>and </em>without his magic. And yet he felt incredibly protective over Sirius. If he could do anything to keep Sirius away from dangers both inside the castle and out, he'd do it in a heartbeat. </p><p>Remus perched on the edge of a desk and took a moment to breathe. He needed to get his head screwed on and his emotions under control before he left this classroom. The last thing he needed was to stumble across another member of staff and have them question why he was in such a daze. He just needed to get that <em>look</em> and those <em>words </em>out of his mind until he was safely back in his office and he could let his imagination run wild.</p><p>"Oh," Someone said. Remus looked up and saw Haywood walk in. She looked startled to see him still in the room. Usually, Remus was long gone by the time Haywood's lessons began. "You're still here."</p><p>"And you're early," Remus stated, sounding just as surprised. Haywood was usually never early to her lessons, always slightly late, and Remus had never heard from Sirius that she had started changing her ways.</p><p>"Well, I've got to work even harder than I already do to prove to Albus that I'm still capable; since he can't stop talking about how amazing you all the time." She said sourly. </p><p>"This year has been a joint effort. Thanks to you-"</p><p>"Flattery won't get you anywhere, Remus."</p><p>"Neither will being impolite or uncourteous, Aurelia, and yet here you stand," Remus said, his tone still pleasant. "I know you think I'm a threat to the students' safety, but I've already proven to everybody that I'm not. I've done more than enough to earn my place as a member of the faculty at Hogwarts."</p><p>"You shouldn't be working here." Haywood hissed. "You're not fit, you're part beast." </p><p>"I'm more than capable of working here," Remus said. "I'm not letting this opportunity pass me by. No other magical school will take me on and I refuse to waste away to nothing in poverty forever. I belong here just as much as you do." </p><p>He didn't give Haywood a chance to answer him as he attempted to brush past her. She grabbed his arm to stop him before he reached the door. "I know about your little friendship with Sirius Black you know. I wonder how he would react if he found out about your 'condition'." </p><p>Remus yanked his arm out from Haywood's grip. "I tutor Sirius. We are not <em>friends</em>. I'm his <em>teacher</em>. It would likely make no impact on anything if he found out." </p><p>"I wasn't aware that spending most nights a week in your office until long after the students' curfew counted for tutoring these days." Haywood was smirking at him devilishly and Remus' eyes narrowed, unconsciously using his growing skills in Occlumency to shield his mind. It was a habit now and took very little effort to strengthen.</p><p>Dumbledore and McGonnagall were the teachers to be careful of, both powerful magic wielders and capable of strong Legilimency. </p><p>In the same breath, Remus knew not to underestimate the other teachers. Most of his colleagues had never expressed any interest or desire to take part in practising Legilimency or Occlumency, finding it an invasive kind of magic that they believed had no place at Hogwarts, but Remus knew the dangers of underestimating people. His entire life had been marked by keeping people at arm's length so that he would avoid getting hurt. This was no different. The few times he'd let his guard down had proved heartbreaking every time.</p><p>"Sirius chooses to stay and do work in my office and I encourage it," Remus said. "Has he not improved his grades in the last few months? I'm doing something good." </p><p>"I know you're hiding <em>something, </em>Remus. I can tell that you're using your aptitude for Occlumency to hide it."</p><p>"I'll tell you the same thing I told Albus," Remus said. "My body and soul is taken away from me once a month and replaced with a beast. My mind is my own, something that my animal counterpart has no control over, and I will <em>not </em>have people rooting around in there. Especially not washed up duellers who don't know the difference between teaching a class and talking at teenagers."</p><p>With that, he turned and walked out of the classroom, storming off in the direction of the Astronomy Tower, knowing that there were no classes going on there now. He needed time to breathe and clear his head before he returned to his office, otherwise he knew he'd sit and stew in his dislike for his fellow Defense teacher and not get anything done for the rest of the day. </p><p>~</p><p>"You're lucky McGonnagall saw Regulus the first punch, or she'd have assumed you'd provoked it," James said, grabbing Sirius' jaw to keep it still so he could have a look at the rapidly forming black eye and the now crooked shape of Sirius' nose. </p><p>"At least Snape and Regulus lost Slytherin a hundred points. That gives us a comfortable lead." Sirius shrugged. He and James were sat at the top of the Astronomy Tower by the large, open window, careful not to get too close to the edge but enjoying the thrill of being so high up and feeling the wind whirling around them.</p><p>They'd had a nasty run-in with Regulus and Snape a few minutes after leaving Defense. James had been heading towards McGonnagall's office for Head Boy duties, and Sirius had caught up with him after his thrilling little chat with Remus.</p><p>Snape had taunted them both but had been unable to handle it when James and Sirius had sent snide remarks back. He'd gotten flustered and moody when they reacted with calm and pre-prepared taunts that they knew would hit the hardest. </p><p>It was the consensus that Sirius and James bullied Snape, but that wasn't the case. Sirius and James were honest in the things they said and did when it came to the Slytherin. They often took immense pride in it. They <em>did</em> make fun of Snape and <em>did</em> get into fights with Slytherins, but it was always for a reason, and normally because the Slytherins couldn't keep their mouths shut. </p><p>Most people saw the quiet, greasy, weird kid from Slytherin that had once been friends with Lily Evans, but not many saw the things that he did and said to cause problems. They were all as bad as each other.</p><p>Snape had been getting worse since James and Lily had been getting closer, more bold and brash, and it angered James. And whatever angered James, of course, angered Sirius, who had never been known to half-arse anything. He and James were terrible for riling one another up and encouraging each other's bad behaviour. </p><p>When Snape had thrown a hex at them, Sirius had reacted immediately, casting a spell that would make the hex bounce back onto Snape, and he still remembered the words that Regulus had shouted in anger of hearing his friend in pain. </p><p>
  <em>"I hate you and I wish you weren't my brother." </em>
</p><p>Regulus had launched himself at Sirius, throwing two swift punches that Sirius hadn't anticipated. He had been too stunned from Regulus' comments to defend himself, and it was only when he heard McGonnagall's voice echoing through the hall that he realised he had stumbled back, blood pouring from his nose and pain ricocheting through his head. </p><p>"We're going to have to go down to Madame Pomfrey at some point, Sirius. I don't know how to sort out your nose. I think it's broken." </p><p>"I couldn't tell. I thought all the blood and pain was normal." Sirius said sarcastically. James flicked him on the forehead. </p><p>"Oh, hello, you two." James and Sirius looked over towards the stairs to see Remus standing on the top step, staring at them in shock. "I wasn't expecting anyone else to be up here."</p><p>"We come up here sometimes for a bit of peace. Sometimes the common room is a bit too much and the dormitory is a bit cramped." James explained. Remus nodded. </p><p>"What happened to you, Sirius? You have a black eye and your nose is broken." </p><p>"You can tell my nose is broken from there?" Sirius asked. </p><p>"It's not hard to tell. If it was any further across your face, it'd be touching your eye," Remus said. "I know a spell for healing broken bones if you'd like a hand?" </p><p>"You know what, that'd be really helpful actually, Professor. I don't know any healing spells." James said. Remus walked over and knelt beside Sirius. He looked at Sirius' nose for a brief moment. He seemed almost hesitant as he reached out tilt Sirius' chin in the right direction, holding his head steady with a featherlight grip. </p><p>"Hold still, this may hurt for a moment." Remus said softly, pulling out his wand, pointing it at Sirius' face and saying, '<em>Episkey</em>!'</p><p>Sirius grunted as he felt his nose shift back into its rightful place and touched in gingerly. It was still tender to the touch but wasn't painful anymore. And, most importantly, it was no longer crooked. </p><p>"Cheers, Professor." He said. The words felt foreign on his tongue. He was so unused to calling Remus anything other than his name. And even though James was aware of their ... budding relationship, Sirius was careful to not cross the line. So Sirius leant back from Remus' touch and looked to James instead. "What do you think, Jamie? Have I still got my rugged good looks?" He joked. </p><p>"Yeah, you're alright." James shrugged, smirking at him. Sirius grinned and poked his friend with his foot in half-hearted retaliation. "What about you, Professor? What brings you up here?" </p><p>"Much the same as you two. I needed to clear my head." Remus said. Sirius fought the smile that was threatening to spread. Had his words had that much of an effect on Remus? Remus caught his glance and the corners of his lips turned up slightly. He sat properly, his legs crossed and his bag still slung across his shoulder. "I had a bit of a disagreement with Professor Haywood after my lesson." </p><p>"Merlin, she's a right cow, isn't she?" James groaned, shifting slightly to stretch his legs out. </p><p>"Careful, Mr Potter. I know I'm not that much older than you, but don't be fooled by it. I'm still your Professor." Remus warned, his voice not nearly as stern as it should've been. </p><p>"Yeah, but you're not like the other teachers. You're sound," James said. "And besides, you're dating my best mate, that makes us buddies now. We're pals, comrades, brothers in arms." </p><p>Remus spluttered and Sirius kicked James, sending him a glare. James yelped in pain. </p><p>"<em>What did I tell you?</em>" Sirius hissed. His cheeks were reddening rapidly, slightly embarrassed at how casual James had become to the whole situation. "<em>We're not dating, James</em>."</p><p>"Alright, <em>fine</em>." James sighed. "You're not dating. But you also kind of are. You just don't do couple shit yet."</p><p>"Oh yes, we're a couple, but we don't do couple shit, that makes complete sense." Sirius laughed. "You're an idiot, Prongs."</p><p>"It's a side effect from spending time with you, Padfoot." </p><p>"Touche." Sirius shrugged, flipping James off. </p><p>"Are those nicknames?" Remus asked. </p><p>"Yeah, Pete has one as well," Sirius said. </p><p>"He's Wormtail." James grinned. The origins always made James and Sirius laugh. Peter had gotten used to it now, but he'd hated it at first because it had made him sound disgusting. But it had stuck. They'd thought of the nicknames way back in their first year, and they were as easy as breathing to say now. </p><p>"They're very odd. What made you think of them?" Remus asked. </p><p>"Pete's scared as a mouse all the time, and rat's tails look like worms," James said. "Sirius is a softie for dogs, and he said that if he ever became an Animagus or learnt how to make a Patronus, he'd want his to be a big, fluffy dog. 'Padfoot' seemed fitting for a dog with big paws, and the 'Prongs' one is just stupid."</p><p>"It's not stupid." Sirius laughed. "You just think it's untrue and you're still bitter that it's stuck." </p><p>"Oh come on, James, it's unfair to reveal the other backstories but leave your own," Remus said. </p><p>"He's called Prongs because he's got the personality of a stag on drugs. He charges into situations headfirst, and it's always because he's protecting his mates. Stags are well known for being protectors, and their antlers are quite cool, so Pete and I linked it in with that." Sirius shrugged. </p><p>Remus smiled. "The level of thought you've put into them is astounding if I'm honest."</p><p>"A lot of people think we're a bit pig-headed," James said. "We're pretty smart between the three of us. We just don't let anyone know. They'd expect too much from us if we let on. It's easier to excel unexpectedly than do it because we're under pressure." </p><p>"Well, if it's any consolation, <em>I</em> think you're all <em>very</em> smart," Remus told them. </p><p>"Cheers, Professor," James said. "You're pretty cool. For a teacher."</p><p>~</p><p>Remus gasped as he was startled awake by the sound of rapping at his office door. He blinked a few times, reaching over to his bedside table for his glasses and stumbling out of his bedroom to his front door. </p><p>Outside stood Dumbledore, McGonnagall and Sirius. </p><p>"Good morning," He greeted. "To what do I owe the pleasure?"</p><p>"Minerva and I thought it would be best to continue the discussion we had a few days ago," Dumbledore said.</p><p>Remus knew that he looked like a mess, with his hair wild and his glasses perched on his nose and were slightly askew. He’d had his glasses for years and were more loose around his ears than they had been when he’d first gotten them, but he hadn’t wanted to risk damaging them to try and fix the problem, so they now sat slightly wonky on his face. </p><p>He very rarely wore his glasses outside his office. Not even Sirius had seen him without contacts in more than a handful of times. He also knew that his brain was working overtime trying to process the shock of waking up and being immediately bombarded by this conversation.</p><p>"We thought it might be a good idea to come here instead of my office so that we wouldn't be interrupted by other staff." </p><p>"Of course. Please, come in," Remus stepped to one side and let them come in, closing the door and setting up a Silencing Charm. He glanced towards the clock. It was still only nine in the morning. He'd hoped to have a lie-in, considering it was a Sunday. He was completely drained from the last week and everything that had happened.</p><p>On top of it all, he'd been having some issues in his lessons recently. A lot of the first years, now settled and comfortable with being students at Hogwarts, had grown in confidence and were beginning to show their wilder side that called for trouble. Remus was perpetually exhausted. </p><p>"Would you like any drinks? Water, tea?" Remus asked. </p><p>"No thank you, Remus." Dumbledore replied. </p><p>"Minerva? Sirius?" </p><p>"Just a water, please." McGonnagall replied. </p><p>"Could I have a coffee?" Sirius asked. </p><p>"Do you take milk?" Remus replied, moving over to the kitchen and beginning on the drinks. </p><p>Sirius nodded, even though both of them knew that Remus didn't need the confirmation. He knew how Sirius took his hot drinks, he had them committed to memory. It was almost muscle memory to make it to perfection. But McGonnagall and Dumbledore wouldn't and couldn't know that. </p><p>Sirius was playing the part well, looking awkward and nervous, uncertain of what was ahead of him. Remus desperately hoped he could keep it up.</p><p>"You're more than welcome to take a seat. Sorry about all the mess, I was up late marking last night." Remus called over his shoulder.</p><p>He heard rustling about as his visitors found their way onto the sofa, and took a deep breath to steel himself. There was a long silence until he carried over drinks to the coffee table. He settled at his desk now that there was no more room left on the sofa, and forced a kind smile in Sirius' direction when they locked eyes.<br/><br/>Sirius was, of course, sat in his usual spot, and the discomfort on his face at sitting so unnaturally beside his headmaster and head of house in somewhere that was usually a comfortable place to land after a hard day relaxed Remus. It added to the illusion that this was not normal for him, that he didn't normally sit on the sofa, and he certainly wasn't ever so informal with his teachers.</p><p>"So," Remus started. "Where do we start?" </p><p>~</p><p>"In essence, Sirius, the Order of the Phoenix is an organisation that is rising in response to blood supremacists called the Death Eaters." Dumbledore said. "I founded the Order. Professor McGonnagall helps me to correspond with members to organise our movements, and Professor Lupin is one our strongest fighters." </p><p>"So that's where you got those bruises from?" Sirius asked quietly, looking over to Remus. Remus took a sip of his tea and nodded. </p><p>"I don't do a lot of fieldwork. My absence from the castle would be too noticeable, and I wouldn't be able to do my job properly if I was away too much. But yes, I got into a fight with some Death Eaters. Thankfully, this was one that the Order walked away from safe and relatively unharmed. The Death Eaters were taken into Auror custody." </p><p>"Can I join?" Sirius asked. </p><p>"That's what we wanted to speak to you about, Sirius," McGonnagall admitted slowly. "You, James, Peter and Lily have all been high up on our list of students that would prove invaluable to us if you wished to join. You don't have to say yes. We have enough numbers for now, and we're growing stronger every day, but we would be lying if we said we wouldn't appreciate the talent that you and your friends have, especially when it comes to duelling." </p><p>Sirius placed his half finished coffee down on the coffee table and took a deep breath. "Is my family involved with the Death Eaters?" </p><p>"It's highly likely that they are." McGonnagall said. </p><p>"If not by fighting, then by supplying them with money, information, or power inside the Ministry." Dumbledore added.</p><p>"We went to Rome over the summer. My brother and I went as well, Orion and Walburga didn't trust us to be home alone for five weeks. They wanted to speak to Italian officals who were transferring to work in London for the Ministry. They wanted some new legislation passing. These officials believed they could sway the vote in favour of it in exchange for a definitive place in the Wizengamot." Sirius said. "Do you think that they could be planning something big? Using their power and hooks in the Ministry to make it easier for the Death Eaters to rise?"</p><p>"It's possible," Dumbledore said. "I wasn't aware that that was the reason for your parents taking you and your brother abroad." </p><p>"We'll let the others know about this. We have some of our people working inside the Ministry as well," McGonnagall said. "It could very well be your parents being themselves and overexerting their influence just because they can."</p><p>"I want to join the Order," Sirius said firmly.</p><p>"Didn't I tell you he'd say that, Albus?" Remus asked. He knew his voice was jagged with tension, but at this moment he was too on edge to sugar coat it and pretend that everything was fine. </p><p>"You'll have your chance, Sirius, I can assure you of that," McGonnagall said. "Right now, we need you to focus on your studies. You're well on your way to getting a series of good grades in your N.E.W.Ts, but we thought it best to let you know now, give you time to make a decision."</p><p>"Well, I've made it," Sirius said. "James and Peter will join, too. You know they will. Evans probably will as well. We can handle it, whatever you need us to do."</p><p>"We don't need you to do <em>anything</em> just yet, Sirius." Remus cut in quickly, not giving Dumbledore or McGonnagall the chance to speak. "This is why I was hesitant to tell you. Make your final decision at the end of the year. I'm sure Professor Dumbledore will ask again then, and then things will be different." </p><p>"Professor-" Sirius started.</p><p>"Lupin is right, Sirius." McGonnagall interrupted. "This was not a meeting to recruit you into the Order, this was to simply let you know and give you the time to think about it. Things may change in six months' time."</p><p>Sirius looked dismayed at waiting for the next six months to get involved. Remus knew that he felt compelled to get as much as possible accomplished. He had a need to please people, to lay down his heart and soul into something if it meant he could make a difference.</p><p>He'd had very little to be passionate at outside of Defense Against the Dark Arts and playing pranks, and the acclaim he got from his peers gave him validation that he craved. To be deprived of the chance to do something as big as join the Order, to make a real impact in the world, was like depriving Sirius of air to breathe. </p><p>"Thank you for your time today. I'm sure you're bursting at the seams with questions, Sirius, so I'm sure Professor Lupin won't mind if you ask him a few of them." Dumbledore said, standing. McGonnagall followed, going to place her glass back in the kitchenette. "Don't worry too much about it all now, Sirius. You have time." </p><p>Sirius nodded, and watched as Dumbledore and McGonnagall exited Remus' office. It was only when the door was closed again, when a good thirty seconds of silence had passed, when Sirius finally tore his eyes away from the door and looked back to Remus. </p>
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<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Chapter 11</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Remus and Sirius stared at each other for a few seconds, both waiting for the other to make the first move and say something. Eventually, Remus decided that it would have to be him. </p><p>"I know you want to join," Remus said quietly. "But this isn't a game. This is real life. This is <em>war</em>."</p><p>"I get that. I just ... surely there's something<em>, anything </em>I can do. I want to help, I want to be of use." Sirius replied. He held his hand out. "Come sit with me? I feel uneasy with you sat so far away. I feel like you're mad that I even convinced you to talk to McGonnagall in the first place." </p><p>"I'm not mad, Sirius. Never at you." Remus sighed, abandoning his mug of now lukewarm tea and joining Sirius on the sofa, wrapping an arm around Sirius' shoulders and pulling the shorter man into his chest.</p><p>Sirius held onto him around his middle, gripping tightly and sighing of relief. "I know you want to help, Sirius, and it's commendable that you want to do that. But don't be so quick to help others that you put your own needs on the backburner. If you wait until the end of the year, you can devote yourself to the Order full time if you wish. But now, you need to focus on yourself." </p><p>"You wouldn't be disappointed if I joined?" Sirius asked quietly. </p><p>"Not at all. I only worry about your safety. You're perfectly capable of making your own decisions. They're not always the <em>right </em>decisions, but joining the Order would be a good one. It's very brave and very selfless of you to want to help others by putting your life on the line." </p><p>"Do you do that, when you're out in the field? Risk your life?" </p><p>"Yes. I always come back, though. Some pesky blood supremacists aren't going to be the ones to take me out of this world, not when I've had a beast snapping away under my skin and breaking my bones once a month for the last fifteen years." </p><p>Remus was surprised to hear himself talk so casually about his lycanthropy. This wasn't something he could even do with his parents. He never talked to his parents about his condition at all.</p><p>It was the elephant in the room that they had all lived with for the majority of his life. They'd always avoided it, and Remus had never felt comfortable talking about it to them outside of patching up injuries. </p><p>Sirius was the first to ever give him that sense of hope and trust that made him feel like he could get anything off his chest, including the horror that most people would run a mile to be away from. </p><p>"Do you know when you're next due to leave for a mission?" Sirius asked, jolting Remus out of his thoughts. Remus leant back against the sofa, letting Sirius remain tucked into his side with an arm still around Sirius' shoulders. </p><p>"No, either Albus or Minerva send me a message to let me know when and where I'm needed, and I do as they ask of me," Remus told him. "You'll have to get used to that aspect of the Order, doing as you're told." </p><p>"I can do as I'm told now!" Sirius exclaimed, laughing and sitting up properly, looking at Remus with a mock offended expression. When Remus raised an eyebrow, Sirius laughed harder. "<em>You</em>, <em>Professor Lupin</em>, are a <em>tease</em>, and you're completely wrong in your judgement." He said, jabbing Remus' chest gently a few times. </p><p>"Oh, I am, am I?" Remus asked. Sirius smiled, letting his genuine self shine through as he looked at Remus and gently moved his hand from jabbing Remus, to lie flat against the space where Remus' heart was hammering against his ribcage. </p><p>"You most certainly are," Sirius confirmed. His voice was softer now, with a hint of gruffness to it as the tension in the room built up. </p><p>"You’re more than welcome to prove me wrong," Remus said. </p><p>"Why don't you tell me what you want and I'll show you just how well I can follow instructions?"</p><p>Sirius' piercing grey eyes were dilated heavily. They were barely visible as his eyes were now half-lidded, torn between keeping them open to stare at Remus' mouth and closing them to just listen, to hope that he wouldn't need to see Remus move to know that Remus would kiss him, would touch him, would do <em>something</em>. </p><p>Remus smiled. He found taunting Sirius like this was not only payback for Sirius' teasing and distracting in their lesson a few days ago, but also completely adorable.</p><p>Everyone thought of Sirius as a ruggedly charming young man who was so dominant in his personality that he captured everyone's attention, <em>commanded</em> it, even, and none of them knew just how flustered Sirius could get. </p><p>There was a part of him that relished in the idea of being the one to see Sirius this way, of being someone that Sirius trusted enough to expose this part of himself too. It was equal parts intimate and heartwarming. </p><p>"Kiss me," Remus whispered.</p><p>Sirius grinned and leant in, brushing their lips together for a split second before slotting them together properly. Remus slid a hand into Sirius' hair, the other wrapping around his waist and pulling him closer.</p><p>Sirius clambered into Remus' lap, hands trailing down Remus' chest to the hem of the old Queen shirt he was wearing. Remus shivered as Sirius' cold hands slid underneath the fabric and left goosebumps along his skin. </p><p>Sirius' touches were fervent; like he was committing it all to memory as if any second could be their last. He gasped into Remus' mouth as Remus suddenly moved, twisting, with his arms still wrapped around Sirius, and pressing him back into the sofa. Sirius giggled softly as the force of it forced them to part, their noses bumping. </p><p>They stopped to breathe for just a moment, foreheads pressed together gently. Sirius had moved his arms to now link them around Remus' neck, playing with the baby curls at the nape of his neck. </p><p>"How do we keep ending up like this?" Remus whispered. "Every time I try to hold myself back, it never seems to last for long enough." </p><p>"Because you belong in my arms and I belong in yours. There's only so long you can deny it before we give in again." Sirius said matter of factly. "James was right the other day. We may as well be dating." </p><p>"I don't know how to just shut all of my feelings down for you. I don't know if I want to. I'm so worried about someone finding out, but we've gotten away with it for so long now that ... I don't know if I can hold back anymore."</p><p>"So don't!" </p><p>"Of course you'd say that, Sirius." Remus chuckled, sitting up. Sirius followed suit.</p><p>"What's <em>that </em>supposed to mean?!"</p><p>"It <em>means</em> that you've never hidden your intentions. Even if you hadn't spoken them aloud as often as you have, your face betrays it all when we're together." Remus said. </p><p>Sirius blushed unintentionally. "Do you think McGonnagall and Dumbledore could tell?"</p><p>"No," Remus said truthfully. "I've been working on my Occlumency these past few weeks. I've always been able to do the bare minimum, just enough to keep my parents from trying to figure out what I used to hide from them when I was in school, and it's a requirement now that I'm in the Order." </p><p>"But if I'm obvious-"</p><p>"You weren't. In all honesty, I couldn't tell if you were genuinely uncomfortable about being here with them around, or if you were just putting on a show." Remus assured. </p><p>"Remus ... can I be honest with you about something?" Sirius said softly. Remus tucked part of Sirius' hair behind his ear and tilted his face up so that he would meet Remus' eye. </p><p>"Always," Remus said earnestly. Sirius took a deep breath.</p><p>"You're not the only one with a skill for Occlumency." He said. Remus frowned and opened his mouth to speak, but Sirius continued. "Please, I just need you to listen now. Can you do that for me?"</p><p>"Yes, of course. Whatever do you need to practice Occlumency for?" Remus asked.</p><p>He had a sneaking suspicion that he knew the answer to that question already, but he needed to hear it from Sirius' mouth first, needed to make sure who he needed to exact revenge upon and what for.</p><p>Legilimency and Occlumency were an extremely advanced form of magic, very rarely taught in school. It was only usually done if you got private lessons from an Occlumens tasked to you by the Ministry, or by someone you knew who would teach you. </p><p>Sometimes it could be self-taught through practising putting mental blocks around your memories, but it was hard to know if it had worked without an experienced Occlumens to check and give you pointers.</p><p>Remus had been taught by his father, who had learnt as part of his job in the Ministry. Lyall had believed that it was important for Remus to know how to shield his thoughts from the outside world, further protection against people finding out about his condition. </p><p>Sirius would likely not have been taught by his parents, or by someone his parents had hired. Walburga and Orion Black were the kind of people that would want to be able to see into their children's memories whenever they wanted. </p><p>"My parents used to do a routine check on Regulus and me when we started Hogwarts," Sirius said. "I think they did it a few times when we were kids and they left us in Kreacher's care to run errands, but I don’t remember those parts all that well."</p><p>"Kreacher?" </p><p>"Our house-elf," Sirius said, pulling a face. "He's a little toerag. He's always kissing my parents' arses. He hates me and I hate him. I think that's why he made up things to get me in trouble. He gets some kind of kick out of the fact that my parents believe him more than they ever believed me."</p><p>"Sirius, that's horrible!" </p><p>"We haven't even gotten to the worst part yet." Sirius chuckled humourlessly.</p><p>There was no trace of happiness in his face. This was a mix of fear and anger, powerfully brewing under Sirius' skin and ready to be released. </p><p>This was his whole life's worth of abuse at the hands of his parents, the ones who were supposed to love and protect him until he was old enough to do it himself, and then always be there if he needed an extra pair of hands, all pent up inside him and never spoken aloud. </p><p>"They used to do it randomly, pull memories to the forefront of my mind, make me remember the times they punished me. I could never tell whether it was real or not." Sirius said. “Sometimes they’d stop in the middle of a memory, and I could never tell why, but it made them angry that the illusion had been shattered.”</p><p>"<em>Merlin</em>, you were doing it to protect yourself against them." Remus breathed. He'd had no idea it had been such a traumatising thing for Sirius to go through. He'd never thought parents were capable of doing that to their child. </p><p>"I was using it today. It was the first time I've used it for months. I haven't needed to since I left to go to the Potters." Sirius told him. </p><p>"Did you teach yourself? I can't imagine your parents would let you hire someone or give you lessons themselves." Sirius nodded. "Sirius, that's incredibly advanced magic. The circumstances of you learning it are awful and I'm so sorry that you had to go through that. However, I'm very impressed that you taught yourself how to do it." </p><p>Sirius' lips quirked up. "Well, you know. I've always liked shocking people, one way or another." He said. "I tried it tonight, and I don't know if it worked. And I'm worried that Dumbledore and McGonnagall could tell that I was trying to hide something. I don't know if I've made the whole situation worse."</p><p>"You won't have made it worse, Sirius. Not in the slightest." Remus reassured. "I think it would be better if you left the Occulemcy to me."</p><p>"Why?"</p><p>"Because it'll be more suspicious if both of us have it in place. If you all of a sudden develop one, he'll think I'm teaching you how to hide your memories from him. It's better for both of us if we act as normal as possible." </p><p>Sirius processed the explanation for a moment. "Are you sure? I wish I wasn't so useless at helping you deal with this."</p><p>"You're not useless, Sirius. You're my priority right now, you come first. Let me handle this." Remus said. Sirius looked at him with a mix of apprehension and appreciation, so Remus smiled at him, leant forward and kissed his cheek as he said, "Now how about a refill on that coffee?"</p><p>~</p><p>Sirius groaned as he stretched out on his bed. He'd felt more settled in the last week than he had in his entire life. He looked over at James' bed to see his best friend waking up as well. </p><p>"Good night?" He said tiredly. </p><p>"Yeah, lovely," Sirius replied. </p><p>"Did you do much?" </p><p>"Not really, I helped him out with some marking, we had a giggle, listened to some music. Same old, same old." </p><p>"What music is he into?" James asked. "I can't think of teachers doing anything like that. In my brain, they don't have hobbies or personalities outside of being teachers."</p><p>Sirius laughed. "He likes a lot of Muggle bands. The Jackson Five, ABBA, Queen, Fleetwood Mac. He has a lot of band merchandise, mainly in the form of t-shirts." </p><p>"Is that one of his shirts?" James asked, a little more awake now.</p><p>Sirius looked down at the shirt he was wearing as best he could while laying down and smiled back at James. "Yeah. It's the only one of his I own. I accidentally pinched it from his place in Rome when I was in a rush to get back to my parents' place. It's comfy. It smells like him, too." </p><p>"What a girl." James teased. Sirius laughed again. </p><p>"<em>Please</em>! You can't say that to me when you've been trailing around Evans like a lovesick puppy for Merlin knows how many years." </p><p>"Well it worked, didn't it? She's my girlfriend now." James shrugged.</p><p>"You're a lucky bloke, Potter. You're punching above your weight." Sirius said. </p><p>"Says you! Lupin's got a shock coming when he realises what a handful you are." James scoffed.</p><p>Comments like these were not uncommon from James. Sirius never took them to heart. He knew that James loved him deeply, cared for him like a brother and would never genuinely mean any of the jokes he made. </p><p>It had taken two years until they'd gotten to the point where they could make those kinds of jokes to each other without Sirius breaking into tears.</p><p>Sirius reflections on his younger self often led to him feeling the warmth of pride settle in his stomach.</p><p>He'd found a lot of things in Gryffindor that he'd never had. A family, his best friends, a community where he was loved and accepted, appreciated and admired. Sirius couldn't have asked for a better experience out of his school life. </p><p>"Damn right he's got a handful. A handful of my-" A pillow that was launched across the room hit Sirius' headboard before landing on his face, interrupting his speech and causing James to laugh. </p><p>"Nice shot, Wormtail!" Sirius sat up, laughing, knowing that his hair was sticking up everywhere and threw the pillow back in Peter's direction, hitting him square in the chest. </p><p>"Come on, you two, let's head down for breakfast. I wanna have something to eat before we go into Hogsmeade. And no more jokes about how our Professor's got a handful of your <em>anything</em>." Peter cringed. </p><p>As the three of them slowly dragged themselves out of bed, Sirius addressed his friends again. </p><p>"I'm still not dating him properly, by the way. And I'm not sleeping with him, just to dispel the rumours." Sirius said. "We're waiting until the end of the year before we let anything else happen."</p><p>It wasn't completely true. They'd kissed a few times since their conversation in Remus' office after Dumbledore and McGonnagall left, but they'd never let it go any further in case they got too into it.</p><p>For the most part, they were refraining and holding themselves back in case Dumbledore tried to enter their minds anymore. Sirius was still hesitant about leaving his mind completely open.</p><p>There were still foundations of his Occlumency in place from when he'd still lived with his parents, but it wasn't as nearly as strong as it had been. </p><p>"Well, that's good. It'd be weird if you <em>were </em>sleeping with him." Peter said. "You don't get special treatment, do you?" </p><p>"What do <em>you </em>think, Peter?" Sirius asked, summoning his last Defense essay and pointing at the bright red 'Acceptable' written on it. "I don't think he'd be giving me A's if he was giving me special treatment. I'd be getting E's, <em>at least</em>." </p><p>"Do you love him?" Peter asked.</p><p>Sirius tucked his parchment back away again and looked over at his friend, leaning against his bedpost and tucking his hands into the pockets of his jeans. </p><p>"Yeah, of course, I do." Sirius shrugged.</p><p>He knew he came across as very matter of factly; like it was normal for a crush on a teacher, something that many people were not immune to, develop into genuine love. But he didn't feel as guilty as he should.</p><p>They were not doing anything wrong by feeling it for each other. They couldn't help their circumstances now, but the wheels had already been set in motion, they'd already had five weeks to fall for each other before school had started again. It was completely out of their control. </p><p>"Why do you ask?" Sirius asked. </p><p>"Just curious," Peter said, turning away to rifle through his trunk for something to wear. </p><p>"You've been acting weird lately, Pete. What's up?" James asked sincerely. "Are you gay, too? It must be my irresistible charms, don't you think, Sirius?"</p><p>"Must be." Sirius agreed solemnly. "Every gay guy on the planet is attracted to you, James. With that hair and those beautiful hazel eyes, how could any of us resist! Oh, forget Remus, you're the only one I could ever want, Potter!"</p><p>He feigned swooning and James flicked his wand. Sparks flew and Sirius laughed as he realised James had cast, '<em>Rictusempra</em>', a charm commonly used for tickling.</p><p>Sirius was on the floor writhing, crying with laughter as James cackled at him until the spell wore off within a minute later. </p><p>"So come on then, Pete." James continued, wiping the tears from his eyes, forcing himself to calm at seeing Sirius on the floor, still clutching his ribs and trying to catch his breath. "Is that it? You're batting on Sirius' team?"</p><p>"Have you <em>seen</em> me recently? I'm a right looker. Everyone's batting on my team, mate." Sirius said breathlessly as he gathered his feet under him and grinned at his best friend. </p><p>"Yeah, if you're part troll, maybe." James shot back. </p><p>"No, I'm not a poof." Peter sighed, pulling out a shirt and beginning to change into it, his back still turned to James and Sirius. “I'm just knackered. I've been working myself to the bone, that's all."</p><p>"Exams aren't for months yet. Why are you stressing for?"</p><p>"It's not just exams, James! My parents want me to work in either the Transport Office or Accidents and Catastrophes because that's their departments. I've been spending most of my time trying to get apprenticeships, but no one's taking me on because my O.W.Ls are the only things I have to go off." Peter said. </p><p>He was rambling, which was unlike Peter, and Sirius frowned. Peter was usually a nervous, twiddling thumbs kind of person. </p><p>He didn't get snappy and throw things when he was worried or tired. He just got shyer and less confident with his magic for a few days and then bounced back. </p><p>"Wormtail-"</p><p>"I don't want to talk about it anymore, Prongs." Peter turned back around, now wearing a longsleeved, grey cotton jumper that he'd gotten for Christmas from his parents. "<em>Please</em>, let's just go down to Hogsmeade and have a chilled one, yeah?"</p><p>"Sounds like a plan if I've ever heard one." Sirius agreed. "Are we ready then, lads?" </p><p>~</p><p>Sirius was exhausted and couldn't stop yawning by the time he got to Remus' office that night. He was tempted to just let himself drift off into sleep on Remus' sofa.</p><p>"Long day?" Remus asked. Sirius' eyes snapped open. He hadn't even realised he'd closed them, and he saw Remus standing above him, a glass of water in his hand. </p><p>"What happened to tea?" Sirius replied. </p><p>"I don't think you need anything that might keep you up." </p><p>Sirius took the water off Remus and watched as the other man settled opposite him. "Did you have a nice day in Hogsmeade?"</p><p>"Yeah, we went to Zonko's, had a drink in the Broomsticks. Peter's having a bit of a weird time at the minute."</p><p>"Why? Is everything okay?" Remus asked with a frown. </p><p>"He says he's just tired because his parents have been pounding on the pressure about getting a job in one of their departments in the Ministry once school's finished, but there's not much he can do in the terms of bagging apprenticeships because we haven't sat our exams yet."</p><p>"Albus was saying about 'shoehorning' him in somewhere if he accepts the offer to join the Order at the end of the year, so he should be okay."</p><p>"Yeah, but Pete doesn't know that because Dumbledore's keeping him and James in the dark." Sirius pointed out. "I only found out because I practically begged you."</p><p>"He'll be okay, Sirius," Remus said. "There's just a lot of pressure for seventh years at the minute. It's the same every year. It's probably one of the most stressful times of your life, but it'll all be alright once the summer arrives." </p><p>"I'm just worried about him, ya know? He's not been himself since we got back from the Christmas holidays. He's been snapping at James and me constantly. He threw a pillow at me this morning! He never throws <em>anything</em>! Like James and I told you last week, he's as scared as a mouse normally. He wasn’t even nervous when James and I looked like we were gonna have a scrap with Julian Drake. Usually, he'd be backing away from it all and waiting for us outside."</p><p>"Maybe he's just coming into his own a bit. Growing in confidence." Remus tried to reason.</p><p>"I know him, Remus. Something is up. I'm really worried about him." Sirius said. He could hear the anxiety in his voice. Remus' face softened and he leaned forward to put a comforting hand on Sirius' knee. </p><p>"If it keeps up and you and James are still worried about him by this time next week, let me know, and I'll speak to Minerva. She'll know what to do, she'll speak to him and offer him some help. She'll be able to make sure that there's nothing else worrying him." </p><p>Sirius felt some of the worry drain from his shoulders and head, making him feel a little lighter. "Thank you, Remus."</p><p>"It's no problem, Sirius." Remus said. "Now, come on, tell me what you got from Zonko's. What new stuff have they got in?"</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. Chapter 12</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Sirius drew his scarf tighter around his face to protect his nose and mouth from the cold as he left Zonko's. He shoved his hands back into the pockets of his leather jacket and hurried towards The Three Broomsticks.</p><p>It was early February by this point, and the weather was still as bad as it had been in December. It was cold and blowy, there was still heaps of snow on the ground and students and staff alike had to bundle up tightly to avoid the biting winds tearing through the terrain of Hogsmeade and Hogwarts. </p><p>"Four Butterbeers please, Mira!" Sirius called as he walked in, pulling his scarf down slightly so that Mira, the owner of the Broomsticks and it's primary bartender, could hear him.</p><p>"On it! The usual table is free." Mira called back, already starting on pouring the drinks. "Why are you ordering four drinks? Have you found a final member for the little ragtag group of yours?" </p><p>"Pete's in Zonko's. Jamie is in the Hollyhead with Lily Evans. They're all coming to join me in a bit." Sirius told her.</p><p>"Is James still dating Lily?" </p><p>"Yeah, he's only been with her for about a month and a half."</p><p>"I'm surprised she hasn't gotten sick of him by now." </p><p>"That makes two of us." Sirius laughed, walking over to the table that he usually shared with James and Peter.</p><p>He wouldn't ever admit it aloud, by he was starting to warm to the idea of Lily both as James' girlfriend, and as a person. She'd always rubbed him up the wrong way, and he'd done the same to her. But now that they finally had something in common, they were slowly getting used to being around each other more. Their shared love for a raven-haired, bespeckled prankster was enough for them to lay their war against each other to rest. </p><p>Mira and Katrina, another one of the other barmaids, came over with the four drinks a few moments later and Sirius thanked them both, taking a sip of his Butterbeer as he surveyed the room. </p><p>"Oi, Black!" Someone said from the table next to him. </p><p>"What do you want, Lestrange?" Sirius sighed.</p><p>Rodolphus Lestrange had been becoming an issue for Sirius as of late. They'd had their brief confrontation on the train during their return to Hogwarts after the Christmas holidays, but that had been primarily about pitting the Black brothers against one another, trying to rile Sirius up the hopes that it would get him into trouble for starting a fight before the term had even started up again.  </p><p>But just recently, Lestrange had been getting bolder. He'd been smirking slyly at Sirius in the corridors, dropping hints about Sirius' sexuality, making jokes about how his dog Patronus must have a deeper meaning. Little taunts that usually wouldn't bother him were starting to get more dangerous the longer they were left unchecked.</p><p>If Lestrange happened to make a joke about Sirius' tutoring with Remus, Sirius knew that there would be hell to pay. He wouldn't stop hitting the stupid grin off the bastard's face until someone dragged him off. And he had a feeling that, if James were around, no one would be dragging either of them off until a teacher arrived. </p><p>"So Potter is dating Lily Evans, right?" He asked.</p><p>There were some looks of disgust now gracing the faces of the gathered Slytherins, including Mulciber, Travers and Rosier. Regulus and Snape were nowhere to be seen, but Sirius was not stupid nor naive enough to believe they were not nearby. Lestrange's group of Slytherins tended to travel in a pack. </p><p>"No, they just walk around holding hands for the fun of it," Sirius said sarcastically. "Yeah, they're dating. What's so important about it that you're asking <em>me</em>?"</p><p>"I just find it funny that James Potter has miraculously gotten a girlfriend and you haven't. I mean, Potter's been a twat to her for the last seven years and now she finally decides that she likes him? And she chooses <em>Potter</em> over you, the well-renowned ladies' man? I wonder why that is." </p><p>"Why are you asking me about my best friend's love life? Because you're too pathetic to get your own?"</p><p>"Someone's touchy today," Lestrange said. He smiled slyly at his choice in words, and Sirius realised that he'd set himself up for more hints about his attractions. He took another sip of his drink to try and seem casual. "Though I'm not surprised you <em>are </em>getting touchy. You like touching blokes, don't you? And you like touching one bloke in particular. One with big green eyes and disappears sometimes on 'errands' for-"</p><p>Sirius was launching himself at Lestrange before he had the chance to finish his sentence. One moment, Sirius was sat at his table, and the next, he was on the floor with a cackling Lestrange beneath him. Sirius had hit him a few times, as evident by the blood pouring from Lestrange's nose and mouth. He didn't remember ever throwing the punches, but he supposed it didn't matter now because he was startled out of his stupor by someone pulling him back. </p><p>"What in <em>Merlin's </em>name is going on in here?!" The familiar voice of McGonnagall yelled. Sirius shook off the hands holding him back and went to lunge at Lestrange again as he stood, but someone was standing in front of him, holding his shoulders, and Sirius could smell the familiar cologne and see the familiar light grey scarf that he often saw hanging up on the back of an office door, and Sirius calmed. </p><p>"He provoked me, Professor," Sirius said breathlessly. </p><p>"I didn't do <em>anything</em>!" Lestrange protested indignantly. Remus turned to Lestrange, stepped closer and peered at the blood still gushing down his face. </p><p>"Hold still, Mr Lestrange," Remus said, pulling his wand out. </p><p>"I can do it myself!" Lestrange snapped, backing away and scowling at Remus. "Come on, you lot, let's get out of here. Watch your back, Black, I'll get you back for this."</p><p>"I'd like to see you try, you miserable little toad," Sirius growled.</p><p>"That's <em>enough</em>!" McGonnagall said firmly. "Mr Black, have your drink with your friends and then go back to the castle. I'd like a talk with you in my office as soon as possible. Mr Lestrange, if you're leaving, I suggest you go back to your common room and stay there for the rest of the evening to cool down." </p><p>Lestrange stormed off, the rest of the Slytherins in tow, and Sirius straightened his clothes slightly as he watched them leave. Lestrange barged past James, Lily and Peter as they entered, who frowned and walked towards Sirius as soon as their eyes landed on him. Sirius' eyes flicked to Remus and McGonnagall, who were both standing close by. </p><p>"Are you alright, Sirius?" Remus asked kindly. Sirius nodded. </p><p>"He was just being a knob, that's all, Professor."</p><p>"Language, Mr Black," McGonnagall said. </p><p>"Sorry, Professor, but it's the truth. He genuinely did provoke me. You know I wouldn't start throwing punches just because I felt like it, there's always a reason." Sirius replied. </p><p>"We'll discuss it later in my office." McGonnagall reiterated. "Come along, Remus, we've left the first years unattended. They're likely causing chaos out there." </p><p>Remus gave Sirius a kind smile, one that was easily interpreted by anyone who didn't know better to be a Professor comforting a student who was upset. Sirius' ability to see past it meant that he knew there was another conversation with Remus to come about the whole situation. And, with that kind smile, he looked back to McGonnagall and walked out of the pub with her.</p><p>Things had been calming down since McGonnagall and Dumbledore had had a discussion with Sirius about joining the Order at the end of the year, but Sirius still felt like he was being too idle. Remus tried his hardest to convince him otherwise, but they both knew that it was a losing battle. Sirius was stubborn sometimes, and his overwhelming desire to do something <em>more </em>was a hard thing to curb. </p><p>Peter had been calmer recently. Still snappy, still sometimes aggravated by the smallest of things, but whatever had been said in the privacy of McGonnagall's office a few weeks prior had improved it. </p><p>James, Lily and Peter stopped when they got to Sirius and were looking at the space where the Slytherins had been sat in confusion.  </p><p>"What happened?" Lily asked. She took off her gloves and unwrapped her scarf from around her neck. Sirius would've laughed at the redness of her nose that now matched her hair if he wasn't so wound up. </p><p>"Just Slytherins being prats again." Sirius tried to dismiss. He took his seat again and the others followed suit, Peter settling beside Sirius and James and Lily sitting across from them.</p><p>"We're not blind, Sirius. Lestrange was covered in blood. Somehow I don't think this was the usual snobby attitude we normally get from his pack of preening ponies." James said. </p><p>"Try saying that five times fast." Sirius joked. James just raised an eyebrow and Sirius sighed. "He was being a knob, so I hit him a few times. He wasn't expecting me to use my fists, he was expecting me to use my magic."</p><p>"What was he saying?" Peter asked. </p><p>"Just hinting that he knew I like blokes, that's all," Sirius said. He didn't want to admit aloud that Lestrange's words had struck a painful chord within him. The Slytherin had somehow and seemingly found out about Sirius' feelings for Remus, and weren't wasting any time in using the information. They hadn't started small, either, they'd gone straight for the big guns, tried to hint at it surrounded by other Hogwarts students and Hogsmeade residents. </p><p>"What else?" James asked suspiciously. </p><p>"Wait, back up a moment," Lily said. "Aren't we glossing over something here?"</p><p>"Merlin's balls, Evans! Yes, I like blokes, catch up!" Sirius said. He was careful not to say it too loud, but the chatter in the Broomsticks was becoming louder now that more people were wandering in. </p><p>"How long have you two known?" Lily asked James and Peter. </p><p>"Few months," James said. He looked back to Sirius. "What else did Lestrange say, Sirius?"</p><p>"He didn't-"</p><p>"He <em>did</em>, I can see it in your eyes that something has rattled you. You don't care about him knowing about your sexuality, this is about something else entirely. Spill or I'm not sharing this idea for a prank that I thought of earlier." </p><p>Sirius sighed again. He <em>did</em> want to know what this prank was. And he <em>did </em>want James to know what had happened, but he'd already dealt with it. James would want to get back at the Slytherins somehow, and Sirius wasn't in the mood at the moment. But James was James, and he would get it out of Sirius eventually, and that was the thought that made him finally spill the truth. </p><p>"I hit him so he wouldn't find out about ... you know ... the <em>predicament </em>I've found myself in," Sirius said. What he didn't need right now was Lily finding out as well. He was beginning to trust her slowly, but he wasn't quite there yet. James looked at him blankly. "You know, with the object of my affections?" </p><p>The realisation hit James like a truck then, and he went pale. "Oh shit, really?" </p><p>"Sirius Black has a crush on someone?" Lily asked. </p><p>"Not a crush, Lily," Peter chuckled. He elbowed Sirius gently. "It's <em>love</em>. Sirius said so himself. They <em>love </em>each other." </p><p>"Pete, shut up!" Sirius hissed, cheeks going red. Lily laughed and he glared at her.</p><p>"Aw, that's quite sweet. I never thought you'd be grownup enough to fall in love with anybody. So come on, who's this secret boyfriend of yours?"</p><p>"They're not dating, according to Sirius." James corrected. "They're holding off until the summer, but they still spend practically all their time together." </p><p>"Merlin, I need new friends." Sirius groaned, burying his face in his hands. James and Peter laughed at his reaction. </p><p>"Come on, you two, leave him alone! Tell me, Sirius!" Lily pleaded. </p><p>"Not a chance in hell, Evans. He's all mine." Sirius said, lifting his head out of his hands and sulkily took a swig of his drink. "Can we talk about something else, please? Potter, I believe a bargain was struck about a prank idea?" </p><p>~</p><p>Sirius fought past the breathlessness as he and James raced through the corridors. </p><p>"Split off at the top of this corridor!" James gasped. </p><p>"I'll go left, you go right!" Sirius said. He and James reached the end of the corridor and sped in opposite directions, weaving through passageways and taking steps two at a time when they reached stairs, trying to reach the same spot at the same time while also avoiding Filch. They always changed the meetup point after a prank so that Filch wouldn't get wise, and it kept them all on their toes to work out routes while they were moving. They considered it fun, as both physical and mental exercise. </p><p>Sirius arrived in the dungeons out of breath and nauseous. He leant against a wall and pressed his forehead against the cool stone, fighting the urge to run to the nearest bathroom so he could throw up his dinner. He was fine, he just needed to breathe. </p><p>He heard footsteps echoing nearby him and mouthed curses to himself as he pressed himself into a broom cupboard. He clapped a hand over his mouth to muffle the sound of his heavy breathing. He left the broom cupboard ever so slightly ajar so that he could peer between the gap in the door and was relieved to see Peter walking by. He was about to step outside the broom cupboard and say something, which would've scared Peter senseless; when suddenly Peter spoke. </p><p>"Have you seen them?" He asked someone. </p><p>"No, they just disappeared. Have you found them?" Snape. That was most certainlySnape. </p><p>"James took the map with him."</p><p>"Are you sure?" </p><p>"Yeah, I searched his trunk."</p><p>"It probably wouldn't have helped us anyway. Didn't you say that it was still in its trial stage?"</p><p>"Well, we're still working on making the charms a little stronger. It's quite tough, but it's fairly accurate. We haven't had much time to plot it out recently, and James takes it everywhere with him. He's paranoid that Filch is gonna go searching around the dormitory while we're in lessons to figure out how we get past him." Peter said. </p><p>"Why haven't you had the time?"</p><p>"James has been busy with Lily all the time. Or off at Quidditch, or doing Head Boy stuff." </p><p>"What about Black? What's he been up to?" Snape asked. </p><p>"Off in Professor Lupin's office most evenings. Dumbledore's been asking teachers to give certain students tutoring and extra lessons because he believes they're capable of doing better at the end of the year with the added push. Lupin took on Sirius." </p><p>Sirius was astounded to hear Peter talking so casually to Snape about <em>anything</em>, let alone about James and Sirius. It was true, their creation of a map of Hogwarts had slowed recently, and they <em>had</em> been struggling with keeping the charms active for long enough to serve their purpose without redoing them, which wasn't always plausible if they were hiding in a supply cupboard or a passageway. But at least he hadn't spilt details about Sirius' relationship to Remus. Or, at least, he hadn't done to Snape.</p><p>Was this how Lestrange had gleamed that little tidbit of information to taunt Sirius with? He hated to think it, but maybe Peter had been pissed off with him and had wanted to teach him a lesson. </p><p>"You know what the next steps are. We need to hurry this up, Pettigrew. We're on a time limit here." Snape said. He passed by the gap in the door and Sirius pressed himself further into the darkness, hoping that any shred of light filtering in wouldn't make his eyes gleam too brightly. The paleness of them could be piercing and obvious under the right lights, and this broom cupboard was tiny. </p><p>When Sirius could no longer see nor hear Peter or Snape's footsteps walking in opposing directions, Sirius removed his hand from his mouth and breathed out slowly, taking a few seconds to try and steady his racing heart before stepping out into the open again. </p><p>What the <em>fuck</em> was that all about?! What were they on a time limit for? He’d have to question Peter about this when they were all back in the dormitory. Well, maybe not when James was there. Contrary to popular belief, Sirius was capable of tact; and introducing the topic of Peter meeting up to talk to Snape about him and James was likely to make James hit the roof. <br/><br/>James considered loyalty to his loved ones of the most important things in life, and for Peter to blatantly go behind James and Sirius’ backs to start telling Snape and, by proxy his cronies, the secrets of almost seven years of friendship was a complete betrayal of that trust and that loyalty.<br/><br/>If Peter had been telling Snape about the map, he could be telling the Slytherins anything and everything. He could’ve been telling them things for weeks, months, maybe even years. The thought made Sirius feel sick with anger. <br/><br/>“Oi, Padfoot!” James hissed. Sirius turned and saw James peeking around the corner, beckoning him closer. “What are you doing just standing there?” <br/>“Sorry, mate, Snape walked past, I had to hide.”<br/><br/>“Snape just walked through the corridor I was in a moment ago as well. He and Lestrange were talking about something, but they were whispering. I couldn’t hear them. Was there anyone else down here when you had to hide from Snape?” James asked, walking closer after determining that no one else was going to surprise them and hand them over to Filch. <br/><br/>“No,” Sirius said. “No, it was just Snape.” He hated lying to James, hated it more than anything in the world, but until he figured out what Peter was allying with the Slytherins for, he would have to keep it quiet. If he could sort it out quietly, if he could get Peter out of their grip and figure out what they were planning, then he could tell James. <br/><br/>“Phew, okay, that’s a relief,” James said with a grin. His brows furrowed once he focused on Sirius. “You alright? You look a little pale.”<br/> <br/>“I’m always a little pale, James, I’m a Black. We all have very pale complexions. The lighting in the dungeon doesn’t help.” Sirius said, looking around him in disdain. It was true, of course. The Blacks were all incredibly pale. It contrasted well with their ink-black hair, made them noticeable. No one could mistake him as any ordinary wizard with the way he looked. <br/><br/>“There he is.” James laughed, slinging an arm around Sirius’ shoulder. “Come on, let’s go back to the Tower. I bet Filch is having a brilliant time mopping up all that hippogriff dung.” They rounded the corner that Snape had come round not a few minutes before and were immediately confronted by Filch, who had been lurking and listening to them without them even noticing.<br/> <br/>“Shit,” Sirius said. <br/><br/>“That’s enough of a confession for me,” Filch said, grabbing them both and dragging them down the corridor. <br/><br/>~<br/><br/>“Oh, hello, Sirius,” Remus said, the shock registering on his face. He opened his door and Sirius stepped inside his office. “I haven’t seen you outside of lessons for the last week, has everything been okay? Did I do something wrong? If I have, I apologise-”<br/><br/>“No, you haven’t done anything wrong at all, Remus.” Sirius laughed, leaning up to press a quick kiss to Remus’ lips. This was now a common occurrence, for Sirius to give him both a greeting and a parting kiss. It was enough to sate them both, innocent enough that they were left feeling warm and fuzzy rather than too desperate for one another. Remus’ hands came to gently rest on Sirius’ waist. <br/><br/>“Are you sure?” Remus asked. <br/><br/>“If anything, you’re the only one I’m not mad at,” Sirius said, linking his arms around Remus’ neck. <br/><br/>Both of them still maintained the idea that they weren’t dating yet, but they knew that this was not the kind of thing that two single people did with one another. They were, in essence, a couple. Admitting that, though, meant that they would be admitting to doing something they shouldn’t be doing, something that they needed to stop. Neither of them wanted to do that. So they played this game, where if they denied they were dating and just ‘pushed the boundaries’, then everything was fine. <br/><br/>It was completely and utterly deceitful and those closest to Sirius, in particular, didn’t believe him in the slightest, but it was better to at least try and pretend that they were not doing something wrong.<br/><br/>“Who are you mad at this week?” Remus asked with a smile. Sirius was known for getting into petty little disagreements with people, not letting go for it for a few days, and then making up with the person. “Should I stick the kettle on so we can have a long rant about it?” <br/><br/>“You read my mind,” Sirius said, stepping out of Remus’ embrace and settling on the sofa as Remus began making two hot drinks. <br/><br/>“So, who’s the object of your anger at the moment, Sirius?” Remus asked. <br/><br/>“James is pissy because we got caught out by Filch in the dungeons. We were playing a prank, we used the map to make a quick getaway, he shouldn’t have known where to look for us, and James is annoyed about it, so he's getting on my nerves a bit. Filch caught us out and gave me bruises dragging James and me up to McGonnagall’s office. McGonnagall gave us both a week’s worth of detentions and took twenty house points off us. Peter’s acting shady and I’m lying to James about it.”<br/><br/>“What do you mean, Peter’s acting shady? And what map did you use? There <em>are</em> no maps of Hogwarts.” Remus asked, coming over to the sofa, placing their mugs on the coffee table and settling opposite Sirius. <br/><br/>“There is now.” Sirius shrugged. “We’ve been working on it for about two and a half years. We can’t quite get the charms right, we keep having to reapply them every time we want to do something, and sometimes they fade when we need them most. We’ve plotted out all the corridors and secret passageways we know of, it’s just the enchantments to keep an eye out for teachers that keep fading.” <br/><br/>“Do you have it with you?” Remus asked. Sirius pulled it out. <br/><br/>“I took it out of James’ trunk earlier, told him I was going to try and sort it out,” Sirius told him. Remus flipped it open to see the enchanted ink showing the extensive map of Hogwarts. <br/><br/>“You should password protect this, you know. Anyone could get into it, and if McGonnagall or Dumbledore know you own it, that you made it, they won’t be happy.”<br/><br/>“We use it for pranks and stuff, and for sneaking about at night. What are we supposed to set it to, ‘I solemnly swear that I’m up to no good’?” Sirius laughed. <br/><br/>“That sounds as good of a password as anything,” Remus said. <br/><br/>“You can’t be serious. I was joking!” <br/><br/>“You’re right, I can’t be serious. You are, though.” Remus said with a smirk. Sirius’ mouth dropped open and he watched as Remus burst into laughter. <br/><br/>“That’s <em>my</em> joke, you prick!” He said. He was smiling, and it ruined the illusion of being mad, but Sirius found that it didn’t matter because that pride and that smile on Remus' face were making the butterflies in his stomach flutter madly. <br/><br/>“Sorry, but I was being genuine. You should have two passwords. Your suggestion would be good for unlocking it.” Remus said. He stilled for a second,  and Sirius could almost see the cogs turning behind Remus’ eyes as he thought of something. "Since you're using it for pranks and things, what about ... 'mischief managed' as the password to conceal it?"</p><p>Sirius tilted his head and smiled. It was certainly catchy. "Yeah, I like the sound of that." </p><p>Remus beamed and he sat up properly, pulling out his wand and murmuring a spell that Sirius didn't hear. The ink disappeared and he folded it back up again. He handed it to Sirius and said, "Try it." </p><p>Sirius took it. "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good." He said strongly, tapping it with his wand. The illustration of Hogwarts on the front of the parchment appeared and he grinned, looking up at Remus.</p><p>"Before you try the other password, let me try something else," Remus said. Sirius handed back to him and Remus pointed his wand at the parchment, his face betraying the amount of concentration he was using. Sirius could feel raw magic crackling in the air, though no sparks or smoke were coming from Remus' wand. Ten seconds later, he relaxed, seemingly torn between proud and apprehensive. "I'm not too sure if it's worked, but why don't you open it up?"</p><p>Sirius took it once again. He flipped open the parchment and scanned over the pages, mouth agape. On it, he saw Dumbledore displayed in his office. Filch was in the East Corridor, while Mrs Norris was patrolling the dungeons. He could see James walking down the West Corridor with Lily, as well as Peeves the poltergeist floating about near the Great Hall.</p><p>"Remus, how - how did you do this? Whenever we tried to track people down on the map, it was never like this. They'd pop up for a few seconds, a few minutes if we were lucky, but it was never more than one person, and never as strong as this."</p><p>"Homonculous Charm," Remus said, shrugging his shoulders. "It's more advanced than you'll learn at Hogwarts. I liked challenging myself at Beauxbatons, so I spent time mastering it. It's come in handy with the Order. I'm considered invaluable because of my bookish nature. It means that I've read up on more things than most people wouldn't even think to consider." </p><p>"You're brilliant, you know that?" Sirius said. Remus blushed bright red and dragged a hand through his hair nervously. Sirius looked back to the parchment in his hands, folding it back up again and saying, "Mischief managed." He watched as the ink faded away to nothing and tucked the parchment away. "Why did you help me to finish this when you know we'll use it to cause trouble?" Sirius asked. </p><p>"Because you're testing the limit of what you can do. Not everything in life has to be so solemn and serious. You're teenagers, you should be using this time to have fun. And, if you're not getting caught, then who's going to know you're causing trouble in the first place?" Remus said. Sirius smiled and crawled across the sofa to Remus, who watched him with a slowly spreading blush creeping across his cheeks once again. Sirius settled into his lap and affectionately brushed some of Remus' hair out of his face. </p><p>"I think James and Peter would agree with me that this might just make you the official fourth Marauder." </p><p>"Marauder?! What are you talking about, I'm not a thief!" Sirius chuckled.</p><p>"Back in our first year, we snuck into Filch's office and took back some dung bombs he confiscated from us. He snitched on us to McGonnagall, told her that we were marauders, that we were going into his office and nicking things that weren't ours. There was no proof, so she couldn't tell us off, we've been calling ourselves the Marauders ever since just to spite him." Sirius explained. "We've always wanted a fourth member. We'll have to give you a nickname." </p><p>"Sirius, I'm a teacher!"</p><p>"You're our friend, and my kind-of boyfriend, I think we're kind of past the whole, 'I'm a teacher' argument by this point."</p><p>Remus spluttered. Sirius pondered for a moment, thinking of what they could call Remus. He was deadly serious about Remus becoming their fourth Marauder. Him, James and Peter been desperate to have another member for as long as they could remember, and even though Remus was the only suitable candidate and had appeared in their lives in their final year of Hogwarts, that didn't matter. There was plenty of time and laughter and mischief to be had in life. Remus' uncanny ability with advanced magic that James, Peter and Sirius would likely never even think of made him even more of an asset. </p><p>When he stumbled across an idea, he focused in on Remus again, a smile crossing his face. </p><p>"I've got it." He said. Remus tilted his head slightly.</p><p>"Please, enlighten me," Remus replied. </p><p>"Welcome to the Marauders, Moony," </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. Chapter 13</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"Moony?!" Remus spluttered. "Where on <em>earth</em> did you get <em>that</em> from?"<br/><br/>"It's slang for a few things. I suppose it's a bit of a werewolf joke that only you and I will understand completely. Secondly, because moony is how you describe someone who gets all dreamy because they're in love. Or maybe because someone's over the moon about something." Sirius said with a shy smile on his face.</p><p>Remus softened and he gently reached up to cup Sirius' face. "You're not wrong there, dear. I certainly am in love with you." He said. Sirius felt his heart melt at the sound of Remus calling him, 'dear'. "No matter how hard I try, everything always comes back to you."</p><p>Sirius leant their foreheads together. Sat like this, with Remus in his arms, a warm fire and nothing but one another, things felt like they had settled into place. He remembered the words that Dumbledore had said to Remus back in December, that the tornado in Sirius' heart, that yearning for chaos, was a facade to control things in a life that had always been controlled by someone else.</p><p>Dumbledore had been right. He <em>had </em>been doing mischievous things recently for the thrill of adventure, the adrenaline of getting caught fueling him. Part of him always had loved that thrill, but he'd always felt the need to make a name for himself as something other than the son of tyrannical bloody supremacists. There was something that had slotted into place in his life now that changed that, making his heart calm and the world shift into focus.</p><p>"Would you have it any other way?" He whispered.</p><p>"No," Remus said immediately. "Never." </p><p>"Can I kiss you?" Sirius asked. </p><p>"Since when have you ever asked?" Remus chuckled softly.</p><p>"Since now," Sirius responded. He wanted Remus to say the words, to want Sirius to kiss him. His insecurities toyed with him like this, made him feel like Remus was just appeasing him by allowing him to have these displays of affection. "It's not fair of me to expect this from you. I know you're stuck between a rock and a hard place, and I want you to want this as much as I do." </p><p>"Sirius, I will <em>always </em>want this." Remus breathed, looking Sirius right in the eye and seeming to plead with him to realise just how much Sirius meant to him. "You deserve having someone to love you wholeheartedly. You have always deserved it. Your family messed with your head, they made you think the worst of yourself and I'll spend the rest of my time on earth trying to make that right."</p><p>Sirius closed his eyes to stop the tears flowing freely. He hadn't known how much he'd needed to hear something like that before now. Remus was somehow always able to right things to say without even trying. "I love you." He said, opening his eyes. Remus smiled and pulled him into a deep kiss that spoke volumes of how much they both wanted to say but didn't know how to express.</p><p>"I love you too, Sirius. So much." Remus said, pulling away only briefly to make sure that Sirius heard the words, making sure they had sunk in completely before kissing Sirius again.</p><p>"We should do something for Valentines Day," Sirius mumbled against Remus' mouth.</p><p>"Like what?" Sirius sighed as felt Remus' lips trail feather-light kisses across his jaw and down his neck.</p><p>"Have a nice romantic dinner or something."</p><p>"Mmm, that sounds nice," Remus said. "Come round here and we can cook something together?"</p><p>"It's a date." Sirius agreed, grinning and pressing his lips to Remus' once again.</p><p>~</p><p>Sirius was in a daze as he walked back to the Gryffindor common room. He and Remus hadn't spent so long kissing one another like that since they'd been in Rome. All preconceived notions of keeping things as professional as possible, delving into the romantic only briefly before forcing themselves apart, was now out the window. He stopped in the middle of the corridor, feeling warm and fuzzy and giggly and girly.</p><p>And now they were having a proper date! A <em>Valentine's Day</em> date!</p><p><em>Life can't get much better than this</em>, Sirius thought.</p><p><em> Merlin</em>, he was head over heels for Remus. What they had was so wonderful. Sirius felt so little doubt creeping into his head. He had his moments, and his uncertainty, but Remus was always just a short walk away, with his smile and his kisses, his honest face. He was always there to make sure that Sirius knew he was always loved and appreciated.</p><p>He took in the castle around him. Somehow, everything felt a little more magical tonight. Despite the cold weather, Sirius felt warm. James would tease him when he returned to the dormitory and Peter would roll his eyes at Sirius' foolishness, but when he felt this way, how could he care?<br/><br/>"Sirius?" Sirius turned and saw Julian Drake standing about ten feet behind him.</p><p>"I thought I told you to stay away from me, Julian," Sirius said sourly. He pulled his wand from his pocket and held it tightly in his hand, poised right at Julian in case he tried anything. </p><p>"I've tried to."</p><p>"Not hard enough." </p><p>"Look, I just need to say one thing, and then I'll get out of your hair," Julian said, stepping closer with his palms raised. His wand wasn't in either of them, but Sirius still eyed him suspiciously. He didn't trust any Slytherin in his year group. Some of the younger years were alright, with their sunny dispositions and their desire to show that they weren't like the bad people who had graced their House before them, but Sirius' year group was ruthless and cutthroat. </p><p>"Hurry it up, then," Sirius said. </p><p>"Something is going on inside the castle. Something big. A lot of people from every House are in on it, even in Gryffindor. I know about the Order, and I know you're aiming to be involved. This has to do with them and the Death Eaters."</p><p>"The what?" Sirius asked. He had to keep his knowledge of the Order a secret for now. Julian was likely trying to bait him into revealing something. </p><p>"Don't try to bluff me, Sirius, I know Dumbledore and McGonnagall have spoken to you about it," Julian said. </p><p>"How? How do you know?"</p><p>"Because they've had the same conversation with me earlier today. I know they wouldn't have missed you out, not when you're one of the strongest duellers in our year," Julian replied. </p><p>"So what if they <em>have </em>spoken to me?" Sirius asked. </p><p>"There are spies inside the castle, so many of them are in Slytherin. So many of them will already have the Dark Mark."</p><p>"What's the Dark Mark?" </p><p>"It's a tattoo that the Death Eaters take on, a snake and a skull on their inner left forearm. It's large, and it moves under the skin like a photograph." Julian said. "Blackmailings and initiations are going on in every House across the fifth, sixth and seventh years. I don't know who <em>is </em>one and who isn't. I've only heard whispers of the mark, and a lot of people in Slytherin are sly enough to hide theirs if they have one. Not many from the other Houses trust me enough to let me close so I can check. But people trust <em>you. </em>You might be able to figure out some names. Stay safe, yeah?" </p><p>Sirius nodded, lowering his wand slowly. Julian looked genuinely scared; like he didn't know who could be listening in on them at any moment. </p><p>"Cheers, Julian. I appreciate the warning. Do you need someone to walk you back down to the dungeons? You look worried that you're going to get jumped." Sirius said. </p><p>"I'll be alright. Thank you, though." Julian said. Sirius nodded again and began to turn around. "Sirius, wait!" Sirius looked back to Julian to see him looking calmer. "He's the reason why you didn't want to meet with me in the broom closet, isn't he?"</p><p>"Who?" Julian just smiled and raised an eyebrow.</p><p>"I'm not an idiot, and neither are you. Don't play games." He said softly. "Lupin. You fancy him, don't him? You're hoping that he might feel the same, that he might consider you because he's young and we're leaving school soon." </p><p>Sirius debated whether or not it was worth the risk to confirm or deny it. If Julian hadn't figured out that he and Remus were technically dating, then was there a risk at all?</p><p>"Yeah, I fancy the pants off him," Sirius said, a smile quirking the edges of his lips up. </p><p>"I don't blame you. He's quite attractive, in a nerdy sort of way. If it's any consolation, I think he fancies you too," Julian said. "He looks at you so strangely sometimes when he thinks no one is watching. He tries not to, I can see the conflict in his eyes. You two would go well together, I think. Good luck. I hope you two work out."</p><p>"Thanks, Julian," Sirius said. He meant it. For there to be a genuine person in his year group that came from Slytherin was a relief. It meant one less person he had to watch his back for. Even if there were spies within Gryffindor, Sirius would notice. He knew everyone in that House better than he knew himself sometimes. He would notice their odd behaviour from a mile away.</p><p>Julian smiled at him and turned around, beginning to walk away in the direction of the dungeons. Sirius followed suit by turning on his heel and going back to the Gryffindor Tower. His talk with Julian was now making him question whether or not he should have a conversation with his friends about the Order and everything that was going on behind the scenes of their school life. The world outside the castle was nearing closer with each day, and Sirius had been desperate to talk to James and Peter about whether or not they would decide to join the Order as well. </p><p>When he returned to the Gryffindor Tower ten minutes later, James and Peter were poured over a piece of parchment. They looked up when he walked in. </p><p>"Alright? What are you up to?" Sirius asked. </p><p>"Just researching some stronger charms that might work on the map," James said. </p><p>"No need, my dear Prongs," Sirius said, shucking off his robes and throwing them on top of his trunk. James raised an eyebrow. </p><p>"What do you mean, there's no need? Have you figured it out?"</p><p>"Well ... technically, Remus figured it out." Sirius said. </p><p>"You told a teacher?!" Peter hissed. </p><p>"I told <em>Remus</em>." Sirius corrected. </p><p>"Who is a teacher," Peter said. </p><p>"Ah, but he's our <em>friend</em> as well, Pete," Sirius replied. He drew the parchment from his robes and handed it to James. "He and I also came up with passwords that would make sure to keep the contents hidden if anyone nicks it. 'I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good' to open it, and 'mischief managed' to hide it. He also put a Homunculus Charm over it. It works a treat." </p><p>James tapped it with his wand and uttered the password before opening the parchment to see the ink spread. He grinned as his eyes roamed over it, seeing the magic at work. </p><p>"For this alone, Sirius, we may have to convince him to be our fourth member." He mused. </p><p>"I'm already one step ahead," Sirius said, flopping onto James' bed. "Now introducing Moony, the fourth and final member of the Marauders." </p><p>"Moony?" Peter asked.</p><p>"Yeah, it's a slang term for someone who's over the moon about something. He gets moony about teaching, about reading, about all sorts." Sirius shrugged. </p><p>"Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot and Prongs," James said slowly, testing the nicknames out. He looked at Sirius. "I like it. It's catchy."</p><p>"Maybe we can add it to the front of the map," Sirius suggested. "Have our nicknames and the words 'The Marauders Map' on the front instead of just an illustration of the castle. It gives the whole thing a bit more character, ya know?" </p><p>"I like your thinking," James said. "I'll start on that tomorrow." He put the map underneath his pillow, as he usually did.</p><p>Once, Sirius might've thought James was paranoid for thinking that someone would do a room search while they slept. But now that he'd seen with his own eyes Peter talking to Snape about their map, he was glad that James hid it there. James was a light sleeper, and even if he wasn't, trying to steal it from under his pillow would be a hard feat for <em>Sirius</em>, let alone for Peter, who had all the grace and decorum of a reversing dumpster truck with no wheels.</p><p>Under James' pillow, it was safe from everyone, even the people in their dormitory. It was even more important now to keep Peter away from the map, now that the charms were finally working and they had a teacher involved. </p><p>Sirius knew that he couldn't avoid the conversation of the Order any longer. He needed to tell James and Peter. If they knew, maybe it would prompt a conversation with Dumbledore and McGonnagall about it all. They might be able to join while they were still students and figure out who these spies inside the castle were.</p><p>They could get Peter away from the Slytherins.</p><p>This was bigger than just House rivalry now. Like Remus had said, the Order and the Death Eaters were at war. If Peter got swept up with students whose families were involved with blood supremacists; if he took the Mark, would he ever get away from them? Would he ever truly be their friend again? Sirius was desperate to make sure that he hadn't lost one of his best friends before he'd even had the chance to rescue them.</p><p>"Lads, I think I should tell you about something," Sirius said. </p><p>"Don't tell me that you and Lupin have done it because I don't want to know about my best friend's sex life-" James started. </p><p>"No, it isn't about Remus, you turd!" Sirius laughed. "Look, I just ran into Julian Drake-"</p><p>"Did that prick try anything?" James growled, suddenly serious and protective. </p><p>"No, he kept his distance. He kept his hands where I could see them and didn't reach for his wand once, even though I had mine pointed at him."</p><p>"What did he want?" Peter asked. </p><p>Sirius realised then that he hadn't had the chance to get Remus' advice about Peter's shady behaviour. Sirius supposed that it wasn't necessarily a bad thing that Peter wasn't so nervous around other people anymore, but why would he team up against his best friends? Nothing explained it. </p><p>"Dumbledore and McGonnagall told me about this secret organisation called the Order of the Phoenix going up against a rising blood supremacist group called the Death Eaters. They want the three of us to join in the summer, but they've been hesitant to tell us while we're still students-"</p><p>"So why did they tell you?" James asked. </p><p>"Because Remus was injured. I wouldn't let him get away without telling me what had happened, so he said he'd ask Dumbledore and McGonnagall to let me in on it."</p><p>"How does this tie into Drake?" Peter asked. </p><p>"He said that Dumbledore and McGonnagall spoke to him tonight. They want him to join at the end of the year as well. He said that there are spies inside the castle, that they might have a mark on their inner left forearm. A skull and a snake. It's an identifier for the Death Eaters. According to him, blackmailing and initiations are going on in every House in our year and <em>at least</em> two years below us." Sirius told them. </p><p>"If the Death Eaters are recruiting teenagers before they've even left school to wipe out Muggles, then we <em>have</em> to join the Order. We have to do something. Millions of people could be affected if we don't." James said resolutely. It was the answer that Sirius had been expecting, and at least some part of him was filled with relief. The majority of him was now filled with worry about what Peter would say. Sirius waited for a few seconds before looking over to Peter, who was staring at his lap. </p><p>"What about you, Pete?" Sirius asked. He fought to keep the calm in his voice. While James was still here, he had to keep his cool until he could confront Peter himself. There had been very little opportunity to do it thus far, with Peter always speeding away to his study groups in the library, or James always being close by. </p><p>Peter looked up, and for the first time in what had seemed like forever, his real smile was back, reaching his eyes and making the dimples in his cheeks appear. </p><p>"Saving the world with my favourite losers? I wouldn't want to be anywhere else." He said.</p><p>~</p><p>Sirius hurried down the stairs to the common room in his nicest white button-up, skinny jeans and his favourite pair of dragonhide boots. James was laying on the sofa by the fireplace with his head on Lily's lap. </p><p>"I'll see you later, Prongs, don't wait up for me and don't expect me at dinner," Sirius said, walking past them. James sat up. </p><p>"Where are you off?" He called. Sirius stopped and hesitated, wary of the amount of Gryffindors sat around. </p><p>"It's Valentines Day, init?" He shrugged. "I'm spending the evening with Moony." James grinned slowly. </p><p>"Oh, I see what you mean." He said. "Stay safe, yeah?"</p><p>"James, we're not going to have sex, get your mind out of the gutter." Sirius laughed. "We're just gonna have a meal and some Firewhiskey. It's a regular, completely innocent date."  </p><p>James gave him a look like he didn't believe anything he was saying and Sirius laughed again. </p><p>"Have a nice evening, Sirius," Lily said. </p><p>"Thanks, Evans, you too," Sirius said, turning on his heel and hurrying out of the common room, practically running down the moving staircases and leaping from one flight of marble to the next at a rate that would give first year's nightmares.</p><p>He took his time through the castle until he reached the closest corridor to the staff corridor, whereupon he turned the corner and saw McGonnagall and Dumbledore stood whispering about something.</p><p>He ducked back and pressed himself against the wall, heart hammering and mind racing at what excuse he could come up with now that his Professors would likely come this way. Sirius righted himself as he heard footsteps approaching and began heading in the direction of the dungeons instead. </p><p>"Mr Black!" Sirius turned and smiled at his head of house. </p><p>"Hiya, Professor!" He greeted. </p><p>"What are you up to? You're looking very smart." McGonnagall observed. </p><p>"I've got a date for Valentine's Day." He explained. </p><p>"Oh? With who?" Sirius' mouth dried and his brain ran through a list of people that he could use as a cover. </p><p>"Uh-" Sirius trailed off. And then he saw a familiar neat head of dark hair and tanned skin. "Julian!" Sirius called, gesturing over to the Slytherin. If Julian was confused why Sirius wanted his attention, it didn't show on his face. "Julian and I are each other's dates for Valentine's Day, aren't we, Julian?" </p><p>Julian's eyes flickered briefly with confusion before they cleared and he smiled at McGonnagall. "That's right, Professor." He said. </p><p>McGonnagall's eyebrows raised considerably. "Well," She said. "I have to say I didn't expect that." Sirius shrugged. </p><p>"Well, you know, I thought I'd give a Slytherin a chance instead of ruling them all out. They can't all be bad." </p><p>"That's very mature of you, Sirius. I'm glad you're taking that approach." McGonnagall said. "Well, have a good evening, boys. I trust that you'll be back in your respective common rooms for an appropriate time." </p><p>"Professor," Sirius called as she turned away. "Can you keep this on the down-low from other teachers?" He gestured between himself and Julian. "Neither of us are quite ready for certain things to be common knowledge yet." </p><p>"Of course, Mr Black. I wouldn't dream of breaking a student's trust." McGonnagall said. Sirius thanked her and she turned away. When Sirius was sure that she was far enough away, he looked to Julian. </p><p>"I'm so sorry, Julian, I shouldn't have dragged you into a lie. I panicked-"</p><p>"It's fine, Sirius," Julian said. </p><p>"It isn't, you said that no one else knows and-"</p><p>"McGonnagall already knows." Julian interrupted. When Sirius frowned, he continued, "My strength lies in Transfiguration. When I said that no one knows, I meant students. She's the first one I confided in, about two years ago. A lot of the teachers know. McGonnagall spoke to them. She was worried that I didn't have enough support from students, so she spoke to my other teachers, and they've all given me little signs of support ever since. They can always tell when I'm having a rough time, and they help." </p><p>"Well ... I'm still sorry. It was selfish to risk outing you for my own personal gain." </p><p>"And what was that personal gain exactly?" Julian asked, eyes roaming over Sirius. "Were you considering coming to ask me for a date?"</p><p>"Sorry to disappoint." Sirius chuckled nervously. "I <em>am</em> going on a date, though." </p><p>"Are you going to Lupin?" Julian asked. Sirius knew that his cheeks were going red and he sheepishly nodded. </p><p>"Julian, you-you won't tell anyone, will you? He's so paranoid and worried about it already, it's taken months to get to this point."</p><p>"I'm not judging, and I have no interest in getting in the way," Julian said, hands raised in surrender. "Just be careful not to run into any other teachers, okay?"</p><p>Sirius nodded and placed a hand on Julian's shoulder, squeezing it reassuringly. "You're a real one, Drake. I'm sure we're not the only poofs at Hogwarts, and we certainly aren't the only ones in the whole world. Keep looking, there's a dashing, ambitious bloke out there for you, it's just not me." Julian smiled. </p><p>"Well, I'm here as a cover whenever you need me. If you can, let me know in advance if you tell teachers what we're 'up to' and I'll flesh out the details. Now go on, enjoy your date." Sirius thanked him and took off back towards the staff wing. </p><p>~</p><p>"I'm sorry I'm late!" Sirius said, slipping into Remus' office quickly. </p><p>"Sirius, why have I just had a message from Minerva to tell me you're on a date with Julian Drake?" Remus asked. He was stood in the kitchen and looked as if he'd been crying. His eyes were red and blotchy and bloodshot. </p><p>"How the hell did she tell you that so fast?!" Sirius gasped, doubling over slightly with his hands braced on his knees, trying to regain his breath. </p><p>"Because the teachers have our ways of getting messages to each other quicker then Floo or owl, and <em>no</em>, I will not tell you how, it's a safeguarding thing," Remus said. "Do you have any <em>idea</em>-" His voice cracked. </p><p>"It was a ruse, Remus! I ran into McGonnagall and Dumbledore on the way here, I made it look like I was heading to the dungeons and had to lie to McGonnagall about where I was going and why I looked so smart. Julian was walking by, I saw the opportunity and took it. He covered for me."</p><p>Remus was looking at him with wary eyes and Sirius walked to the kitchenette. "And what did Julian say? Did <em>he</em> ask where you were going?" </p><p>"Kind of," Sirius said. "Do you <em>honestly </em>think I'd go off with him when I'm already yours? What could he give me that you haven't already?"</p><p>"An actual relationship?" Remus said. </p><p>"I'd be swapping one secret for another," Sirius answered. "Neither Julian nor myself are out of the closet to too many people, I'd only be in another secret relationship. Remus, there's nothing that he has that compares to you. Look, I'll tell you everything as we cook, but <em>please</em>, you have to believe me that it's a misunderstanding." Remus sighed and dragged a hand through his hair. He held his arms out for Sirius and Sirius relaxed, embracing the taller man tightly. "I love <em>you</em>, Remus,"</p><p>"I know, I love you too. I'm sorry I assumed the worst, I should've considered that you'd run into a problem on your way here."</p><p>"Let's just forget about it for now, okay? Let's have a nice evening, just you and me." Sirius pulled back to look at the gathered items on the kitchen counter. "What did you have to bribe the house-elves with to get all this food?" </p><p>"They were more than happy to lend a hand, I'll have you know," Remus said. "Right, let's get started, shall we?"</p><p>"What are we making, Chef Lupin?" Sirius teased, washing his hands quickly. </p><p>"I got the recipe for my mother's homemade spaghetti bolognese. It's the most amazing thing you've ever tasted." Remus said. </p><p>"An Italian dish for what started as an Italian romance. I like your thinking, Re." Sirius replied, pressing a kiss to Remus' lips. "Okay, what do you want me to do?"</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0014"><h2>14. Chapter 14</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Sirius filled Remus in on everything that the day had had in store for him, pausing only to pass forkfuls of the most delicious food he'd ever tasted into his mouth. </p><p>"Did you know that Julian was on the list for the Order?" Sirius asked.</p><p>Their plates were now clear, but they were still sat at Remus' desk, quite comfortable sat across from one another. Remus had Transfigured <em>something</em> into an extra chair and Sirius had to admit that it felt weird to be sat at a desk rather than the sofa, but it was nice nonetheless. </p><p>"I had no idea," Remus said, taking a sip from his Firewhiskey. "How did he react when you admitted that you were going on a date with me?" His eyes were firmly on the desk in front of him. </p><p>"He said that he wouldn't get in the way and wished us good luck," Sirius said. Remus sighed. "You're not mad at me for telling him, are you?"</p><p>"No, I'm not mad," Remus said, finally meeting Sirius' eyes. He smiled and reached out a hand for Sirius, who gladly took it. "I'm just glad it was him that found out. If Albus has spoken to him about joining the Order, then he's to be trusted. Everyone he plans on recruiting is trustworthy." </p><p>Sirius swallowed hard. Maybe not <em>everybody</em>. </p><p>"Remus, I think there's something wrong with Pete." He whispered, staring down at the plate in front of him just for something to look at, something to focus on so that he could get the words out. He almost couldn't bear the idea that Peter might've joined them. The Peter he knew wouldn't do that. Not to Sirius. Not to James. Sirius had to be wrong about him. </p><p>"What do you mean?" Remus asked. Sirius looked into Remus' concerned face and crumbled. The tears were running down his face quicker than he could blink or wipe them away and he sobbed, clapping a hand over his mouth. "Oh, Sirius, come here." Remus stood and pulled Sirius with him, wrapping his arms around Sirius gently. </p><p>Through his tears, he managed to tell Remus what he'd seen that day in the dungeons, how he'd been hiding it from James for two weeks to confront Peter himself. Things began piecing themselves together as Sirius spoke. All those times where Peter had been going to study groups when he'd never been interested in them before, he'd always been studying with James and Sirius in the dorm. The snappy behaviour, the aggressiveness, the lack of fear around confrontation. They'd all been clues and Sirius had missed them. </p><p>"Sirius, he might not be-"</p><p>"He turns away when he's getting dressed, Remus!" Sirius said, drawing back from where he'd been recounting everything in Remus' arms. "The three of us have never cared about getting changed in front of each other. He doesn't wear anything short-sleeved without a jacket anymore. He's taken the Mark." </p><p>Remus cupped his face. "Until you've seen it, you can't give up hope. You need proof."</p><p>"How am I supposed to get that?!"</p><p>"I don't know, Sirius, but you need to get it fast. If we're lucky, we can catch him out before he <em>does </em>take the Mark." </p><p>"What if he's already taken it?" Sirius asked. "What am I supposed to do if one of my best friends ends up as a blood supremacist?" </p><p>"Maybe he isn't doing it willingly. He might be just as much a victim as you were with your family." Remus suggested. "Maybe someoneis blackmailing him. Whatever it is, we need to act fast. I should talk to Albus."  </p><p>"No!" Sirius exclaimed. Remus looked taken aback. </p><p>"Why not?!"</p><p>"I can help Pete. If a teacher gets involved, he might lash out. And whoever might be blackmailing him will know that we know. Who knows what they'll do then?" Sirius wiped at his face and thought hard. </p><p>He lived with Peter, he could find a way to convince his friend to talk to him. Or, failing that, he could think of a way to trick Peter into showing him his arm.</p><p>"I might just have to rely on pure luck," Sirius said. </p><p>"You should talk to James about it." </p><p>"No way," Sirius said. Remus gave him a look that spoke volumes about his disapproval and Sirius shook his head. "If you think <em>I'm </em>hotheaded, James is worse. He once used <em>Levicorpus</em> to hang Snape upside down by the Black Lake in front of a crowd because Snape was bothering Lily. There's no way he'd react calmly about the idea of Peter being a Death Eater." </p><p>"Sirius-"</p><p>"Trust me on this, Remus. Let me handle it." Sirius pleaded. "Let's just have a nice evening, okay? I'll spend the next few days trying to catch Peter out and let you know what happens. But tonight is for us. I didn't get dressed up just for the shits and giggles. I did it so you could stare at my arse-"</p><p>"You really know how to ruin what could've been a very romantic moment, don't you?" Remus laughed. Sirius grinned and shrugged, pulling Remus closer and kissing him soundly. He slid his hands under Remus' white cotton shirt and laughed against Remus' mouth when he shivered. "How are your hands always so cold?" Remus hissed. </p><p>"Why do you always talk when I'm trying to make you forget your name?" Sirius retorted. </p><p>"Touche." Remus chuckled, sliding a hand into Sirius' hair and kissing him slowly. </p><p>They kissed like that for a few minutes, just enjoying the feeling of being able to do this. Sirius marvelled at how far they'd come from the beginning of the year. The small steps that they had made over the last few months had seemed so insignificant at the time, had seemed too tiny to ever make a difference in the long run. Every moment had become precious and dear to them both. </p><p>"How about we take this somewhere a little more ... <em>cosy</em>?" Sirius asked. Remus looked at him in confusion for a moment before he flushed a brilliant shade of red. </p><p>"I-"</p><p>"We don't have to if you don't want to, I-"</p><p>"I want to," Remus said firmly. Sirius smiled at him, the nerves and excitement twining together tightly in his chest. "I really should have considered that this might happen."</p><p>"Well, you're lucky that I <em>did,</em>" Sirius said, brandishing a small vial from his pocket. He'd enchanted these jeans to have a secret pocket inside the regular one to hold extra dung bombs or stinkbombs. But it had come in handy for tonight's discretion. Remus laughed. </p><p>"Were you planning this?" Remus asked</p><p>Siris shrugged and smiled at him devilishly. "I may have been hoping that the opportunity would arise."</p><p>Remus trailed his hand from the top of Sirius' clothed thigh to under Sirius' shirt, settling on his waist and pulling him closer suddenly, making Sirius' gasp.</p><p>He was careful not to drop the vial in his hand and he felt his heart rate pick up. Remus smirked, kissed him lightly, left a few soft kisses on Sirius' jaw, then on his neck, thumbs tracing circles lightly on his hips. Sirius was breathing shallowly, gripping Remus' shoulder tightly in one hand, tilting his head to one side to give Remus easier access.</p><p>"Bedroom?" Remus whispered in Sirius' ear. Sirius nodded and walked towards where he knew Remus' bedroom was, adding a small sway to his hips as he did. He heard plates landing in the sink softly and Remus muttering, '<em>shit</em>'.</p><p>He cast a glance over his shoulder at Remus when he opened the door to the bedroom, giving Remus a wink as he sauntered inside. Remus followed, standing in front of him and kissing him, seemingly able to sense Sirius' nerves. Sirius didn't know why he was nervous, just that he was. He had done this multiple times with Remus before. But that had been a lifetime ago, in a whole other country, in a whole different circumstance, with so little time at their disposal and the heartbreak that was to come looming over them.</p><p>This would be different. This was months upon months of spending time together, of growing domesticity and comfort, their feelings for one another developing with the both of them knowing where it was headed at the end of the year.</p><p>This was the way it was supposed to have been. Not everything was perfect about it, granted. Ideally, they wouldn't be hiding it, but Sirius had been honest earlier. If he had been dating another student like Julian, he would be trading one secret relationship for another, and it wasn't a way that Sirius wanted to live.</p><p>But at least with Remus, Sirius knew that there were definitive feelings there that weren't fading. There was a want to be with him for as long as Sirius would have him. He would have this secret relationship with Remus over one with a student any day of the week.</p><p>"Are you worried?" Remus asked, pulling away from Sirius. Sirius managed a smile.</p><p>"Does this change things?" Sirius asked.</p><p>"I-I don't know."</p><p>"Is this a line that we shouldn't be crossing? We can't take it back once it's happened-"</p><p>"I don't want you to do this if you're not one hundred per cent enthusiastic. We can wait, <em>I </em>can wait." </p><p>"It's not that I'm not enthusiastic, I am. It's you that I'm scared for." Sirius said. He cupped Remus' face with one hand. "I don't want to put your career and your life at risk."</p><p>"It's not risking my life. I think you're being a bit melodramatic there." Remus laughed.</p><p>"It is, though. This is a good job, I don't want you to have to live in shitty apartments and work the dead-end jobs with terrible hours and worse pay-"</p><p>"Sirius, my employment is my concern, not yours," Remus said, interrupting him and placing his hands on Sirius' shoulders. "If someone finds out, we'll cross that bridge when we get to it. We can curl up on the sofa and not do anything else if it will give you peace of mind, I'm just as happy with that as I would be if we took things further tonight."</p><p>"I want to take things further," Sirius said. Remus raised his eyebrows and Sirius gave him a firm nod. </p><p>And then there were soft, slightly chapped lips pressed against his again, and Sirius felt himself being pulled towards the direction of the bed. Sirius pushed Remus back onto the mattress when he felt the taller man stop and gave Remus the chance to move back. </p><p>Sirius grinned mischievously as he placed the vial on the bedside cabinet and walked back to the end of the bed, slowly unbuttoning his shirt, watching as Remus' eyes darkened and roamed as each inch of pale skin was revealed. When he reached his jeans, he moved quickly. His shoes had already been kicked off when he arrived, and he fumbled with his belt and the button and the <em>damned </em>fly, pulling it down before stopping. </p><p>"You're not just going to stare at me all night, are you?" Sirius asked, pouting. He knelt on the bed and crawled his way up Remus' body to straddle his hips. "I don't think it's very fair if you get to sit here with all your clothes on."</p><p>Remus' hands were shaking as he reached up and unbuttoned his shirt, barely able to keep his eyes off Sirius. He couldn't sit up like this, but he was leaning on his elbows and Sirius helped to push the shirt off his shoulders when it was fully unbuttoned, planting kisses on every single scar he came across. </p><p>He looked up at Remus eventually, after a good few minutes of lavishing Remus' body with love, feeling Remus' fingers thread through his hair as he coaxed out soft whimpers at the light brush of lips against sensitive skin, and saw the love he felt mirrored in dark green irises almost completely drowned out by black pupils. </p><p>"You're so beautiful." </p><p>~</p><p>Sirius smiled when he woke up, letting out a long, deep breath and realising where he was. Sunlight streamed through the window and Sirius shifted ever so slightly to look up at the peaceful face of the man he loved. He'd fallen asleep in Remus' arms, head resting against his chest. Everything was perfect. </p><p>He laid his head back down, listening to the sound of Remus' heartbeat and gently tracing the thickest scar on Remus' chest. The movement was enough to wake Remus, who made a soft noise and buried his face in Sirius' hair. </p><p>"Morning." He croaked. </p><p>"Morning," Sirius said softly.</p><p>He looked up again and saw Remus' eyes opening. He leaned up and pressed a soft kiss to Remus' lips. Remus took a second or two to respond and Sirius felt the smile growing on both of their faces as Remus suddenly moved, pinning Sirius beneath him and trying to find a spot on his collarbones that wasn't marked by hickeys. Sirius giggled as he felt a small bit of Remus' stubble graze his neck and pushed Remus back slightly. </p><p>"As much as I'd like to stay like this, I need a shower." He said.</p><p>Remus rolled off him and flopped onto the bed again as Sirius threw back the covers and sauntered over to the bathroom. Remus sighed happily, taking some deep breaths and relishing in the bliss that he felt. The shower turned on and Remus grabbed his wand, summoning Sirius' uniform. It was a Wednesday, which unfortunately meant that they had to now go about their day and pretend that everything was normal. </p><p>"Remus?" Sirius called. </p><p>"Yes?" Remus asked, throwing the covers back and putting Sirius' uniform on his chest of drawers and begun pulling out fresh clothes for the day. He looked over to the bathroom when he heard the door open and saw Sirius poke his head around the door. </p><p>"Are you going to join me?" He asked, smirking. When Remus spluttered, he laughed. "If we want to make it down to breakfast, you're not going to have time for an individual shower. It's almost eight." Remus blushed furiously and stumbled over to the bathroom to join Sirius. </p><p>~</p><p>Sirius had left Remus' office first, cutting through some secret passageways and arriving at the bottom of the moving staircases. He summoned his bag from the dormitory, as well as the books that he'd need for the day, and they arrived at his feet, flying through the corridors at top speed. </p><p>He'd packed his bag, giving Remus a chance to catch up with him. When he had, they walked into the Great Hall with together, both of them keeping a respectable distance apart. Sirius had done his best to cover up the hickeys on his neck. His hair was down and his buttons were done up properly for once. His tie was still loose and his shirt was still untucked, but he'd put in the effort to hide what he'd been up to. </p><p>"So, we're going back over the Unforgivable Curses today?" Sirius asked. He wanted to make sure that if anyone wondered why they'd walked in together, it was clear that they were talking about Defense rather than anything else. </p><p>"Yep. Just the theory, of course. I was thinking of getting some spiders in to demonstrate on, but I'm not sure if I'm comfortable using the curses on animals." Remus said. "As a reminder, the essays on Grindylows for revision stuff I've started setting is due tomorrow. Oh, and please tell James that if he insists on doing his entire essay tonight to at least <em>try </em>to make it sound like it hasn't been written in ten minutes. I <em>can </em>tell when they're half-arsed, and I refuse to mark it unless it's decent work, he'll just get it back to redo." Sirius laughed.</p><p>"I'll be sure to let him know. See you around, Professor." </p><p>"See you in class, Mr Black," Remus said.</p><p>And with that, they went opposite ways, with Sirius heading towards the Gryffindor table and Remus going past the Slytherins to reach the staff table. Sirius slid into his seat across from James, Peter and Lily and loaded up his plate with food. </p><p>"Where were <em>you </em>last night?" Peter asked. "You didn't come back to the dorm, you weren't there when we woke up, you're late to breakfast, but you still have all your stuff with you." </p><p>"Someone's sounding very accusatory this morning," Sirius said. "Relax, Pete. I spent the night with Moony."</p><p>"How was your meal?" Lily asked. </p><p>"It was wonderful, thank you, Miss Evans," Sirius said. "Words can't begin to describe how much I enjoyed the evening. We drank some firewhiskey, spent some quality time together, had a good few rounds in the bedroom-"</p><p>"Alright, Black, we get it. We could guess that from how obvious it is that you're trying to hide the hickeys on your neck. You've not got them all covered, by the way, there are still some visible ones." James cringed. Lily laughed at him. </p><p>"Oh I know," Sirius said. He dragged his hair back and showed the purple marks disappearing under his collar. "The worst of them are on my collarbones. But it seems like he ran out of room." </p><p>"How did you manage to get his dormitory to yourselves? And how did you get a proper meal in there as well?" Lily asked. "You must've had to bribe his roommates with something huge to give you a few hours of peace."</p><p>"Yeah, Sirius, how <em>did </em>you manage it?" James asked, suddenly interested and no longer weirded out by the idea of his best friend having sex with their teacher. </p><p>Sirius, luckily, had already come up with excuses in case anyone asked too many questions about what he'd been up to the previous night. That, and he was particularly gifted at lying. He wouldn't fool James and Peter, but he could certainly fool Lily, and that's what mattered right now. </p><p>"Oh, we sat under one of the trees by the Black Lake and set up some warming charms and pretty little balls of magic. He summoned some blankets and a table and chairs. His roommates already all had plans to get pissed in the common room or to go to that stupid little Valentine's Day party that the teachers set up every year, so we had the dormitory to ourselves for a few hours. We didn't even hear them come in, we were already asleep by the time they decided to come back." </p><p>"That's so romantic!" Lily cooed. "Are you ever going to tell me who he is?"</p><p>"Someday, Evans," Sirius said slyly. "I'm saving him for myself for now, though." Lily jokingly pouted and Sirius locked eyes with James, both of them smirking at one another.</p><p>"So what were you and Professor Lupin talking about when you walked in?" Lily asked.</p><p>"Just what we'd be up to in lesson today. I ran into him on the way down here and we struck up a conversation." Sirius shrugged. "We've got that Grindylow essay due tomorrow, and we're going over Unforgivables again."</p><p>"He's quite fit, in a sort of sweet and gentle way, don't you think?" Lily said. "Professor Lupin, I mean." Sirius spluttered and went red. Lily frowned at James, Peter and Sirius as they all struggled to contain their reactions. "What?! Oh, don't make fun of me!" </p><p>"We're not making fun of you, Lily," James said. "Sirius thinks he's fit as well, that's all." </p><p>"James!" Sirius hissed, looking around the table. It didn't give him much credibility. He had been late to breakfast, so there were very people close by to them. </p><p>"Well, at least I'm not the only one who sees it," Lily said. "It's fine, Sirius. Teacher crushes are normal. It's not like they mean anything." Sirius kept his eyes firmly focused on Lily and hoped that she wouldn't look at James and Peter, who were stuffing their faces with food to avoid smirking. </p><p>"Yeah, exactly," Sirius said. "It's not like they mean anything." </p><p>"Come on, you two, let's hurry up and head off to Minnie's classroom," James said, barely swallowing his food before he started speaking. Sirius shovelled some food into his mouth, grabbed two pieces of toast and a sausage, finished his glass of water before standing with his friends and taking off towards Transfiguration. </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0015"><h2>15. Chapter 15</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Sirius flopped onto his bed face down and groaned loudly. There was no way on earth that he'd be going down to Remus' office tonight. He was tired and had so much homework to do.</p><p>On top of the ridiculous amount of writing he'd now be doing for the next few days, James now wanted him to fill in for one of the Gryffindor Beaters who got hit with a particularly nasty curse during a session at the Duelling Club. Madame Pomfrey said that the boils probably wouldn't go down for days. </p><p>Sirius had been a reserve Beater on the Quidditch team for the last six years and had only had to fill in a handful of times. Gryffindor had a match against Ravenclaw coming up the following day and James had already dragged him along to a last-minute practice. He was aching all over, and not the oddly pleasant kind of aching from his night with Remus. He hadn't hit Bludgers so hard in at least two years. </p><p>James was currently still down at the Quidditch pitch packing away the equipment and having a fly around the grounds as his cool down. Flying was James' way of getting everything out of his system. The only thing that ever seemed to make him as calm or as happy was playing pranks and Lily. </p><p>"I call first dibs on the shower," Sirius said, lifting his head from the mattress and barely managing to force the words out. </p><p>"Too late!" Peter called.</p><p>The shower turned on and Sirius managed to push himself off his bed to get his Quidditch gear off, folding it and placing it carefully on top of his trunk. James would kill him if he turned up to the match tomorrow with a creased and crumpled uniform. Every movement made his muscles ache, and he'd probably have to use some of the ointments that James used whenever practice had been tough on him.</p><p>When Peter came out of the bathroom, Sirius cast a glance over at him. He was wearing his dressing-gown, his blonde hair still soaking wet. Sirius pretended to fiddle around with his gloves and knee pads for a few seconds until Peter had wriggled into his pyjama bottoms, He then moved across the room just as Peter turned around and took off his dressing-gown.</p><p>Sirius managed to cast a glance down to Peter's arm as he passed his friend and saw something moving. Peter was halfway through pulling a shirt on, and Sirius could feel nausea pooling in his stomach. </p><p>"Wormtail?" Sirius asked. Peter looked at him as he finished putting his shirt on and frowned. "Have you got a tattoo? How did you manage that? I thought the three of us were going to get one together after we left Hogwarts." </p><p>Peter flushed and pulled the arm of his sleeve up. On there, was a drawing of a figure flying around on a broomstick, and confusion replaced the sickness that Sirius felt. "Savannah Hatch was drawing earlier in Potions. She knows this cool spell to transfer whatever she's drawing from parchment to skin. It doesn't hurt at all, but they move and everything. It's kind of like a temporary tattoo. They fade after a few days."</p><p>Sirius grabbed Peter's arm and peered closer.</p><p>He'd been wrong. If Peter had taken the Mark, it would be on this arm, and it certainly wouldn't have been a rudimentary drawing of someone on a broomstick, and it wouldn't have been done by a Hufflepuff girl who was interested in working abroad with exotic animals one day.</p><p>Everything was fine, Peter wasn't a Death Eater, he wasn't being manipulated to join them. Sirius still had both of his best friends. </p><p>James burst into the dormitory at that moment and frowned at them. "What are you doing?" </p><p>"Hatch gave Pete a temporary tattoo." Sirius laughed, dragged Peter by the arm to James and showing him. James looked at it move around Peter's arm. "We should get matching one of these at the end of the year. Hatch isn't that bad of an artist." </p><p>The pit in Sirius' stomach was no longer there, and he smiled, feeling like he could breathe properly for the first time in days. The crisis had been averted, and now he could focus again. The four of them would join the Order together, they would fight Death Eaters, win this war before it had the chance to get worse, and they’d be heroes.</p><p>It was a childish way of looking at the severity of the situation, the idea of being heroes and saving the world from danger with his best friends. But if Sirius was being truthful, he wanted it like that. </p><p>And he would have it in just a few short months. All he had to do was wait.</p><p>~</p><p>Remus buried his face in his scarf as he walked up to the teacher's box at the Gryffindor/Ravenclaw match. He had a small red and gold patch painted on his cheek.</p><p>Staff weren't usually permitted to show favouritism towards any House, but Remus had seen how rowdy matches could get and how invested the staff got. They were no better than the students.</p><p>"Betting for Gryffindor, are we, Professor?" Peter Pettigrew asked as Remus passed the seventh year on the Gryffindor stands.</p><p>Peter was sitting right in the front row beside Lily Evans. Sirius was nowhere to be seen, but Remus made a conscious effort not to look around in search of him.</p><p>"If the other teachers can show a bit of support for their Houses, I figured that I may as well join in on the spirit," Remus explained. </p><p>"Well, you're certainly rooting for the right team," Lily said. "Gryffindor is formidable on a normal day, but Carmichael has been holed up in the Hospital Wing with boils since yesterday afternoon, so James has brought in one of the reserve Beaters."</p><p>"Oh? Who's the reserve?" Remus asked. </p><p>"Sirius, of course," Peter said; as if it were common knowledge. "I have no idea why he's only a reserve, but Gryffindor always wins a match by a huge margin with him playing." </p><p>"He's ruthless, and he has a fantastic aim. his Bludgers always goes exactly where he wants them to." Lily said. "He and James are a dangerous combo, both on the pitch and off. He always ends up sending at least two people to the Hospital Wing,"</p><p>There was a giddy kind of glee in her eyes. Not for the first time, Remus remarked how even the students who didn't play used Quidditch as their mode of stress relief. </p><p>"That's probably why he's only a reserve. I'm sure Madame Pomfrey has enough on her plate without constant Bludger injuries." Remus chuckled. "Enjoy the match, you two, don’t get too overexcited."</p><p>Peter and Lily said goodbye to Remus, and he ducked under the canopy that would lead to the wooden stairs up to the teacher's box. McGonnagall watched as he approached, beckoning him over and patting a space on the bench beside her. </p><p>"Afternoon, Remus." She said brightly. </p><p>"Afternoon, Minerva." Remus greeted, settling into his seat. "How've you been?"</p><p>"Busy," She sighed. "Very busy. Between all my roles at Hogwarts, as well as business with the Order, I haven't had much time to myself recently." </p><p>"I can imagine." Remus winced."I hear Sirius is playing today. Lily Evans and Peter Pettigrew were just saying how Gryffindor has an almost guaranteed win today thanks to him and James. That must be a comfort, at least." McGonnagall nodded. </p><p>"I don't envy whoever gets on the wrong side of one of his Bludgers." She said. "Everyone knows that when he plays, you have to be especially alert at all times. He’s got a lethal aim and a dangerously strong hit. He's an asset to the team." </p><p>"I can only imagine the danger that he poses when playing with James. He's a strong Chaser." </p><p>"If James didn't want to be an Auror so desperately, I think he'd make a revolutionary professional Quidditch player." McGonnagall agreed. She was watching the pitch, clearly waiting for the moment where the teams would walk out. She looked over at Remus as she continued. "How're things going with Sirius' tutoring?" </p><p>"He's doing very well in Defense, that's for sure. I'm not too sure about other lessons, but he seems happy enough with his progress." Remus said. </p><p>"Albus and I were thinking that maybe he doesn't need them so much anymore. We were wondering if you agreed." </p><p>Remus pretended to ponder. In truth, he wanted Sirius to continue to come to his office often under the guise of tutoring. They both got decent amounts of work done, and both were happy with how things were going.</p><p>Remus still felt like he was walking on cloud nine after the previous night, and didn't want that feeling to ever leave. It would be much harder for Sirius to sneak in and out of his office without their sessions.</p><p>But he knew that this was not the answer McGonnagall wanted to hear, and so he smiled at her, deciding to go along with her decision. </p><p>"I think it's worth discussing with Sirius. If he agrees with you and Albus, then I'm more than happy to discontinue them. Maybe it would be good to keep the option of tutoring on the table. Not just for him, of course, but to all students, especially as exam season comes closer."</p><p>McGonnagall seemed relieved at his response, clearly expecting a little more hesitation and clinging on. "I'm glad you agree. I'll speak to Albus, and we can make the students aware of available slots in the evening for group study sessions. It would be a lot easier to get through all the students if we did it in groups."</p><p>Remus nodded in agreement and turned to face the pitch as the crowds in the stands began to cheer.</p><p>He and McGonnagall were sat in the first row of the teacher's box, which had now filled a considerable amount, as had the regular stands. Almost the whole stadium was filled with students and staff.</p><p>Remus watched as two rows of blue and silver and two rows of scarlet and gold robes flew onto the pitch. He clapped alongside the rest of the crowd and waited for the whistle with anticipation.</p><p>~</p><p>Sirius shot off onto the pitch at the front of the team, flying alongside James. He knew the Gryffindor team's formations like the back of his hand, thanks to James' perfectionism. He was calm and collected and unworried. They would win today.</p><p>And then Sirius would play the Slytherin match in the bid to win the Cuplike he always did. Gryffindor had always used Sirius to beat the Slytherins. He was just as cunning and cold as them when it came to being on the pitch, and it was the only time that he would accept that he was like them.</p><p>It was just pure luck that he would get to play today as well. This was perfect practice for the final. Winning the Cup for the last time as a seventh year would be an immense celebration, and Sirius did not envy the hangover that his future self would have. It would be worth it for the look on the Slytherins faces when they lost yet again.</p><p>Sirius dared to look around the stadium, finding Lily and Peter in the crowd with ease thanks to Lily's bright hair, and then his eyes shifted up to the teacher's box to see a familiar face sitting next to McGonagall. He had a patch of visible scarlet and gold on one cheek and Sirius couldn't help but smile. </p><p>"<em>Oi, Black</em>!" Sirius looked to James, who was staring at him. "<em>Pay attention</em><em>! Just like we practised, yeah?!</em>" Sirius nodded. </p><p>"<em>You got it, boss</em>!" Sirius yelled back, saluting quickly and bringing his goggles down securely over his eyes. He'd enchanted his goggles long ago to be weather resistant and to give him a little extra help when it came to spotting Bludgers. It wasn't classed as cheating, more like a tool to aid in play.</p><p>His hair had already been scraped back off his face in a messy bun with a few loose tendrils curling loosely in their natural state brushing against his cheekbones. If James insisted that he have it tied back, he was at least going to look attractive while doing it.</p><p>James rolled his eyes and they both focused down at Madame Hooch. </p><p>When the high pitched noise came, the Snitch was released first, and the Seekers were off.</p><p>Then came the Quaffle, and the Chases were suddenly in motion, and then the Bludgers were released and Sirius was already pulling up in preparation.</p><p>He and the other Gryffindor Beater, Frankie Renard, were already ahead of the Ravenclaw Beaters, Elmira Sterling and Blaire Sharpe, at reaching the Bludgers. </p><p>Both he and Frankie hit their Bludgers at the same time. Frankie's narrowly missed the Ravenclaw Captain, Sadie Lyre, while Sirius' knocked the Ravenclaw Keeper from his broom.</p><p>Madame Hooch blew her whistle to signal the stopping of play and Sirius laughed, flying past the Gryffindor stands and riling them up, holding his hand to his ear to encourage their cheers.</p><p>There was an uproar going up around the stadium. This was the fastest he'd ever gotten someone off the broom before. Most of the time, he'd hit some arms or broom tails, causing players to drop the Quaffle. Or he would make sure that the Bludgers hit the Quaffles to knock them away from the goalposts in midair. </p><p>"Alright Evans, Wormtail?" Sirius said, holding onto his broom with one hand while leaning on the stands casually in the other. </p><p>"Brilliant shot, Sirius!" Peter cheered. </p><p>"He went down like a sack of bricks!" Lily said, and there was a mixture of excitement and worry in her eyes. Even the most kindhearted of people could get rowdy when it came to Quidditch. Sirius shrugged and grinned.</p><p>"Knocking arrogant people off their brooms is a fun pastime." He said. </p><p>"<em>Mr Black, to the teacher's box, please</em>!" McGonnagall's voice came out loud and clear over the stadium's thanks to <em>sonorous, </em>and there was a roar of excitement as Sirius flew up to her. </p><p>"Afternoon, Professors, how's your day going?! Weather is <em>lovely</em> for February, don't you think? A little cold, but you quickly warm up when you're flying. It must be cold up here watching the game. You should invest in some heating charms around the box. You know, self-care and all." Sirius said, smiling at them good-naturedly. He pushed his goggles off his face and leant against the box as he had done with Lily and Peter. </p><p>Remus was sat beside McGonnagall and was fighting the smile on his face by hiding behind his black scarf. He most certainly had a symbol of his loyalties to Gryffindor on his cheek, and Sirius felt that silly little flutter of butterflies in his stomach at the sight. </p><p>"Mr Black, you've been in play for less than five minutes, please refrain from knocking people off their brooms. Your average is two per match. If you cause many more, I will have to forbid you from playing Slytherin for the final." McGonnagall said. </p><p>"Professor, I <em>always</em> play against Slytherin, and always in the final! Gryffindor can't win by much more than a <em>hair </em>without me, and you know it!" </p><p>"Mr Carmichael is a perfectly capable Beater, and so is Miss Lyptus as our other reserve," McGonnagall said. "Don't start sulking, or I'll take House points as well. If you must knock someone else off, please aim to do it when they aren't so high up in the air and keep it to the usual two per match. We won't have enough players if you keep up-turning them in flight, and poor Madame Pomfrey doesn't have the space to facilitate all your victims. Am I understood?" Sirius nodded sullenly. "I'm sorry, Mr Black, I didn't hear that. Am I understood?"</p><p>"Yes, Professor, I understand," Sirius said. </p><p>"Good, now go on, rejoin the team," McGonnagall said. "I would like to see you win us the Quidditch Cup for the sixth year running as your last game at Hogwarts. Don't ruin it now, Mr Black." Sirius nodded again. </p><p>"Enjoy the game, Professors." He smirked, pulling his goggles back down again and raising his voice to address some the other teachers.</p><p>He circled back to James, who was now standing with every other player on the pitch; and let him know quietly what McGonnagall had said. </p><p>"Save your other hit for the Seeker. You see Mulberry, you get him, understood?" James muttered. </p><p>"Got it."</p><p>"Are we ready to restart?" Hooch asked. The players nodded and remounted their brooms as she blew the whistle and the game restarted. </p><p>~</p><p>Remus felt his heart stop when he saw the Ravenclaw Beaters enclose Frankie Renard and force him into colliding with the ground. That was a foul, commonly known as blatching, but before Madame Hooch had had time to notice and blow her whistle, Sharpe had a Bludger in her arms and raced towards Sirius. </p><p>"Sharpe's going to hit Sirius!" Remus exclaimed.</p><p>He was a second too late in his observation. No sooner than the words had left his mouth, Sharpe held the Bludger out and let it fly into the back of Sirius' head.<br/><br/>She zoomed straight past him and left the Gryffindors in an uproar as they saw Sirius slide off his broom and begin to fall from forty feet.</p><p>Sirius had only just knocked Mulberry, the Ravenclaw Seeker, off his broom. That made four players, two from each team, who had now been knocked from the sky in the space of seventy minutes. </p><p>"Sirius!" Remus screamed, shooting to his feet and leaning half over the teacher's box. He saw some of the black tendrils of Sirius' hair come free of its bun and whip around his face as the Beater fell. </p><p>Remus reacted with the first spell he thought of, splaying his hand out and yelling with all his might and intention, "<em>Arresto Momentum</em>!"</p><p>~</p><p>Sirius woke up in the Hospital Wing. He groaned and winced as he opened his eyes. His team were gathered around him, still in uniform, and so was Madame Pomfrey, McGonnagall and Remus. </p><p>"Now then." He croaked. "Who's up first for autographs?" There was a rumble of laughter and Sirius pushed himself into a sitting position. "What happened? The last thing I remember is knocking Mulberry off his broom."</p><p>"Sharpe and Sterling got to Frankie, blatched him. Sharpe managed to get hold of the other Bludger, circled halfway across the pitch, flew past you with it in her hand and practically knocked you upside the head with it. She let go of it right at the last second to make it look like she threw it." James said. "Frankie's over there."</p><p>He jerked his head to the bed next to Sirius', which had had the curtain separating the beds removed so that Madame Pomfrey could pay attention to Frankie and Sirius at the same time.</p><p>Frankie was sat up in the bed next to Sirius and they grinned at each other. The other Beater was covered in small cuts and scrapes, bruises beginning to take form and his leg was in a cast. </p><p>"Nice job, Renard. You took it like a pro." Sirius said. </p><p>"I wish I could say the same for you, Black. You look like how I feel." Frankie replied. "Especially when you're bald."</p><p>Sirius' stomach turned. "Oh my<em> god</em>, you shaved my hair off?! Someone get me a mirror! No one look at me!" Once again, laughter erupted.</p><p>"Sirius, your hair is still tied back. Touch your head, idiot." James laughed.</p><p>Sirius touched the top of his head and felt relief flood his system when he felt his hair still firmly attached to his scald.</p><p>He reached round to the bun, which had thankfully remained relatively kept together, and pulled his hair free, dragging his fingers through it to make sure that it was all still there. He hissed in pain as he felt the back of his head, noticing a slight bump and a lot of matted blood. </p><p>He leaned his head back to look at the ceiling and sighed. "Thank Merlin. You win this round, Renard. Never joke about me going bald again, I don't think my heart will take another assault." He looked back to his teammates, preparing himself for the worst. "What was the score? Are we playing Slytherin in the final?" James scoffed. </p><p>"Of course we are. We got four penalties for the fouls and the severity of yours and Frankie's injuries, and because you took out the Ravenclaw Keeper and Mulberry, we were a shoe in to win. It was just a matter of time." James said. </p><p>"Sharpe and Sterling have been put on the bench. Their reserves are playing for at least the first two Ravenclaw matches next year. It was a relatively easy game today. Almost <em>too </em>easy." Lesley Tausis, one of the other Chasers, said. </p><p>"Tell that to the blood matted in my hair." Sirius sulked, feeling the stiffness at the back of his head. "Madame Pomfrey, am I allowed to go back to my dormitory? I need to get a shower and get changed, I feel disgusting."</p><p>"Sirius, you realise how injured you were, right?" Remus asked. "You fell from forty feet, that's higher than the goalposts."</p><p>"If it wasn't for Professor Lupin's reaction, it might've been much more severe." Madame Pomfrey said grimly. Sirius raised an eyebrow in Remus' direction. </p><p>"How <em>did</em> Professor Lupin react?" Sirius asked. Remus flushed. </p><p>"<em>Arresto Momentum</em>," Remus said. "It's a spell that slows or stops an object in motion. It slowed your fall just enough that you got away with minor bruising and a slight concussion." </p><p>"He's underplaying it," Madame Pomfrey said. "Professor Lupin knew what was going to happen a split second before it did. He was up in an instant, screaming your name, and managed cast the spell with wandless magic. I've never seen anyone outside of Professor Dumbledore do something like that at such a young age. Not at such short notice from so far away with such positive results. It was an extraordinary feat of magic."</p><p>Sirius looked back to Remus and grinned as the man squirmed under the attention. By the reactions of the team now staring at Remus, Sirius guessed that they hadn't known those details until now. </p><p>“Well … thank you, Professor. I appreciate waking up with no broken bones.” Sirius said. “Merlin knows I’d rather wake up with blood in my hair than have to drink Skelegro. No offence, Frankie, you poor sod.” <br/><br/>There were some winces around the team as he mentioned the foul-tasting potion. Each of them had had to muscle it down at least twice before in their time at Hogwarts, and it was enough to make even the bravest Gryffindor have nightmares. Frankie would have had to take it to help heal his leg, an unfortunate sacrifice for such a win.<br/><br/>Remus then managed to make Sirius’ heart flutter again with that kind smile, the one that he always put on whenever he was expected to be Professor Lupin rather than Remus. It wasn’t the kind of smile that Sirius was used to. It was a mix between his true self and the act that he had to put on, but it was still Remus, and Sirius still loved him. <br/><br/>“It’s quite alright, Mr Black. I wasn’t going to let you get hurt when I could help. I’m just glad it worked, I’ve not had to use that spell in a while.” Remus said. <br/><br/>To lighten the mood, Sirius thought of a particularly splendid joke and watched the flicker of realisation cross in Remus’ eyes as he surely saw the change in Sirius. It was soon replaced with a warning gaze as he tried to discourage Sirius from being crude. <em>Whatever joke you’re thinking of, don’t say it, we’re in public,</em> it seemed to say. <br/><br/>“So how did I fall, anyway? Are you sure I hit my head that hard? Was it at least graceful?”<br/><br/>“Everything about you is graceful, Sirius,” James said, rolling his eyes with fondness.<br/><br/>“Are you sure? Because I’m almost certain I landed on my ass, it hurts like a bitch.”</p><p>Sirius laughed as the groans rumbled throughout the room. Most of Gryffindor, especially the Quidditch time, who had all known Sirius for a good number of years by this point, and were accustomed to Sirius’ flamboyant comments about his looks and his body.</p><p>“Language, Mr Black!” Madame Pomfrey exclaimed.</p><p>“That kind of thing is entirely inappropriate,” McGonagall added. Sirius tried hard to suppress his smile and to look away from Remus, who he could see going bright red out of the corner of his eye. <br/><br/>“Those kinds of comments are best kept to the privacy of your friends,” Remus said, though there was a glimmer of laughter behind his eyes that let Sirius know he wasn’t too embarrassed at the comment. He knew full well that the cause of his aches and pains were not from his fall, they were very much from his night spent with Remus. <br/><br/>“Nonetheless, you seem to be back to your usual self,” Madame Pomfrey said. “Just one last thing, Mr Black. I noticed concealment charms. You had some bruises across your torso when I was checking you over for injuries. Is there something going on that you wish to tell us? Perhaps someone giving you trouble?” <br/><br/>Sirius felt his cheeks warm. It took all of his effort to focus on Madame Pomfrey. He knew James was laughing behind his hand, trying to mask it with coughs instead, his eyes squeezed shut tightly so that he didn’t have to look at Sirius. Remus, luckily, still had his scarf around his face, and it was mostly covering the red in his cheeks. <br/><br/>“Oh yeah, everything’s fine,” Sirius said. He smirked slightly, relying on his trademark bad-boy façade to pull off the white lie tumbling out of his mouth. “It was Valentine’s Day yesterday, wasn’t it? I had a date, and I spent the evening with them. You know, teenage fun and all that.” <br/><br/>Madame Pomfrey nodded and seemed to fumble for words. “Well, I hope you two were safe, Mr Black. We wouldn’t want any accidents, would we?"</p><p>"Don't worry, Madame Pomfrey, we were completely safe. No accidents will occur, that I can assure you of." He said, a slightly feigned tone of innocence lacing his voice.</p><p>James coughed loudly, still trying to muffle his laughter, and he muttered something about going to find some water to clear his throat. He wandered off, still snickering softly.</p><p>"If you’re feeling fit enough to leave, you and your team, Mr Renard not included, unfortunately, are more than welcome to return to the Tower.” Madame Pomfrey dismissed.</p><p>Sirius swung his legs over the side of his bed and took a step. His knees buckled slightly and he stumbled, but Remus was already there, immediately steadying him with hands on his shoulders. </p><p>"Thanks, Professor," Sirius said, taking great comfort in getting to have some modicum of contact with Remus now.</p><p>Even though he was still a little sweaty and his hair was sticky at the back, his goggles being the only barrier keeping the messy curls from falling in his eyes and his uniform covered in grass stains, the small gesture and the knowledge of Remus' feat of wandless magic to save him, made him feel warm and fuzzy on the inside. </p><p>The team, McGonnagall and Remus exited the Hospital Wing and said their farewells to one another as the team took off back to the Tower for a well deserved night of celebrations.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0016"><h2>16. Chapter 16</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Remus couldn’t begin to describe the kind of anger he felt. Sharpe had been punished even more severely now that Sirius had woken up. Flitwick had made sure that she would be serving detentions for at least the next month and had not flinched from taking thirty House points from both her and Sterling for their actions. <br/><br/>But Remus was trying hard to reel that anger in. He convinced himself that the damage had been done. Sirius was awake, and he was his usual self, albeit a little moody about the blood in his hair, and the proper action had been taken. There was nothing that could be done that hadn’t already been done. <br/><br/>So he forced the anger down and breathed through it. <em>Sirius is okay. Sirius is okay.</em> It was a mantra he reminded himself of constantly to keep himself sane. <br/><br/>Remus trekked back to his office, his hands stuffed in the pockets of his robes. It was still draughty in the castle thanks to the time of year, and likely would still be draughty and chilly well into March and April.</p><p>It was early evening, and he doubted he’d be seeing Sirius tonight, meaning he had the whole night to himself to mark and read a new book he’d bought from Hogsmeade.<br/><br/>“See you tomorrow, Remus,” McGonnagall said. She had been walking alongside Remus towards the staff wing, and they had both been walking in a comfortable silence since parting with the Gryffindor Quidditch team. Remus hadn't even realised that they were now standing outside of McGonnagall’s rooms. <br/><br/>“See you tomorrow, Minerva,” Remus replied, smiling at her and carrying on through the corridors, feet leading their way through the staff wing of their own accord. He could walk this area of the castle blindfolded. <br/><br/>When he reached his office, he raised his hand to place it against the door and let the magic over the room acknowledge his presence. The door opened wide and he stepped inside. <br/><br/>For the first time since the year had started, Remus noticed the silence. He noticed the painful poignancy heavy in the air. By this point in the evening, he would normally be finishing his marking, having a glass of Firewhiskey and a quick few chapters of a book before he went down to dinner, ready for when Sirius came over for two or three hours after James’ Quidditch practice. <br/><br/>But after the days’ events and the change to his schedule, Remus felt like he was at a loss of what to do. He took his robes off, hung them up, and went over the sofa, picking up some leftover essays from the previous night, and tried to force himself into marking them. <br/><br/>~<br/><br/>Sirius wasn’t drunk.</p><p>Honestly, he wasn’t. He’d had two drinks, and it usually took another four and a smoking break in the dorm room with the window open for the alcohol to hit him properly. </p><p>He took a deep breath and collapsed on top of the sofa in front of the fireplace. There was so much going on around him. People were chanting, cheering, playing drinking games, laughing, dancing, listening to music, flirting. James and Lily were sat on one of the armchairs, nestled together with Lily on James' lap, chatting softly. </p><p>Everyone wanted a piece of Sirius tonight. He'd had a chance to gently wash the blood from his hair, but he'd barely dodged the Grover Twins five minutes ago, relying on the, 'I need to sit down for a few minutes before I pass out' excuse. Lots of drunk shenanigans would happen tonight, people waking up in the same bed and not remembering a single moment of it. Sirius didn't intend on doing that with anyone from Gryffindor. </p><p>"Hey, stranger." Sirius looked to his left and saw Julian sitting alongside him. </p><p>"Julian," Sirius breathed. "What happened to you?" Julian's eye was black and swollen, lip swollen and burst, bruises covering his jaw and neck. </p><p>"It's my new look. What do you think?" Julian joked. </p><p>"Who did this to you?" Sirius asked. "Who did it, Julian? I'll knock them on their arse. And how did you get into the common room? How is every Gryffindor not kicking off at having a Slytherin here?"</p><p>"James invited me," Julian said. "He must've had a word with people, told them that I was here by his invitation. No one will touch me when I look like this and I'm under the Head Boy's protection. I'm guessing you finally told him and Peter about the warning I gave you. About what may happen at the end of the year?" </p><p>Sirius nodded. "Yeah, I did. For that alone, he respects you. If Dumbledore wants you, then you're trustworthy, and he trusts Dumbledore's judgement. You still didn't answer my question. Who did this to you?"</p><p>"The Lestrange brothers." Julian shrugged. He seemed to hesitate for a moment before he added, "And your brother. He throws some pretty nasty punches."</p><p>"Yeah, I know." Sirius sighed. "He broke my nose the other week." </p><p>"According to them, I was showing disloyalty to my House and a legacy bigger than myself by warning you about the spies in the castle."</p><p>"They overheard us?"</p><p>"They caught the tail-end of our conversation."</p><p>Sirius' heart stopped in his chest for a moment. "They - they heard everything about Remus?" Julian looked confused for a second before he realised that Sirius was talking about who he knew as Professor Lupin. </p><p>"Yeah. They know you fancy him. Just that, though. I wouldn't tell them anything else." Julian said. Sirius heard the hidden subtext in his words. <em>I didn't tell them about your date. I didn't tell them I covered for you. I took this beating for it. It's proof that I didn't breathe a word to them.</em></p><p>"That means a lot. Thank you." Sirius said. Julian smiled and he shifted slightly on the sofa to get more comfortable, gearing himself to say something else. </p><p>"Why aren't you with him tonight? When Sharpe fouled you, everyone knew that he cast the spell that saved you. Everyone knew that he performed wandless magic to do it. I don't know how, but he somehow boosted his voice without meaning to, I could just about hear him from the Slytherin stands. He sounded so scared. He was one of the first people on the pitch, and it was plain as day that he was scared the spell wasn't enough, that you were hurt despite his best efforts. You should be with him tonight." </p><p>"People will be wondering where I am," Sirius said, jerking his head towards the loud Housemates that he was surrounded by. </p><p>"I think they're too drunk to care about much right now. You showed your face, you secured Gryffindor's place in the final. He'll be worried about you if you wait. He does seem like a bit of a worrier." </p><p>"Oh, he is." Sirius chuckled. "He worries when he doesn't have anything to worry about." </p><p>"But you care about him anyway," Julian said. And it wasn't a question. It was a simple statement of fact. An acknowledgement. Sirius nodded. </p><p>"I-I love him," Sirius said softly and quietly, looking at the fire opposite him and feeling at ease with his feelings.</p><p>Being able to confide in someone who also felt the same attractions to men as he did was a burden from his shoulders. It felt like solidarity, in a sense. He looked over at Julian again.</p><p>"I know I shouldn't. Not right now. But I do. I wouldn't have it any other way, though. Not really. Remus is really special. He knows so many of the mundane things about me, how to look past the facade I put on and see the kind of person I am inside. James is the only other person who's bothered to take the time to learn how to do that." </p><p>"Well, maybe we can take that number up to three people. It'd be nice to put aside the rivalry and be friends instead of enemies." Julian said. Sirius smiled and nodded. </p><p>"Yeah, you're right." He stuck out his hand. "To being friends." Julian's smile brightened up his whole face as he shook Sirius' hand. </p><p>"To being friends." He agreed. "Go find your bloke, do whatever it is that you do with him on an evening, and celebrate just as hard as the rest of us are." Sirius grinned, suddenly inspired, and he heaved himself off the deep sofa cushions.</p><p>"I'll get the Lestrange brothers back for what they did, Julian. Give me a few days to sort something out, and James and I will get it done." </p><p>Julian nodded. "Let me know what the plan is and I'll help you. I know their movements better than anyone. Now go, don't keep Remus waiting." Sirius bolted out of the common room and didn't stop until he reached Remus' door.</p><p>~</p><p>Remus dragged his feet over to the door, still miserable at being all alone, and was greeted with an armful of Sirius and a deep kiss being planted on his mouth. It took him a moment to respond as he stumbled back, arms coming around Sirius and kissing back. His stumbling took him back to the back of the sofa, where the solid surface allowed him to gather his balance. </p><p>He blindly put a hand out for his wand from where he knew it was resting on the coffee table, and it shot into his hand. He was getting better at wandless magic. It was slow work, but it Remus loved every second of delight that he felt when he did something new. He hadn't managed locking charms as of yet, though he <em>was </em>getting good at putting his hand on a door and unlocking it that way. It took a few seconds of concentration, but he'd improved a lot since leaving school. </p><p>So Remus pointed his wand at the door, cracking an eye open as he kissed Sirius to make sure that he wasn't going to accidentally make a hole in his wall, flicked his wand slightly, watched the door close and winced at the slight bang. Within a second, he thought <em>Colloportus </em>and heard the sound of the locks as they slid into place. Remus tucked his wand back into his pocket and slid his hand into Sirius' hair, reluctantly pulling himself away, leaning their foreheads together. </p><p>They were both breathing heavily, still holding onto each other tightly. They were both quite content to hold each other like this, appreciative of every moment they spent together. </p><p>"So," Remus said eventually. "What brings you to my office, Mr Black?" </p><p>Sirius cringed. "I just needed to see you."</p><p>"Shouldn't you be celebrating with the rest of Gryffindor? Won't they notice if you're gone? No one followed you here, did they?"</p><p>Sirius shook his head. "No. Julian knows I'm here, he convinced me to come. He could tell I wasn't enjoying dodging all the people trying to make a pass at me. James and Peter will notice eventually and assume I'm with you. They'll make up some bullshit excuse." </p><p>"So you're friends with Julian now?" Remus asked. </p><p>"Jealous?" Sirius replied with a grin. Remus scoffed. </p><p>"<em>Please</em>. I know you'd never want to date a Slytherin." Sirius threw his head back and laughed. </p><p>"Shall we switch things up a bit tonight and have some Firewhiskey instead of tea? And then ..."</p><p>Sirius' finger gently traced its way down the exposed skin of Remus' chest. Remus had never been so grateful that he'd unbuttoned the first three buttons of his shirt to get comfortable after everything that had happened during the day. He shivered slightly and removed himself from Sirius' embrace to shakily pour them some Firewhiskey. </p><p>Sirius led them over to the sofa and they sat as they would normally, chatting idly, and Remus heart just <em>wouldn't </em>stop pounding. Sirius took torturously long in drinking his drink, and Remus knew that he was deliberately trying to be a tease. </p><p>"Thank you," Sirius said when silence finally arrived. He was no more than one last gulp away from finishing his drink, and Remus was almost taken aback by the sudden gratitude.</p><p>"What for?" Remus asked, frowning. </p><p>"For earlier. Saving me, and all that." Sirius said. </p><p>"You don't have to thank me, Sirius. Honestly, it was a knee jerk reaction. I'd cast the spell before I'd even realised what I was doing."</p><p>"That's even more impressive," Sirius said.</p><p>Remus liked to think he knew Sirius well by this point, and when he looked at Sirius' face, he saw nothing but openness and blunt honesty. Sirius was genuinely impressed by Remus' feat of wandless magic. Remus smiled; the familiar warmth that only Sirius seemed to be able to invoke settling into every inch of him. </p><p>"It's quite alright, Sirius." He said softly. Sirius finished his drink and put the now empty glass on the coffee table, where Remus' empty glass was also residing. Remus watched as Sirius then stood, and felt disappointment settle into his stomach. It had been a long day for both of them, and even though it was still early, they should both probably get an early night. </p><p>Remus was startled out of his disappointment when Sirius then deposited himself in Remus' lap, leaning forward and kissing him slowly. There was no rush and no adrenaline-fuelled feelings in this kiss. They took their time, and Remus felt ready to cry from the tenderness. </p><p>"Shall we go to bed? We're both going to be knackered quite soon if I have anything to do with it, and I want to be able to sleep properly when we're done." Remus chuckled at his honesty. "Can I stay here tonight? I'll summon my things, I'll be out of your hair in the morning."</p><p>"Of course you can stay, Sirius. I hate that you'd have to leave at breakfast. I rather like waking up beside you." Remus admitted.</p><p>Sirius beamed brilliantly, and he dragged Remus off the sofa, stumbling slightly in his rush. When he reached the bedroom, Remus closed the door behind them, flicked his wand to make sure the silencing charms were all in place, and then pulled Sirius closer, turning them both around so he could press Sirius against the door and press against the Gryffindor fully. They both sighed at the connection, and from there things got fuzzy. </p><p>Everything was a blur of hands and lips and warmth and Remus led Sirius to the bed, both of them giggling as they tumbled onto it in a mess of arms and legs. They scrambled around, trying to get themselves straightened out. </p><p>"Ouch, Remus! You just elbowed me, you bastard!" </p><p>"Sorry, love, I didn't mean to, you just kneed me by accident and it startled me." </p><p>Before long, Remus was laid on his back with Sirius half on top of him, kissing him slowly, fingers tracing the skin of his chest exposed under his shirt, and Remus couldn't help but shiver at the feeling of the sensitive skin of his scars being so softly touched. The one that Sirius was currently mapping out the feeling of was from his very first full moon. It was the second most gruesome injury he'd gotten, with his original bite being the first. </p><p>Both were thick and tough, twisted and slightly raised from the built-up tissue. Remus had tried all sorts of magic to try and shrink them, to hide them away or get rid of them completely. But he could almost accept them at this moment. <em>Almost</em>. Sirius didn't seem to care, he just enjoyed touching Remus. </p><p>"Remus, you're crying, what's wrong?"</p><p>Remus pulled away and manoeuvred away from Sirius, sitting up and pressing the heels of his hands into his eyes, trying to stop the tears from escaping. Sirius wrapped an arm around his shoulders and waited until Remus was satisfied that no more tears would fall. He turned back to Sirius and summoned his bravest smile, which he was sure looked more like a grimace. He knew he must look a state, with watery eyes and red cheeks. </p><p>"Don't you dare say you're fine," Sirius said softly. "You'd be lying, and we both know it."</p><p>"It's so silly," Remus whispered, not trusting his voice to stay stable. </p><p>"How could it be silly? It matters to you, it's important." Sirius said matter of factly. "Come on, tell me what's wrong."</p><p>"Nothing's <em>wrong</em>. It's just ... I've never met anyone who's so blase about my scars. I don't normally let anyone see them, but you're so <em>different</em> from everyone else. It's a touchy subject for me. I hate them, they're so ugly and-"</p><p>"They're not ugly, Remus," Sirius said, pulling away and retracting his arm so he could tilt Remus' face towards his. "Anyone who thinks less of you just because you have them doesn't deserve you in the first place. I'm glad you let me touch them, that you let me <em>see </em>them. It shows that I've earnt your trust and that you want to show them to me. That alone means more to me than you know."<br/><br/>Remus smiled, feeling overwhelmed at the pure passion and determination in Sirius' face. He saw the fiercely protective love that Sirius felt for him in the grey eyes that Remus adored so much. He pressed his lips against Sirius' and held him tightly, pushing Sirius onto his back and pulling back only to look at him and say, "I love you so much," before he delved down again and showed Sirius just how deeply he meant the words.</p><p>~</p><p>Sirius yawned and stretched. He disliked sleeping on his bed in the Gryffindor Tower. In comparison to the beds in the staff wing, the mattresses seemed unbelievably stiff and unyielding. He'd been staying in Remus' room on Friday and Saturday nights for the last three weeks and it was quickly becoming his favourite parts of the week. He always had to sneak down there under James' Invisibility Cloak, but for the time whispering sweet nothings and the comfort of Remus' bed and the company was worth it. </p><p>"Morning," James grunted, rolling out of bed. Sirius rolled over and buried his face under his pillow as a response. "Hogsmeade weekend, remember, Sirius? Didn't you say you had to get something for Lupin today?" Sirius shifted suddenly until he was sat up. The last Hogsmeade weekend two weeks ago had been cancelled because of bad weather, so he hadn't had a chance to get Remus anything for his birthday yet. </p><p>His birthday, which also just so happened to fall on today's Hogsmeade trip. Sirius hadn't gone to Remus' office last night as he would've normally. Instead, he stayed firmly in his dormitory, wanting to make sure that he had Remus' present in his hand once he was there. </p><p>Sirius stumbled out of bed and grabbed some clothes, wrestling himself into them. </p><p>"What are you getting him?" Peter asked. He was sat up in bed with a plate of food. He had the flu and hadn't made it down to breakfast the last two days, so Sirius and James had been summoning plates of food up from the kitchen if Peter had been struggling. He looked rough, with bloodshot eyes and a red nose, messy hair and a fatigued look around him. </p><p>"I have some ideas, but I don't know what any of the shops in Hogsmeade have in at the minute," Sirius said, shoving his head through the hole of his shirt and wriggling his arms into it. </p><p>"He likes books, doesn't he?" James asked. "I saw a few in his office months ago when Peter and I came by. Get him a book."</p><p>"He's got plenty of books, James. He's practically drowning in them. He's got <em>millions</em> in his room. I want to get him something special."</p><p>"Oh, he's got millions in his room, has he?" James teased. "So, come on then, what are you getting up to?" Sirius groaned and flopped onto his bed on his back. He stared at the canopy above him and could sense James and Peter eagerly awaiting a response. </p><p>"Just ... <em>stuff</em>, okay?" Sirius said. He felt his cheeks warm and a smile spread across his face. Remus made him so giddy and girlish, he almost didn't know what to do with himself.</p><p>"Are you two ... <em>you know</em> ..." Peter trailed off. Sirius looked over at him and nodded as best he could. </p><p>"What's it like?" James asked. "Lily and I haven't found the time to go very far yet, and I know it's different with another bloke, but ... I suppose in some ways it's similar." Sirius sat up and thought hard. </p><p>"It's good. It's <em>really</em> good. He's not that much older than us, just under two years. He has more experience, but not a lot. He's just ... incredibly sweet about it all, I guess. He's a worrier by nature, so he gets concerned that he's hurting me when he isn't. He's wonderful."</p><p>"Isn't it awkward sometimes? That's what I worry about." James asked. </p><p>"Of course it is! Sometimes we lose our balance on the way to the bed and step on each other's toes, or we accidentally elbow each other getting clothes off and end up giggling for a few minutes about something entirely ridiculous. It still feels natural, though. It'll be like that with Lily. You two were made for each other." James smiled at that, relieved to hear someone else say it. </p><p>"Lupin seems like a good guy. If he makes you happy, then he has my blessing." </p><p>Sirius grinned and reached for his shoes. "Cheers, Jamie. I appreciate it." He fiddled with his laces, cursing his habit of not untying them before he took them off. "Are you sure you aren't well enough to come today, Pete?" </p><p>"Not a chance," Peter said immediately. He tapped his now empty plate with his wand, sending it back down to the kitchens. "Sorry, lads. I think I'm gonna catch on some homework for Slughorn." </p><p>James shrugged and looked back to Sirius. "You ready?"</p><p>Sirius had now managed to sort his laces out, and gestured with his wand, watching as they retied their way across his feet. "Yep. Let's head out. See you later, Pete." Peter waved and watched them go.</p><p>Sirius and James took their time down to Hogsmeade, knowing that they were already earlier than most of Hogwarts. They would miss the crowds for a while yet. </p><p>~</p><p>Sirius' feet were aching by the time he sat down with James in the dorm. He had a bag in his hand with a thick moleskin notebook. Peter's bedcurtains were closed, so James closed the ones around Sirius' bed as well, setting up a silencing charm as Sirius pulled out his quill and an inkwell and began writing on the first page. </p><p>"What are you writing?" James asked. </p><p>"A little note for Remus to read on the first page," Sirius said. When he was done, he sat up properly and read it through, content with the words he'd written. James sat beside him and took the book off him, reading through the note, pulling faces and laughing. </p><p>"Sounds like a load of romantic drivel."</p><p>"Like you wouldn't do the same thing for Lily." James shrugged. </p><p>"Do you want a hand sticking some of those pictures in?" Sirius nodded and summoned the variety of polaroids he had to pick from. Some were from Remus' camera and others were from Sirius'. He'd been carrying it with him a few times since he'd been visiting Remus at the weekends and had managed to snap a few domestic pictures of them both. </p><p>Sirius smiled at one of his favourites. Remus was shirtless and wearing a pair of Sirius' baggy trackie bottoms. They were too short in the leg and ended a few inches above Remus' ankle, but had to be tied at the waist with a hair tie to avoid it slipping down too far. The photo moved, showing Remus looking over his shoulder and blowing a kiss </p><p>"Merlin's beard, where did he get that scar from?" James asked, peering over his shoulder. Sirius put the photo down beside his leg, hiding it from view from James. Remus had very few scars on his back. There were a few thin and silvery ones on his shoulders, but the worst one was the thick one that stretched from the middle of his spine to his hip, dipping just below the waistband of the trackies. </p><p>"Oh, it's ... it's an old injury from when he was a kid. He's mentioned it, but he didn't go too much into detail. I didn't push. He looked uncomfortable, so I just left it alone." Sirius said. James busied himself with rifling through some of the pictures, showing them to Sirius and asking whether or not he wanted them to go into the notebook. </p><p>With any luck, with two pairs of hands, they'd get this done well before Sirius was aiming to be at Remus' office, and he wouldn't have to hide the surprise. </p><p>~</p><p>Remus wasn't at dinner, and Sirius tried not to be too disappointed. </p><p>"So," Lily said, sliding into a seat beside James. "Who's Moony?" </p><p>"I'm not telling you, Lily," Sirius said. He'd had this conversation with Lily a few times before.</p><p>"James said that it was his birthday today." </p><p>Sirius shot a glare in James' direction that went completely ignored since James was too busy shovelling food into his mouth. "Yeah, it is. I'm seeing him later on tonight." </p><p>"Will, you at least tell me what House he's in?" Lily asked. Sirius shook his head and she pouted. Sirius took his time with his food, looking up now and then to join in conversations with James and Lily. Peter was still up in the dorm, though he was slowly on the mend.</p><p>Remus didn't show his face at all during dinner, and when people began to depart the Hall, Sirius took it as his opportunity to say his goodbyes for the evening. </p><p>"I'll probably see you for breakfast tomorrow morning, alright?" Sirius said, climbing out from his bench and dragging a hand through his hair nervously. Was Remus sick? The full moon wasn't for another two weeks yet and he hadn't mentioned anything to do with the Order, so there shouldn't be anything keeping him. </p><p>James and Lily wished him luck and he stuffed his hands in his pockets, wandering out of the Great Hall, ducking into a secret passageway and taking the long way to Remus' office. This way, he could avoid everyone. A lot of the passageways connected and were close enough to each other that you could go almost anywhere in the castle using them. It was only into the Towers and the staff wing itself that you couldn't get into without crossing into one of the main corridors. </p><p>Sirius poked his head out from the passageway closest to the staff wing and checked both ways before emerging from the tunnel, letting the tapestry fall back into place before hurrying towards Remus' office. </p><p>When he knocked on the door, he waited for a few seconds for a response, ultimately getting nothing. Usually, he just walked right in now, especially during the weekends, but if Remus was ill, or he was recovering from a mission, Sirius wanted to allow him to open the door himself instead. Sirius didn't want to just assume that he was welcome. </p><p>Sirius knocked again and got no response. There was a tight feeling of anxiety in his chest, now concerned about where Remus was and if he was okay. He pushed at the door and it opened, leaving Sirius to gape at the once familiar room. </p><p>The fire was out, and it looked as if it hadn't been on all day. There was a plate with crumbs from toast by the sink in the kitchenette. Remus had at least been here at breakfast. The sofa was now at a diagonal, the soft pillows that had once been in the apartment in Rome now strewn across the floor. The desk was turned upside down and the wooden chair was in splinters, as was the coffee table. Books that Remus had loved for years had their pages ripped out and crumpled. </p><p>Sirius hurried over to the bedroom to find the bed in a similar state, with feathers everywhere and the bedframe cracked and splintered, the bookshelf on the floor and an all too familiar box spread out across the floor, now destroyed. There were polaroids everywhere, shredded and ripped, the leatherbound notebook that Sirius had bought for Remus in Rome now with a crater sent straight through the centre. </p><p>But there was no Remus anywhere. </p><p>Sirius went over to the box of polaroids, noticing a strip of parchment that didn't belong to the notebook and had words written on it. They were certainly not Sirius' handwriting. He knelt and scanned over it. </p><p>
  <em>Sirius,</em>
</p><p><em>The date is March tenth, just past ten in the morning. I need you to know that my disappearance was not an accident. </em> <em>There is every chance that they will find this and will tear it up before you even have the chance to see it, but t</em><em>hey're planning on staging a suicide, but not before they torture me for information. </em><em>I can hear them say so through the front door. They've tried to blast it down, but I have protections against my office that's kept them at bay so far. I can't recognise any of the voices, but they're looking for me. </em></p><p><em>I'm writing this from my bathroom with an enchanted pen so that I can get everything down faster. With any luck, I will find some way to leave this for you to find.</em> <em> They're doing this to target you, Sirius. They know you're joining the Order, they know you'll pose a threat when you join. I think that's why Sharpe and Sterling targeted you in the Quidditch match. Julian was right in saying that there are recruits in every House. </em></p><p><em>Find me. Please, find me. I</em><em>f it's too late, I want you to know that I love you. They'll play the angle that I didn't feel the same, but that is a </em>lie<em>.</em><em> You are not my first boyfriend or love, my first time or kiss, but you were the one that mattered. You're the first one to see what no one else did. You see the beauty in every part of me. I don't shy away from my scars with you. I confessed my lycanthropy, and I forgot about it completely during our first time together. No one else has made that happen. You have touched a part of me that I didn't even know existed. You are the first one that I knew I could spend the rest of my life with and be the happiest man alive doing so. </em></p><p>
  <em>I love you, Sirius. More than you'll ever know, more than I'll ever be able to express, </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Always yours, my love, </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Moony,</em>
</p><p>Sirius' impending panic made his hands shake and he could barely make his way through the letter. Remus had found a way to get the note to him. By magic, by luck, something had worked in their favour, and now it was up to Sirius to make things right. </p><p><em>They. Who's they</em>? </p><p>Death Eaters. It had to be Death Eaters. Ones working inside the school, for sure. Sirius had to find out who they were, where they'd taken Remus. If they'd gotten in and were trying to target Sirius, they wouldn't have taken him far. Not out of the castle, not to Hogsmeade, not when there was so much risk of being seen. </p><p>If they were planning a staged suicide, there were really only a few options. </p><p>Three Towers at Hogwarts.</p><p>Two were for Houses and would have no way of accessing the roof. </p><p>One with the privacy and the wide-open window with a deathly drop to the courtyard. </p><p>They were going to torture Remus and throw him off the Astronomy Tower.</p><p>Sirius scrambled to his feet and burst out of Remus' office, leaving the door wide open. He sprinted further into the staff wing, knowing the shortcuts he needed to get to the Astronomy Tower. He barrelled past a small battalion of teachers walking back from dinner, racing around them and ignoring their cries for him to come back <em>this instant</em>. He ducked into a passageway, feet pounding against the cobblestones and not waiting for his eyes to adjust. </p><p>He'd been wrong. There was no way that the Lestrange brothers could've known that Remus meant <em>that </em>much to Sirius without some kind of inside knowledge. Plenty of students had crushes on plenty of teachers, and nothing was ever thought of them. Everyone was susceptible. But they knew, somehow, that Remus and Sirius were dating, loved each other, were just trying to make it to the end of the year before they became a little more public about their relationship. </p><p>Sirius was running out of breath and there was a stitch in his side, but he was forced himself to keep moving, moving the portrait covering the exit of the passageway to one side as he clambered out. He didn't bother to adjust it again and took off back down the corridor, slowing as he neared the stairs to the Astronomy Tower.</p><p>He pulled out his wand and took his shoes off, hiding them in a darkened corner. Shoes tended to echo off the wiry steps and the last thing he wanted was to alert anyone's attention. </p><p>He crept up the stairs, wand out, peering up the stairs to make sure that there was no one waiting to ambush him. </p><p>When Sirius reached the top, he looked around the room quickly. He couldn't see anyone, but there were so many shadows and so many corners that he just couldn't be sure. </p><p>So, instead, he focused in on the figure by the window. He was sat on a seat just a few feet from the edge, and his face was covered in blood, but Sirius recognised it anyway. </p><p>"Remus," Sirius whispered.</p><p>There was a small whimper of pain and Sirius couldn't help but smile. Remus was alive. He was okay. He hurried over and knelt in front of Remus, placing his hands on Remus' knees.</p><p>"It's alright, love, I got your note. I've been with James all day. I'm so sorry I wasn't there with you last night. I should've been there this morning to help you. I had to go to Hogsmeade to get your birthday present. I didn't forget, the last trip got cancelled because of the weather. I wanted to get you a surprise. When you didn't come to dinner, I got so worried that something was wrong. Your office is a tip. But it's okay, I'll get you down to Madame Pomfrey and I'll clean it for you as soon as you're out of the Hospital Wing. I'm never leaving your side again, I swear." </p><p>"Sirius-" Remus rasped. His arms were bound behind his back, but he leaned forward as best he could, recognising Sirius' voice. "You're here. You found me." </p><p>"Yeah, I'm here. I'm here, love, and I'm never leaving again. Come on, let's get these ropes undone, and we'll get out of here, yeah?" Sirius moved to stand and immediately felt the hairs on the back of his neck stand up. He whirled, wand in his hand, a spell already bursting from the wood, and saw the face he'd been dreading seeing since reading Remus' note standing in front of him. The spell bounced off a <em>Protego</em> and Sirius clenched his jaw.</p><p>There was a deadly kind of smirk on his opponent's chubby face, and his blonde hair was the neatest it had been in years. His robes were black and rolled up to the sleeves. </p><p>"Evening, Padfoot. It's so nice of you to finally join us. You're just in time for the main event." Peter said. </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0017"><h2>17. Chapter 17</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Remus coughed violently. He could taste the blood in his mouth. He turned his head to the side and spat as much of it as he could onto the floor. He could hear the splatter of it and was repulsed for a second. He could feel his heartbeat in his head, but he couldn't see, could barely hear. </p><p>There was a blindfold fastened tightly around his eyes and he was tied to a chair with ropes. He had been forced to sit like this for what must've been hours now.</p><p>He'd not been able to see since the Death Eaters had found him. He'd had no chance to fight back. He'd only had a brief second to fold his note for Sirius up and hide it under the wristband of his watch before the door had burst open and two people had grabbed ahold of him in masks, put the blindfold over his eyes and marched him out.</p><p>Remus had used his proficiency for wandless magic to gently nudge the note out from underneath his watch, letting it slide down his leg and stick to his shoe, only leaving when he was at the door to his bedroom. From there, he had no idea where it had placed itself.</p><p>It was a simple piece of magic inspired by Muggle sleight of hand card tricks, and Remus had been able to think of very little else than the note since he'd arrived here. </p><p>The Death Eaters had led him into a passageway, and the only way he knew that was because of the sudden coldness and the feeling of brushing against the bricks on the walls. Only the secret tunnels running through Hogwarts felt like that. </p><p>Remus had long since guessed that he was at the Astronomy Tower, feeling the wind at his back and knowing that his predictions had been right. They would stage a suicide tonight. By now, hours had gone by, and Remus was sure that they were waiting until at least the evening until they got on to the main event. That way, he would likely not be found until the morning, when all the evidence of Death Eaters was gone. </p><p>So Remus waited. He held on and waited for Sirius to come, hoping that he had found a way to figure out where Remus was being held, hoping that he would've been smart enough to get back up. He would go to McGonnagall, get James, get Dumbledore, bring <em>someone </em>with him.</p><p>When he finally heard a familiar voice whisper his name from across the room, Remus involuntarily whimpered. He couldn't tell if this was a figment of his imagination or reality, and then he felt someone placing their hands on Remus' knees. That was when he knew that it must be Sirius. It had to be. </p><p>"It's alright, love, I got your note. I've been with James all day. I'm so sorry I wasn't there with you last night. I should've been there this morning to help you. I had to go to Hogsmeade to get your birthday present. I didn't forget, the last trip got cancelled because of the weather. I wanted to get you a surprise. When you didn't come to dinner, I got so worried that something was wrong. Your office is a tip. But it's okay, I'll get you down to Madame Pomfrey and I'll clean it for you as soon as you're out of the Hospital Wing. I'm never leaving your side again, I swear." </p><p>"Sirius-" Remus rasped. His arms were bound behind his back, but he leaned forward as best he could, recognising Sirius' voice and wanting to be closer to him, wanting to reach out and make sure that he was real. He felt ashamed to think that he needed Sirius. He needed to hold Sirius, to feel the softness of his raven hair beside Remus' cheek and now that he wasn't going crazy. "You're here. You found me."</p><p>Remus knew he sounded ever so slightly too desperate. He hated that he needed saving, but all that mattered was that Sirius was here in time. Sirius would not have to deal with the pain of losing someone tonight. They would be safe. </p><p>"Yeah, I'm here. I'm here, love, and I'm never leaving again. Come on, let's get these ropes undone, and we'll get over here, yeah?" Sirius moved to stand, and immediately Remus could hear the sound of magic whizzing, but he didn't know who from. No one fell at his feet, which meant that Sirius was still standing. He wasn't unconscious, he wasn't dead, he was safe, he was here. That was all Remus needed to remember.</p><p>"Evening, Padfoot. It's so nice of you to finally join us. You're just in time for the main event." A voice said. </p><p>Remus recognised that voice. For the first time since being taken by Death Eaters, Remus knew with confidence that he and Sirius had been wrong about Peter Pettigrew. Just because he hadn't had the Dark Mark a few weeks ago, it didn't mean anything. He had likely gotten it not long after, or he would be getting it tonight if things went disastrously wrong for Remus and Sirius. </p><p>"Alright, Wormtail?" Sirius replied, his voice stiff. "How long have you known that I was onto you?"</p><p>"Since the beginning, that day in the dungeons when I was talking to Snape. You were hiding in the broom closet."</p><p>"How did you know?"</p><p>"Slughorn and Filch always make sure that the cupboards in the dungeons are closed completely because sometimes there are leaks from the Black Lake. It seeps into the wood and makes the whole place stink. They're never cracked open so much as an inch. The one you were hiding was open slightly. And then you and James got caught in the dungeons admitting that you were playing a prank on Filch and got detentions for it. I figured it must've been you hiding there."</p><p>"Nice deducing. Didn't realise you had it in you," Sirius said. </p><p>"Thank you for not telling James, by the way. He would've made things a lot harder. I always did like him more than you. It would've been such a shame to have to kill him if he came charging after you tonight."</p><p>"Why are you doing this? I know I'm a dickhead sometimes, and I know I'm not the easiest person to live with, but I was never malicious with you. I never did anything that I wouldn't have done to James." </p><p>"Because I was sick of always being the replaceable one!"</p><p>"No, you weren't! You're our equal, you're our friend. That isn't a valid reason for kidnapping a teacher, torturing him and trying to stage a suicide!"</p><p>"It's happening whether you like it or not, Sirius," Peter said. "He's been fun to toy with, at least."</p><p>"Why Remus? Why not just come for me? Why did you have to drag him into it?! Remus is innocent. Your problem is with me."</p><p>"I knew you would find him in time, and I want you to watch. I want you to hear him scream, to watch as he falls to the courtyard. That kind of thing is bound to break you completely. You've always felt things strongly." Peter said. "This is a lesson for you, Sirius. You abandoned a legacy of purity, of keeping the wizarding world clean."</p><p>"Merlin's beard, Peter, you've been completely brainwashed by them. You're not even from a Sacred Twenty-Eight family. Your parents are purebloods, but they work in mediocre departments in the Ministry. They're not senior officials, they're not on the Wizengamot, they're not Aurors, neither of them is the Minister. You're nothing to them!" </p><p>"None of that matters. I'm a pureblood, and that's the only thing that counts." Peter said. "Lupin is a half-blood. One of his parents is a Muggle. His mother, I believe. Hope, isn't it, Lupin?" </p><p>"You leave my mother out of this, Pettigrew." Remus managed to croak. He could hear Peter laugh lowly. </p><p>"Touchy subject." He said. "Did you know he's a werewolf, Sirius?" </p><p>Sirius was silent, and Remus' heart constricted. He wouldn't lie, but he wouldn't tell the truth either. Peter would be able to tell that he was lying. He was stuck between a rock and a hard place. </p><p>"I bet you did. I bet you figured it out, and he told you the truth. Why didn't you run for the hills, I wonder? Didn't your parents teach you it was dangerous to meddle with dark creatures?"</p><p>"My parents are wrong about a lot of things. Not all werewolves are bad, and not all purebloods are good. You and Remus are perfect examples of that. Give it up, Pete. This little plan of yours was poorly executed, and it ends now. I'm taking Remus with me, and you're going to Azkaban."</p><p>The sounds of magic begin to fill the air and Remus could only guess that they were now duelling. Sirius was incredible as a duellist. He was gifted and strong in most areas of magic, and Remus did not doubt that things would be fine. He would beat Peter, he just needed a few minutes. </p><p>But when Sirius cried out, Remus' heart stopped. He heard something fall to the floor and a scream echo through the room, and knew that it was Sirius. He was just out of reach, his leg brushed against Remus' foot as he writhed, and Remus hadn't read so many books and academic texts to miss what spell Peter had used. </p><p>He was using the Cruciatus Curse. An Unforgivable. One that Remus had taught theory on in his lessons. He'd never shown the students how to do it, which meant that someone else had. But Peter knew the way the spell worked from Remus' lessons, and now he was using it on one of his best friends. </p><p>Magic sizzled through the air again and Sirius let out a prolonged scream, arching and part of him pushing against Remus' leg. He was so close, but so far away, and Remus strained against the ropes around his arms, tears streaming down his face. Trying to break free was useless, he knew that, but Sirius needed him. Remus had lured him here and now he was being tortured and Remus <em>had to do something</em>.</p><p>"Peter, stop!" Remus cried. "Stop it, leave him alone! It's me you want, not him! You're hurting him, stop!" His voice was high and reedy, desperate and cracking. Sirius took a big gulp of air and screamed again and Remus tried to shift his chair forward, but it wouldn't budge. </p><p>It went on for a few more minutes as Remus begged for Peter to stop, and then silence came. There were no more screams, no more begging on Remus' part. Something was dragged across the floor and there was some audible fiddling around as Peter did something. His footsteps came closer and the blindfold came off. Remus winced against the sudden brightness. It was never light in the Astronomy Tower, but after hours of darkness, even this was too much for now. </p><p>Peter was in black robes with his sleeves rolled up to the elbow, and his Dark Mark was on full display. "Suits me, doesn't it, Professor?" Peter grinned, baring his forearm. </p><p>The skull and snake seemed to writhe under his skin, a completely separate entity that didn't seem to belong on Peter. Not sweet and unassuming Peter, with his big smile and his kind blue eyes. He was close with Lily Evans, and they were often seen joking with one another. He rarely ever smirked or had this air of cruelty around him. This was taught behaviour. He had mastered it, hid it, and had fooled everyone. </p><p>Remus looked away and his eyes landed on Sirius, with his bloody nose and a busted lip. He was tied to the handrail of the stairs and was looking at Remus, trying his hardest to muster up a smile. There was little fight or moxy left in him. The Cruciatus Curse was enough to do that to even the strongest of wizards, and Sirius fit that bill cleanly. To have it used against him continuously for Merlin knew how long by this point, with only a few seconds to breathe and regain his sense of up and down, left and right, took more strength than most had. </p><p>Something would be stolen from Sirius tonight after all that had happened. The curse would've taken a semblance of innocence, of faith in the goodness of people. He would lose the trust he had in those closest to him, afraid that something would happen again. </p><p>"What happened to your cronies, Pete?" Sirius asked. He was stalling for time. Peter was now stood in one of the corners, fiddling around with a bag. </p><p>"They let me deal with this one on my own. I'll be seeing them once everything is done." Peter said, waving a hand dismissively. </p><p>
  <em>Once everything is done.</em>
</p><p>Once Remus was dead and Sirius was too broken to remember what was real and what was fake.</p><p>Remus was struck with terror then. That's what Peter wanted, for Sirius to be so discredited that he was put on a ward in St Mungo's for the rest of his life, never to be believed, never to be taken seriously, always haunted by what had happened here tonight. Remus could barely breathe, and he was sure it wasn't because of the broken rib he had.</p><p>He watched as Peter pulled something out of his bag, a vial of green liquid now in his hand. </p><p>"What's that?" Remus asked, staring at the vial suspiciously. </p><p>"You'll find out soon enough," Peter said. "But first, we have a guest." He walked to the shadows and pulled at something. Out of the shadows, Julian Drake stumbled to his feet and limped into the light.</p><p>"Julian!" Sirius cried.</p><p>"How did-"</p><p>"He's been here since yesterday morning. I wanted to test some methods out on some humans rather than animals." Peter explained.</p><p>He led Julian to stand beside Remus, and the two looked at each other. Julian was leaning heavily on one leg, his face battered and bruised and his school uniform covered in blood. He looked as if he'd been ambushed before he'd even had the chance to go to his first class.</p><p>"Are you okay?" Remus asked. </p><p>"Yeah, you?" Julian replied. Remus nodded. </p><p>"We'll figure something out," Remus assured him quietly. The two of them had an understanding at that moment. <em>Put on a brave face for Sirius. For the love we both share for him. </em></p><p>"Shall we begin?" Peter said loudly. He looked at Remus and Julian and tilted his head. "I've just realised. Now that Sirius is here, and now that he's going to see Lupin's demise, do I have a use for you anymore, Drake?" </p><p>"Let him go, Peter," Remus said. "He's got nothing to do with this, just let him go back to his common room." Peter seemed to ponder for a moment, sighing eventually. </p><p>"I don't think that's going to work." He said, pulling out his wand and flicking it in Julian's direction. "<em>Avada Kedavra</em>." </p><p>"No!" Remus roared, but it was too late. A bright green stream of light burst from Peter's wand. Remus and Sirius strained against their bonds as they tried to reach for Julian, to pull him away, to save him. </p><p>Julian fell back, and Remus could only turn his head to see so far as he saw the Slytherin go over the side of the Tower. </p><p>Remus hung his head in shame and the guilt began to seep in. Peter came back to Remus, uncorked the vial in his hand and stood beside Remus, grabbing a fistful of his hair and pulling it back. He used Remus' cry of pain to his advantage by forcing the vial between his lips and tipping the liquid into it. </p><p>Peter backed away immediately, tucking the vial back into his pocket and moving across to Sirius. He crouched by his old friend and held Sirius' jaw steady, making sure that his eyes were steadily on Remus. "Don't look away, Padfoot, this is the best part." </p><p>Remus screamed as he felt the same kind of tearing pain ripping through him as he did during a full moon. He strained against his bonds and felt something in his feet crack. His ankles, maybe, or his toes. He didn't know, couldn't differentiate because the pain all blended.</p><p>His shoulder dislocated and he screamed again. The arm that was still functional broke free as the strength of his wolf counterpart flooded his system. It was already stronger and beginning to stretch through his shirt, sprouting thick muscle and coarse hair.</p><p>There was a flash of pain across his face and Remus didn't know where it had come from, but it hurt and he couldn't tell what was happening anymore because it was all melding together, and then there was cursing and Sirius' voice adding to Remus' screams, and the sound of Peter realising that something was going wrong because Remus wasn't transformed fully, he was stuck halfway between. </p><p>That had been the plan, then, to force Remus' transformation to happen early. To see how long it lasted, let him try to tear at himself, then kill him once the fun was over. </p><p>Remus only hoped that Sirius wouldn't, <em>couldn't</em> watch when Remus fell from the Tower. He hoped that Sirius was unconscious or had his eyes shut from his pain. He hoped that Sirius survived the night without witnessing another person he cared for go over the side, without witnessing Remus tearing himself to pieces anymore and seeing his best friend be the one to kill his lover. </p><p>~                            </p><p>Remus didn't know how long it was until he woke up on the floor. He didn't even know that he had fallen unconscious.</p><p>But he was on the floor, ropes split and splayed out around him, sprawled out on his back staring at the ceiling. His senses were on overdrive and he could smell the blood around him, feel the wounds on his face. He tilted his head and saw Sirius on his front, head turned towards Remus and grey eyes catching his. </p><p>Remus could see him mouthing the words, 'I love you' over and over as if he were afraid he'd never get the chance to say it again. His hand was reaching out for Remus, fingers twitching, wanting to reach out and touch Remus, to have some comfort. They were not so far apart now.</p><p>Sirius had managed to crawl as close as he could before his body refused to move anymore, and Remus knew that they were both far too injured to just wait out the pain and to try and heal themselves. They were both losing far too much blood. Remus could see it leaking from Sirius' mouth and nose and could feel it drying on his face. Each second that they stayed like this was a second of life that was ticking away from them. </p><p>Remus knew he had to move. He had to move his arm, he had to grab Sirius' hand. </p><p>"We'll be alright, Sirius, no one can hurt us now. By the morning, you and I'll be safe and sound." Remus whispered. He used as much of his limited energy to push himself onto his stomach. He cried out in pain and felt salty tears mix with the blood on his face, aggravating whatever wounds were there.</p><p>But he was so close to Sirius now. His arm moved just enough and his hand, now covered in blood, slipped into Sirius'. Both were sticky, but Remus could feel Sirius hold him back, saw as much relief as Sirius was able to feel with so little energy flitter across the familiar grey eyes. "Sirius, this might hurt a little, but we're going to be alright. I love you, I love you so much, never forget that." </p><p>"I love you, Moony. I love you, I trust you." Sirius managed to croak. </p><p>Remus willed and begged with every fibre of his being for the anti-Apparition wards around Hogwarts to bend to them, to allow them this one moment, this one exception, to travel down to the Hospital Wing. </p><p>
  <em>Please let me save him. Let me die, take everything else away from me, but not him. Never him. Never Sirius. Please, let me get him somewhere safe, let me help him, let him live. </em>
</p><p>The last thing Remus remembered was the feeling of being sucked into a vacuum, and then feeling stone floor beneath him. He heard a high pitched scream and several cries of shock. He managed to give Sirius a brief smile that was really nothing more than the corners of his lips twitching upwards before his eyes closed and his whole body fell into the abyss of unconsciousness.</p><p>~<br/><br/>When Sirius woke up, he saw James sleeping in a chair beside his bed. And then he saw Lily doing the same thing. There had been a time when Peter would've been doing the same if Sirius and James had ended up in the Hospital Wing. </p><p>But that had been a long time ago. </p><p>Sirius remembered very little. Just more people Apparating to the Astronomy Tower and taking Peter with them as they disappeared once again, pausing only to undo Sirius' bounds and give him one last round of the Cruciatus Curse before they left, just to laugh at the screams. </p><p>"James," Sirius said. James sat bolt upright and looked right at him, relaxing slightly when he saw Sirius awake. He gently shook Lily awake and she gave Sirius a wan smile, looking completely exhausted.</p><p>"Bloody hell, mate, you've didn't half give us all a scare."</p><p>"What - are - are we in the Hospital Wing?" Sirius asked. </p><p>"Yeah. Lupin somehow bypassed the wards. He Apparated down here. You both passed out as soon as you got here, apparently."</p><p>"We ... we were at the Astronomy Tower," Sirius said, remembering. "Pete-"</p><p>"I know," James said. "I've been feeling weird about him for a while, but I thought he was just stressed about exams. I wanted it to be that. Most of the school know at least part of what happened. You'd gone to Lupin's office for tutoring, found it in a state, saw a note from Peter saying that Lupin would die if you didn't show with some kind of priceless Black artefact that Alphard left you in his will. When you told him he'd never left you any artefacts, he tortured you both. Some outside forces got him out of the castle not long after, and Lupin regained enough consciousness to get down here." </p><p><em>Lies</em>. Blatant lies. Sirius could see in James' eyes that he knew this too. This was likely what Remus had come up with as a cover story. James would know this wasn't the truth and wanted to make sure that the stories were straight. This was an elaborate cover-up to protect him and Remus in more ways than one. </p><p>"Yeah - I - everything's a bit fuzzy at the minute, but that sounds right." Sirius agreed. </p><p>"Good, Mr Black. You're awake!" Madame Pomfrey said softly, drawing back the curtains and smiling at him kindly. "We've been ever so worried about you."</p><p>"Where's Professor Lupin?" Sirius asked weakly, pushing himself up into a proper sitting position. </p><p>Madame Pomfrey looked to her right, and his eyes followed where she was looking to see Remus sat up in the bed to his left. The dividers had been removed and Remus had no shirt on, his torso covered in thick bandages adorning most of it. His legs, tucked under the bedspread, seemed to be sprawled out normally with little to no damage that Sirius could tell at first glance. </p><p>Most of the damage was to his face, where there were angry red gashes running from one eyebrow, across his nose, cutting over his cheeks briefly and rearing their heads near his mouth.</p><p>"Morning, sunshine," Remus said with a smile. </p><p>"And what a beautiful morning it is." Sirius grinned. "I don't know about you, Professor, but I think this was a real bonding experience. I think this calls for a life-long friendship." </p><p>Remus let out a huff of air that may have been an attempt at a laugh and nodded. "I agree, Sirius. I'd shake on it if Poppy wouldn't scold me for moving."</p><p>"There's always another day," Sirius shrugged. "Thanks to you, that is."</p><p>"Nonsense. It was pure luck. The stars were in our favour."</p><p>"Is there a thinly veiled joke in there somewhere about the origins of my name, Professor?" </p><p>"It's up for interpretation," Remus replied, grinning stupidly. Sirius laughed. </p><p>"Are you okay?" He asked Remus, his smile fading. "Don't - don't lie to me." There was so much desperation and emotion lacing his voice, the comfort and feelings he had for Remus unmistakable, but right now Sirius' priority wasn't his reputation. It was making sure that Remus was safe. </p><p>"Well, I have lots of broken bones and scars beginning to form, and we've both been unconscious for the last two days because of the amount of blood we lost, but apart from that ... yeah. Yeah, I'm okay." Remus said. He looked as tired as Sirius expected, the stress and strain of what had happened making him look older than just twenty. </p><p>Remus opened his mouth to say something else, but Sirius beat him to it. "Oh my god, we've been out for two days?" Remus nodded. Sirius looked around for his wand and panicked when he couldn't find it. "Madame Pomfrey, where's my wand? I can't find it, I need it-" Madame Pomfrey pulled it from her apron and handed it to him. </p><p>"I've been waiting until you woke up to give it back to you." Sirius held his wand tightly to his chest, feeling at peace now. "I need to do some checks now that you're awake. Is that okay?"</p><p>Sirius nodded and she began to give him a variety of painkilling potions, one of which was a purple liquid in a bottle that would numb the wounds that were beginning to ache while Madame Pomfrey began to use her magic to speed up the process. </p><p>When she was done, she ushered James and Lily out, insisting that Sirius and Remus get some privacy. </p><p>"We'll see you in a bit, Padfoot," James said, ruffling Sirius' hair affectionately. He looked hesitant to go, with so many things that he wanted to say. </p><p>"Enjoy not having any homework to do." Lily chuckled, giving him a kind smile. Sirius thanked them and they reluctantly left. </p><p>Madame Pomfrey fussed around him for a few more minutes before leaving as well. There were a few seconds of silence before Sirius looked over to Remus again, flicking his wand in the direction of the dividers and setting up a Silencing Charm. </p><p>"So," Sirius said. "That's a pretty well thought out story you came up with." </p><p>Remus winced. "I've been up since seven this morning. It's almost lunchtime now. I had to make up something. James was lurking outside the dividers when I was talking to Dumbledore, he heard everything and said that he'd find a way to let you know when you woke up." </p><p>"I can fill in the blanks with some specifics." Sirius shrugged. </p><p>"Sirius-"</p><p>"Don't apologise."</p><p>"I have to."</p><p>"No, you don't. You're not the reason we're here. Peter is." </p><p>"I shouldn't have left you that note to come and find me."</p><p>"I'd be mad at you if you hadn't," Sirius said. "You'd be <em>dead</em> if you hadn't. And I won't accept that. You're not dying on me for a long time yet. I wouldn't have been able to cope if you <em>and </em>Julian-" He clamped his mouth shut and closed his eyes, willing the tears to stay back. </p><p>He couldn't think about Julian now, but he also couldn't stop his thoughts wandering to the Slytherin he called his friend.</p><p>The way Julian had fallen, the way he seemed to accept it before it had even happened, haunted Sirius behind his closed eyelids. Sirius knew now that Julian had known he would not make it off the Astronomy Tower alive; that Peter would prolong Sirius' pain by making him watch Remus being hurt. He had known that he was the expendable one to Peter.</p><p>Julian had already betrayed the Slytherins, the legacy that they talked about, and had already taken a beating from them when he refused to give them information about Sirius or the Order. He knew he was of no use to them anymore.</p><p>He hadn't even turned eighteen yet. His birthday wasn't for another two months, and he would never celebrate the end of their seventh year. He would not be playing in the Slytherin/Gryffindor match. He'd been a Beater like Sirius. It would've been hard to play against a friend, but it would be harder now knowing that he should be on the pitch with them. </p><p>Sirius was crying, he knew he was. Julian had accepted his fate, but Sirius hadn't. He'd never seen someone use the Killing Curse before, and he kept seeing the flash of green behind his eyes and the sight of Julian stumbling back, letting himself fall. It was almost as if he'd decided that Peter would cast the curse, but <em>he </em>would be the one to take matters into his own hands and have some control over how he died. He would not lie like a ragdoll on the floor of the Astronomy Tower, he would make a choice. A gruesome and tragic choice, but his choice nonetheless.</p><p>He felt a portion of the bed beside him dip and opened his eyes. Remus was sat by his thigh. His left arm was in a sling, and he looked uncertain of what to do. </p><p>"Sirius, I-I don't know what to say other than I'm sorry. I know he was your friend. I wish I could've done something. I tried to get out of the ropes. It's been eating me up since I woke up, I-"</p><p>Sirius interrupted him by gathering his knees beneath him so that he could pull Remus closer. "We did our best, we didn't know. I'm just happy you're alive. The sound of you in pain was almost too much to bear. I was so scared you were dead." Sirius sobbed. Remus hugged back with one arm and pressed his face into Sirius' shoulder, tears beginning to soak through the hospital pyjamas. </p><p>"I know, love, I know. I couldn't see you when he used the Cruciatus Curse the first few times, but I heard you, I could feel you by my feet, and knowing you were so close but that I couldn't do anything to help ... the screams are still ringing in my ears." Remus wept, clutching him tighter.</p><p>And that's where they stayed. For how long, they didn't know. </p><p>But the two of them stayed there until their tears had run dry, sobbing into each other's shoulders, sharing in the grief and guilt they felt at the things they'd seen and the loss they felt. </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0018"><h2>18. Chapter 18</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Sirius and Remus stayed in the Hospital Wing for another two days, until Madame Pomfrey couldn't keep Dumbledore and McGonnagall back any longer. She had placed the divider between Sirius and Remus, despite knowing that it had helped them both to have a familiar face to chat to and to help them mentally as they recovered. </p><p>But now that Dumbledore and McGonnagall had been allowed through to talk to Sirius, she had given the three of them privacy, and Sirius knew that it was because they intended to ask him what had happened. </p><p>"We're so glad that you're okay, Sirius," McGonnagall said genuinely. "The whole school heard what happened, and everyone's in a state of shock that Mr Pettigrew could ever be involved in something so twisted."</p><p>"Has anyone seen him?" Sirius asked. "Pete?" Some part of him was still desperately holding onto the Peter he'd known for these last few years instead of the young man he was now, the life and path he'd now chosen seemingly overnight. Sirius wasn't ready to let him go just yet. </p><p>McGonnagall and Dumbledore shared a look before returning their gazes to Sirius.</p><p>"He was found in a shed yesterday morning in the Midlands, in an old abandoned thing that was barely holding itself together. The Aurors found his magical signature. He'd been forced to make himself a fire to combat the cold. The Death Eaters assisting him had left him there. We think they tortured him. He was covered in injuries and couldn't move, both of his legs were broken. He's been taken to St Mungo's for now." </p><p>"The irony of it all," Sirius said with a mirthless laugh. </p><p>"What do you mean?" Dumbledore asked. </p><p>"He hurt me because he wanted me to end up there, wanted to drive me crazy, wanted to make everyone think I'd caught the Black Madness."</p><p>"Mr Black, what happened on the Astronomy Tower?" </p><p>"Couldn't you hear the screaming?" Sirius asked. His eyes were firmly on the bedsheets in front of him, fighting to keep himself present instead of focusing on what had happened. He couldn't think about it now, not when he thought about it when he was trying to get to sleep, when he woke up and when he took potions from Madame Pomfrey. </p><p>"Mr Pettigrew had outside help in setting up specific wards around the Astronomy Tower that didn't meddle with the regular Hogwarts one. It created a bubble, of sorts, to mask anything and everything that happened there. Including everything that happened to you and Professor Lupin." McGonnagall said. </p><p>"Why didn't that tip you off that something was wrong?" Sirius asked. "Why didn't you know what Peter was planning? You're supposed to keep us safe, and we have Death Eaters inside the castle torturing us for fun, killing students, trying to drive others into a psych ward. We aren't safe anymore. "</p><p>Sirius was crying angrily now, and he furiously wiped at his face, seeing the blood still under his fingernails and the cuts and scrapes across his hands and arms and knowing that they would scar. They would always be with him. </p><p>"Peter's insider information of the castle from his years as a Marauder gave him the right kind of knowledge for the Death Eaters to exploit the Astronomy Tower's weakness. It's so far detached from the rest of the school. It would be the last place that anyone would expect." Dumbledore explained. </p><p>"Really?" Sirius scoffed, finally raising his eyes to meet his headmaster's. "It took me all of thirty seconds to work it out."</p><p>"Sirius, we need you to tell us what happened. There are things that Professor Lupin can't tell us because he was blindfolded at times. Peter didn't do that to you. I know it's hard, and I can tell that you don't want to remember it, but we must know, not just to put Peter in Azkaban, but also so that we know how to support you as you recover." McGonnagall implored.</p><p>Sirius looked down into his lap again. He wasn't ready to talk about the things that he'd felt and seen. He should've brought James for backup, or Lily, or a teacher. He'd passed the teachers making his way to the Tower, why hadn't he said anything? </p><p>Deep down, he'd wanted to be the hero, and he'd wanted to deal with it all on his own. He wanted to be the one to rescue Remus. Remus had asked <em>Sirius </em>to find him, no one else. </p><p>"It was everything I'm sure Professor Lupin has already told you. Peter knows that he and I get along, that we've kinda become friends over the last few months. Pete wanted some artefact that a Black had centuries ago in exchange for Professor Lupin's life. I told Pete that I didn't have it, that Alphard had left me his assets, and none of them included a ring, but he didn't believe me. So we duelled, and I would've won if he hadn't used the Cruciatus." </p><p>"How long for?"</p><p>"I don't remember, it's all fuzzy," Sirius said. "He tied me to the handrails, took off Professor Lupin's blindfold and brought out Julian. Peter killed him, but I think Julian knew it was coming. Professor Lupin tried to fight through the bonds and pull Julian back and save him, but he couldn't. And then Pete gave him the potion and he got stuck between human and werewolf. The Death Eaters showed up a minute or two later. Something had gone wrong, so they untied me, used the Cruciatus a few more times, and left us for dead." Sirius told them.</p><p>"You know of Professor Lupin's condition?" Dumbledore asked. Sirius looked at him sheepishly and nodded. <br/>
<br/>
"Yeah. I figured it out, strung some passing comments and clues together. He didn't react well at first, and then disappeared on that mission back in January, and we talked it over when he got back. As I said, we're friends. We trust each other. I haven't even told James. It's not mine to tell, and he's terrified about the fact that <em>I </em>know, let alone someone he barely knows finding out."</p><p>"One might say he barely knows <em>you</em>, Mr Black," Dumbledore said.</p><p>"We met in Italy last year, sir, almost two months before school started," Sirius admitted. "We spent a lot of time together and became friends there. We had no idea the other was a wizard. Once we started having tutoring sessions here at Hogwarts, it didn't take long for us to get that familiarity back. It isn't the same as a tutoring session with another teacher. But it's completely professional, I swear, we get through a lot of work and a lot of tea." </p><p>McGonnagall and Dumbledore smiled at that, and they both took twin deep breaths, adjusting to the information Sirius had told them. It was a lot to take in, and there was bound to be a thorough investigation by the Ministry as to how it been allowed to happen right under everyone's noses, but it was nothing that they would not be able to fix. </p><p>"Thank you for telling us everything, Sirius," Dumbledore said eventually. He stood up and McGonnagall followed his lead. "We appreciate your committal to the cover story." Sirius' heart stopped. </p><p>"What do you mean?" </p><p>"We're aware that Alphard left you no artefacts in his will, and that there will be questions into the nature of a friendship between a teacher and a student. We also know that James overheard Professor Lupin's story, and told it to you to make it sound like he was prompting your memory after you woke up. There will be no punishment, as I'm sure there was a certain level of trauma involved that you wish to keep to yourselves. I only ask that you let us know if you remember anything that will help us with the Order." </p><p>Sirius had never been more thankful that the Hospital Wing was empty, save for Remus in the next bed over. He nodded at Dumbledore, agreeing silently that he would talk if anything important arose. But Sirius knew there wasn't anything more he could say. Dumbledore and McGonnagall would hammer home the lies to protect both Sirius and Remus. </p><p>When Sirius was sure that Dumbledore and McGonnagall were gone, with no sound of their shoes clicking against the stone and no hushed words bouncing off the walls and echoing back to Sirius, he looked at the divider between his and Remus' beds. </p><p>"Moony?" He called softly. </p><p>"Are you alright, Sirius?" Remus replied. </p><p>"I'm fine. Did you hear everything?" </p><p>"Yeah, I did. Your little loophole through the Silencing Charm worked a treat." </p><p>"James came up with it last year. Two Silencing Charms in the same place creates a bit of a wormhole, just large enough to be perfect for eavesdropping. It doesn't always last very long, but it worked alright today." Sirius shrugged. </p><p>"Can I come and sit with you?" Remus asked after a brief silence. </p><p>"You know you don't need to ask, right?" Sirius asked. "I like seeing you. I <em>need</em> to see you right now. You and James are the only ones keeping me sane." </p><p>The divider shifted softly and slowly as if Remus was afraid to startle Sirius. Sirius moved over so that Remus could lower himself onto the bed beside him. It was a tight fit amongst the bandages and trying to avoid injured areas that were now beginning to ache and throb since the adrenaline and fatigue were wearing off. Both of them were leaning slightly on each other, finding comfort in the pressure being pressed against each other. </p><p>"I can't believe they know it was a cover-up," Sirius said softly. </p><p>"I'm not too surprised," Remus replied. "They believe the major details about the potion, and Julian, and the Cruciatus. They'll respect that there are things we don't want to talk about, that we aren't ready to face yet." </p><p>"I don't know if I'll ever be ready," Sirius said. </p><p>"You'll have to talk to somebody, Sirius. McGonnagall, Poppy, James and Lily. And you're always welcome to talk to me. Lots of people care about you and want to make sure that you're safe and happy." </p><p>"I'll tell James eventually. He'll want to know what happened with Pete. But not yet. I still can't quite accept it myself. I thought everything was fine, I saw his arm the other week, he didn't have the Mark, and I let my guard down. I shouldn't have done. Now you're going to have to live with the scars." </p><p>"Sirius, I have plenty of scars. I'm in shock that it's taken this long to get some on my face. It wasn't your fault, it'll <em>never </em>be your fault. No one expects you to be fearful that your best friend is a blood supremacist." </p><p>Sirius leant his head against Remus' shoulder, Remus' head immediately moving to rest against his, and the two of them sat in silence, feeling the same things. Relief at both being safe and uninjured enough to be sat together. They'd not had much time to just <em>sit </em>with one another.</p><p>Madame Pomfrey had allowed them half an hour while they were eating meals, but insisted that they have rest, and had threatened to take both of their wands away when they'd put up Silencing Charms for a bit of privacy during their mealtime talks. She'd only allowed Dumbledore the Silencing Charms around Sirius' bed as a part of an 'official investigation', as he'd phrased it. </p><p>Eventually, the two of them fell asleep like that, pressed against one another and more peaceful in a position that would most likely give them cricks in their necks than they had been in days. </p><p>And, just this once, Madame Pomfrey allowed them the privacy when she came to check on them, seeing them relaxed and calm and at ease, despite all that happened. </p><p>~</p><p>Sirius managed to pull his robes on with James' help. He did indeed have a crick in his neck from where he and Remus had been sleeping on one another the day before, but he hadn't seen or heard Remus since then.</p><p>He'd been pitifully lonely all day, afraid that Remus was mad at him or had requested to be moved to another bed for some reason. Madame Pomfrey hadn't breathed a word about what was going on, and Sirius had snapped and been angry and moody all-day. </p><p>He was now officially discharged from the Hospital Wing, and this would be his first meal inside the Great Hall since the events of the Astronomy Tower.</p><p>He knew there would be a fuss over him, which is why he'd asked Madame Pomfrey if he could go down for dinner rather than earlier on in the day. It would be easier to just go to dinner and back up to his room this way. He could get a good night's sleep and put the facade on fresh tomorrow. </p><p>"You ready?" James asked.</p><p>Sirius dragged his fingers through his hair and peered at himself in the two-way mirrors that he and James used for communicating when they weren't together.</p><p>He looked a little more awake and healthy than he had over the last few days. He was by no means looking like himself again, there was something in his eyes and hard-set stance of his mouth that betrayed the fact that he had gone through something life-changing. </p><p>"Yeah, I'm good." Sirius sighed. "I just wish that Remus could be here as well."</p><p>"He'll be at dinner as well. His eyes will be glued to you the whole time. The last few days, he's been ready to shoot to your side at a moment's notice. Don't worry, he’ll be okay." James said. He put a hand on Sirius' shoulder, looked into Sirius' eyes for a moment and then pulled him into a hug. </p><p>Sirius clutched him back tightly, feeling a lump form in his throat. He took a few deep breaths, trying to force the tears back. </p><p>"I'll twat anyone who so much as <em>looks </em>at you wrong. You're under the Head Boy's protection from here on out, you hear me?" James said. "Please don't ever scare me like that again. I was so terrified that I'd lost you." </p><p>Sirius buried his face in James' shoulder for a few seconds, sniffling, before raising his head again. "I know. I'm sorry."</p><p>"Don't apologise. I didn't say it because I wanted you to give me an apology, I said it because I need you to know that I'm here if you need me. I need you to know that I love you. No one gets away with hurting my brother like that. I'm glad that they've caught Pettigrew because I'd have gone after him and killed him myself if they hadn't. I won't let anyone hurt you again, I swear on my life." </p><p>"Thanks, Jamie. I love you too.  I didn't tell you about everything with Peter because I was so scared that I wouldn't get to Remus in time, and I didn't want you to get hurt in the process. I thought I could do it on my own. I thought you'd be so hurt by his betrayal that you'd let it get the best of you. He'd already kidnapped and killed Julian in front of me. I didn't even know he was up there until the last minute. Pete took Remus and was going to kill him too, and I couldn't bear the idea of losing all three of you in one night."</p><p>“I understand. I would've done the same if it was Lily. I wouldn't have wanted to put you in danger either. But it's okay. I won't let it happen again. Now, come on, let's go down to dinner and show everyone that it'll take more than a slimy little rat to take down Sirius Black." </p><p>Sirius laughed wetly and he and Jame pulled back from one another. Both of their eyes were wet, and they wiped away the residual tears before walking out of the Hospital Wing together. Lily was waiting for them outside in the corridor, and she gave Sirius a tight hug when she saw him. </p><p>"I'm glad you're okay, Sirius." She said. </p><p>"Thanks, Lily. So am I."</p><p>The three of them made their way down to the Great Hall and spotted three seats beside one another at the Gryffindor table.</p><p>There were cheers and applause from Sirius' fellow Housemates as they saw him, and Sirius couldn't help but grin as he greeted them. Part of it made him feel normal again, having so many eyes on him for all the right reasons.</p><p>He didn't know what they knew, but it was enough for them to consider him a hero, of sorts. </p><p>As Sirius, James and Lily took their seats, the questions began. </p><p>"Did you get some good hits in, Black?"</p><p>"Is it true that Peter used the Cruciatus?"</p><p>"They found him in a shed somewhere, didn't they? Tortured within an inch of his life, apparently. Serves him right, the knob."</p><p>"Didn't you almost die?"</p><p>"Sirius, you've been all over the papers! Does anyone have a copy to show him?" </p><p>"I heard that Professor Lupin is so shaken up by it all that he's resigning." Melanie McRee said.</p><p>"Wait, what?" Sirius said. "Professor Lupin and I were staying in the beds next to each other, if he was resigning, I would know. He'd tell me before anyone else." </p><p>"You're just a student, Sirius. He has no obligation to tell anyone other than Dumbledore." Melanie said. </p><p>"I've been in tutoring sessions with him practically since the beginning of the year. We're the closest thing to mates a teacher and a student can be." Sirius shrugged. "He would've said something. I spoke to him yesterday." </p><p>"Have you spoken to him today?" </p><p>"No, he wouldn't answer when I tried to talk to him, and Madame Pomfrey wouldn't answer any of my questions about him," Sirius replied. </p><p>"Well, he's sat at the staff table, he's looking for someone, I think," Lily said, nodding towards the staff table. Sirius looked over to see Remus' eyes roaming the Hall. His eyes finally scanned the Gryffindor table and locked onto Sirius.</p><p>Sirius smiled at him and waved. Remus smiled back. His hand pointed at Sirius and then turned into a thumbs up, while his eyebrows raised and he mouthed the words, '<em>You okay?</em>'</p><p>Sirius nodded and mouthed the same back, with Remus just giving him a tight smile. Sirius could see the nerves and worry creeping across his features, despite his valiant attempt of covering it up. Dumbledore called for everyone's attention and the students and staff began to quieten until silence settled throughout the room. </p><p>"As I'm sure you're all aware, some life-changing things have happened at Hogwarts over the last week. I'm very sad to announce that the rumours are true. The seventh-year Slytherin Julian Drake was indeed found dead in the early hours of Sunday morning by Nearly Headless Nick. Our condolences go to his family and those close to him. He will be sorely missed by many staff and students." </p><p>Sirius' heart shattered at the words. He let out a breath he hadn't realised he'd been holding and looked at the table in front of him, focusing on the wood and forcing himself to keep breathing.</p><p>Now that Dumbledore had announced it in front of everybody, there was no possible way of dodging it. Sirius had been trying to avoid acknowledging the truth, fooling himself into believing that maybe Julian was in St Mungos, maybe he was recovering at home with his family.</p><p>
  <em>He wasn't dead, wasn't dead, couldn't be dead. He had his whole life ahead of him. He couldn’t be dead.</em>
</p><p>But he <em>was</em>.</p><p>Sirius closed his eyes, struggling to ignore the ache in his chest. He couldn't quite wrap his head around it yet. He felt a hand on his back and looked to his right to see James giving him a sympathetic look. Sirius knew he trembling slightly, and he took a deep breath, squaring his shoulders and looking back to Dumbledore. </p><p>"We are, however, fortunate enough to have Professor Lupin and Sirius Black still with us. They have both spent the last five days recovering from their extensive wounds with the help of Madame Pomfrey. I encourage all students and staff to give them both time to settle back into their lessons after what I'm sure was a very traumatic and troubling experience. I hope you all enjoy tonight's meal, and I hope you will join me in letting it be in Julian Drake's memory." </p><p>Dumbledore raised a glass of his pumpkin juice in a toast, as did every other student and staff member in the room. Sirius spotted the ghosts lurking in the corners of the room, also raising ghostly chalices in remembrance. </p><p>Even Peeves was floating by one of the windows, remarkably quiet and solemn for a poltergeist. Everyone at Hogwarts would be grieving tonight, from the ghosts to Filch, the students and the staff, families and friends, people who knew Julian personally and those who knew him only by name. </p><p>Dinnertime was quiet, almost as if the entire faculty and student body thought it would be somehow disrespectful to go on as if a student had not been killed inside the castle less than a week before. </p><p>Sirius walked out with James and Lily earlier than everyone else. He had no appetite and had forced himself to eat, and he stopped in front of the staircases. James and Lily paused and looked at him. </p><p>"I need to see Remus," Sirius said. "I've barely had a chance to talk to him privately since it all happened, and ... I just - I don't know. He's not okay. And neither am I. I need to be with him tonight. Don't wait up for me." </p><p>"Do what you need to do," James said. "I'll walk you down there."</p><p>"No," Sirius said, stepping back and shaking his head. </p><p>"Sirius, I meant what I said, I'm not letting you out of my sight ever again. Those bastards-"</p><p>"Aren't going to try anything. They'll think I've lost the plot. Let them believe it. They won't mess with me, and by the time they all leave for dinner, I'll be at Remus' office anyway. I have to go by myself, he'll be guarded and on edge if you turn up with me." Sirius insisted. </p><p>James sighed and dragged a hand through his hair. "Fine. Just be careful, okay?" </p><p>Sirius nodded and walked off in the direction of Remus' office. He would likely beat Remus there since Remus had still been sat in the Great Hall when Sirius, James and Lily had left, but waiting was hardly the epitome of Sirius' worries right now. </p><p>As soon as he was in Remus' office, he would be fine. He could sit by the fire and curl into Remus, and all would be right in the world again. </p><p>~</p><p>Remus found a familiar mop of black curls waiting for him outside his office. He flicked his wand and the locks retracted. Sirius' head snapped towards him and he visibly relaxed and began to walk towards Remus. </p><p>"Let's get inside first." Remus held out a hand, and Sirius seemed to remember where he was, standing in the draught corridor of the staff wing.</p><p>He followed Remus inside, and the two of them moved around each other with ease and familiarity as they took off their robes and shoes. "I believe it's my turn to make the teas." </p><p>"I believe it is." Sirius agreed with a smile, and Remus could tell that it was the most genuine smile he'd had in days. This was something they could do. This was who they truly were, what they were meant to be doing. This comfy and cosy section of the castle, no bigger than the Gryffindor common room and Sirius' dormitory put together, was <em>theirs</em>. "Remus?" </p><p>"Yes, love?" Remus replied from the kitchenette. </p><p>"You can say no if you want to, but ... can I stay here tonight? I don't think I can go back to the dormitory yet. I can't face his empty bed and ... and all of his <em>stuff</em> from where he left it. I can't cope with James' eyes boring into me, waiting for me to tell him everything." Sirius said. Remus turned around and saw Sirius fiddling nervously with his tie, his eyes on the floor. </p><p>"Sirius, you know you're welcome here anytime. If I'm honest, I was gearing up the courage to ask you if you would stay tonight. I don't want to sleep alone." Remus admitted. Sirius looked up, finally meeting Remus' eyes. </p><p>"Thank you. I'll summon my stuff in the morning if that's okay. I don't really feel up to performing magic." Remus nodded and busied himself with finishing their drinks. When they were done, he carried them both towards Sirius.</p><p>"I don't know about you, but a cup of tea curled up in a comfy bed sounds perfect right about now." Sirius chuckled and nodded in agreement. </p><p>They had both come to enjoy hot drinks in bed, reading or chatting or both during their weekends together. They found it even more comfortable than their chats on the sofa marking or writing essays. The two of them walked into Remus' room, beginning to get ready for bed. </p><p>Sirius now had the old band shirt he'd borrowed from Remus' Rome apartment, and the one Remus had bought him for his birthday in a drawer in the cabinet in Remus' room, as well as a pair of baggy shorts and worn woollen pyjama bottoms to go with them. But when Sirius opened up his usual drawer, he saw a few extra shirts in there. </p><p>"I thought you might like my old Pink Floyd ones, too. I haven't worn them in so long, I don't know why I still have them, but-"</p><p>"They smell like you," Sirius observed softly, holding one of them up and breathing it in. He looked over at Remus and beamed. "Thank you. I love them."</p><p>He grabbed the woollen trousers and went to the bathroom to change, coming out a few minutes later, crawling into bed and accepting a cup of tea from Remus with eagerness. </p><p>For the first time since this whole mess happened, Remus and Sirius could both breathe a sigh of relief, in one of their favourite places, able to be themselves. </p><p>They looked over at one another at the same moment and Sirius couldn't help himself, leaning forward to gently press his lips to Remus'. </p><p>He hadn't kissed Remus in almost a week, he realised with a start. It had been too long, and too stressful. Remus kissed him back with just as much care and softness as Sirius gave to him, and they leant their foreheads together as they parted, breathing each other in. </p><p>"I love you, you know," Sirius whispered. </p><p>"I know," Remus replied, smiling brightly. "I love you too. I always will. <em>Always</em>."</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0019"><h2>19. Chapter 19</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>'Sirius woke up trembling in Remus' arms. Remus was gently rubbing circles on his back, pressing soft kisses and muttering soothing reassurances into his hair.</p><p>Sirius very vaguely remembered seeing a brief flash of green in his sleep, then the familiar brown eyes of a now-lost friend lighting up at the sudden stream of magic before it hit him, and then the colour draining from them.</p><p>It had been a dream.</p><p>A dream based on real-life events, but a dream nonetheless.</p><p>Sirius and Remus remained that way, curled around one another in comfort, for a few more minutes until Sirius finally felt relaxed enough to move.</p><p>Instead of having his face gently pressed against the soft fabric of Remus' shirt, he now nestled it into the taller man's neck.</p><p>"Morning," Sirius murmured. </p><p>"Morning," Remus whispered, continuing to gently soothe Sirius for a few more seconds before speaking again. "As much as I hate to suggest it, we'll be late for breakfast if we don't get ready."</p><p>"Can't we skip it? No one will think any different."</p><p>"People <em>will </em>notice. Everyone's eyes are going to be on us for a little while. They'll get nosey and come to find us. If we don't leave bed now, we won't want to leave at all, and we both have lessons," Remus said. Sirius buried himself further into Remus' embrace. "I wish we had more time for this, but-"</p><p>"But we have to go." Sirius finished. Remus tightened his grip on Sirius and buried his face in Sirius' hair as if he was trying to remember every single detail about the person in his arms. "It's alright. It's almost the weekend again, I'll see you properly again tonight, won't I?" </p><p>"Of course you will," Remus said. He reluctantly pulled back from Sirius and smiled at him. "At least you have Defense today."</p><p>"Do I have you today? All that time in the Hospital Wing has made me lose track of the days."</p><p>"You're supposed to have Haywood, but a message from her came a few minutes ago. She's caught the flu, she's taking today and the rest of the weekend off, so I'm covering her classes." </p><p>"Good. I don't think I could cope with her droning on." Sirius said. Remus laughed. </p><p>"At least I can keep an eye on you, if only for an hour." Sirius rolled his eyes and extracted himself from Remus' arms, clambering off the bed and beginning to get ready for the day. </p><p>"Don't worry about me. James is on Mum duty from now on, according to him. He didn't want me to walk here alone last night. We had a very heartfelt and brotherly moment before leaving the Hospital Wing." </p><p>Sirius looked back over his shoulder after taking off his shirt, smirking at Remus, who's eyes roamed his now bare skin. </p><p>"I don't blame him," Remus said absentmindedly. </p><p>"What are you looking at me like that for?" Sirius asked, turning around properly and almost laughing at the way Remus averted his eyes and blushed. </p><p>"Just admiring how attractive my boyfriend is." He admitted. Sirius beamed at the words. </p><p>"Boyfriend?" Remus went an even darker red. </p><p>"I don't think we can dodge around it any longer, love," Remus said. "We may as well admit it." Sirius crawled back onto the mattress, tilted Remus' face towards him and kissed the man soundly. </p><p>"I know you said you didn't want to make a big fuss, but I never got to give you your birthday present," Sirius said as he pulled away. Remus gave him a look and Sirius held his hands up in surrender. "I spent no more than a Galleon on it. The rest I did by hand with a bit of help from James."</p><p>Sirius summoned the small book of canvas paper that he'd bought from Hogsmeade.</p><p>The cover was leather, and Sirius had managed to engrave the words, '<em>To Moony, from Padfoot. Happy birthday, love,</em>' with magic.</p><p>It now served as a scrapbook, with all of Sirius' favourite pictures of him and Remus together, all smiling and joyful, tucked away inside. Sirius handed it to Remus and the older man frowned at it but smiled nonetheless. </p><p>"It's wonderful," Remus said. </p><p>"You haven't even looked inside yet!" Sirius laughed.</p><p>"I don't need to to know that it's perfect," Remus said. Sirius felt his cheeks warm up as he watched Remus put the book to one side and say, "How about I go through it tonight over dinner? Just you and me." </p><p>"I'd like that."</p><p>"I'm sure you will because we'll be having a very scarce breakfast if we aren't down in the Great Hall in the next ten minutes." Remus gave Sirius one last kiss before climbing out of bed and calling first dibs on the bathroom. </p><p>~<br/><br/>Remus braced himself as Regulus Black walked over to Remus' desk. </p><p>"You wanted to talk to me, Professor?" He said. </p><p>"I just wanted to have a brief conversation with you about some concerns I had."</p><p>"Concerns?"</p><p>"About some of the people that you're friends with." Remus clarified. "In light of recent events, I just want to make sure that no one else gets hurt, and that no one else ends up in the same position as Sirius, Peter, and I have. There are good and bad people in every House, Regulus, and I think that some of the people that you choose to spend your time with might be up to no good."</p><p>"Has my brother set you up to this?" Regulus asked, and Remus could see the beginnings of annoyance and anger bubbling under the surface of his demeanour. </p><p>"Not in the slightest. Sirius doesn't know I'm having this conversation with you. He doesn't even know that I'm teaching you today." Remus replied. </p><p>"With all due respect, Professor, I'm not a child, and I don't want or need you trailing around after me like some guard dog, okay?" </p><p>"I assure you, Mr Black, being a 'guard dog' is not my intention in the slightest. I only bring it up because I've noticed how strained things have been since Sirius left home, and I wouldn't want that divide to widen any further with potentially dangerous friends getting involved." Remus said carefully. </p><p>"As I said, Professor Lupin, I don't need or want your concern, your protectiveness, whatever. I'm not interested in having a professor lecture me about my friends with because he thinks that being in love with one Black means he can win over another."</p><p>Remus was taken aback by that, and the shock registered as plain as day on his face if Regulus' smirk was anything to go by. </p><p>"Oh yeah, I know all about yours and Sirius' sordid little affair last summer, and I know that starry-eyed look he gets sometimes is because he's thinking of you. I could very easily go to Professor Dumbledore this very second and tell him that I caught you two in here. Or I could tell a few select people, let it spread like a disease through the school. It would force the governors to get involved, and I don't think someone with as few job prospects as you can afford to lose this job. I'm sure you agree, don't you, Professor Lupin?" </p><p>"I don't appreciate being blackmailed, Mr Black," Remus said, his face and voice growing colder and stonier than he'd ever heard it before. He wouldn't allow himself be bullied into submission by Sirius' childish younger brother, who was by now means a child at the age of almost sixteen but was still naive enough to believe that he and his friends were in the right. </p><p>"Then I'm sure you'll agree that we leave this conversation here and forget it ever happened."</p><p>Regulus quirked an eyebrow and turned on his heel, turning and drifting out of the room with all of the grace of someone who knew he had the upper hand. </p><p>Remus' heart didn't stop pounding until his seventh-year class walked in a few minutes later. </p><p>~</p><p>By the time Sirius' fifth period Defense lesson rolled around, he was ready to be done with the day.</p><p>Teachers had been checking in on him constantly, wandering by and muttering to him that he was welcome to take a moment outside if he needed it. </p><p>All he wanted was to sleep. Preferably with Remus beside him, with Firewhiskey in his stomach and a comfy bed. </p><p>Sirius took a moment when he got to the Defense classroom, leaning against the wall and knowing that his face had drained of all colour.</p><p>He'd barely eaten at lunch and breakfast. He'd felt the silence and the space that would usually be occupied by Peter so prevalently, and it had made him lose his appetite. It was making him a little lightheaded. </p><p>"One lesson left to go, mate. The hardest part is over." James encouraged, putting a hand on his back. "Do you want me to let Lupin know you need a moment?"</p><p>Sirius shook his head and took a deep breath, letting it out slowly before squaring his shoulders and entering the classroom. </p><p>Remus wasn't looking much better, with a tired smile and even more tired-looking eyes. He looked much older than twenty.</p><p>He was stood by the chalkboard, leaning heavily on a cane and wrapped up in his robes, clearly colder than anyone else in the room.</p><p>His eyes landed on Sirius and James as they walked in and he tried his best to straighten. </p><p>"Take your seats, everyone!" Remus called over the chatter in the room. </p><p>"How're you feeling, Professor?" Lily asked as she slid into her seat beside Marlene McKinnon. </p><p>"Much better, thank you, Miss Evans," Remus said. "Thanks to Madame Pomfrey, I'm on the mend a lot quicker than I could ever hope to imagine." </p><p>"How did you get those cuts on your face?" Dorcas Meadowes asked curiously. Liza Pike, a Hufflepuff, elbowed and shushed her, sending her a warning glare. </p><p>"It's alright, Miss Pike," Remus dismissed. "Everyone's been curious today. They were inflicted via magic on the Astronomy Tower last week. They were too deep and left for too long for Madame Pomfrey to heal them up completely, so they'll likely fade into scars." </p><p>Sirius felt like he could breathe properly when he heard the lie tumble so easily from Remus' mouth. It would hold up, it would sate the curiosity of the classroom, and no one would be the wiser.</p><p>Yet another web of lies they had become weaved into. Sirius felt as though every lie he had ever told this year so far would plague him for the rest of his life. </p><p>He found himself to be just as terrified for Remus' safety if anyone should find out about his condition as Remus was.</p><p>He wanted so desperately for Remus to remain safe, for him to keep this job at Hogwarts and be able to live a long and happy life. Merlin damn anyone who tried to take it away from him. </p><p>"Right then! Shall we get on with the lesson?" Remus said, limping over to his desk to peer at some parchment lying there, most likely notes from Haywood about what the seventh years had been up to while he was away.</p><p>Sirius saw the slight stiffening in his shoulders, so minuscule that only someone who knew Remus well enough to know his demeanour would recognise as fear.</p><p>Remus looked up, and Sirius saw a neutral and guarded facade gracing his features. </p><p>With that look, Sirius knew immediately what their revision lesson today would be about. </p><p>"Werewolves," Sirius whispered. </p><p>"What?" James asked. </p><p>"Today, we're going over some revision regarding dark creatures, focusing primarily on werewolves," Remus said. "Can anyone give me a brief introduction?"</p><p>~</p><p>"Right, what's going on?" James hissed as the class began to pack up. "You and Lupin have been acting weird all lesson."</p><p>"Look, Jamie, I'm tired, alright? I wanna go to the dorm for a little while, get started on all of this bloody work I've gotta do. I thought being on the verge of death for almost a week would've made the teachers give me a break from the bullshit." Sirius said. </p><p>"I'm not giving up until you tell me what's got your underwear in a twist."</p><p>"Oh, my dear Prongs, wouldn't <em>you</em> like to know what affects my underwear." Sirius laughed, patting James on the shoulder as he shoved his parchment into his bag. "I'll see you back at the Tower, I need a moment with our professor." </p><p>Sirius swanned over to Remus' desk, leaving James behind before he had a chance to protest. </p><p>"Everything okay, Mr Black?" Remus asked. </p><p>"I just wanted to double-check something about the homework Professor Haywood set about the Knockback Jinx last week," Sirius said.</p><p>Both of them were keenly aware of the other students still loitering around the room and packing their things slowly.</p><p>With nowhere that they had to be between now and dinner, the seventh-years were now enjoying the luxury of taking their time. </p><p>"Oh? I won't lie, I haven't had a chance to look through the class notes from when she set it, you may have to go to her office at some point over the weekend to rectify the issue." </p><p>The door closed behind them as the last of the seventh years left, and both Sirius and Remus let out an anxious breath they hadn't realised they'd been holding. </p><p>"Are you alright, you looked a little pale as you came in at the beginning of the lesson," Remus said. </p><p>"I was just a little lightheaded. It's hard to eat at the Gryffindor table at the moment. He should be here, but he isn't. He's in a bloody hospital bed at St Mungo's-"</p><p>"Not anymore, he isn't." Remus interrupted. Sirius' eyes snapped to his. </p><p>"Where is he?" </p><p>"At this moment? He's in a cell in the Ministry. But they're transferring him to the Hospital Wing here at Hogwarts because of fears for his safety and for meddling in the trial. Dumbledore wants to have the board of governors, as well as the Minister and senior members of the Wizengamot, interview him here in the castle."</p><p>"What?!" Sirius exclaimed. His stomach, previously only empty from food, now felt like a cavernous pit of doom as he heard the words. </p><p>"Dumbledore called an emergency staff meeting yesterday afternoon, just before dinner. That's why I wasn't in the Hospital Wing as you left with James. It's an entirely ridiculous thing for him to suggest, but his mind won't be changed." </p><p>"When are they transferring him?" </p><p>"I'm not sure. In the morning, I think."</p><p>"When were you going to tell me? Or were you just going to let me found out when it happened?" Sirius asked.</p><p>"I was going to tell you tonight after dinner. Making sure that you were okay was my priority last night, and we didn't have time this morning. I didn't want to put any more stress on your shoulders than was necessary." Remus told him.</p><p>Sirius took a deep breath and stayed silent for a few seconds as he digested the information. </p><p>In what universe was Hogwarts safer than the Ministry? Sirius didn't consider the castle anywhere near as safe as he'd initially thought before the events on the Astronomy Tower.</p><p>Peter and the Death Eaters' ability to get up there, as well as Remus' manipulation of the wards, was proof that not even the castle could be completely protected from everything. </p><p>Sirius was sure that his parents had a bigger part to play in the Death Eaters' plans. His cousins were likely involved, and Regulus ... Regulus was friends with so many of the Slytherins that would have poisoned Peter against him. </p><p>"I-I need to speak to my brother, get him out while I still can," Sirius muttered. </p><p>"I've already tried," Remus said. "He snapped ... told me to stay out of his business. He tried to blackmail me into silence with the use of my feelings for you." </p><p>Sirius groaned in frustration and dragged his hands through his hair. Everything was going so <em>wrong</em>. </p><p>"What am I supposed to do, Remus? How do I help him?" </p><p>"I don't know," Remus said, looking dismayed and distraught at the fact that he couldn't think of anything to help Sirius.</p><p>Not this time. Remus was an only child, and he didn't know the pain and the difficulty of having a sibling to feel the need to protect so strongly.</p><p>"I know you don't want to wait, I know you want to talk to him now and protect him, but you need to prioritise yourself." Remus said.</p><p>"The last time I waited to figure something out is what got us into this position in the first place." Sirius snapped. </p><p>"You can't change it!" Remus exclaimed. "It is what it is. Peter will face the Wizengamot, and we'll bear the scars for the rest of our lives, but sometimes these things happen and we have to live with that! Your brother is going to have the same people sticking up for him that Peter had and more, <em>and</em> Regulus is a lot better at duelling. He won't make the same mistakes. You will <em>not </em>get away alive if you go after them, and I won't be able to help you now. I'm too weak at the moment, and so are you. You have to <em>wait</em>, you need to let someone <em>else</em> be the hero this time." </p><p>"This isn't about me being a hero, Remus, this is about protecting my brother! Don't pretend like you understand, because you don't! You barely talk to your parents, you have no other family, you don't have anyone to protect!" Sirius snarled. </p><p>He didn't know where this sudden anger was coming from, or why he was aiming it at Remus, or why he felt it at all.</p><p>He needed to get it out, needed to take it out on someone before he got into a fight and came away with even more bruises and scrapes and cuts and scars than he already had. </p><p>Sirius wasn't angry at Remus, not truly. He just needed to get rid of all the pent up feelings from the last week out of his system.</p><p>Remus didn't deserve the harshness of Sirius' tone or the way he spat his words, and there was a part of him that was already feeling guilty about it, a part that would only grow until Sirius made amends for it, but the numbness he felt as fury fuelled him was keeping it at bay for now. </p><p>"If you're going to lash out at me for no reason, then you can leave. I don't want to see you until you apologise. Not because you want to have sex, or you're bored in the evenings, or you're used to the routine, or James is pissing you off and you need to vent, or because the dormitory, and the Gryffindor table, and the Quidditch stands, and every inch of this <em>fucking</em> castle feels <em>wrong</em> and <em>empty </em>without Peter here. Don't knock on my door, don't lurk around my desk after lessons. Don't come over for dinner tonight, I don't want to see you." Remus said. </p><p><em>I don't want to see you. I don't want to see you</em>. </p><p>There they were. Those fateful words. The ones that Sirius had been terrified of hearing ever since his and Remus' relationship had started, ever since Italy.</p><p>But Remus wasn't saying the words because he felt them.</p><p>He was saying them because of <em>Sirius </em>and his actions. Sirius had snarled and snapped at him, had let his anger poison him against someone he loved with every fibre of his being. </p><p>But because Sirius was Sirius, and sometimes his emotions clouded his judgement, and he was too proud and too stubborn to admit when he was in the wrong, and he didn't know <em>how </em>to verbalise his thoughts, he stormed out, slamming the door shut behind him. </p><p>~</p><p>Sirius slammed the door to the dormitory shut as he entered it and almost screamed as he threw his bag onto his bed, making towards the bathroom. </p><p>He tore his uniform off violently, running the shower as hot as he could manage it and stepping under the spray. He hissed at the sharp, biting heat, but withstood it nonetheless. </p><p>He took his time in the shower, and when he stepped out, he felt better. Less angry, less frustrated, less guilty.</p><p>He'd go to Remus' office before dinner, catch him before he left for the Great Hall and convince him to stay and have their evening in his office together. </p><p>"You alright?" James asked. </p><p>"No, James, I'm <em>not </em>alright." Sirius sighed, slicking his soaking wet hair back with his hands. </p><p>"What's going on?" </p><p>"Remus and I have just fought," Sirius said, sitting and sulking on his bed. </p><p>"About what?"</p><p>"I got so <em>angry</em> at him, and I don't even know <em>why</em>. Remus tried to mention how dangerous some of Reg's friends might be to him and Reg tried to blackmail him. Pete's being brought back to Hogwarts for questioning. The governors, the Minister, and high up Wizengamont officials will be here. Now Remus doesn't want to see me until I apologise. He won't believe me if I do it tonight, so now I'm completely isolated from my boyfriend, from the only person who knows what I need right now." </p><p>There was a knock at the door and both James and Sirius turned to see Lily standing in the doorway. She gave them a sheepish and shy smile before stepping inside and closing the door behind her. </p><p>Sirius was now tense again, wary of how much Lily had heard. He wrung his hands together tightly in his lap and watched as Lily walked over and sat on Sirius' bed, crossing her legs and facing him. </p><p>"You should apologise to him tonight. If Peter is coming back here to be interviewed, then they'll probably want to talk to you and Professor Lupin as well. The longer you're arguing, the more taxing it's going to be. You need each other." She advised softly. </p><p>"Lily, look, I-"</p><p>"You don't need to justify it to me." Lily interrupted. "I figured it out in the Hospital Wing. The way he kept looking over at you before you woke up, the fact that he bypassed the wards and saved you at the Quidditch match, everything kind of strung itself together. I thought maybe you just had a crush on him, it wasn't until I saw you interact with him when you woke up that I realised you had a deeper thing going on."</p><p>"We weren't too obvious, were we?" Sirius asked nervously. "He didn't set out to seduce me or anything, I swear. We haven't even been admitting that we're dating since quite recently." </p><p>"I won't pretend that I understand it," Lily admitted. "I just know that you've been happier since he started teaching here. And a happy Sirius Black is my favourite kind of Sirius Black." </p><p>Sirius couldn't help the smile spreading across his face and he took a deep breath. "Okay, so how should I convince him that I'm genuinely remorseful?" </p><p>~</p><p>"I know I'm a dickhead, sometimes I act like the most petulant child you've ever met, and I shouldn't have lashed out at you because you didn't deserve it. You were trying to help, and I threw a fit for no reason. I'm sorry." Sirius said.</p><p>He'd knocked on Remus' door and waited for the man to answer instead of walking in after knocking as he would've normally. </p><p>Remus was still stood in the doorway of his office, looking slightly taken aback at the sight of Sirius standing at his door after their fight. </p><p>"I - Sirius -"</p><p>"I know you said not to come here and that you didn't want to see me, but I wasn't going to just let us go to sleep angry at each other. If we're going to go to sleep angry ever, it's going to be because I got spectacularly drunk at our wedding and almost knocked a table full of food over. That's <em>it</em>." </p><p>Remus spluttered and broke into a laugh then. "Come on, come inside." He said. The two of them took up their regular places on the sofa and sat in silence for a few seconds. "I'm sorry as well," Remus said, breaking the silence finally.</p><p>"You-"</p><p>"I <em>do</em>, Sirius. You know I have something to apologise for. I made you sound like you only ever come here for selfish reasons other than because you enjoy coming here. It was very low of me and paints you in a very negative and shallow light. I'm sorry." </p><p>Sirius moved along the sofa and settled into a favourite position of his and Remus'. Their legs were tangled together, torsos pressed against each other and Sirius' face nestled into Remus' neck. Their arms came around one another instinctually. </p><p>"We'll deal with this, Remus," Sirius whispered. "When Pete gets here, we'll talk to them, and we'll tell them just how much he hurt us, how much his actions will affect us for the rest of our lives, and he'll get locked away in Azkaban, and we'll be okay."</p><p>"I believe you, Sirius," Remus whispered back. Sirius could hear the emotion in his voice and knew that Remus was close to tears, so he pressed himself further into Remus' embrace and repeated the mantra in his head over and over again.</p><p>
  <em>We'll deal with this. We'll be okay. We'll get our happy ending. Just hold on. </em>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0020"><h2>20. Chapter 20</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The whole castle was awake bright and early the next morning, buzzing with the news that Minster Harold Minchum and his most trusted advisors were conducting interviews for Peter’s trial in the Headmaster's Office all day.</p><p>It was no secret that Sirius and Remus would likely be called in to speak their part, so when they walked into breakfast together, no one questioned it. They had operated as normal, separating at the staff wing and only 'meeting' at the steps of the moving staircases, and Sirius suddenly felt self-conscious.</p><p>"Why does it feel like everyone's staring at us?" Sirius said quietly as they entered the Great Hall. </p><p>"Probably because they are," Remus replied. Sirius was facing the Gryffindor table, watching to see who was sat down so far. He wanted to avoid the nosier students this morning. He already felt sick to his stomach about the trial and didn't feel like talking about it in great detail. "Sirius?"</p><p>Sirius turned to Remus, who placed a hand on his shoulder and squeezed reassuringly. Behind his mossy green eyes, Sirius saw how much he wanted to provide something <em>more</em>. A hug, a kiss, anything other than simply this. </p><p>"The way they work is to get your mind in a twist. Lead with your head, not your heart. Dumbledore should be able to prevent them from using Veritaserum or Legilimency, but if they try anything, say and do anything you can think of to avoid it."</p><p>"What if they try to use it on you?" Sirius asked. </p><p>"I've set up blocks and memories in preparation. They'll only see what I want them to see. Besides, if they can't use Veritaserum on one of us, they won't bother on the other." Remus assured. "We have nothing to hide. Just be truthful." </p><p>
  <em>We have nothing to hide. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Nothing to hide, nothing to hide, so long as we keep up the charade. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>They won't know any different if we stick to the cover story. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Be truthful to it, don't deviate, don't say anything more than you have to. </em>
</p><p>Remus seemed to be saying all of these things and more. The stakes were so much higher now than they had been when their relationship had first evolved.</p><p>Sirius' heart was pounding, and he felt too sick to do much more than stand. He nodded and Remus, who looked just as scared and stressed as Sirius felt, removed his hand from Sirius' shoulder. </p><p>"Come on, I'll walk you over to the Gryffindor table. You look as if you're about to collapse." Remus said, starting towards where Gryffindors were starting to gather.</p><p>Sirius was about to follow him when James and Lily walked in. The two of them gave Sirius and Remus grim smiles, knowing what was to come today, and fell into step beside them.</p><p>"How're you both feeling?" Lily asked carefully.</p><p>"As good as can be expected, I suppose," Remus said.  </p><p>"I just want it to be over," Sirius said.</p><p>He longed to reach out and grab Remus' hand, to lace their fingers together and be reassured by the contact, but it was important to remain strictly professional, only ever kind and friendly, in front of other students. </p><p>"It won't be anything more than a chat, I'm sure," Lily said.</p><p>"Yeah, Dumbledore and McGonnagall have told them everything that you said in the Hospital Wing. They'll just want to make sure that nothing more has cropped up in your memory now that you're up and about. It's a conversation, not an inquisition." James said. </p><p>Sirius made a noise of agreement, though Remus knew that it was more of an appeasement than anything else.</p><p>When Sirius, James and Lily found some seats together, Remus said his goodbyes and started towards the staff table.</p><p>Or, he would've done if Sirius hadn't grabbed his elbow. Remus turned to look at his boyfriend. </p><p>"They'll lock him up for what he did. They’ll believe us. We’ll be okay," Sirius said. It sounded more like reassurance for himself, but Remus knew he was trying his hardest to make sure that Remus didn't feel alone either. "I'll see you in a bit." </p><p>"See you in a bit. Don't stress yourself out too much, okay? I've got some study sessions going on later, but I'll make time for you if you need me. Don't be afraid to knock on my door." Remus replied, giving Sirius' shoulder another brief squeeze.</p><p>Every second of contact they could steal from each other in public today made up from the moments that they couldn't have in private, speaking volumes at how much they were leaning on each other for support. </p><p>Remus left Sirius behind at the Gryffindor table and made his way to his seat with the other staff members, putting his most guarded facade on.</p><p>It was harder than it used to be to assume. His relationships with the teachers, his fondness of the students and his love for Sirius made it hard for him to now be stoic and closed off.</p><p>The other staff gave him kind smiles and soft words of reassurance as he passed them, and he gave his thanks in return. </p><p>McGonnagall had taken up Haywood's usual seat, who was frowning at it from beside Slughorn. She didn't say anything, thinking better than to start a conflict at breakfast over a place at the table.</p><p>As Remus slid into his seat and looked to Minerva, she smiled. </p><p>"Sirius looks nervous. Is he feeling okay about the trial? I know it isn't ideal hosting it here in the castle, but with everything going on with the Death Eaters, Albus wanted to shoehorn in his worries about meddling to Minchum. Hogwarts is the safest place to do it right now."</p><p>"That's what I thought when he told me that at the beginning of the year," Remus said, picking at a piece of toast. He paused for a moment before rubbing at his face in frustration and groaning. "I'm sorry, I don't mean to sound rude or ungrateful, Minerva, I'm just finding it hard to believe any of the comforting words at the moment." </p><p>"I don't blame you," McGonnagall said. She sighed. "Remus, I can't even <em>begin</em> to tell you how sorry I am. Albus and I should've realised sooner. When I called Mr Pettigrew into my office back in January after you brought up yours and Sirius' concerns about him, I should've-"</p><p>"You weren't to know he was planning something sinister," Remus said, looking over at her. She was staring at the table in front of her, not able to look at him. "If there's one thing I've learnt in my life, it's that you have to forgive yourself for the things you cannot control." </p><p>McGonnagall finally looked at him in the eye then. She hadn't wanted Peter to be brought back to the castle, afraid that it would only make things more difficult, distract the students, and make the recovery process harder for Remus and Sirius.</p><p>Everyone seemed to be feeling that recently. Even Haywood had been less harsh towards Remus as of late, her eyes lingering on the wounds that now crossed Remus' face more often than she looked him in the eye. </p><p>"Albus and I will do better this time," McGonnagall said. "We'll protect you and Sirius from being tormented today, as Minchum is likely to do. He's a master interrogator, and as cold as stone in trials. We won't let him get away with it." </p><p>All Remus could do was give her his most convincing smile and thank her.</p><p>He appreciated the gesture, but the pressure in getting through the trial would not be on McGonnagall and Dumbledore's shoulders today. </p><p>It would be on Remus and Sirius.</p><p>~</p><p>"Sorry to interrupt, Professor." McGonnagall's voice called from the door. The whole class looked towards her, and Slughorn stopped what he was doing, smiling over at her.</p><p>Sirius was sat at a table, having taken on a Potions revision session for two hours to catch up on the lessons that he'd missed.</p><p>Lily had convinced him and James to come, and Sirius loathed to admit that having a little extra time to get through his work with a teacher close by was actually helping. </p><p>"To what do I owe the pleasure?" Slughorn asked. </p><p>"Could I borrow Sirius, please? Professor Dumbledore would like to see him up in the Headmaster's Office. He likely won't be back before the end of the session, so he <em>will</em> need to bring his things with him." </p><p>"Of course, of course!" Slughorn said brightly.</p><p>He extended his smile over to Sirius, who was now feeling cold and shaky all over. He knew that his face had most likely paled, and there were probably traces of worry written into every part of him.</p><p>“Don't worry about clearing up, Sirius, my boy. We'll get it sorted. Get that essay in whenever you can, take your time with it."</p><p>"Cheers, Professor," Sirius said, standing and packing his books and parchment back into his bag. "Professor McGonnagall, could James come with me? If he isn't needed here, I mean." </p><p>"It depends on whether or not Mr Potter has any outstanding work that needs urgent attention," McGonnagall said. </p><p>"I'm just revising. It can wait." James replied. </p><p>"I don't see why Sirius shouldn't have a friend with him for a bit of moral support." Slughorn chimed in. </p><p>"Very well. Mr Potter, gather your things as well." McGonnagall instructed. James hurriedly stuffed his things into his bag and he and Sirius headed towards the door. </p><p>~</p><p>Sirius paced and chewed at his thumbnail outside Dumbledore's office.</p><p>James didn't say anything if it was getting on his nerves, he just stood against the wall, silently stewing, leading Sirius to debate whether or not it was a good idea to bring him. </p><p>The golden statue guarding Dumbledore's office suddenly moved, and Sirius froze in his tracks, staring at it as it revealed a tall and skinny man with greying hair and sternness written into every line on his face. He was smartly dressed in finely tailored robes, and his dark brown eyes immediately latched onto Sirius as he stepped into the corridor. </p><p>"Mr Black?" Sirius nodded. The man stuck out his hand. "Minister Harold Minchum. I've heard a lot about you from your professors today. The consensus seems to be that you're a breath of fresh air in comparison to the rest of your family."</p><p>Sirius shook the Minister's hand and forced himself to smile. "It's a pleasure to meet you, Minister. I'd be inclined to agree with my professors, sir. I'm not a big fan of my family, I intend to be as different from them as I possibly can."</p><p>"That's good to hear," Minchum said. "And who's this?" He asked, looking to James. </p><p>"James Potter, sir," James said, standing up properly and coming closer to shake the Minister's hand. "Sirius' best friend. He asked me to come for some moral support. We were both very close to Pettigrew. We shared a dormitory with him. The three of us have been like brothers from our first year up until quite recently, for obvious reasons." </p><p>Minchum took in the information and nodded.</p><p>"Well, I'm glad that Sirius has someone standing by him today. I'm very sorry that this all happened to such close friends. It'd be nice, James, if you would wait for Sirius here until we're done. I wouldn't want him to be alone too much at the moment. He needs as much support rallying around him as possible."</p><p>"Of course, Minister."</p><p>"Wonderful. We're just waiting on Professor Lupin to arrive and then we can start." Minchum said. Sirius frowned. </p><p>"He's not already inside?" Sirius asked. </p><p>"Not yet. We wanted to bring you in together so that you wouldn't be forced to confront Pettigrew on your own." </p><p>Sirius was stunned for a moment. "T-thank you, sir. I'm sure Professor Lupin would agree that that means a lot to us both."</p><p>Footsteps pounded on the stone steps nearby and Remus suddenly emerged, his hair wild, cheeks slightly red from exertion.</p><p>His robes were thrown over one arm, his satchel slung across his middle. It was clear that he'd run all the way from the other side of the castle up to Dumbledore's office. </p><p>"I'm so sorry! Professor Haywood arrived late to the Defense room, she's supposed to be covering the rest of my revision session. I couldn't leave my first years unattended." Remus panted, bending over slightly, hands on his knees and trying to catch his breath. </p><p>"It's quite alright, Remus, we've only been waiting a few moments," Minchum said. "Shall we get started?" Remus nodded and straightened, adjusting his tie slightly and smiling at Sirius. </p><p>Minchum turned to the statue and said, “<em>Fizzing</em> <em>Whizbees</em>,” making the gold come to life.</p><p>"It's good of you to be here for Sirius. We both appreciate it," Remus said quietly as he and Sirius passed James, following Minchum towards the statue. </p><p>"It's no problem, sir. Good luck. Keep an eye on him for me while you're in there." </p><p>"Of course. Thank you, James." Remus said, sending him a smile.</p><p>James grinned in return, trying to remain upbeat and positive for Sirius' sake, and that was the last thing Remus saw of him before the statue's golden wings closed. </p><p>~</p><p>"Ah, good, you're here," Dumbledore said.</p><p>He stood from his desk and Remus tried to avoid noticing how different the office looked now. Chairs had been set up in a semi-circle in front of Dumbledore's desk, and twelve Wizengamot members were residing there.</p><p>"Only twelve officials, sir?" Sirius asked curiously. It was unusual for there to be so few, with most trials including at least thirty people. </p><p>"With my addition, it'll be thirteen. I trust these wizards and witches the most out of my entire Wizengamot." Minchum said. "It makes for a clean vote, too. No ties." He walked around the officials and stood behind them on the steps to the dais. "Minerva, will you be so kind as to bring out Pettigrew?"</p><p>Minerva ascended the stairs leading to the next floor of Dumbledore's office, and Remus could sense Sirius trembling beside him.</p><p>There was nothing he could do but pretend that he didn't notice. From now until the moment they were far from the prying eyes of the Minister, he and Sirius had to be straight-faced and mechanical around one another. </p><p>
  <em>Professor and student, professor and student. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Nothing more, nothing less. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>He means nothing more than that to you, Remus. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Remember that, remember that, don't let them twist your words, don't let root around inside your head. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Fight them off, go down swinging. </em>
</p><p><em>They will </em>not<em> destroy you. </em><em>Not today, nor any other day.  </em></p><p>McGonnagall returned down the steps with three people trailing after her, and Remus inadvertently tensed. Remus saw two Aurors with their hands wrapped tightly around Peter's arms, leading him over to a seat in front of the Wizengamot.</p><p>His hands were bound tightly, his wand nowhere in sight. His legs were in braces. Most healers recommended bedrest when it came to broken legs, but with the severity of Peter's injuries, and with the imminent trial, they were necessary.</p><p>"Sirius, <em>please</em>, you have to believe me that I didn't mean to do it," Peter begged, trying to make eye contact with Sirius before he sat down. "I'm still me, I'm still Wormtail. We're best friends, <em>brothers</em>. We swore we always would be. Padfoot, <em>please,</em> I'm as much of a victim as you!"</p><p>Peter was sobbing, tears running down his face and a pitiful amount of pleading in his voice. It was borderline whinging, like a child who had been caught doing something wrong and didn't want to be punished. </p><p><em>He is not sorry for what he did. He is only sorry that he got caught, </em>Remus reminded himself,<em> You would do well to remember that, Remus. Do not feel sorry for him. He does not deserve it. </em></p><p>"You don't get to call me Padfoot anymore," Sirius said softly. "You lost that right when you decided to do what you did. We are <em>not </em>brothers. Not anymore. Before you ask, Prongs feels the same. You mean nothing to us now. Sit down, shut your mouth, and let's get this over with." </p><p>The Aurors forced Peter into his seat, and Minchum began the trial. </p><p>~</p><p>"Mr Pettigrew, what happened the morning of March the tenth of this year?" Minchum started. </p><p>"I helped some bad people, some dangerous people, into the castle-"</p><p>"Who? And how?"</p><p>"Some older people, I never saw their faces. There's a secret passageway that leads to Hogsmeade. I was threatened by some of the seventh year Slytherins in late November that if I didn't help them and their friends, they'd kill my parents. They'd been stalking my family for weeks to learn their routines." </p><p>"Who were these Slytherins?" Minchum asked. "What did they want help with?"</p><p>"The Lestrange brothers. Rodolphus and Rabastan. They needed someone close to Sirius to take him down. There's some kind of business going on with blood supremacists and pureblood families. A lot of them are cousins to Sirius and his family. They know that if Sirius were to get wind of any of his family trying to hurt innocent people, he'd go after them himself, and they all know how tough he is in a duel." </p><p>"Why did they want to get into the castle? From Mr Black <em>and</em> Mr Lupin’s testimony, they both said that you were the only one there for the most part."</p><p>"I helped them kidnap Professor Lupin. They thought it would be a good idea to torture him. I couldn't say no." Peter said. </p><p>"Why did they think it would be a good idea to torture him?"</p><p>This time, Minchum was not the one to speak, it was a lady with sleek blonde hair and a piercing look. She was middle-aged and looked to be of higher status, likely from a pureblood family. <br/><br/>Remus was instinctively distrusting of her.</p><p>"They asked me who Sirius was close to. I told them that Lupin tutors him a few times a week and they became friendly. They wanted Sirius to watch me torture and kill Lupin and Julian Drake because they thought it would break Sirius to see his best friend do something like that. The others Disapparated when we arrived at the Tower, and only returned to tell me that we were all needed elsewhere. So we left Lupin and Sirius on the Tower, I had no way to help them, I had to leave immediately." </p><p>"And then these others left you, in the same manner, a few days later?" The same lady asked. Peter nodded. </p><p>"Thank you, Mr Pettigrew. That is all." Minchum said. "Remus John Lupin, the Wizengamot calls you forward to testify."</p><p>The Aurors pulled Peter to his feet and dragged him towards Dumbledore's desk. Remus relaxed ever so slightly. Peter would be far away from Sirius for now. He wouldn’t be close enough to beg anymore, with no friends and no chance at a redemption or reunion. </p><p>Remus stepped forward and took his seat, forcing himself to keep his eyes firmly in front of him. He couldn't look at Sirius, couldn't acknowledge him. </p><p>
  <em>Focus on yourself for now. Prioritise yourself, Remus. Sirius can handle himself. Trust him.</em>
</p><p>"Mr Lupin ... Mr Pettigrew said that you and Mr Black became friendly through your tutoring sessions. Would you care to elaborate on what he could mean by that?" Minchum asked. </p><p>"Well, I'm only about eighteen months older than Sirius, so we're similar in age. While we had our tutoring sessions, we would sometimes chat about mundane things. What career Sirius would like to go into or if either of us would ever want to travel anywhere, that sort of thing." </p><p>This wasn't strictly untrue. Remus and Sirius <em>had </em>talked about those things many times.</p><p>They'd both hinted at travelling together in the summer, maybe going back to Rome, then to Paris or Crete or Amsterdam. Beautiful cities with a fascinating history and even nicer weather.</p><p>It would mark the beginning of Sirius' life as an adult before he started focusing on where he wanted to focus his career prospects.</p><p>"So, if your relationship with Mr Black is ... <em>friendly</em>, shall we say, but still strictly professional, why do you think that Mr Pettigrew would kidnap you rather than Mr Potter, who is Mr Black's best friend? Why wouldn't Mr Pettigrew mention that to these dangerous people he mentioned?" Minchum inquired.</p><p>"I don't know, sir," Remus replied. </p><p>"Have things always been friendly between you and Mr Black? Have they always remained professional?"</p><p>Remus' forced himself to remain neutral and guarded and hoped that Sirius would do the same. He was fighting the urge to turn around and check on his boyfriend, reassure him that Remus would handle it, he would get them out of this mess. </p><p>
  <em>They will try to twist your mind. Lead with your head, not with your heart. </em>
</p><p>"I'm sorry, I don't quite know you mean, Minister. Could you rephrase the question, perhaps?" Remus asked. </p><p>"One might expect there to be discomfort or awkwardness after being tortured in each other's presence. Could it be possible that Mr Pettigrew took you rather than Mr Potter due to a schoolboy crush that Mr Black has on you?" Minchum asked. "Could it be that Mr Black confided in his friends about personal preferences, and Mr Pettigrew used that against him?"</p><p>"I doubt that, Minister," Remus said. </p><p>"Oh? And why is that?"</p><p>"Because it would require a level of forethought and analysis that Peter doesn't possess," Remus told him. "I am a teacher that Sirius sees for several hours a week to help with preparation for his N.E.W.Ts. James is Sirius' best friend. In the last six and a half years, they’ve caused almost as much trouble in this castle than Peeves has in the last thousand. Peter is unobservant and uncertain in everything he does. He could very well have taken Sirius' words and twisted them the wrong way." </p><p>Minchum mused on that for a few seconds. "Those are some very nasty wounds on your face, Remus. How did you get them?"</p><p>Remus ignored the friendly tone that Minchum was now taking on. He wanted to get inside Remus' head, trip him up, make him admit to something that he shouldn't. He could see right through it. </p><p>"I don't remember how, exactly," Remus said. "I woke up with the gashes before I Apparated us down to the Hospital Wing. I could feel them throbbing, and I could feel the blood on my face. I assume they were done with magic. It's a bit of a blur, if I'm honest, Minister." </p><p>"Would you feel satisfied with an outcome where Mr Pettigrew is kept inside St Mungos rather than in Azkaban?" Another official asked.</p><p>He was younger, with bright blue eyes and black hair. Remus recognised him as one of the youngest wizards to ever be appointed into the Wizengamot. Remus had read about it in the Prophet at the beginning of the year. He hadn't expected someone with so little experience to be appointed to such a case. </p><p>"No," Remus said simply. "I wouldn't." </p><p>"Why not?"</p><p>"I don't feel safe. I'm scared that someone is going to burst into my classroom and finish the job. I’m terrified that I won't be able to stop them from doing something unspeakable either <em>to</em> or in front of my students. I teach hundreds of pupils from the ages of eleven to eighteen, and while Peter is out of Azkaban, he is a danger to all of us. He's already killed before. I’ll carry the guilt of being unable to save Julian for the rest of my life. He was my responsibility, and I couldn't save him. Please don’t give Peter the chance to be a repeat offender." </p><p>"Thank you, Mr Lupin," Minchum said. His eyes flicked to something behind Remus. "Are you alright, Mr Black? Would you like a moment outside before we continue?"</p><p>Remus stood and turned, walking back to Sirius and seeing the tears streaming down his face silently. He had his head held high and was wiping at his face every so often, fighting the urge to break down completely. </p><p>"I'm okay, sir. I can carry on." Sirius said. His voice trembled slightly but held. </p><p>"Sirius, I-" Remus started. </p><p>"I promise, Professor, I can handle it." Sirius interrupted, walking towards the seat.</p><p>Remus grabbed his elbow, and when Sirius was facing him, he raised his eyebrows, the question in his gaze penetrating Sirius to the core. </p><p>
  <em>You don't have to do this straight away. You can take a break. Are you sure you're ready?</em>
</p><p>Sirius just nodded and smiled, mouthing the words, '<em>I love you.</em>'</p><p>Remus let go of his arm and resumed his previous stance, posture stiff and unyielding, his efforts going primarily into keeping those blocks and pre-prepared memories at the forefront of his mind.  </p><p>~</p><p>"Mr Black, what can you tell us about Mr Pettigrew's intentions for those that were on the Astronomy Tower the night of March tenth of this year?" Minchum asked. </p><p>"Peter wanted some kind of Black artefact that hadn't been seen in centuries. When I told him I didn't have it, he got pissed and revealed that he'd had Julian there since the previous morning. I'm sure Professors Dumbledore and McGonnagall have told you the rest. He tortured us. He wanted to stage a suicide for Julian and Professor Lupin to drive me insane." Sirius summed up. </p><p>"Why not get James Potter up there as well? He's your best friend, is he not?" Minchum inquired. </p><p>"He would never have been able to take Jamie on," Sirius said. </p><p>"Many would think he shouldn't have been able to defeat <em>you</em>, Mr Black. Why would he be unable to take down Mr Potter?"</p><p>"Because Peter idolised James. On the Astronomy Tower, he told us that he was sick of being the replaceable one. We never saw him like that, but clearly someone’s brainwashed him into believing that he can just kill people to get the attention that he wants. He's got something wired wrong in his head. He isn't the same Peter anymore. The Peter I know could and would never hurt James <em>or</em> I, no matter how mad he was at us." Sirius said. </p><p>"So would that mean you would be in support of Mr Pettigrew being taken to St Mungos for treatment? If this is a case of poor mental health, I mean." Minchum suggested. Sirius froze and took a few moments to process the sentence. </p><p><em>You </em>moron<em>, Sirius! Focus! Stop letting him twist your words! Think before you speak!</em></p><p>"No, Minister," Sirius said. "He should go to Azkaban."</p><p>"And why's that? The Dementors will only make him worse, surely."</p><p>"Jealousy and poor mental health are not an excuse for murder," Sirius replied. "I brought up my concerns about him back in January. They were passed on to Professor McGonnagall as our Head of House. She spoke to him, and things seemingly went back to normal. We did all we could, we tried to help, but Peter's beyond help now. He's proven that. He deserves Azkaban. Don't give him the chance to do to someone else what he did to us." </p><p>Minchum watched him closely for a few moments, his head tilted as if he was studying Sirius. Finally, after an agonising few seconds, Minchum smiled and spoke.</p><p>“Well. Thank you, Mr Black, I think we have everything we need. You and Mr Lupin are free to return to your daily routines, we still have a few more things we need to do until we make a final judgement. Minerva, if you'll lead the Aurors back up to the Dark Tower, it would be greatly appreciated. Enjoy the rest of your day, you two."</p><p>Sirius was stunned for a few moments before he stood. McGonnagall glided past him, patted him on the shoulder and smiled.</p><p>"You did well, Sirius, I'm proud of you." She whispered to him. Sirius grinned and waited for the Aurors and Peter to walk by before he headed back towards Remus. </p><p>It was all going well until his knees buckled and his head began to spin. Remus caught him, hands gripping him just above the waist as Sirius instinctively grabbed ahold of Remus’ shoulders. There was still a respectable distance between their torsos, but Sirius felt his cheeks warm regardless. </p><p>"Sorry." He breathed. </p><p>"It's quite alright. Do you need a hand downstairs, or are you okay?" Remus asked.</p><p>Sirius shook his head and gathered his feet beneath him. Remus stood back and let go of him, giving him some room as he took another step and almost fell again. Once more, Remus was there to steady him, hands now on his shoulders instead. </p><p>"I don't know what's wrong, Professor," Sirius mumbled frustratedly.</p><p>"It's been a stressful day. Let's get you down to the Hospital Wing." Remus said, slinging one of Sirius' arms around his shoulders and helping him towards the statue.</p><p>They had to wait for a few moments for the statue to return after being used by McGonnagall, the Aurors and Peter, and the two of them stepped inside once it arrived back at Dumbledore's office again. </p><p>James was stood outside seething, wand in his hand and tense all over. He had clearly just seen Peter come out and was forcing himself to not race after them.</p><p>His eyes were drawn to Sirius and Remus when they emerged from the statue, and he immediately put his wand away, concern replacing the tension. </p><p>"<em>Merlin</em>, what happened in there? Pete was sobbing so hard I thought he'd been sentenced on the spot." He asked. </p><p>"No, they haven't sentenced him. They're just discussing things. It wasn't too gruelling, but I'm fucking knackered," Sirius said. "I won’t lie, mate, I feel like pure shite."</p><p>"Careful, Sirius, I can still dock House points for that language, no matter how justified it is right now." Remus winced. He was very concerned about how the proximity between them and the officials in the office near them. They were not out of the woods yet. </p><p>"You should go and see Madame Pomfrey," James said. </p><p>"It's alright," Sirius said. "I think I can walk alright now. I - I'll see you at dinner, James, go back to Lily."</p><p>James looked hesitant, but after a smile and an encouraging nod from Sirius, he ruffled Sirius' hair affectionately and trekked back in the direction of the dungeons to meet Lily. Sirius removed his arm from around Remus' shoulders.</p><p>"Come on, let's go." Sirius said, heading further along the corridor. Remus followed, keeping a close eye on Sirius to make sure he didn’t falter, and they made their way down the stairs.</p><p>At the bottom, though, Sirius started down down the corridor to the left, making Remus frown. </p><p>"Sirius, that's the wrong way to the Hospital Wing." </p><p>"I'm aware," Sirius replied. "We're going back to your office. I'm gonna help you mark those second-year pixie essays, and you're gonna make me a cup of tea and lavish me with love and attention." </p><p>"You're a very presumptuous young man, do you know that?"</p><p>Sirius grinned over his shoulder at Remus and winked, beckoning him closer. The corridors were thankfully empty, so Remus had no qualms about letting the facade drop.</p><p>It was clear as day now that his intentions towards Sirius were personal rather than professional.</p><p>So Remus followed, a glowing smile on his face, all the way to his office. </p><p>~</p><p>"<em>Sirius</em>. Come on, love, wake up. It's dinnertime."</p><p>Remus was gently shaking Sirius awake, and he blearily opened his eyes. He was covered in the blanket that was usually thrown over the back of the sofa, and was stretched out across the sofa.</p><p>The stack of essays and supplies that Remus was using for marking had all been moved to his desk, where one chair had been left pulled out. </p><p>"How long have I been out?" Sirius asked groggily. </p><p>"Three hours," Remus replied. Sirius cursed. </p><p>"Have you been marking at your desk that entire time?" Sirius asked. Remus nodded and Sirius groaned, pushing himself into a seated position and pushing the blanket off him. "I'm so sorry, Re. You should’ve woken me up, I would’ve helped." </p><p>"Don't apologise. You obviously needed it. Besides, <em>I'm </em>the teacher here, not you." Remus said. He gently brushed a strand of hair from Sirius' face and leant down to kiss him briefly on the lips. </p><p>"Can we stay here for dinner? Summon some food from the kitchens?" </p><p>"I'm already one step ahead of you." Remus gestured with his hand and the essays disappeared. Instead, the desk now had two steaming hot plates of food on them. </p><p>"See, this is why I love you." Sirius said, standing and taking a seat at the desk.</p><p>Whatever Remus had transfigured into a seat at Valentines Day had remained a permanent part of the office now, something that they occasionally used whenever they were too lazy to go down to meals during their weekends together. </p><p>Remus laughed and took the seat opposite him, gesturing with his hand again to make the goblets at the table fill with Firewhiskey. He raised the goblet in front of him and smiled radiantly at Sirius. </p><p><em>How did I ever manage to deserve that beautiful of a smile? </em>Sirius thought to himself.</p><p>"To us." He said. Sirius rolled his eyes and smirked at the cheesy romance of it all, but raised his goblet anyway, clinking it softly against Remus. </p><p>"To us." </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0021"><h2>21. Chapter 21</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Sirius stretched languidly, arching his back and feeling the duvet move to reveal the pale skin of his legs as he stretched them. </p><p>"Stop being a tease, Sirius," Remus laughed. Sirius opened his eyes and looked over at his boyfriend, who was sitting up in bed and reading. </p><p>"I was stretching. How is that being a tease?" Sirius replied, shifting to lean on his elbow, gazing at the wonder that was Remus Lupin with bed hair and glasses, dishevelled and barely awake. Remus parted with whatever he was reading for a moment to give him a disbelieving look. </p><p>"Something tells me you were indulging in a bit of drama to get my attention." </p><p>"Ridiculous. Why would I ever do such a thing?" Sirius asked. Remus rolled his eyes fondly and went back to reading. There was a silence for a few seconds before Sirius spoke again. "Say, Remus, if I <em>had </em>been ... <em>indulging </em><em>in a bit of drama for your attention</em>, shall we say ... would it have worked?" </p><p>"No more than normal," Remus said, not taking his eyes away from the pages in front of him. Sirius pouted. "That is to say that you <em>always</em> have my attention."</p><p>Sirius' pout was replaced with a smile and he sat up, leaning closer to press a kiss against Remus' cheek. It was slightly rough and stubbly, but Sirius felt warm and happy regardless. This simple domesticity that they had fostered in their weekends together was turning Sirius into the mushiest person alive, and Sirius delighted in feeling this happy. </p><p>Remus' smile matched Sirius' as he turned his head, cradled Sirius' face and kissed him slowly and lovingly like there was nothing in the world he'd rather be doing. Sirius was sure that his cheeks were bright red with a blush. It didn't matter how many times Remus kissed him, it always made his heart pound and his knees feel weak.</p><p>"Is the famed bad-boy Sirius Black <em>blushing</em>?" Remus said softly when they parted. Sirius gently pushed at his shoulder in mock offence. </p><p>"Only for you, Moony," He replied, gently pushing back some of Remus' tangled hair, smirking at how dishevelled he looked. </p><p>"Don't you dare make fun of my bedhead, Sirius," Remus chuckled.</p><p>"How can I not when you look like you've been dragged through a hedge backwards?"</p><p>"You can hardly talk with that mess you call hair." He tugged lightly on a flyaway strand by Sirius' ear and Sirius shrugged. </p><p>"I usually put it up for bed so it doesn't get tangled. I must've forgotten to after our little dinner date. I was quite ... <em>distracted</em>." It was Remus' turn to go red at that comment. "Maybe I should return the favour." </p><p>"Oh? What did you have in mind?" Remus asked.</p><p>Sirius leaned in for another kiss, fisting his hands in Remus' shirt. It had gotten cold in the night, and they'd both been forced to put clothes on. Remus was fully covered, his legs in his comfiest and thickest pair of trackies. Sirius, on the other hand, had opted for just an oversized shirt and some boxers.</p><p>He shifted his weight slightly so he could sit in Remus' lap, fully intending on driving Remus wild.  </p><p>And then he was on his back. </p><p>Sirius gasped, only having a second to process the fact that Remus was now pressing him into the mattress, crowding his senses and trailing small, delicate kisses against his jaw and cheek before eventually pulling away to gaze down at Sirius with a radiant smile. </p><p>"I love you." He said matter-of-factly. Sirius beamed.<em> Those three fatal words, always inspiring such joy. I don't think I'll ever get tired of hearing them. </em></p><p>"I love you too." He replied.</p><p>Remus tilted his head forward to lean their foreheads together, and the two indulged in a series of brief kisses only lasting a second, little more than a brush of lips, smiling all the while. </p><p>Eventually, they settled with Remus sprawled on top of Sirius, his head resting on his boyfriend's chest, hearing the heartbeat thump beneath his chest. He felt comforted as he felt the Gryffindor's fingers gently carding through his hair.</p><p>Right now, they would've forgotten about the world outside the office completely had it not been for the sound of a soft knocking at the door. </p><p>The two of them froze when they heard it </p><p>"Did you hear that?" Remus hissed. </p><p>"That was a knock," Sirius confirmed. Another knock sounded through the quarters and he pushed at Remus' shoulders. "Remus, <em>get up and answer it</em>! I need to hide in case it's another member of staff."</p><p>Remus tumbled out of bed and Sirius followed, stumbling into the bathroom and closing the door with a soft <em>click</em>. Remus gestured with his hand, the bed now making itself and Sirius' clothes from the night before sliding under the bed. He grabbed a dressing gown and closed the bedroom door as he wrapped himself up, tied the robe around his waist and hurried over to the entrance to his quarters.  </p><p>Standing outside were James and Lily, and Remus tried his hardest to not look too relieved. He was well aware that James knew about the nature of his and Sirius' relationship, but to look relieved was to look guilty in front of Lily.</p><p>Lily, who would figure them out in a heartbeat with enough clues. </p><p>"Morning, you two. Sorry about my state of dress, I haven't been up long. Can I help you?" Remus asked, trying to seem embarrassed at having been caught in an unprofessional manner by his students. </p><p>"Have you seen the Prophet?" James asked. Remus frowned and shook his head.</p><p>"Dumbledore's announcing something important in twenty-five minutes in the Great Hall. McGonnagall came to the Tower to talk to Sirius, but James and I told her he came to see you about some Defence work that he wanted to catch up on. She asked us to make sure the two of you were there." Lily said. </p><p>"Look, can we come in?" James asked, looking around the staff wing corridors nervously. "This isn't the kind of conversation we should be having in the middle of the corridor. Is Sirius with you?"</p><p>Remus nodded and let them in. He set up a Silencing Charm around his office and opened his bedroom door to call through to the bathroom. "Sirius, you can come out now, it's James and Lily." He turned to look at James and Lily and restlessly dragged a hand through his hair. "I'll be back out in a moment, I'm just going to get dressed."</p><p>"Morning, folks!" Sirius said, choosing that moment to slide past Remus. </p><p>"S-Sirius!" Remus spluttered. Sirius was still wearing only his boxers and one of the oversized shirts Remus had given him.</p><p>"Do you have no shame, Black?" Lily asked. </p><p>"We're all friends here, Evans! And all my unmentionables are covered up!" Sirius defended. "Remus, love, are you having a cuppa?" He asked, looking over his shoulder to get Remus' answer. Remus shook his head, more than a little alarmed at Sirius' casualness. He barely had a moment to process it before Sirius was speaking again. "Besides, everyone in this room is aware of mine and Remus' relationship ... why should we hide it?" </p><p>"Wait, <em>what</em>?! Since when has Lily known? Sirius, when were you going to tell me?!" Remus exclaimed. Sirius winced. </p><p>"Ah," He said. "Slight mistake on my part, I forgot to mention last night. She figured it out on her own, I didn't say anything!"</p><p>Remus sighed and fiddled with a loose thread in his sleeve for a few seconds, wrapped up in his thoughts and trying to work out how his morning had gone from serene to stressful so swiftly. Were they really so obvious that both Lily and Julian had figured them out? How many other students had noticed? </p><p>"We'll talk about this later." He said finally, deciding that it was for the best to banish those thoughts right now. There were other, more pressing things to deal with. "Sirius, there's no time to sit and have a coffee, we have to be down at the Great Hall in less than twenty minutes. We need to get dressed. <em>Now</em>." </p><p>Sirius cursed and turned the kettle off, hurrying across the room. "If I'm in a huff today, <em>you're</em> the one to blame for not letting me have my morning dose of caffeine, Moony. I hope you know that." He said jokingly, poking a finger into Remus' chest. </p><p>"Just hurry it up, will you?" Remus chuckled.</p><p>Sirius ducked into the bedroom as Remus held his hand out for his wand. It flew towards him from the bedside table. He gestured towards the kitchen and the kettle turned on again. He'd have to put it in his portable thermal for Sirius. Merlin knew the Gryffindor would need it. </p><p>~</p><p>"Sirius, for goodness sake, would you stop faffing with your hair? Just put it up in a bun, you don't need to do anything extravagant." Remus said fondly, leaning on the doorframe to the bedroom.</p><p>He'd been dressed and ready to go for the last ten minutes, but Sirius had taken his sweet time in picking out clothes, brushing his teeth, dragging water and a brush through his hair to tame it.  He was still stuck on that last bit. </p><p>"I may not be trying to look attractive for anyone but you these days, but I still have a reputation to uphold!" Sirius called from the bathroom.</p><p>Remus rolled his eyes and wandered over to the kitchen, busying his hands with pouring out Sirius' coffee into a thermal. </p><p>"What has the Prophet been saying?" Remus asked James and Lily once he was done, turning around to look at them. </p><p>"That the Minister will be releasing a statement regarding Peter's trial as soon as he's had the all-clear from Dumbledore," James said. "They're aiming to get another issue shipped out by tonight." </p><p>"Dumbledore fought tooth and nail to make sure that the students and staff find out before anyone else," Lily added. She was worrying at a hangnail and frowning. "They've made a decision so quickly. What if he doesn't get charged? My parents have threatened to take me out of school if they let him come back." </p><p>"I wouldn't blame them, Lily. I'd be worried too. I <em>am </em>worried. For all of us." Remus said. </p><p>"How's Sirius coping?" James asked. "I feel like I've barely seen him since it happened."</p><p>"I'm sorry, James. I - I don't mean to take him from you, I know how close-"</p><p>"It's okay, Professor." James dismissed. "I'm just relieved he didn't go through it alone. Sirius needs more than just me and Lily to be there for him, and now he has you as well. He adores you. I've never seen him so happy. I'm glad that you've stuck around." </p><p>"I am as well. Trust me, that adoration is very much mutual." Remus said, allowing himself a small smile.</p><p>To have the support of Sirius' best friend was possibly one of the highest honours Remus could get. Sirius' love for James outshone his love for anything else. To have him recognise and approve of Remus as someone that would cross the line into a part of Sirius' heart that James wouldn't ever, was immensely important. </p><p>"Sirius is doing ... okay." He continued, leaning back against the counter and frowning at the space in front of him as he spoke. It was true that Sirius was doing the best he could under the circumstances, but he still had moments where the world seemed to come crashing down on his shoulders, where he looked much more fatigued and worn than an eighteen-year-old ever should. </p><p>"Ever since we left the Hospital Wing, I think we've been too scared of letting go of each other, even when we're asleep. We always seem to be pressed so much closer now than we were before. He's been having nightmares. I can feel him shaking in my arms, so I'm always up and calming him down by the time he wakes. Sometimes, he'll go from completely fine to staring into space like he's trying to remember something. I just have to wait for him to come back to me. He always does eventually." Remus admitted.</p><p>"What about <em>you</em>?" Lily asked quietly. Remus' eyes flicked to hers. "How are <em>you</em>?" </p><p>Remus picked up the thermal. "It's my job to be worried about you guys, not the other way round." </p><p>"Just because you're a teacher, doesn't mean you're not human. You went through something traumatic too." James said. </p><p>Remus smiled wanly. "I have very little appetite, a terrible sleep schedule, and I'm still trying to fill in the gaps in my memories. There are blank spots that are right on the tip of my tongue that I can never quite grasp. All in all, not <em>much</em> different from a particularly long and stressful day of teaching." </p><p>"Or from ... you know, being a werewolf, I suppose." James shrugged.</p><p>Remus' head snapped towards him. His whole body went cold at the comment. Lily elbowed him sharply and was giving him an intense glare, but James' eyes were on Remus instead, boring into him and almost daring him to deny it. </p><p>
  <em>He knows, he knows, he knows. They both know.</em>
</p><p>At that point, Sirius came out of the bedroom, his face stony, fists clenched by his side. </p><p>"Don't make a big deal out of it, James." He said. "How long have you known?" </p><p>"We left our bags by accident when we were visiting you, we had to come back for them. Lily and I overheard Professor Lupin talking to Madame Pomfrey about the cuts on his face in the Hospital Wing. They thought no one else was in there, so they were talking about it openly." James said. "How long have <em>you</em> known?"</p><p>Sirius was silent for a few seconds before saying, "Since January." James opened his mouth to reply, but Remus cut him off. </p><p>"W-we don't have time for this right now," Remus said, "We only have ten minutes to get down to the Hall, everyone will be wondering where we are if we don't hurry." </p><p>There was a silence, a sense of stillness where no one wanted to make the first move for fear of everything blowing up. And then Lily decided to take a chance. </p><p>"Professor Lupin is right." She said softly. "Don't just stand about, let's go!" </p><p>Remus crossed the room, grabbing his robes and handing Sirius the thermal. As he wrapped up, still slightly cold despite the beginnings of spring's warmth creeping over the castle, he spotted Sirius' looking at him with a strange smile on his face. </p><p>"What?" Remus asked. </p><p>"Nothing." Sirius chuckled. He took a sip from his coffee and stepped closer, pressing a quick kiss to Remus' lips while he wasn't expecting it, then breezed past him to the door before Remus could react. He blushed brilliantly and followed Sirius.</p><p>"Come on, we best follow him before he gets too far ahead." </p><p>~</p><p>Remus was leaning heavily on his cane as they reached the Great Hall.</p><p>He'd broken a few bones in his shin and foot during his half transformation on the Astronomy Tower, as well as torn a few muscles that had been stretched beyond their limit. Madame Pomfrey had said that it would likely never be completely the same, but would be functional enough the more he walked around on it. </p><p>Sirius was beside him, James and Lily on Sirius' other side, and the Great Hall was in an uproar as they walked in. Hundreds of voices were talking over one another, and the stares and talking only got more pronounced and obvious as their presence was noted. </p><p>"I don't want to be at the Gryffindor table when we find out," Sirius said to Remus. "I can't be around people right now. They'll all want a reaction that I can't give them." </p><p>"It would be a good idea for us to be in our usual places when we find out. People may get the wrong idea." Remus replied.</p><p>He had to force himself to keep his eyes on the staff table rather than at Sirius, knowing that his resolve would crumble if he saw the desperation and fear in Sirius' eyes. Those pale grey eyes that were always Sirius' tell, always giving him away, always so expressive.</p><p>"I don't care!" Sirius said indignantly. Remus looked at him then, facing him properly and already feeling his heart begin to break for his boyfriend. "<em>Please</em>, stay with me here. I - I can't do it, Re-"</p><p>"Would everyone please take their seats!" Dumbledore's voice boomed through the Hall. "Don't dawdle, please! Staff and student to your correct tables, you'll only prolong matters if you're somewhere you shouldn't be. I don't wish to waste time on seating arrangements."</p><p>Remus looked back to Sirius and saw the despair written into his features. "Sit by the front of the Gryffindor table. If you need to leave, wait for me outside the Hall and we'll go somewhere quiet to calm down. James, Lily, stay with him, please?"</p><p>James and Lily nodded and Remus spared them all a tight smile, hurrying away to his seat. It was the hardest walk he'd done in his life, much harder than the walk down to the Shrieking Shack every full moon.</p><p>This was the moment he wanted to stay with Sirius the most, wanted to make sure that he had all those closest to him beside him when Dumbledore announced the outcome of the trial. </p><p>But he pushed himself to take each step to the staff table, sliding into his seat and only daring to look at the Gryffindor table when all the students were settled and calm. He immediately saw Sirius sitting at the very end of the bench closest to the wall, easy to slide off and slink past the other students if he needed to leave. He was facing Remus, thankfully. They could keep their eyes on each other this way, always in each other's eye line. </p><p>"You've gone pale, Remus, are you alright?" Slughorn asked from beside Remus. Usually, Remus enjoyed Slughorn's company, but he was aloof to others' need for space sometimes, a trait that Remus couldn' tolerate today.</p><p>With nosey Slughorn on one side and snarky Haywood on the other, Remus almost couldn't bear it. He felt boxed in, tight and crowded. He closed his eyes for a few moments, feeling faint with anticipation. </p><p><em>They </em>will<em> have convicted him. He </em>will<em> be charged. </em></p><p>Remus spent those few seconds of sightlessness to repeat the sentences over and over in his head.</p><p>Part of him almost thought that if he willed it to be so, if he begged hard enough for the forces of good to do him one last favour, then they would grant him it like they did that night on the Astronomy Tower when they allowed him to Apparate to the Hospital Wing.</p><p>When he opened his eyes again, he looked to Slughorn and faked a smile that he hoped was convincing enough to fool the Potions teacher. </p><p>"Quite alright, Horace," Remus said. "Just a little woozy, is all. Thank you for your concern." </p><p>"Good morning to you all," Dumbledore started, saving Remus from more of Slughorn's nosiness. "I'm sure we're all very eager to hear what the outcome of the recent trial was. The final sentence certainly came a lot quicker than any of us were expecting, but I must insist that everyone remain calm." He said sternly.</p><p>He waited for a few seconds, watching the students stare at him to make sure that there wasn't so much as a whisper echoing through the Hall.</p><p>"Peter Pettigrew has been charged with murder, attempted murder and the torture of three people. His sentence includes at least five years in Azkaban prison before he's considered to be placed on the list for the Dementor's Kiss-"</p><p>Chaos erupted from the students and staff, cutting off whatever Dumbledore was about to say, and Remus let out a deep and shaky breath that had been cooped up in his chest for far too long. He leant back against his chair, feeling as if he could cry. </p><p><em>Peter has been charged. He's going away, and everywhere he turns is a loss for him. You and Sirius are safe</em>. </p><p>He smiled at the thought and leant forward once again, looking straight to Sirius, who was grinning and leaning into James, their arms around each other's shoulders. Gryffindors sat close by were chattering away to him, thankful for the outcome for Sirius' sake.</p><p>Sirius' eyes landed on Remus and they smiled widely at each other. Remus brushed his hair from his face and let his hand rest in his hair for a moment, almost overwhelmed with relief. He felt so much lighter than he had in days, the dread no longer wearing him down.</p><p>"<em>Quiet</em>!" Dumbledore yelled, his voice now amplified with <em>Sonorus. </em>The voices echoing off the stone walls gradually simmered until the silence returned.</p><p>"However, in the early hours of this morning, as Aurors shifts changed, Mr Pettigrew was noted to no longer be in his cell in the Dark Tower- <em>quiet, please</em>. He has now also been charged with resisting arrest. The Aurors are out searching for him as we speak. He cannot have gotten far, and he couldn't have done it alone. Minister Minchum has allocated Aurors to keep an eye on the entrances and corridors of the castle to ensure Mr Pettigrew and his associates do not return. Rest assured, every precaution is being taken to ensure everyone's safety."</p><p>Frightened murmurs began to spread like a disease throughout the room and Remus felt his heart sink into his stomach. </p><p>"He'll come back to finish the job he started!"</p><p>"He's already killed Julian, what's to stop him from getting in and killing more of us while we sleep?"</p><p>"Will the Aurors really be able to stop him?"</p><p>"I'm not staying here when there's a killer on the loose!"</p><p>Soon, the whispers grew until students were yelling a million and one questions in Dumbledore's direction. There was no stopping them, even though McGonnagall and Dumbledore were trying valiantly to do so. Fear was much too hard to tame once it had a grip on people, and it had gripped Hogwarts in a tight vice.</p><p>Remus pushed his chair back and hobbled past the Slytherin table, the pain in his leg now seeming to throb and ache even worse than before.</p><p>The cold draught that always seemed to linger in the castle's corridors didn't register to Remus for once as his senses narrowed and he trusted his feet to take him far away.</p><p>~</p><p>Remus didn't process where he was until he felt the floor beneath him and everything came into focus again.</p><p>He was at the Astronomy Tower. The place that had started this mess, just a week ago, but somehow felt like an age away. It had certainly aged Remus mentally by a few decades. </p><p>He didn't know why his feet had brought him here, just that they had, that his brain had switched itself off, had left his body on autopilot. He was sat with his legs over the edge of the window, the sheer drop to the courtyard below giving him vertigo. </p><p>
  <em>Thank Merlin that the cobblestones were not the last thing Julian saw. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Maybe he saw the sky, or the silhouette of the castle against the sunset and felt at peace. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>I hope he did. He deserves peace, wherever he is. </em>
</p><p>It may have been a morbid thing to think, what the last thing a person saw before they died, but Remus almost couldn't help himself. He felt guilty about being unable to save Julian, about leaving Sirius in the Great Hall when he'd promised to be there waiting for him if the outcome had been bad. He felt guilty about so many things.</p><p>He'd forced himself to believe that there was nothing he could've done, that he'd done everything he could. And yet, he found himself wondering if he really had done <em>everything</em>.</p><p>None of this would've happened if he'd stopped his and Sirius' relationship from developing, if he'd been just a little better at handling his feelings. Remus had given Peter ammunition to hurt Sirius with, he had become a liability to someone he loved and the reason why Sirius would always remember why he'd lost one of his childhood best friends. </p><p>Before he knew it, Remus was sobbing, head in his hands, tears streaming down his face for the first time since that night. He'd felt unable to cry up until this point, almost like he'd completely lost the ability, and now it was all coming pouring out.</p><p>He had to do <em>something</em>, he had to help the Aurors, he had to make sure that Peter was behind bars. </p><p>So Remus allowed himself a few more seconds of crying before he took a shaky breath, scrubbed the tears off his face and moved back from the ledge, pushing himself to his feet and leaving the Tower, heading straight for Dumbledore's Office. </p><p>~</p><p>"Remus, I don't think this is such a good idea," Dumbledore said. </p><p>"I need to help, Albus," Remus told him. "Finding Peter would still be classed as Order work. He's a Death Eater. We need to find him and hand him in. We can do our own investigation before we give him to the Ministry."</p><p>"And how will we explain to Harold about how we found Mr Pettigrew without giving away what the Order is?"</p><p>"Be as vague as possible. Tell him that you asked some friends to go looking for Peter because you were worried that Hogwarts was no longer safe, that you wanted to help the Aurors, but we were undercover in Muggle towns and villages with sightings of suspicious people, so we couldn't let the Aurors know we were also investigating." </p><p>"There's no guarantee that we'll find him."</p><p>"We <em>will</em>." Remus insisted. "Put me on a team with anyone. The Prewetts, the Longbottoms, Dawlish, Meadowes and McKinnon, <em>anyone</em>. We'll get this fixed." </p><p>"You have duties here, Remus-"</p><p>"I have a duty to the Order as well!" Remus pointed out. "I taught Peter, and Sirius told me so much about him and James last summer in Italy. I know him. I can find him. And when he's back in custody, we can uncover some of the Death Eaters' plans before we hand him into the Ministry. It's a win-win situation."</p><p>"And what about Sirius?" Dumbledore asked. Remus faltered. </p><p>"I - I don't ... what do you mean?" He asked. "Sirius stays here, does his exams, plays against Slytherin in the Quidditch final, he finishes his final few months of school, and then he joins the Order if he still wants to." </p><p>"You're underestimating how much he needs you," Dumbledore said. </p><p>"He doesn't need me, Albus. He needs James and Lily and Minerva. He has people here that love him, that want the best for him. He's in good hands." </p><p>"Don't be foolish, Remus," Dumbledore replied. "I am well aware of the feelings you have for one another. It's as clear as day. And while I trust you enough to not lie to me when it comes to professionalism inside the castle, I'm aware that Sirius has been staying with you in your office for the last few days. One of the portraits in the staff wing told me during a catch up this morning that he'd seen Sirius go into your office over the last few evenings and not come out until the following morning." </p><p>
  <em>Only this weekend, not any of the others? Remain neutral, Remus, lie through your teeth if you have to, just get him off the scent. </em>
</p><p>"It's not what you think. I slept on the sofa, he was having nightmares and he didn't know where else to go. He felt too scared to sleep-" Remus started. </p><p>"I trust you, Remus." Dumbledore interrupted. "You're still training to be a Professor and you are young, so I will be a little more lenient with you. While I believe that Sirius needs you here more than ever, I can see that it would be a good idea for the two of you to have some space to avoid a line being crossed. I'll send a letter out to the Order, set up a team, and get back to you in a few days."  </p><p>"Thank you, Albus." </p><p>~</p><p>Sirius was sat against Remus' office door with James and Lily sat in front of him. </p><p>"How're you feeling?" Lily asked. </p><p>"Like my head's been hit by a Bludger," Sirius said. "In fact, after having had that happen to me, it's safe to say that this feels ten times worse." </p><p>"The Aurors will catch him in no time," James told him. "He'll get the Kiss quicker for resisting arrest." </p><p>"Resisting arrest isn't a serious offence, James, he won't get a reduced sentence just for that." </p><p>"Anything that ends with him behind bars is all that matters now. I'm sure his soul will be sold to the highest bidder once the Dementors suck it out. Everyone's talking about it, it'll be like merchandise someone will show off at a dinner party in ten years. <em>'Hi, welcome to my home, here's my collection of Chocolate Frog cards, my Puddlemere United jersey, the soul of an eighteen-year-old sadistic blood supremacist in a jar, and my greenhouse full of endangered Fluxweed,'</em>" </p><p>Sirius laughed. "I think the scariest thing in that sentence would be the Puddlemere United jersey-"</p><p>"Hey! Puddlemere are a good team!"</p><p>"What the <em>fuck</em> are you on about, Potter?! It's Falmouth Falcons or nothing!" </p><p>"Not this conversation again." Lily groaned. </p><p>"You're only saying that because their colour scheme is black and you like the aesthetic! They're not even doing that well in the League!"</p><p>"They've not even <em>played</em> this season! Them and the Harpies are the only ones who haven't had a match yet! You're just jealous because Puddlemere hasn't won the Cup in fifty years. They just pretend they're still relevant because they've won it twenty-two times already."</p><p>"Forty-<em>three</em> years, actually. <em>And </em>they've won the European Cup twice." James said. </p><p>"Let's not fight in the middle of the corridor, you two." Sirius, James and Lily looked down the corridor at the direction of the voice and saw Remus limping towards them, his cane gently clicking against the stones as he leaned on it. </p><p>The three of them stood and Sirius took a few steps towards Remus, giving the corridor a quick once over before raising his hand and placing it on the taller man's cheek tenderly. </p><p>"Where've you <em>been</em>? I was worried." He said softly. Remus took a hold of Sirius' hand and placed a quick kiss on the back of it. </p><p>"Let's talk inside, okay? There's something we need to talk about." </p><p>~</p><p>"So Dumbledore's sending you on a mission for a secret organisation dedicated to taking down blood supremacists?" Lily asked.</p><p>This was the first she'd heard of the Order, and she looked both shocked to hear it and astounded about the fact that James had kept it hidden from her for so long. </p><p>Remus was sat on his sofa, Sirius crossed-legged beside him, fiddling with his wand quietly. Lily and James had pulled over Remus' desk chairs and were sat on the other side of the coffee table in the space between it and the fireplace. </p><p>"Quite possibly," Remus replied.</p><p>"How long will you be gone? Why's he sending you now? You're still injured. What's happening with the Death Eaters that's so important that he can't send someone else?" Sirius asked. </p><p>"He <em>will</em> be sending someone else," Remus said. "I've requested to go. I was the one who suggested the mission. We're going after Peter, and I want to be part of the team."</p><p>"<em>What</em>?!" Sirius exclaimed. "Remus-"</p><p>"I've checked in with Madame Pomfrey, she's aware of the Order and what I do for them. As long as I'm careful over the next few days, my leg will be fine by the time we set off. I don't know how long we'll be, Peter could be anywhere and the Death Eaters will be hiding him better now that he's a convicted criminal. If we're lucky, we'll find him by the summer, possibly sooner. I should be put with Frank, Alice, Marlene or Dorcas. They'll be three of us, at least. We're some of the strongest fighters. If the Aurors don't find Peter first, we certainly will." </p><p>"So you're telling me that you're going undercover for what could be <em>months</em> to go after the person who tried to kill us instead of letting the Aurors do their job?" Sirius asked. </p><p>"If you have to break it down into the barest explanation, then yes. That's exactly what I'm doing." Remus said. Sirius launched himself off the sofa, taking his now cold coffee over to the kitchenette and emptying it down the sink, furiously scrubbing at the stains inside it with a damp cloth. </p><p>"And what about <em>me</em>?" Sirius asked. "I can't just sit here day after day, worrying about whether or not Dumbledore will make another announcement, or if McGonnagall will pull me aside to tell me that they've killed you." He said. "Let me come with you, if only to stop me from losing my mind." He turned around finally, the thermal placed to one side. He was tense and stiff, the worry he felt for Remus' safety evident in his posture. </p><p>Remus stood as well, taking no more than a step towards Sirius. He held a hand out and Sirius was crossing the room again, pressing himself into Remus' arms. </p><p>"You're needed here, and even if you weren't, Dumbledore rarely lets people who are too close to one another go on missions together. Frank and Alice Longbottom aren't allowed, neither are Dorcas and Marlene. The Prewett twins are the only exception because their magic always seems stronger when they're together. I wouldn't want you to be on this mission, not with the Death Eaters so focused on you. You're safer here."</p><p>"I'm safer when I'm with you," Sirius argued. </p><p>"No you aren't, Sirius," Remus replied, pulling away from him. "It's because of me that you were lured up to the Astronomy Tower in the first place. I won't make the same mistake again. Even if it hadn't happened, I'm still a danger to you."</p><p>"Oh for goodness sake, Remus, don't be ridiculous! Just because you're a werewolf, doesn't mean you're automatically a danger every day of the month." Sirius said. "If you won't let me come with you, then stay."</p><p>Remus sighed. "Let's wait until Dumbledore comes back with an answer from the Order. Then we can carry on with this conversation. I have a feeling neither of us is going to budge on our stances." </p><p>"Tell us more about the Order," Lily said. "If Dumbledore wants us to join, then I want to know exactly what I'm getting myself into." </p><p>Remus extracted himself from Sirius, linking their fingers and gently leading him back to the sofa and settling once again. </p><p>"What exactly do you want to know?" </p><p>~</p><p>"Lastly, I would like to tell you all that Professor Lupin will be taking medical leave for the rest of the year to continue to heal from injuries sustained on the Astronomy Tower," Dumbledore announced.</p><p>He paused as the students took in the information, many expressing their shock and their sadness. Remus had had a profound impact on all of them, had been one of the best teachers they'd ever had. Even if he was returning next year, this would likely be the last time that most seventh years would ever see him.</p><p>Sirius clenched his jaw, fighting the urge to storm out at the idea of never seeing Remus again.</p><p>His reason would be entirely different from everyone else's. They wouldn't see him because they were leaving school soon, moving into adulthood and leaving school behind.</p><p>If Remus died, Sirius would be one of the few people that knew what had actually happened, would be one of the few people in the castle who would grieve the hardest. He would be one of the few people that had known Remus as <em>Remus</em> rather than Professor Lupin. </p><p>"I thought you two had spoken about ... <em>you know</em>," James whispered to him. </p><p>"We did. Last night." Sirius whispered back. "We didn't agree any more than we did four days ago. I slept over because it was too late to sneak back to the dorm. For the first time, we went to bed facing opposite ways and mad at each other."</p><p>"Shit, are you guys okay?" James asked. Sirius sighed. </p><p>"I guess. He had a nightmare, I woke up when I heard him crying in the bathroom. He didn't want to bother me, so he tried to isolate himself and deal with it on his own. We made up and didn't let go of each other for the rest of the night. I didn't know that everything had been sorted out yet. Looks like he's getting his way."</p><p>"Don't look at it like that, Sirius," James said. "He doesn't <em>want</em> to leave. He's doing it to keep you safe." </p><p>Sirius didn't respond, just returned his attention to Dumbledore. </p><p>"He will be returning at the beginning of next year to take over Professor Haywood's role as the professor for Defence Against the Dark Arts full time, as planned. He leaves tomorrow evening and will see the majority of you in the new year." Dumbledore said. He turned to Remus and smiled. "Hogwarts wishes you a speedy recovery, Professor." </p><p>"Thank you," Remus said. He looked at the rows of students sitting in front of him and smiled. "Good luck to those sitting their O.W.Ls and their N.E.W.Ts. I'm sorry that I can't be here to help you through them, but I'm sure you'll all do fantastically. I'm incredibly proud of all the progress you've made this year. I hope to see all returning students as soon as I'm feeling capable."</p><p>With that, the Dumbledore gestured towards the students and the tables filled, signalling the beginning of the feast. As the students and staff began eating, Sirius picked at his food, taking the occasional bite, but largely ignoring the things on his plate.</p><p>He didn't want Remus to go. If it was too dangerous for Sirius, then it was too dangerous for Remus as well. Why didn't he understand that? He felt James nudge him and looked to his best friend. "Don't be too mad at him, mate. He's stuck between a rock and a hard place." </p><p>"I know, James," Sirius said sadly. "I'm just gonna miss him." </p><p>~</p><p>When the following day rolled around, many of the students noticed the trunk in the entryway outside the Hall before they saw Remus limp over to it, levitate it and head outside. Many followed out of curiosity, wanting to say final words to their Professor. </p><p>"Professor! Hey, Professor!" Sirius yelled, pushing through the throng of students noticing what was going on. "Professor Lupin!" He burst through into the courtyard. "For <em>fucks'</em> sake! <em>Remus</em>!" </p><p>Remus turned, a fond look on his face. "You really shouldn't call me my first name, Sirius. Just because I'm going on medical leave, doesn't mean I'm not a professor anymore." </p><p>"And here I thought we were friends," Sirius said, pretending to be offended. His grin gave him away, and Remus feigned consideration. </p><p>"I suppose we're the closest thing to friends a teacher and a student can be." He said finally, beaming back at Sirius. </p><p>"Thanks for everything this year," Sirius said after a brief pause, taking a few steps forward. "Not just the teaching, but ... everything else as well. Especially over the last week and a half. It's been nice to have a cool Professor for once." </p><p>Remus laughed. "Thank <em>you</em> for being a wonderful student, Sirius. You're right, it's been nice to have someone to understand what happened that night, to know that I'm not alone." He said. "If my injuries make it impossible for me to return before the summer term starts, good luck with your exams." </p><p>They'd not had a chance at a proper goodbye, and Sirius hated it. He'd hated that they'd fought last night, that he'd barely been able to make good use of the last night they'd had together.</p><p>He wanted to be able to kiss Remus one last time and to confess everything he felt in the freedom and privacy of Remus' office, to have another weekend, another <em>night</em> curled in each other's arms.</p><p>But with other students stood behind them, they were now limited to this.</p><p>A parting of two people bordering on 'friendship'. </p><p>Sirius couldn't bear the idea that this would be how they remembered each other for the weeks or months that they would be parted.</p><p>So he closed the gap between them, holding out his arms, and the two embraced. Remus didn't protest, simply helping Sirius to close the distance. He needed this just as much as Sirius did.</p><p>"If I don't see you by the time school finishes, I'll see you with the rest of the Order when the summer holidays arrive. Stay alive for me until then. Promise me." Sirius whispered. </p><p>"I promise," Remus replied. He angled his head slightly to hide what he wanted to say next. "I love you. Don't ever forget that."</p><p>"I love you too, Moony." </p><p>They parted and Sirius stood back, the two of them giving each other one final smile before Remus turned and made his way off castle grounds, his trunk floating alongside him. </p><p>~</p><p>Sirius' throat burned as he woke up, and it took him a few seconds to realise that it was because he was screaming. He clamped his mouth shut, breathing heavily through his nose and trying to calm down.</p><p>The room was pitch black, and he remembered that he also wasn't in Remus' bedroom anymore.</p><p>He was in the dormitory, with James to the right of him and empty bed across from him. An empty bed that should've been filled by a friend that had now betrayed them. </p><p>"It's alright, Padfoot. It's alright, I'm here." Sirius buried his face into James' shoulder and sobbed as he registered the feeling of his best friend beside him. </p><p>Sirius sobbed, and exactly ninety miles away, in the middle of nowhere, Remus did the same, muffling the noise into a pillow and wishing he'd never left at all.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0022"><h2>22. Chapter 22</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Remus wheezed, waking to sunlight suddenly pressing against his eyelids. He took a deep breath and immediately coughed on the dusty air around him. <em>Big mistake. </em></p><p>It was still freezing, and the frigid air was whistling through the cracks in the boards of the abandoned barn that he'd spent April's full moon in. It was almost May now.</p><p>Six weeks since he'd left Hogwarts; since he'd left his cosy office and the draughty corridors and the young man he spent his evenings with. </p><p>"Morning, Lupin." A voice called. Remus groaned and struggled to sit up, glaring at Frank Longbottom, who was standing close by, leaning against a wooden beam that ran up towards the ceiling. "Oooh, that's a glare and a half, that is. How're you feeling?"</p><p>"I'd be feeling a lot better if you'd let me sleep instead of taking down all the makeshift blinds I put over the windows," Remus said. </p><p>"Long day ahead of us, I'm afraid. Marlene is waiting for us."</p><p>"What time is it?" Remus asked. </p><p>"Just past dawn, maybe seven o'clock?" Frank told him.</p><p>His eyes flicked down to Remus' bare chest, and Remus suddenly realised that the large, thick blanket that he carried with him at every full moon was now pooled in his lap, leaving the silver marks and thickly healed skin from past transformations exposed.</p><p>Goosebumps had risen across his flesh and he stared Frank down, feeling particularly defensive this morning. He usually didn't have to contend with the attention after a full moon and didn't want to deal with it now. </p><p>"What?" He asked shortly. </p><p>"I just ... didn't expect to see so many scars. I don't know any werewolves apart from you, I always thought they attacked other things."</p><p>"Most other werewolves don't isolate themselves. It doesn't really have anything to attack other than itself, which leaves me with the punishment of making sure we survive until the next full moon. It's a vicious cycle of torment for both of us." Remus shrugged.</p><p>He held out his hand and thought <em>Accio</em><em> wand, Accio clothes</em>.</p><p>Something clattered to the ground in the corner of the room and his wand flew into his hand, the clothes landing in a pile beside him.</p><p>
  <em>Of course, I hid them behind some loose boards in the wall last night. Smart. At least I had some semblance of my own mind during the madness. </em>
</p><p>"Do you need some help? That's a pretty nasty gash on your shoulder."</p><p>Remus twisted slightly, peering at his left shoulder, where there was indeed a gash that was beginning to ache and throb now that his fatigue had worn off. It was deep and likely had been bleeding for a while before it had stopped. The rest of him was covered in bright purple-ish/blue bruises and thin scratches. His jaw ached a little, and his legs were hurting from the strain of the night before. </p><p>"Yeah, that'd be great, actually. I left some bandages somewhere, I think. Last night's a bit of a blur, I can't remember if I was thinking straight enough to bring some." </p><p>"You left them at the campsite," Frank said, pulling some bandages, gauze, dittany and cloth from his pockets. "You told us not to follow you, and we didn't know when the moon would be rising, so we couldn't risk it. I told Marlene I'd bring them to you in the morning." He crossed the room and knelt beside Remus. "This might hurt a bit." </p><p>He drizzled some dittany on the gash and Remus grunted in pain, clapping a hand over his mouth and tensing as Frank mopped the blood up and the gash slowly healed over. Frank gently wrapped it to make sure it was protected while they were travelling and sleeping on the ground, and when he was done, he sat back, looking proud of himself. </p><p>Remus grabbed his clothes, wincing slightly at the throb still echoing through his arm as he manoeuvred himself into them. "Thanks, Frank. I appreciate the help." He said, looking over to the other Order member. Frank had turned away and was standing once again, trying to give him some privacy. </p><p>"Don't worry about it. We told Dumbledore we'd keep each other safe. Especially when we all have people we want to get home to." Frank replied.</p><p>"How <em>is </em>Alice, by the way? Are you guys still trying for a baby?" Remus asked. </p><p>"Yeah, but we're not rushing it yet. It'll happen when it's meant to. She's really excited. She wants a little boy more than anything in the world."</p><p>Remus smiled. Alice was sweet, with short hair and even shorter stature, warm brown eyes and a bright smile. She and Frank were the perfect match. They'd not been married for very long, but they were clearly made for one another. Once upon a time, he might've been jealous of them. But now that he had Sirius, he understood what all the fuss was about. </p><p>He rose slowly and dusted himself off. The floorboards creaked beneath him and Frank turned, noticing that Remus was now finished and observing him with a sly smirk on his face. </p><p>"What about you? Rumour has it that you've found yourself in a bit of a predicament with a student."</p><p>Remus froze and looked to Frank slowly, feeling guilty. "Where did you hear that?"</p><p>"Marlene found a picture in your things this morning. She was packing. She didn't want you to do too much after last night. It was an accident. She said he looked like a Black. Something about the hair and the eyes and the bone structure gave it away. All the Blacks look similar, according to her." </p><p><em>That damned Polaroid. Always in the wrong place at the wrong time, but I can never find a better hiding place for it.</em> </p><p>"Yeah, he's a Black. Sirius. Walburga and Orion's eldest." Remus said hesitantly, fiddling with his wand. Frank frowned slightly at the name. </p><p>"Sirius ..." He mused. "Is he a Gryffindor? Always hanging about where he shouldn't be, causing mischief with a black-haired boy with glasses and a chubby blonde kid?" </p><p>Remus chuckled slightly, relaxing a little. "That's Sirius, alright. James is the one with glasses, Peter's the blonde one." </p><p>"Peter? As in -"</p><p>"The one we're tailing," Remus confirmed. Frank's eyes widened. </p><p>"Alice and I were in our seventh year when they started." He said. "Peter ... he - are you sure? He was always a quiet one, always trailing around after the others. I never thought he'd-"</p><p>"Neither did anyone else." Remus interrupted. "Look, Frank, I don't want you to get the wrong idea about Sirius and me. We met last summer in Italy. We caught feelings for each other over the course of the five weeks that Sirius was there. We didn't set out to start anything when we arrived at Hogwarts. We didn't even know the other would be there. None of the staff knows that anything has happened inside the castle. We've been going to the extremes to keep it hidden. I'd appreciate it if you didn't mention it to anyone else."  </p><p>Frank held his hands up in surrender. "I mean, you're only a <em>trainee </em>Professor, right? And it's not like you're ten years his senior."</p><p>"I know, but it's still not <em>ideal</em>. We tried to wait, we've kept this whole charade up since January, that's when it started developing into more. It's part of the reason I wanted to go on this mission. I wanted Sirius to enjoy his final few months of school without focusing on <em>us</em> so much. N.E.W.Ts are hard enough as it is. I want him to be happy." </p><p>"I'd do the same if it were Alice," Frank said, and Remus felt relief wash over him. </p><p>"Thank you." Remus breathed. "We should go back to Marlene. Dumbledore said to make sure that none of us is left alone for too long. You never know who's lurking around these days." </p><p>The two of them pushed at the heavy barn doors and they slowly gave way. Remus had used magic on them last night. Whoever had built this barn had built it to last. Frank held his hand out and Remus braced himself as they linked up and Disapparated. </p><p>~</p><p>Remus gasped as they landed at the campsite and their feet landed on the grassy hillside they'd been living on for the last three days. </p><p>"What took you so long?" Marlene asked, looking up from where she was rolling up the last of their provisions. Remus and Frank walked towards her and slung their bags onto their backs as Marlene stood and did the same. </p><p>"Shoulder injury; had to patch it up," Remus explained. Marlene accepted it and fished around in her pockets for something. When she found it, she held it out to Remus. It was a scrap of parchment paper, and Remus frowned at it. "What is it?"</p><p>"A letter."</p><p>"I can fucking see that, Marlene, who's it <em>from</em>? When did it arrive?" Remus asked impatiently.</p><p>"It came about twenty minutes ago. I didn't recognise the owl." </p><p>Remus took it hesitantly, pulled his wand out and waved it slowly across the parchment, searching for any hint of tampering. His magic was picking up nothing, but he was still slow and careful in putting his wand away and opening the letter.</p><p>
  <em>Dear Moony, </em>
</p><p><em>I'm sorry if I'm risking anyone's safety by writing to you, but it's been advised by Professors McGonnagall and Dumbledore that I write to you just for peace of mind. They leant me an owl that they know will be able to find you. I think they know how much </em> <em>I'm missing you.</em></p><p><em> I'm barely sleeping, and everything feels strange without you here. I'm knackering out poor James with the nightmares every night. Sometimes multiple times a night. </em><em>I don't want to worry you, but I also hate to hide how much I'm struggling either. I never </em>have<em> been a good liar when it comes to you. A very selfish part of me hopes that if you know how miserable and dreary the weather and life in general, have been, you'll come back. If only for a few hours, maybe a day at most. </em></p><p><em>I came out to Gryffindor at the after-party for the Quidditch Cup a few days ago. Gryffindor won. I had to get the Seeker's broom</em> and <em>two of the Chasers for James to have the chance to get to the hoops without the Slytherins fouling us every five minutes. </em><em>Anyway, some</em><em> girl was trying to make a pass at me and I guess the Firewhiskey helped me get the words out.</em> <em>By breakfast the following day, everyone knew. I remembered everything front the night before, so I was prepared, but it was still shite. </em><em>I bet Reg has already written home to tell our parents, and I'm sure they're absolutely livid. That's the only good part of the whole situation.</em></p><p><em>James and Lily have been docking House points left, right, and centre ever since. They've caught so many people slagging me off or shouting shit at me in the corridors. I've had to serve a few detentions for getting into fights and duels with them, but I don't think any of the teachers are </em>too<em> mad at me. They're all being ... incredibly sweet. Even Haywood. </em></p><p>
  <em>I don't know when you'll get this, but I hope the full moon isn't too harsh on you, and I hope that wherever you are, you're safe. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Missing and loving you endlessly, </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Your Padfoot </em>
</p><p>"Is that from Sirius?" Frank asked, trying to peer over Remus' shoulder. Remus tucked the note away in the pocket of his trousers, smiling softly and feeling the blush on his cheeks rise. </p><p>"Where's to next, Marlene?" He asked. </p><p>"A few miles north from here. There was a Death Eater sighting last night in a Muggle village. Luckily, one of our informants has a sister that lives there. The Ministry doesn't know about it yet, she wanted us to take a look before alerting them." </p><p>Marlene held out her hands and the three of them linked up, sucked into the familiar vacuum of Disapparation just a moment later.</p><p>~</p><p>"Here, Mr Black," Madame Pomfrey said, handing him a vial of green liquid. "This should help you sleep a little better tonight. Take it only when you intend to sleep. I wouldn't want you to take it and fall over."</p><p>"Thanks, Madame Pomfrey," Sirius said.</p><p>"Have you been pulling too many all-nighters? Is that why you're feeling a little run down?" Madame Pomfrey asked. "It's really not good for you, Sirius. I know there's a lot of pressure on seventh years right now, but getting the right amount of sleep at an appropriate time is more important. This is your health we're talking about, it'll always come before exams." </p><p>Sirius gave her a weak smile as he tucked the vial into his pocket. "I've just been struggling to stay asleep recently, that's all. Lots of things going on." With Remus away and James and Lily fussing over him constantly, Sirius had been laying awake at night wracked with guilt. It was one thing to have the attention of the masses because of a prank, or because of something funny that he'd done. It was another thing to have everyone staring at him in pity. </p><p>It had been almost a week since he'd sent a letter to Remus, the full moon had been three days previously and Sirius was starting to worry once again. Things were up and down with his mood now. Sometimes he'd wake up fine, and others it would be a struggle to even sit up. It was starting to take its toll on Sirius. </p><p>Madame Pomfrey softened and she paused for a moment before sitting beside him. They were in her office, on the surprisingly comfy desk chairs she had, and Sirius was intrigued to see all of the potions and tonics she kept in here, tucked away inside cupboards with glass casings for protection and easy access. He was startled out of his wonder by Madame Pomfrey gently placing a hand on Sirius' shoulder. She was looking at him sympathetically. </p><p>"How have you been for the last few weeks?" She asked. "I know having Professor Lupin here helped you, and I understand that it might be a little difficult without him, but maybe you could send him a letter?" </p><p>"I've already sent him one," Sirius said. "Dumbledore let me borrow an owl that knew where to find him. But I'm okay, Madame Pomfrey. I have James and Lily. That's ... that's better than having nothing." Sirius hated the crack in his voice as he spoke. </p><p>Remus had been gone for over six weeks now. The only thing that Sirius had been holding onto was the fact that none of the staff had announced his death yet. No one had pulled him aside to let him know, nothing had been said at mealtimes. Dumbledore would let everyone know if anything serious had happened to Remus. For now, he was surely safe. </p><p>"It's not a bad thing to struggle, you know." She said. "I know that you and James loved Peter, I know it's hard, but if you aren't sleeping, then something is wrong and you need to talk to someone." Sirius opened his mouth to respond but was saved by a brief knock on the door. Madame Pomfrey sighed and stood, calling, "Come in!" </p><p>James poked his head around the door and smiled. "I was just down at breakfast and some mail came. The owl overshot dropping the letter and it landed at the staff table instead, but it's for Sirius. McGonnagall wanted me to come and give it to him. I knew he'd come down here for something." He held out a piece of parchment for Sirius to take, and as he did, Sirius recognised the handwriting immediately. </p><p>"Very well," Madame Pomfrey said. "Sirius, are you alright to go to your first lesson? What do you have? Do you want me to write you a note?" </p><p>"I have Transfiguration. McGonnagall will send me back down here if she thinks I need your expertise." Sirius insisted. Madame Pomfrey nodded in satisfaction. </p><p>"Mr Potter, keep an eye on him for me, will you? If anything happens that worries you, don't hesitate to drag him down here by his ear, do you understand?" James saluted and Madame Pomfrey ushered them out of her office. "Read that note, Mr Black, and then straight to your lesson, no dawdling." </p><p>Sirius' hands shook as he opened the letter. </p><p>
  <em>Dear Padfoot, </em>
</p><p><em>Thank you for writing. I'm glad that Dumbledore and McGonnagall encouraged you to do it. Getting a letter from you definitely made the morning after the full moon a lot brighter. </em> <em>It went fine; before you worry. I had a deep gash on my shoulder, some bruises, some small scrapes that didn't even scar. </em></p><p>
  <em>We're working as hard as we can to wrap things up here. We're so close, Padfoot! We missed them by a smaller margin this time. If we'd have Apparated a few miles closer to a village that I'm not allowed to name, Marlene and Frank would've caught them while I was howling at the moon in an abandoned barn. I could've come back to Hogwarts sooner if that had been the case. Ah well ... we'll catch them soon. </em>
</p><p><em>Congratulations on the Gryffindor win! I'm sorry about the events of the afterparty, though I </em>am <em>glad that Lily and James are making sure that you don't get any hassle. I would try to avoid worrying too much about your brother and your parents. Unless they act against you, they're irrelevant now. They have no power over you anymore. </em></p><p>
  <em>If you're struggling with nightmares, please don't hesitate to talk to Madame Pomfrey. You know she cares about you dearly and would do anything to help. Other than this letter, there's not much I can tell you with regards to my safety and the progression of the mission, though I'm sure I'm already toeing the line of confidentiality by mentioning how close we came recently. Bugger! Be very careful with this letter when you get it. </em>
</p><p><em>I'm missing you severely, and I wish I could come back soon. But we've managed six weeks so far. Please try to focus on your exams instead of whether or not I'm still alive. I know you, and I know how much you worry. Take this letter as proof that I am safe, I am alive, and I'll come back to you as soon as I can. Summer, at the very latest. We have an agreement with Dumbledore that if we don't succeed by summer, then we'll leave it to the Aurors. I promise I </em>will <em>see you in time for your initiation into the group. </em></p><p><em>Take care of yourself. </em> <em>I love you, Padfoot, more than I can put into words,</em></p><p>
  <em>Your Moony. </em>
</p><p>"So?" James asked. "How is he?" Sirius smirked at him and tucked the letter into his bag, leading the way from the Hospital Wing. </p><p>"Don't act like you haven't already read it." James went to protest, but Sirius cut him off. "James, I can see where you've resealed it, it's the shittiest <em>Reparo </em>I've seen in my whole life. I know you recognised the handwriting and read it on the way here. It's fine." </p><p>"Sorry, mate, I just ... I got curious," James said. "And I wanted to make sure it wasn't cursed."</p><p>"So you decided to open it yourself? What if <em>you'd </em>been cursed?" James shrugged.</p><p>"I would rather that happen than run the risk of it happening to you. Merlin knows having another curse thrown at you is the last thing you need right now." Sirius stopped and looked at his best friend. </p><p>"James-"</p><p>"You don't have to apologise or thank me." </p><p>"I wasn't going to," Sirius said. "I was going to tell you that you've got a stain on your shirt." James looked down and cursed as he saw the bright red ketchup stain from his fry-up at breakfast stuck to his shirt. Sirius laughed as his friend cast a cleansing charm on it and they continued along the corridor. "You're right, I was going to apologise. <em>And </em>say thank you. I just saw the ketchup and thought it'd make for a funny joke." </p><p>"You don't have to-"</p><p>"I do." Sirius insisted. "You've been brilliant. And Lily, as well. I really appreciate it." </p><p>"I know, mate. You'd do the same for me." Sirius nodded firmly, and James smiled. "There you go, then. Now, would you like some toast or a couple of fried sausages?" James pulled out food wrapped in napkins from his pockets and Sirius grinned. </p><p>"I'll have both," Sirius said. James handed them over and Sirius eagerly tucked into the sausages first. It was only now that he was realising how hungry he was.</p><p>He managed to stuff the last of his toast into his mouth as they entered the Transfiguration room and took their seats, sending McGonnagall matching grins as they settled. </p><p>~</p><p>The potion helped. Sirius found himself going down to Madame Pomfrey two or three times a week to get a fresh one, and it always seemed to knock him out for the night. It gave both him and James the chance to sleep through until the morning. Sirius' physical injuries were gone, and for the most part, his brain was adjusting to what had happened.</p><p>Sometimes certain words made him see a flash of blonde hair, a green stream of magic and screams, but James was always right there beside him to make sure that he didn't get sucked into the memory.</p><p>When he and James found themselves settled in the dormitory one night, he lay staring at the ceiling and wondering whether or not to take the potion. He <em>was </em>tired, and he was sure that he would avoid the nightmares tonight with the exhaustion that he faced. Surely he would sleep through the night. </p><p>And then, in the midst of wild thoughts whizzing through his brain, Sirius heard something that sounded like a scream in the distance, and he sat bolt upright. He paused for a few seconds, straining his ears and hoping that he wasn't going crazy. It took another minute before he heard it again, and this time, Sirius heard James sit up as well. </p><p>"Sirius, did you hear that?" James whispered. </p><p>"Yeah. I thought I was going round the bend!" Sirius whispered back. The scream tore through the air once again, louder this time and more prolonged. </p><p>"What do you think it is? You don't think the Fat Lady is trying to hit a note out of her range again, do you?" James complained. Sirius shook his head. </p><p>"No, she's asleep, just like all of the portraits. It would be louder if it were her. Plus, all of Gryffindor would be stomping down the stairs to tell her to shut up. There's no way it's the Fat Lady." Sirius threw back his covers and he and James peered through the curtains at their windows. </p><p>"I can't see anything, can you?" James asked. Sirius shook his head. </p><p>"We need to be lower down. There are parts of the castle blocking the view. The common room would be better." Sirius said. The two of them hurried down into the common room, not even bothering to put on shoes or socks, and found fellow Gryffindors already down there, seemingly with the same line of thinking. </p><p>James managed to clear a path to a window and he and Sirius waited for a few seconds until the next scream sounded. A few of the Gryffindors jumped, startled, and looked at each other in fear. </p><p>"Look at this!" Mary McDonald called from one of the other windows. "Oi! James, Sirius, Lily, get over here!" James, Sirius and Lily hurried across the room to where Mary was standing and tried to ignore the younger years trying to nose their way into a good look out of the window. </p><p>"What's <em>wrong </em>with that thing?! It's going berserk!" Lily exclaimed.</p><p>Outside, the Whomping Willow was reacting more than normal, swinging its branches more wildly and seeming more agitated than Sirius had ever seen it. Another scream echoed across the grounds, still muffled but slightly louder this time, and Sirius frowned. The Shrieking Shack was rumoured to be haunted, but hardly anyone believed it, and it was all the way in Hogsmeade. There was no way that ghosts could be so loud that they'd be heard all the way from Hogsmeade. </p><p>"What's making that noise?" Someone asked. "Is it a student? Is someone hurt?" </p><p>Sirius ran through a list of creatures in his head that it could be that had cries and shrieks that loud. There weren't many. Giants, maybe. Vampires were unlikely, as were centaurs. Both were fairly reclusive groups, they wouldn't get so close to the people in the village or stray so far from safety. Sirius' eyes searched in the night sky, peering up at it as far as much as he could. When he saw the moon, his mouth went dry. </p><p>
  <em>It's full. Tonight, Remus will be transforming. </em>
</p><p>"Sirius ..." James trailed off, and Sirius could tell that they were thinking the same thing. James was also looking at the moon. They looked at one another, seeing the same revelation in each other's eyes. </p><p>"I'd know if it was," Sirius muttered. "Someone would've told me." </p><p>"What are you talking about?" Lily asked, looking worried.</p><p>"Alright, everyone, back to bed!" James yelled over the crowd, turning to face them all. "I'm sure the noises will ease up soon. Prefects, if you'll do a quick tour of the dorms and set up any spells that might work as a barrier against the noise, it would be appreciated."</p><p>"But-" Someone protested. </p><p>"James is right!" Lily interrupted. "Back to bed, all of you! We'll talk to Professor McGonnagall about it in the morning."</p><p>"Go on, bugger off, the lot of you." Sirius encouraged. "Some of us have dull revision sessions tomorrow, and the last thing we need is bed-wetting first years crying about a haunted building over in Hogsmeade. It's probably just a poltergeist getting all pissy, and the tree is batshit crazy anyway. It means nothing." </p><p>The rationale seemed to be soothing to most of the others, especially the younger students, and eventually they all traipsed back up to their dormitories. </p><p>"It's Remus," Sirius said when he was sure that it was just him, James and Lily.</p><p>"Sirius-" Lily hesitated as she said his name, and he immediately knew what she was going to say. </p><p>"What other explanation is there? The Willow is acting crazy, screams can be heard from the Shack for the first time in two and a half months, the exact amount of time that Remus has been gone for! He's here! He's using the Shack. It's not haunted at all, it's just housing him tonight. And I bet there's a secret passageway under the tree that leads to it, that's why it's aggressive tonight. It's protecting him."</p><p>"It makes sense," James said slowly. "But why would he come back?"</p><p>"Maybe they've found Peter, maybe he's come back to carry on the rest of the year!" Sirius said excitedly. "I - I could go down to his offices in the morning, or maybe to his classroom, or even down to the Shack itself!"</p><p>"Don't be stupid, Sirius," Lily replied. "It's probably just a poltergeist; like you said." </p><p>"Everyone knows that Peeves is the only poltergeist around here." Sirius pointed out. </p><p>"Look, we're all tired," James said, trying to diffuse the situation. "Let's go to bed, see what the situation is in the morning. If he's at the staff table, then we know he's probably caught Peter and handed him over to the Aurors. If not, then we'll probably see him in the summer when we join the Order." </p><p>"That's still over two months away, Prongs!" Sirius said desperately. </p><p>"I know you're missing him, mate," James replied, putting a hand on his shoulder sympathetically. "I know it's killing you to not know whether he's safe or when he's coming back and for no one but us to know the truth. But you have to face the facts. He's probably still undercover. And if by some miracle that it <em>is </em>him in the Shack now, there's nothing you can do tonight. He's not himself. Wait until the morning, don't get your hopes up." </p><p>James gently led him back up to the dormitory, giving Lily a parting kiss on the cheek, and Sirius forced himself to listen to James. </p><p><em>Don't get your hopes up</em>. </p><p>~</p><p>Remus screamed in pain. In the next minute, he was howling instead and his eyes weren't his own anymore. His senses were sharpened, his bones stretched and his muscles tore and everything changed.  </p><p>What seemed like only minutes passed by, and then his vision returned, only to see the familiar boards of a house near Hogsmeade, with a tunnel that led right to Hogwarts. His legs gave out, and he fell unconscious, only waking when Madame Pomfrey came to see him a few hours later. </p><p>"I'm sorry that I can't bring you up to the Hospital Wing, Remus." She said. "Albus is very aware of how it will look if you suddenly return. The students will get their hopes up, and the news will travel fast. It's bound to distract and confuse them all. It's the last thing Albus wants when you report to him." </p><p>"I know, Poppy." Remus croaked. He could hear the unspoken things that she wanted to say, hidden between the lines of the reasoning. </p><p><em>The students will get their hopes up, and the news will travel fast to Sirius. He will fight tooth and nail to see you. And it's not the right time. You will distract each other. It's the last thing Albus wants</em>.</p><p>His heart ached to see Sirius. But he knew it was relatively impossible. He knew that it had been a Hogsmeade weekend this past weekend. He'd had a hard time trying to sneak towards the Hogs Head, where Dumbledore had managed to secure him a room. It hadn't been safe to venture to the castle at all over the last forty-eight hours that Remus had been in the area, and now he was going to have to do it while sickly.</p><p>He would spend this morning and a few hours into the afternoon recovering in the Hogs Head as well, and Marlene and Frank would come to Apparate him away by the time night fell. Luckily, it was now a Tuesday, which meant that the danger of being seen by students now was tiny. </p><p>"Good morning, Remus," Albus said, waltzing into the room. "How are you feeling?"</p><p>"As good as can be expected," Remus replied weakly.</p><p>Madame Pomfrey helped him to sit up and she began to clean his wounds as he caught Dumbledore up to speed on everything that had happened so far.</p><p>They'd had no luck in actually capturing Peter yet. But they had <em>seen </em>him and had fought a group of Death Eaters in a crop of woods only twenty-five miles away, which was the whole reason why Remus had come to brief Dumbledore in the first place. A letter, containing a summons from the Headmaster had come shortly after the duel and the subsequent escape of Pettigrew and two other Death Eaters. It had all been a brilliant stroke of luck that they had managed to get ahold of Dumbledore so easily. </p><p>When he had finished recounting everything to Dumbledore, the old man pondered over everything. "Are you sure its such a good idea to continue with this, Remus?" He asked. </p><p>"I'm certain, Headmaster." Remus insisted. "We're close now."</p><p>"That's what you've been saying for the last month."</p><p>"And we keep getting closer. Unfortunately, they know they're being tailed, and they have new duellers taking over each time we see them. They're hard to predict. They have all the advantages. But we're certain now that we have an extensive list of names to give to Minister Minchum for him to keep an eye on as events progress. If he can put pressure on the families, then it may draw them out, may make them reckless." </p><p>"You best be right about this, Remus," Dumbledore said. "You have a little over two months before the summer comes, and some of our students will be asked to join us. You know your deadline. Catch him quickly. Once you're finished with Poppy, I would advise having a few hours of sleep before Marlene and Frank come to collect you." </p><p>"Of course, Albus. I'll see you again soon. Hopefully with better news." Remus said. </p><p>"Good luck," Dumbledore replied. He began to walk out, but not before turning around one last time. "Oh, and Remus?" Remus looked up at him, tearing his eyes away from the fascinating way that Madame Pomfrey was stitching up an injury. "Sirius is doing much better now. Just so you know." </p><p>Remus gave him a grateful smile. "I'm glad. If he asks, could you wish him good luck for his N.E.W.Ts and let him know that I really <em>am</em> okay? He's a worrier, and I'm sure he doesn't believe me when I tell him in letters." </p><p>Dumbledore inclined his head, indicating that he would do so, and Remus thanked him as he left the Shack. Madame Pomfrey made a satisfied noise a few moments later. </p><p>"There you go, Remus. Good as new." She said. Remus looked down at the rapidly disappearing cuts across his body and smiled at her. </p><p>"Thank you, Poppy. I appreciate it." </p><p>"Anytime, Remus." She said, patting his cheek fondly. "Now go on, have some food and then sleep. No less than four hours, do you understand? Frank and Marlene will likely come for you just after lunch so that you don't waste any time in finding Pettigrew, and I won't have you Apparating on an empty stomach and no sleep. You'll certainly rest well tonight, as well, no matter where you are." </p><p>She helped him to his feet and they parted, heading in opposite directions.</p><p>Remus did his best to keep his head down as he emerged from the Shack and through the village towards the Hogs Head, having a small and meagre lunch of leftovers from the stew that had been served the previous night. When he went upstairs, he was asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow in the cramped bed in a draughty room above the kitchens of the inn. </p><p>~</p><p>Sirius elbowed James in the ribs as the other Gryffindor trod on the heel of Sirius' shoe for the fourth time. </p><p>"Do that again, Prongs, and I'm hexing you," Sirius growled. </p><p>"Sorry, Padfoot," James whispered. "The Cloak is getting a little too cramped for two of us now." </p><p>"At least there isn't three. Pete would've made this considerably harder." Sirius said. </p><p>"I suppose that's one way of looking at it," James replied sourly. He hated bringing up Peter, and Sirius did it at little as possible. The two of them had reached the alleyway between Scrivenshafts and Gladrags, right near the end of the village and they peered into the street, looking for any sign of Remus. "There's no guarantee he'll be here, Sirius. He could've left by now; if he was even here at all." </p><p>"No, full moons wipe him out. He wouldn't have the energy to go anywhere. He'd need a few hours of sleep first. And some food. And you saw that owl this morning at breakfast. Dumbledore said that Remus wanted me to know he was okay and that he wished me good luck for my exams. They've spoken to each other in person about me, otherwise, Remus would've just sent a letter." </p><p>"Hey, look at those two." James nodded at two people making their way towards Scrivenshafts, coming from where the train station was. Sirius squinted and grinned. </p><p>"That's Frank Longbottom! Do you remember him? He was in his seventh year when we started. He was dating that short girl with the big dimples, Alice something-or-other. He's in the Order." Sirius said. He looked around, desperately searching for his boyfriend. And then, from the street directly across from him, he saw a familiar figure coming from the Hogs Head Inn. He shook James' shoulder and pointed. "James! James, it's him!" </p><p>"Alright, alright, you headcase, I see him!" James hissed. "Okay, we know he's alright, we should probably go back now. It's nearly the end of lunch and McGonnagall will give us both detention if we don't show up for her lesson."</p><p>"God, you've become a right goody two shoes since she made you Head Boy," Sirius said in mock disgust. </p><p>"I have a date with Lily tonight, so if I get a detention, I'm never forgiving you." Sirius rolled his eyes. "Look, they all know each other, they're probably going to Apparate in a minute. If you're going to say something, you'd better say it quickly!"</p><p>Sirius focused on the trio again and saw that they were talking quietly about something. Remus looked exhausted and pale, as he often did after full moons, as Sirius had learned.</p><p>He removed the Invisibility Cloak from over his head and stepped into the street just as the trio linked up. He caught Frank's attention by accident and went to step back into the shadows again, fearful for a moment. But Remus had clearly noticed the change in Frank's focus and turned slightly, looking over his shoulder and seeing Sirius. </p><p>"Sirius," His mouth moved by nothing came out. It was almost as if he couldn't quite believe what he was seeing. </p><p>Sirius beamed. "I love you." No sooner than the words had fallen out of his mouth, barely loud enough for Remus to have heard him, the group Disapparated, and Sirius was stood staring at the cottage across the road instead of the space where Remus had been standing just a second before. </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0023"><h2>23. Chapter 23</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"Remus ... when we left Hogsmeade and we saw that student ... was that ..." Frank trailed off.</p><p>Remus looked up at him. They were sat in The Leaky Cauldron in London, having a hot meal and a drink and looking forward to a warm bed to sleep in. Tomorrow, they'd stock up on some things from Diagon Alley, get some money from their Gringotts vaults and prepare to set off again in search of Pettigrew and those than accompanied him.</p><p>The three of them were shivering slightly, the weather in London as piss poor as it usually was and the embodiment of an English summer. Raining and overcast, with a wind that wasn't strong enough to kick up leaves, but was cold enough to be reminiscent of the horridly cold April showers of rain from the month before. </p><p>"Yeah, that was Sirius," Remus said softly. </p><p>"Remus, you know we couldn't stop to say hello, don't you?" Marlene said hesitantly. "Even if I hadn't been ready to Apparate, stopping to talk to him would-"</p><p>"Would be too dangerous." Remus finished, nodding. "I should've known he'd figure out I was nearby. It was a bit too risky to meet so openly in Hogsmeade." </p><p>"But at least he knows you're safe. And the smile on his face when he saw you ... it won't leave for hours yet. He looked so happy" Frank said. </p><p>"And mouthed, 'I love you' if I'm not mistaken," Marlene added, a teasing lilt to her voice. Remus flushed slightly. Someone cleared their throat nearby and the three of them were then drawn to one of the barmaids, who had arrived at their table and was carrying a round of drinks and a slip of parchment on a tray.</p><p>"Sorry to disturb you." She said sheepishly, putting the drinks on the table. She couldn't have been much older than Remus, with curly blonde hair and brown eyes. "We've just got mail come through for someone called Moony. Is that any of you? If not, I'll send one of the cleaners to check with the residents upstairs." </p><p>"That's me," Remus said, sitting up a little straighter. The girl smiled and handed him the parchment over. </p><p>"Whoever it's from knew you'd be coming here. According to the cook, it arrived not long after you'd put your stuff upstairs and settled down here. Your food will be out in about ten minutes." </p><p>Frank, Marlene and Remus thanked her and she took the tray back towards the bar. Only when she was out of earshot did Remus open the letter. </p><p>"Moony?" Frank asked. </p><p>"It's a nickname," Remus said absently, reading through the letter. "Sirius gave it to me."</p><p>"How did he know you'd be here?" Marlene asked. </p><p>"He didn't. He's been borrowing an owl from Dumbledore to send me letters. I suppose that's how this got here." Remus replied. </p><p>"What does it say?" Marlene leaned forward, her forehead creasing, seeming concerned. Remus finished his first read-through of the letter, smiling softly.</p><p>
  <em>"Dear Moony, </em>
</p><p><em>You have no idea how glad I am that I saw you! The whole school's been talking about the Willow going berserk last night and the screaming coming from Hogsmeade. I hoped it might've been you, considering what last night was. I hoped that maybe the mission was finished and you were coming back to the castle. That you were coming back to </em>me<em>. Very selfish, I know. </em></p><p>
  <em>I've been terrified for the last week and a half that something had happened to you. I haven't had any letters, I thought you were lying in a ditch somewhere in the West Country or something. How tragic would it have been to die somewhere like Bristol?! I feel sick just thinking about it! I'm just being dramatic, of course. Mum and Dad actually took me and Reg to Bristol once. The accent is a bit funny, but it seems like an alright place.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>James and I recognised Frank as soon as we saw him. I'm glad you're on a team with him. He was one of the best duellers in his year. Speaking of which, I'm sure you're probably wondering why James and I were in the village on a Tuesday lunchtime when we should've been getting ready for a lesson. Truth is, I needed to know if my suspicions were right. Please don't be mad. You know you'd do the same if it were me.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Good luck with wherever you and the others end up next. Please be safe, and please write back as soon as possible so I know you don't hate me for risking skiving McGonnagall's lesson in the hopes of catching a glimpse of you.</em>
</p><p>
  <em> I love you, </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Your Padfoot."</em>
</p><p>"He's certainly sweet on you." Frank teased. Remus blushed hard and dug around in his bag for some scrap parchment and ink to reply. </p><p>"You'd better hurry with that," Marlene said. "We don't have enough time to be writing love letters. We'll have to scoff this food down quickly, get our shit sorted in Diagon Alley, and then spend the rest of the evening preparing to pick up the trail of those Death Eaters back in Scotland tomorrow." </p><p>"I don't think they're still in Scotland," Remus said. </p><p>"Why not?" </p><p>"I couldn't smell them last night." Remus shrugged. </p><p>"We fought them at least twenty five miles away from Hogsmeade, there's no way your sense of smell is that strong, even with a full moon," Frank said quietly. </p><p>"Dark Magic lingers for at least thirty-six hours after it's been cast, and that's just the minor stuff. The worse the spell is, the longer it lingers. Once you know how to recognise it, the smell of it can reach up to forty miles away from the original cast site" Remus said. "I can usually smell it on the air at any time of the month. I couldn't last night. They've set up a barrier around the area to hide the smell. They're hoping we'll return so they can ambush us. There'll probably be another team taking Pettigrew elsewhere."</p><p>"So where would they have gone?" Marlene asked. Remus pondered for a second. </p><p>"Where's Malfoy Manor, the Lestrange household and the Black home?" </p><p>"Malfoy Manor is in Derbyshire. Chesterfield, to be exact. The Lestranges live in Cheltenham, I believe, and the Blacks live in Islington in London," Frank said. "Why?"</p><p>"They're the major players in the Death Eaters, arent they?"</p><p>"They are a lot of old pureblood families in the group."</p><p>"Yes, but the Malfoys, the Lestranges and the Blacks are all part of the Twenty-Eight, and Narcissa and Bellatrix Black married into the Malfoy and Lestrange families, respectively," Remus explained. "They have the most influence, more than any family in the world."</p><p>"So what? They're going back to one of the family homes?" Marlene asked. </p><p>"No.," Remus said. "It would be too obvious. And they'd expect us to split up to save time, one of us going to each house." He paused in his letter writing and leaned back in his seat. "I need a map of the UK." </p><p>Frank and Marlene immediately checked their packs, digging around for the enchanted one they kept to check off the battles they'd faced and areas of interest. When Frank found it in his bag, he handed it over to Remus, who immediately marked Cheltenham, Chesterfield and Islington off, then drawing a line to connect them all. </p><p>"It creates a rough triangle." Remus mused.</p><p>"They'd probably look for ancient houses in the countryside. Somewhere secluded, not too close to major cities." Frank offered. "Cross out London, Birmingham, Peterborough, Cambridge, Sheffield and Nottingham." Remus did so and thought over the remaining cities. </p><p>"What landmark homes are relatively close to the Black and the Lestrange homes. They're closer to each other than they are to Malfoy Manor. It makes sense that their base would be close to those two homes rather than to the Malfoys." </p><p>"Bletchley Park? It's in Milton Keynes, about halfway between London and Cheltenham." Marlene suggested. Remus thought it over. </p><p>"Bletchley ... here have I heard that before?" He muttered. He thought it over for a few seconds, and then the memories of his mother retelling her vague memories of the Second World War. She'd only been six when it had broken out, and she'd wanted Remus to learn about Muggle history as well as the wizarding one. "The codebreakers." He said suddenly. </p><p>"Codebreakers? Bletchley? What on earth are you two talking about?" Frank asked. </p><p>"In the Second World War, there was a group in Bletchley Park in Milton Keynes who helped break German and Japenese codes. The codes revealed where their troops would be arriving for land battles or where they'd be dropping bombs. Their work shortened the war effort and minimised casualties so much that experts can't even put a definitive number on it," Remus explained. </p><p>"But why would Death Eaters go there? The wizarding world stayed out of the war, and the Death Eaters hate - <em>oh ... that's the point</em>." Marlene realised. "They think it would be the last place we'd check. To hide there, to take us on a wild goose chase and make a Muggle landmark used in a Muggle war their temporary headquarters, one that's close to all the major family homes ... it's almost genius!" </p><p>"If it's a landmark, surely it gets tourists?" Frank said. </p><p>"There's been some pretty bad weather that's caused some flooding recently, and I think they've got a small pond on the park site. Plus, Milton Keynes is along the River Ouse, it's been overflowing. It's on the other side of town to Bletchley, but the Death Eaters could've used it to their advantage. It wouldn't be too hard for them to blow it out of proportions and use the Imperious Curse to convince management to close it." Remus said. </p><p>"Okay, well, that's where we go, then," Marlene said. "Frank, send a letter to Dumbledore. Remus, finish that letter to Sirius. We'll have to spend the next few days here, wait for Dumbledore's reply, grab fresh provisions from Diagon Alley, and then we'll head out to the house." </p><p>~</p><p>Sirius stuffed his hands in his pockets as he and James left the Great Hall. They'd just finished their Defense Against the Dark Arts written exam, and while Sirius was feeling confident, he was dreading the Transfiguration written this afternoon. He was good at it, and he'd been going to revision sessions with McGonnagall for weeks, but he was still worried that there would be gaps in his memory, that his brain would go blank when he came across a big question. </p><p>"What did Lupin's last letter say?" James asked. </p><p>Sirius brought the parchment from his pocket. It was short and had been written hastily; if Remus' handwriting was anything to go by. It had been delivered just under two weeks ago, and Sirius hadn't replied, at Remus' request. James had asked what it said twice but with exams, Sirius often got so buried under stress that he forgot about it until James had fallen asleep. </p><p>It was only because James knew that Sirius had been carrying with him to the Defense exam as a sentimental good luck charm, of sorts, that he asked now.  </p><p>
  <em>Padfoot, </em>
</p><p>
  <em>I'm glad I saw you too. Please don't make a habit of skiving off McGonnagall's lessons, she'll have your guts for garters. And mine, too, if she knows you were sneaking off to risk seeing me. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>We've figured out some logistical problems regarding the mission, and we think we've got it this time. Spending the next few weeks worming out way into Muggle life. Can't say much, can't risk anything if this letter gets into the wrong hands. At this rate, we might be done by the end of June, maybe early July. Depends on how long it takes to gain trust and how good our Potions skills are. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>We're safe, we're okay, and I'll send a letter ASAP to keep you updated on that front. In the meantime, don't worry. Easier said than done, but Dumbledore wouldn't have assigned this to us if he didn't think we were capable. Focus on your exams, give my best to Prongs and Lily. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>With all my love, </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Your Moony. </em>
</p><p>"Well, at least they're getting closer," James said. </p><p>"And they might be done in the next two or three weeks," Sirius added. </p><p>"Don't-"</p><p>"Get my hopes up, I know." Sirius sighed. James slung an arm around his shoulders and grinned at him. </p><p>"It's alright, mate. Come on, let's go raid the kitchens. Merlin knows we need it after that exam." </p><p>~</p><p>Sirius yawned and stretched, opening his eyes blearily. </p><p>"Alright, Black?" Lily asked. Sirius looked over to her. She was sat where she had been for the whole evening, curled up on the armchair in front of the fire in the common room. </p><p>"Where's James? What's the time?" </p><p>"He's gone to bed. It's just gone ten." </p><p>"<em>Merlin, </em>you wouldn't think he was a prankster of legendary prowess with all of his early nights, would you?" Lily chuckled and closed her book. </p><p>"Do you have any exams tomorrow?"</p><p>"Yeah, I've got bloody Astronomy. It's a practical, something about identifying constellations and clusters on the spot." Sirius told her. "What about you?"</p><p>"Ancient Runes." She said. "It's a ballache, honestly. I don't even know why I picked it. I should've just taken Arithmancy. I was always good at maths at Muggle schools. It probably looks good in job interviews as well." </p><p>"Still going for a job in the Potions Association?" Lily nodded</p><p>"Yeah, hopefully. If I don't get what I need for that, I suppose I'll go for Magical Law Enforcement or the Auror Office. Maybe Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures." </p><p>Sirius sat up and frowned. </p><p>"Why Magical Creatures?" He asked.</p><p>He found it hard to keep the disgust from his voice. It was clear why he had a hatred for the department. It was where Remus' father had worked, it was where he'd pioneered anti werewolf rhetoric that had eventually led to Remus being bitten.</p><p>It kept creatures like centaurs and goblins and house elves from being given wands, though they all had their individual types of magic just like ordinary witches and wizards. They were an oppressive department and put so many people in dangerous situations. </p><p>Lily gave him a knowing look. "I know what you're thinking," She said. "I want to help. Change things from the inside. Maybe having someone younger and more progressive, someone who knows a 'magical creature' and knows how sweet and nice he actually is ... maybe it'll inspire people to change their views, to realise how harmful they've been." </p><p>Sirius' frown disappeared and he couldn't fight the smile spreading. "You're really cool, you know, Evans." </p><p>"You're not too bad yourself, Black," Lily replied. "What about you? What are you doing when school is finished?" Sirius sighed. </p><p>"I don't really know."</p><p>"Hasn't McGonnagall spoken to you about careers? We've only got two weeks before we leave."</p><p>"We spoke about it briefly in April, but I wasn't ready to make a decision, and she didn't want to push me. We've been so caught up in exams that I haven't really had time to think anymore about it," Sirius said. "I might go to the Auror Office. McGonnagall knows Mad-Eye Moody, she said she can put in a good word for me, and my Defense results are bound to be good." </p><p>"Just because you're good at Defense doesn't mean you <em>have </em>to be an Auror, you know. I know James is doing it, and Merlin knows you two never do anything without each other, but it doesn't have to be like that forever. After what happened in March, I'm surprised you'd want to step foot in the Order. I'm surprised you'd want anything to do with the Dark Arts ever again." Lily replied. </p><p>Sirius took a deep breath, thinking for a few seconds. He knew he didn't <em>have </em>to do anything now. He could take the summer off, get settled in the Order, make a decision once he had his own place. But somehow things still seemed too rushed. </p><p>"I don't know." He said eventually. "We'll get paid for Order work, and I've got the stuff my uncle left me in his will. It'll keep me going until I figure it out. Perks of being a Black, I suppose. Once our N.E.W.Ts come through, it'll be easier to decide." </p><p>Lily smiled. "Wherever you end up working, you'll be an asset. Now go on, go to bed. You look like you've been through a war, and we haven't even joined it yet." </p><p>Sirius laughed. "Night, Evans. Don't go to bed too late, wouldn't want you to fall asleep in your exam tomorrow." Lily returned to her book as Sirius stood, making his way to the stairs leading to the dormitory.</p><p>"Sirius?" Lily called. Sirius turned around, eyebrows raised at Lily. "Where's your practical exam tomorrow?" </p><p>Sirius' mouth went dry. "The Tower, of course." He said quietly. </p><p>"Are you going to be okay?" She asked. </p><p>"I'm going to have to be, aren't I?" Sirius replied, shrugging. </p><p>"Maybe they'll let you off for special circumstances," Lily said. "It's not too late to talk to Professor McGonnagall. No one will think any less of you." </p><p>"It'll be fine." Sirius insisted. "If they mark me on my theory alone, it'll be either an unfair advantage or it'll be a disappointing failure depending on how well I did. It's not fair on anyone." </p><p>Lily pursed her lips, frowning, but said nothing. She hesitated, and then settled again, going back to her book. Sirius retreated to his dormitory, feeling sick to his stomach with nerves. </p><p>~</p><p>Sirius checked over his shoulder for teachers as he took a packet of cigarettes from his pocket and hastily lit one, taking a deep drag and blowing out the smoke. He was pacing a little, stood by the steps of the Astronomy Tower, waiting to be allowed into the room.</p><p>There would be a <em>Muffliato </em>set up around four telescopes, with an examiner and a student at each, with a charm that would show a night sky and a series of constellations and clusters that they would have to correctly identify. </p><p>Sirius was too busy smoking and ignoring the stares and wrinkled noses of his classmates to realise said examiners and his teacher were coming towards them until Professor Sinistra called out a greeting. </p><p>"Good afternoon, everyone!" Professor Sinistra called, speeding down the corridor with four Ministry workers who would serve as their examiners. Sirius swore under his breath, blew his smoke in the opposite direction teat Sinistra was coming from, dispersed the smoke with his hand and hid the fag behind his back. "Mr Black! Is that a cigarette I see?" </p><p>"Of course not, Professor!" Sirius replied, smiling charmingly at her. "Whyever would I be smoking?" </p><p>"Let me see your hands." She said. Sirius let go of the cigarette and crushed it under his foot before stepping further into Sinistra's line of sight and showing his hands. She didn't look convinced but dropped the accusation regardless. "Right! All of you up into the Tower, single file and in silence, please. If I hear so much as a <em>peep </em>from any of you, it's an immediate Troll grade for the culprits. Mr Black, a word."</p><p>She beckoned him closer and he waited until all of the other students were upstairs before speaking. </p><p>"Everything alright, Professor?" He asked. </p><p>"I have made the examiners aware of the events that took place in the Tower in March. They have been given strict instructions to be patient with you. You're allowed to return down here for fresh air at any point, and you're allowed to pause the exam if it's too overwhelming."</p><p>"I can handle it," Sirius assured. </p><p>"No one expects you to be brave all the time. I'm very impressed that you're even here this afternoon. I was expecting to get a letter from Professor McGonnagall saying that you were exempt. You've done a marvellous job already, Sirius, and we're all rooting for you. Good luck." </p><p>"Cheers, Professor." Sirius grinned. She indicated for him to climb the stairs and he did so. </p><p>"Oh, and Mr Black, do vanish the ends next time you stub a cigarette out. The house-elves have enough work to do without trying to clean up burns on the stone." </p><p>"Sorry!" Sirius laughed, turning and drawing his wand, gesturing towards it. It vanished and the ashes that surrounded it blew away down the corridor. He turned and hurried up the last few steps to join the rest of his class. </p><p>~</p><p>Sirius stood as far away from the handrail as he could, trying to keep it out of his sight. He was scared that, if he wasn't careful, he would see the broken remnants of rope that Peter had used to tie his hands to it still hanging there, still splattered with blood months later.</p><p>He looked down at the floor, hesitantly checking for bloodstains just to be safe, just to make sure that he wasn't standing in the same spots he'd been in a few months previously, and then looked back up to where the telescopes were set up.</p><p>Two at the windows on either side of where the drop to the courtyard was, the other two at the windows behind Sirius. There would be four groups of four in the exam, and Sirius was dreading what group he'd be in. </p><p>"Right, the first group, please." An examiner said. He was clearly the senior adviser today, with finer tailored robes, greying hair and a snooty look about it. He was likely old blood, but not of a family given much attention, maybe an Abbott, or an Avery. Sacred, but forgotten amongst their own. "Savannah Hatch, Emmeline Vance, Alina Bulstrode and Sirius Black." </p><p>The four of them stepped forward and an examiner led each of them towards a telescope. </p><p>"Excuse me," Professor Sinistra said suddenly. "As I mentioned earlier, we have to move two of the telescopes. The sun is beginning to set over the castle and it interferes with the charm. I won't have my students get retina damage." </p><p>The man who had called them forward clenched his jaw but gestured to the other examiners to change the telescopes' positioning. There were six windows in the Astronomy Tower, not including the wide one, and Sirius swallowed hard when the lady that would be examining him moved his telescope over towards it.</p><p>The witch twirled her wand and Sirius heard the slight buzz of the <em>Muffliato </em>settle into place. "Is everything alright, Mr Black?" The witch asked. Sirius nodded. He focused, remembered that this was an exam, nothing more now. He adjusted the telescope just so and looked through the eyepiece. </p><p>"Can you identify this constellation?" The witch asked. A charm settled over the other end of the telescope and Sirius saw a night sky, and something familiar. </p><p>"Orion's Belt," Sirius said. The charm changed again and he smiled. "Andromeda." Again, it moved, and his smile only widened. "Canis Major." </p><p>"Can you name any three stars in Orion's Belt?" </p><p>"<em>Alnitak</em>, <em>Alnilam</em> and <em>Mintaka.</em>"</p><p>"What is the nickname for Canis Major?" Sirius could hear the examiner keeping the laughter out of her voice. <em>Easy question</em>. </p><p>"The Dog Star. Sirius." He said. "That's my star." </p><p>The constellations and star clusters kept coming. Bellatrix, Scorpius, as well as star clusters like Hyades and Pleiades. Some were harder to recognise than others, and Sirius was grateful for the lack of pushing from the examiner. </p><p>"Final question. What's the name of this constellation?" The charm changed once again, and Sirius took a few moments to check over it. This was an unusual one. It was best visible in June, which made sense why it came up now. "Mr Black? Would you like to finish your exam there?" </p><p>"No," Sirius said. "That's - that's Lupus. The Wolf." </p><p>"Well done, Mr Black. You've finished a few minutes quicker than your classmates. If you'd like to rejoin the class, I'll inform your professor that you're finished." Sirius stood properly, back aching slightly, and winced a little at the sudden difference in light between the charm and real life. </p><p>His head pounded slightly, and he looked down to the floor by mistake when rolling his head to get the cricks in his neck to disappear. There was a spot of dark discolouration on the floorboards and Sirius toed it with his shoe, suddenly violently remembering -</p><p>- <em>Flash of green - blond hair - the black robes pulled up to his elbows to reveal a Dark Mark - a blood-splattered rope - Julian's brown eyes brightening as the green stream of magic came towards him - </em><em>Remus screaming - Sirius screaming - Peter's grin - gashes on Remus' face and blood pouring from Sirius' nose - </em></p><p>- it would be so easy to give in now<em> - </em>close your eyes<em> - </em>don't wait for him to wake<em> - </em>he'll be gone soon, too, and you'll hurt him if he watches you leave this world - it's better to go know and hurt him less - maybe you'll get lucky and join each other in the next life -</p><p>
  <em>- seeing Remus' green eyes open - watching him recognise Sirius - the feeling of his hand, sticky with blood as he struggled to reach for Sirius' - the vacuum of Apparating and the smell of burnt magic - seeing the familiar green and white of the Hospital Wing -</em>
</p><p>- let go now, close your eyes and let go, you're safe<em> -</em> Madame Pomfrey will help you - </p><p>
  <em>- "</em>
  <em>We'll be alright, Sirius, no one can hurt us now. By the morning, you and I'll be safe and sound", the words Remus had said before they got to the Hospital Wing - </em>
</p><p>"Mr Black! <em>Sirius</em>!" Sinistra was gently holding Sirius by the shoulders and he forced himself to take a breath. He waited for his eyes to focus again and smiled weakly at his Professor.  </p><p>"Sorry, Professor, I ... I didn't get a lot of sleep last night," Sirius said. </p><p>"Was there something wrong?" She asked. Sirius looked down to the floorboards and saw that his eyes hadn't been deceiving him. There really was something there. </p><p>"Just some discolouration, I think. It looked like something else. I got a little confused." </p><p>Sinistra looked down at the spot on the floor, crouched down to touch it, frowning. She withdrew her wand and cast a wordless spell. It didn't disappear, but she looked grim when she rose. </p><p>"I'll have a chat with the house-elves. It seems like they missed a spot." She said. "Sirius, I need you to be honest. Do you remember more of what happened here?" Sirius faltered before nodding.</p><p>"Professor Lupin was sat where the telescope is, tied to a chair. When we woke up, before we got to Madame Pomfrey, he was on the floor right where I'm standing. I think it's his blood on the boards. He was bleeding from so many different places. Both of us were. If he hadn't woken up when he did, I would be dead. I'd crawled towards him and was no more than a finger's length away when my body gave out."</p><p>Sirius shook his head, trying to rid himself of the thought. He looked to his right and pointed to a specific spot near the edge of the window. "That's where Julian was when the Killing Curse hit him, where he fell to the courtyard. He started walking back before that, though. I think he wanted to avoid giving Pete the satisfaction of killing him. The spell pushed him over the edge, but he died on his own terms."</p><p>He looked over towards the stairs.</p><p>"Pete tied me to the handrail by the stairs with rope. He must've untied me eventually, I remember Professor Lupin reaching for me so we could Apparate and both of us were on the ground. At that point, all I remember was thinking how easy it would be to let go, of how it would be better if I went first so he didn't have to watch me die. I - I couldn't remember that much detail before." Sirius told her. </p><p>"The brain does brilliant things to protect us from traumatic experiences," Sinistra said. "I advise you go down to Madame Pomfrey or to Professor McGonnagall. Tell them that I sent you and why."</p><p>"But I thought we had to stay here until everyone was finished-"</p><p>"I'm not going to keep you here and risk your wellbeing," Sinistra said. "Go on. You've done well today. I'm proud of you." </p><p>Sirius' mouth quirked up in a smile and he thanked her, stuffing his hands in his pockets and heading down the stairs. His classmates watched him go. They hadn't heard anything that he'd said, hopefully. The <em>Muffliato </em>had muted it all well enough that they wouldn't spread what he'd said around the castle.</p><p>Instead of going to Madame Pomfrey or McGonnagall, Sirius headed straight for the Gryffindor Tower, hurried up to the dormitory and flung himself onto James' bed. James was flicking through a copy of some Quidditch magazine that he'd probably read a million times before. He looked up when Sirius landed by his feet and cocked his head to one side in confusion. </p><p>"Finished your exam already?" James asked. </p><p>"Yep, got let out for special circumstances," Sirius replied. "What do you say we go snooping around Filch's office, see if there's anything worth stealing? I fancy being a proper marauder for the afternoon." </p><p>"Padfoot, you read my mind." James grinned. He tumbled off his bed and grabbed the Cloak from his trunk.</p><p>~</p><p>That night, hours after they'd stolen some fireworks from Filch's office and set them off in the Training Grounds, Sirius was staring at the ceiling above his bed, unable to sleep. His body was exhausted. He'd been running on hour-long naps in between exams for almost a week. He couldn't remember the last time he'd had a full night's sleep.</p><p>And with what had happened in the Astronomy Tower, Sirius was terrified that the nightmares would come back in full force. They'd been becoming few and far between over the month of May, but as exams had started and the stress peaked in June, they were becoming more frequent. He didn't want to wake James up, didn't want to be any more of a burden.</p><p>There was a headache brewing behind his eyes and a tight feeling in his chest, and it had been slowly mounting as the minutes ticked by as Sirius couldn't help his thoughts wandering to the things he'd remembered.</p><p>
  <em>Flash of green. I always remember that. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Julian falling back. I can't ever get that out of my head. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Silence except for the sizzle of magic.</em>
</p><p><em> Julian had already accepted his fate, but I haven't</em>.</p><p>Sirius sat bolt upright, hand on his chest, feeling like there was something crushing it.</p><p>
  <em>Julian was killed by magic and a drop higher than the Quidditch hoops. And here you are, going to die in a dormitory. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>And from what? Chest pains? Pathetic. </em>
</p><p>Sirius' hands shook as he fumbled for his wand, stuffed his feet into some shoes, tucking the laces into the sides. His fingers wouldn't stop trembling for long enough to tie them and he couldn't cast magic like this.</p><p>He cast one last look at James before he snuck out of the Tower, hurrying down to the Hospital Wing. The headache and feeling in his chest were only getting worse.</p><p>When he got to the Hospital Wing, he froze. Madame Pomfrey’s office light was off. She was usually still up now. It was only midnight, but it had presumably been a slow day for illness and injuries. It had given her a rare early night.</p><p>So Sirius did the next rational thing in his mind in his pained and sleep-deprived state. He stormed to the door and took a few seconds to force himself to breathe deeply, focusing just enough to cast his strongest Unlocking Charm.</p><p>The door flung open and Sirius began rummaging around for something to relieve the pain in the cabinets. He had to cast another Unlocking Charm to get into it but had been more careful so as not to break the glass.</p><p>He could help himself. He just needed something to help him sleep. He’d feel better in the morning if he could just find something to help him fall asleep in the first place. Where was that damned sleeping draught she had given him a few weeks ago? </p><p>And then he stumbled across a familiar-looking bottle that Madame Pomfrey had used when had been patching up Sirius and Remus' injuries. She had given him this very same bottle of purple liquid that had numbed everything and reduced the pain within seconds. That would kill the headache, maybe take away the tightness in his chest. This way, he could fall asleep on his own, he didn't need a draught.</p><p>Sirius uncorked it and took a deep swig, swallowing the sweet-tasting potion for a few seconds, giddy at the thought that he'd figured it out all on his own. </p><p>When he came back up for air, his vision began to swim, and his heart rate slowed dramatically. Sirius could feel the sluggish confusion creeping through his veins.</p><p>This wasn't what it had been like before. Sirius' knees gave out as a wave of dizziness overtook him, and he dropped the bottle in his effort to grab ahold of something, finding nothing but air instead. The glass bottle smashed, but the noise sounded distant like it was happening through a tunnel. </p><p>He blinked hard and then saw the ceiling of Madame Pomfrey's office for all of a moment before his eyes closed and he slipped into unconsciousness. </p><p>~</p><p>Sirius groaned when his eyes opened. </p><p>"Oh good, you're awake." </p><p>"Don't sound so grumpy about it, James." Sirius yawned, looking to the seat where his best friend was sitting. "You alright?"</p><p>"Much better now I know my best friend isn't going to die."</p><p>"We're all dying, Prongs. Such is the novelty of life." </p><p>"Do you have to be such a prick?" James asked. </p><p>"You wouldn't have me any other way." Sirius grinned. "I feel like I've been stomped on by a hippogriff. How long have I been out?"</p><p>"Four days." </p><p>"<em>Piss off</em>!" Sirius said. </p><p>"Genuinely, mate, you've been out cold the entire time. Madame Pomfrey's had to force all the non-essential admissions out so that she can focus on you. Whatever you took ... it really messed you up." </p><p>"It was just a painkiller, James!" Sirius exclaimed. "I think." </p><p>"You don't even know what you took?!" </p><p>"It looked like the one she used after the Astronomy Tower! How was I supposed to know?"</p><p>"Why didn't you ask Madame Pomfrey for help?" James asked. </p><p>"She was in bed! The office light was off and the door was locked. I had a banging headache and my chest felt all funny. I figured I just needed something to help me sleep, and I saw the bottle of what I thought was a painkiller and took a swig of it." </p><p>"Sirius, we thought you tried to off yourself!" James hissed. "You realise that that's how it looks, right? I've been so worried about you, I was terrified that I hadn't done enough, like I'd been brushing it all under the rug when you needed me." Sirius sighed. </p><p>"You know you're the first person I'd go to if I felt like that, right?" Sirius asked. James nodded. "I just needed to sleep. I haven't been able to for days, with all the exam stress, and I've been trying to avoid triggering nightmares, and I wanted to do something myself, I wanted to have some fucking control! Everyone's been babying me for months and I'm sick of it!" </p><p>"We only do it because we care," James said softly. </p><p>"I know, but sometimes I just need a breather. Sometimes I just need Prongs, not a mother hen." Sirius replied. </p><p>"Thank Merlin you're awake, Mr Black!" Madame Pomfrey said, poking her head around the curtain for a moment before slipping inside Sirius' cornered off area. "You gave us all quite the scare, you know."</p><p>"Sorry, Madame Pomfrey," Sirius said sheepishly. "It was an accident, I swear, I had such a bad headache, I couldn't sleep. Honestly, I was trying to do anything ... <em>permanent</em>, you know?" </p><p>Madame Pomfrey looked relieved. "I'm glad to hear that. Mr Potter, maybe it would be best for you to go and get some food for yourself and Mr Black? Dinner has started and I need to check over your friend's bandages." James nodded and gave Sirius a reassuring smile before leaving. "We've had to some pretty intensive magic to get all of the potion out of your stomach. I’m sorry to say that you’ve got quite the scar, Mr Black. I can reduce it some more, but it will likely always be there.” </p><p>Sirius lifted his shirt and craned his neck to get a good look. He was still sore and aching and tired, despite being unconscious for almost a week. He grinned at the scar, noticing immediately what shape it had taken.<br/> <br/>“Woah, that’s wicked.” Sirius chuckled, running his fingers over it. </p><p>“Mr Black, you almost died and all you can say is ‘Woah, that’s wicked’!”</p><p>“It looks like a star," Sirius said. "I’m named after a cluster star patterns, you know. Sirius, the Dog Star. You can join it up to look like a dog, that's where it gets the nickname. My dad’s name is Orion, after Orion's Belt. Part of it points to the left and that's how you find Sirius. Canis Major and Canis Minor are said to be the hunting dogs belonging to Orion, but Sirius outshines them all. It’s the brightest star in the night sky.” </p><p>“I won’t make a point about your intellectual brightness, Mr Black, but you certainly do capture everyone’s attention like a star does.” Madame Pomfrey teased.</p><p>Sirius laughed. He and Madame Pomfrey had always been able to joke with one another, finding that they had a very similar sense of humour. It was part of the reason why he found comfort in being in the Hospital Wing; because Madame Pomfrey would always be here with a smile and a joke. He would miss this. </p><p>“Touché. Well done, Madame Pomfrey. I’m going to miss our little taunts when I leave school.”</p><p>“So will I, Sirius. So will I.”</p><p>Madame Pomfrey's voice had a hint of sadness in it, and Sirius thought of how hard it must be for the teachers to say goodbye to their students. Every year, they had to see the backs of people they'd known throughout some of the most important years of their lives, and only hope that the world would treat them well. </p><p>"So," Sirius said. "What have I missed? Catch me up on all of the juicy gossip." </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0024"><h2>24. Chapter 24</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"Frank!" Remus yelled as he burst into the room in teh BnB the three members of the Order were renting. "Frank, where are you?!"</p><p>"Bathroom!" Frank called, opening the door with his wand held in front of him. "What are Alice and I trying to do in between Order work?" </p><p>"Have a baby," Remus replied. "Alice wants a boy." Frank lowered his wand. </p><p>"What's happening?" Frank asked. </p><p>"Marlene overheard someone from management talking on the phone about a group that's been coming to the house for the last few months. They usually don't stay for more than a night or two, but it's changed. They've been here for the last six days. Apparently, the security team are acting strange. <em>And</em>, he said that he's been this is the first time he's felt free from them in weeks, but all access has been denied to the library and he doesn't know why." </p><p>Frank cursed. "So you just left Marlene in the house by herself? Are we going to bust Peter out?"</p><p>"That's the plan. Marlene's trying to get some of the Muggles out of the house, she said she'll meet us down in the foyer in ten minutes." Remus replied. "We need to pack everything up and get a letter to Mad-Eye and Dumbledore." </p><p>Frank gestured around the room with his wand and their scarce belongings began stuffing themselves into the enchanted bags that the three of them carried. Two scraps of parchment and an inkwell were left on the table.</p><p>They'd kept ahold of the owl that they used to communicate with Dumbledore ever since their last correspondence with him the week before so that they could contact him as soon as the mission was close to ending. </p><p>Remus quickly scribbled out two letters, one to Dumbledore and the other to Moody, identical in their nature except for the names of the people they were addressed to. </p><p>
  <em>Almost finished. Be ready for interrogation. Four hours at the most. Might be done by the time this letter gets to you. Further details &amp; debriefing when we're back at HQ. </em>
</p><p><em>- R.J.L</em> </p><p>He released the owl from her temporary cage, which was really just a birdcage that had been enchanted larger with <em>Engorgio</em>. It wasn't perfect, but it had served its purpose.</p><p>The owl, named Zena, hopped out and affectionately nipped at Remus' fingers as he stroked her softly and tied the letters to her leg, carrying her over to the window, opening it and letting her soar. </p><p>"Right," Remus said, turning back to face Frank once the window was once again closed. "Bring the bags with us. I'll take Marlene's. We'll have to carry them while we're grabbing Peter and Disapparate from there." </p><p>The two of them grabbed the bags and linked up, Disapparating to Bletchley Park. </p><p>~</p><p>Six hours later, Remus, Marlene, Frank and Peter were arriving at Order headquarters. Peter was blindfolded, and all four of them were covered in splats of dried blood and grime, their clothes ripped in places and soaking wet.</p><p>They'd landed in a lake ten miles away when Frank had tried to Apparate them to safety, and it had taken all of Remus' willpower to keep himself afloat while also keeping a steady grip on the bound and gagged Peter, who had immediately flailed when he'd realised they'd landed in a large body of water. </p><p>Remus had gotten them out by the end. Marlene had been in no fit state to Apparate, with a crippling fear of drowning, and Frank had been too distracted to Disapparate.</p><p>He'd been trying to focus, but there was blood coming from a wound in his arm that had been hastily wrapped with a strip of his shirt before they'd Disapparated. </p><p>One of them must've uttered the password to get through the wards around the house that housed the Order's operations, though Remus could barely focus for long enough to know who it was, and the door opened with ease.</p><p>The wards responded to the magical signatures of its members only.</p><p>It was a strong piece of magic that they were very fortunate to have, and Remus was grateful that both Dumbledore and McGonnagall had put it in place. </p><p>"Alice?!" Frank called.</p><p>"Dorcas?!" Marlene yelled. Remus sent them both glares. His senses got more sensitive the closer to the full moon it was, and with just shy of a week to go, he was beginning to struggle.</p><p>Footsteps and voices began to filter through the rooms. The house was magically enchanted to be bigger on the inside, enough to fit everyone inside comfortably. </p><p>Moody, Dorcas and Alice appeared at the other end of the corridor and Remus tightened his grip on Peter as Frank and Marlene brushed past him in their rush to meet Alice and Dorcas, going into the kitchen and beginning the usual rounds of happiness as more of the Order began to poke their heads through the doorways. Remus pulled Peter along and handed him to Moody. </p><p>"Everything went well, I'm assuming?" Moody said. </p><p>"I suppose." Remis sighed. "We managed to ambush them, but it was still a tough fight. Most of them Disapparated, but we left a few of them unconscious." </p><p>Peter started making unintelligible noises around the gag in his mouth and Remus removed the blindfold, gripping the boy with brutal force.</p><p>He had no patience for the boy now. He was cold and wet and tired and injured. All he'd wanted for almost five months was a warm bed to sleep in and something other than stale bread and cheese to eat, with no fear of when he'd next be attacked, or whether or not he'd get to go back to Hogwarts.</p><p>"Listen to me very closely, Peter. You're going to Azkaban, and then you're going to get the Kiss, and it's a lot better than what you deserve. Julian is dead because of you. Sirius is never going to forget any of it, it'll scar him for the rest of his life. If it was up to me, you would rot away in Azkaban for the rest of your measly life." </p><p>He put the blindfold back over Peter's eyes and looked to Moody, who was watching him curiously. </p><p>"Remus, I'm so glad you're okay!" Alice said, finally parting from Frank and Marlene. Remus and Moody looked away from one another and Remus gave Alice a hug and a smile. "Thank you for keeping my husband safe." </p><p>"I promised you that I would. I'm just relieved to be back." Remus replied. Alice pulled away, positively beaming with happiness. </p><p>Moody dragged Peter away from the kitchen, presumably up to the attic, and Remus made his way to the first aid kit in one of the cupboards, ready to patch himself up and glad to finally be home. </p><p>When he was done, he summoned some parchment and ink, writing another brief letter to Dumbledore, before finally writing one to Sirius. </p><p>
  <em>Dearest Padfoot, </em>
</p><p>
  <em>I'm safe. I'm back at Order Headquarters. Frank, Marlene and I are all alive, lightly injured but stable. We got Wormtail. He'll probably be interrogated about the Death Eaters over the next twenty-four hours before we hand him over to the Aurors. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Not long until we see each other again now. You have no idea how much I'm looking forward to it. I can tell you more when we're together in person, but for now, this will have to do. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>See you soon, my love, </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Your Moony. </em>
</p><p>~</p><p>The end of year party was in full swing in the Great Hall. Everyone was dressed up and having a fantastic time, with a live band and plenty of Firewhiskey and Butterbeer to go around (though first years, second and third years weren't allowed to drink anything other than pumpkin juice and water). </p><p>Sirius knew what it would be like down at the Great Hall before he even arrived. He was currently waiting for James and Lily to be ready, making his way through a fag in the common room. </p><p>They were the only Gryffindors not down in the Hall, and Sirius was feeling incredibly sad about how this was his last night at Hogwarts, already missing the corridors and the Tower immensely. </p><p>"You ready to go, mate?" James called softly. Sirius looked to him and nodded, summoning a bin and sticking his cigarette into it. "I've got a surprise waiting for you." </p><p>"Oh yeah?" Sirius asked. </p><p>"It's waiting by the Hall," Lily added, leading the way out of the common room. Sirius frowned as he followed. </p><p>"What is it?" He asked. </p><p>"That would defeat the purpose. It's a surprise for a reason." James replied, smirking. Sirius grinned. </p><p>After the incident with the painkiller potion, James, Lily, and the teachers had refused to take their eyes off Sirius for the rest of the year. Sirius didn't completely blame them, but he wished they would believe that it hadn't been intentional. </p><p>If it hadn’t been for the wards that warned Madame Pomfrey if there was someone unauthorised in her office, she wouldn't have found Sirius until the morning. If that had happened … Sirius might not have made it at all. </p><p>When they reached the stretch of corridor leading to the Great Hall, Sirius spotted someone talking to another student just out of view of the entryway, their back to him. </p><p>"Nice to see you again, Professor!" James yelled down the corridor. The person turned around and smiled, and Sirius' heart stopped. </p><p><em>Remus</em>. </p><p>"Nice to see you as well, James," Remus replied.</p><p>He looked back at the student he was talking to and said something quietly, and the student said their goodbyes, walking towards the Hall.</p><p>Remus then made his way in James, Sirius and Lily's direction. "I've seen all of your exam results, and I have to say that I'm very proud of you all. Absolutely incredible work, all of you!" </p><p>"Any chance you could give any insight into them?" Lily asked nervously. Remus winced. </p><p>"Sorry, I technically wasn't even supposed to say that." He said. Lily sighed. </p><p>"Well, either way, we're glad you're alright after the last few months." She said. "Come on, James, I like this band, I want to hear some of their set." </p><p>James said a quick goodbye to Remus, grinning at Sirius conspiratorially as Lily dragged him away. Sirius and Remus looked to each other once they were sure that the other two were gone, and smiled shyly.</p><p>"How's everything been?" Sirius asked. "It all went alright? No one was hurt?" </p><p>Remus shook his head. "Few cuts and scrapes, but we're alright. Look, Sirius, I can't stay for long. James and Lily saw me earlier when I was leaving Dumbledore's office and convinced me to stay for long enough to give you peace of mind, but a lot is going on at headquarters and-" </p><p>"It's okay." Sirius interrupted. "I - I'm just happy that you're safe. I'll see you in a few days, won't I? At the meeting?" </p><p>Remus nodded. "Are you sure that this is what you want? To join?" </p><p>"Of course," Sirius said. "If I can help stop this before too many people get hurt, or worse, then I'll do it." Remus smiled and he stepped closer, looking down a little and slowly letting his fingers brush against Sirius'. </p><p>"I wish I could give you more now. Please don't think that I don't want this, because I do, but not here. Not now," He whispered. Sirius' heart ached and he leant forward, pressing his forehead to Remus'. It was so risky to even be doing this. There were eyes everywhere in this castle. </p><p>"I know, love, it's alright," Sirius muttered, pulling away reluctantly. </p><p>"How's everything been? Are you okay? Have you sorted things out with your brother? I know you've been having some trouble with him since you left home." </p><p>Sirius hesitated, wishing he could find the courage to tell Remus about everything, but not knowing how to fit it all in before Remus had to leave or without worrying him too much.</p><p>Least of all, he wanted to tell Remus about the time he'd spent in the Hospital Wing because of the painkiller potion. </p><p>"Sirius?" Sirius focused again. </p><p>"I'm okay, but I haven't been able to iron things out with Reg yet," Sirius admitted. "He won't even let me near him. Neither will his posse of Death Eaters in training." </p><p>Remus frowned, his eyes betraying how much he wanted to march into the Great Hall and do something to help. "Maybe when it hits home that you're not at Hogwarts anymore, he'll realise what a mistake he's made in pushing you away. Things will be okay, Sirius." </p><p>"I hope so," Sirius said nervously. </p><p>"Ah, Remus, there you are," Someone called. Both Remus and Sirius looked back towards the entrance of the Hall and saw McGonnagall standing there. The tension in the air returned and Sirius felt sick. He hadn't even had any time with Remus. "Dorcas and Dawlish are waiting in the courtyard. Good luck in the Lake District." </p><p>"Wait, what's happening in the Lake District?" Sirius asked, looking between Remus and McGonnagall. McGonnagall's eyes were firmly latched onto Remus, clearly waiting for him to reveal the news. Remus' gaze returned to Sirius guiltily. </p><p>"I've been asked to go on another mission." He said. </p><p>"You - why?! You've only just got back! How long will you be gone this time? I've barely seen you! Will you even be there for the first Order meeting that me, James and Lily will be there for?" Sirius exclaimed. </p><p>"I'll definitely be there," Remus assured. "It's only for a few days. Just a routine patrol around a high-risk village."</p><p>Sirius looked at him in disbelief. "Remus-"</p><p>"I know, I know, I'm sorry." Remus interrupted. "Moody said that Dumbledore gave him instructions. I have to be there with Dorcas and Dawlish. I couldn't really refuse. Everyone’s got a job to do, even if they’ve only just got back from a different mission." </p><p>Sirius sighed. "Promise me you'll be extra careful between now and the meeting." He pleaded. Remus smiled. </p><p>"I promise," Remus said, beginning to back away. "I'll see you soon, Sirius." </p><p>When he'd left the castle, Sirius stuffed his hands in his pockets and dragged his feet over to McGonnagall, who was giving him a sympathetic look. She put her hand on his shoulder gently. </p><p>"Try not to dwell on his safety too much, Mr Black." She said. "Enjoy your last night in the castle. You'll never forgive yourself if you don't have a dance and a sing with your friends." </p><p>"Only if you save me a dance as well, Professor," Sirius smirked.</p><p>McGonnagall gave him a mock disapproving look and the two of them walked into the Hall together. </p><p>~</p><p>Sirius opened his eyes slowly. Above him, he saw a white ceiling and remembered. <br/><br/>It was still strange for him to get used to waking up in an apartment rather than in Gryffindor Tower. The smell of James’ cologne wasn’t stinking up the place, and there were none of Peter’s clothes to wade through in Sirius’ fight to use the shower.</p><p>Sirius sat up and took in the room around him, staring at the empty spot next to him on his king-sized bed.</p><p>He'd thought he’d relish in the space after seven years in a dormitory bed that seemed to get smaller each time he returned to the castle. But he'd found that all he wanted was for that space to be taken up by Remus.</p><p>Sirius was convinced that Dumbledore had used this final mission to keep them apart for a little longer.</p><p>Sirius had only been out of Hogwarts for a week, and he was already feeling the immense nostalgia and an overwhelming sense of fear every time he remembered that he would not be returning in the autumn.</p><p>Where would his life go now without Hogwarts? The castle had been such a huge part of his life. How was he supposed to live his life without it?</p><p>His first Order meeting was that evening. Dumbledore had wanted to wait until everyone had returned home safely to officially welcome the newer recruits. The wait had been agony.</p><p>Sirius had been spending a large majority of his time with James and Lily, not necessarily by choice.</p><p>He loved them both, but they’d been concerned to the point where they barely left him alone anymore.</p><p>Sirius had been plagued with nightmares again every night since his Astronomy exam, and it scared them both how little sleep he got. They'd all thought things were getting better.</p><p>It was always the same nightmare, where Sirius found Remus on the Astronomy Tower battered and bruised and cold and lifeless, his once bright green eyes now dull and dark, staring at the space that Sirius was standing with less emotion than Remus had ever shown.</p><p>Even when Remus and Sirius had struggled to adjust to being so close but so far from each other, Remus’ eyes had never looked so empty. Cold, and guarded, maybe, but never emotionless.</p><p>That sight of Remus dead on the floor of the Astronomy Tower was always enough to wake Sirius up. Always screaming, always with the image of Remus lying dead, surrounded by blood, and Peter lurking nearby with a crazed look in his eyes.</p><p>James had become accustomed to the screams and the lack of sleep. He had set up a strong Silencing Charm around the dormitory so that he could comfort Sirius without the whole of Gryffindor wondering why Sirius was screaming the Tower down every night.</p><p>But for the last few days, Sirius had been on his own when he woke himself up. He’d set up the Silencing Charms, but it was lonely now with no one nearby.</p><p>How anyone lived alone, Sirius didn't know.</p><p>To make matters even worse, McGonnagall had told Remus, believing that he should know. She had only sent the letter a few days previously when news had come that Remus, Dawlish and Dorcas would be home soon. </p><p>She had known that Sirius hide it out of fear of scaring Remus, and no one had wanted to stress Remus out when it had happened. The risk of distracting him while he was undercover had been too high. <br/><br/>Remus’ letter to him had almost reeked of panic. Sirius had known what it was about as soon as the strange owl had flown through his kitchen window, landing on the coffee table in front of him, James and Lily while they were eating a takeaway. </p><p>Sirius opened his bedside drawer and brought the letter out, rereading the words he knew by heart at this point. <br/><br/><em>Sirius, </em><br/><br/><em>Why was Minerva the one to tell me that you’d broken into Poppy's office in the dead of night and almost died drinking her strongest painkiller straight from the bottle?</em></p><p>
  <em>Why did you not say anything when we saw at each other on the last night of term? </em>
</p><p><em>Apparently, all of the staff have been terrified that you'd do it again. They all think you did it because you had to go back to the Tower for your practical exam with Professor Sinistra and there was dried blood on the floor that triggered a flashback, which you </em>also<em> didn't mention. </em></p><p>
  <em>You know that special circumstances would've been made for you, right? No one expected you to do the Astronomy exam. </em>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <em>I’m sorry, my love, I don’t mean to nag or to make you feel bad, but I was so worried about you. I still am! </em>
</p><p>
  <em>I almost abandoned Dawlish and Dorcas in the middle of the Lake District when the letter came. We were packing to come home when it arrived.</em>
</p><p><em> I don't think I've ever been so scared in my life.</em> <em>I’m almost thankful no one told me while I was undercover. Otherwise, I would’ve most certainly come straight back to see you. </em><em>It was enough of a struggle to not Apparate to Hogwarts during the still periods just to see if you were on a Hogsmeade weekend. </em><br/><br/><em>I’m so glad you’re okay. I’ll have to thank James and Lily when I see you all. Merlin knows I’m grateful for them being there for you. They truly are brilliant friends. </em></p><p>
  <em>I’ll see you in a few days, and we'll talk about this. I know it's been tough on you the last few months, but I'll do whatever I can to make it right. Days are all we have left to wait now. No more weeks or months. Just days and hours. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Please, I'm begging you, be safe until then. We're in the endgame, love. Just keep yourself safe for me.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I love you more than words can tell. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Always affectionately yours,</em>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <em>Moony </em>
</p><p>Sirius wanted them to be the same as they'd always been, finding it easy to slip into the domestic blisses that they'd always loved.</p><p>But with so many months apart, and so much time and trouble processing what had happened on the Astronomy Tower, would it even be possible to remain the same? </p><p>He held the letter close to his heart and breathed deeply, trying to rationalise. This was the Remus he knew. Kind, sweet, loving, wonderful Remus, who wanted him.<br/><br/>He had nothing to be worried about.  <br/><br/>~<br/><br/>James, Lily, Sirius, and Mad-Eye Moody Apparated to the Order Headquarters from James and Lily's apartment.</p><p>Said headquarters was a three-story townhouse on the outskirts of St Albans, with a veranda out the front, overlooking the small front garden with purple and blue flowers erupting from the planters, and bright green grass trimmed neatly. It was as unsuspecting as a headquarters could be.</p><p>As they reached the door, Moody muttered a spell that would open the wards for them. “You’ll be given the passwords through every set of wards for every Order meeting place during tonight’s briefing,” Moody said over his shoulder, leading them through a narrow hallway into a dining room.</p><p>There was a small kitchen in the room directly ahead, a wide doorway separating it from the dining room. If Sirius looked to his right, there was another wide doorless frame leading to a cosey looking living room.</p><p>This house, like many wizarding buildings, was enchanted to be bigger than it appeared on the outside. Sirius liked it here. It was very homely. He'd never thought a headquarters for a secret resistance group could be like this. <br/><br/>There were more faces around the room that Sirius didn’t recognise than faces he did. Of the people he knew, he spotted Alice and Frank Longbottom, Dumbledore, McGonnagall, Hagrid and Moody.</p><p>They were all muttering to one another in a tight huddle. There were fifteen or so others that Sirius didn’t know, all flitting about through the rooms, grabbing drinks and passing light snacks across the room to each other. </p><p>There was a long table set up in the middle of the dining room with seats along either side.</p><p>James and Lily found two together to one side of Sirius, who took one less than ten foot from the door that would lead towards the entrance of the house.</p><p>Neither wanted to cage Sirius in, knowing that he would want Remus beside him tonight. <br/><br/><em>Speaking of which, where </em>is<em> Remus?</em> Sirius thought.</p><p>He desperately hoped that Remus wasn’t too injured after the previous night’s full moon.</p><p>Sirius worried and fretted and paced every single time the moon was full for the last five months, wishing that this would not be the night that would leave Remus too injured to heal from.<br/><br/>“Sirius Black?!” Someone called. Sirius responded to his name by looking to his left and saw a girl with dark brown hair and a kind smile approaching him. “Hi! I’m Marlene McKinnon! It’s nice to finally meet you! I’ve heard so much about you.” The girl said. Sirius shook the hand she offered him.<br/><br/>“Marlene? You’re the one Remus has been on that undercover mission with for the last few months.” Sirius said, remembering where he’d heard the name before. <br/><br/>“I sure am!”<br/><br/>“How’d you know who I am?” Sirius asked. <br/><br/>“Are you kidding?! I’d know that bone structure anywhere! The Blacks are a very attractive family. Remus said that you'd be joining us in the summer. He carried a picture of you around all the time. It was the only thing keeping him tethered to his sanity.” Marlene said, a teasing lilt to her voice.</p><p>Sirius smiled at that. It was nice to know that he had not been the only one that was heartsick. </p><p>“Alright, Marlene, I think that’s enough embarrassing me for one night.” A familiar voice said.</p><p>The room quietened at the sound as people realized who was now standing in the door. There were smiles and relieved looks to see him safe and well after a night of hell that he couldn’t control. <br/><br/>Sirius turned to his right to look at the door, feeling his heart skip a beat. Remus was leaning against the doorframe with a smirk and his arms crossed over his chest, looking at Marlene. He looked tired, but he was safe and looked uninjured.</p><p>There were fresh scars on his hands, silver ones stretching their way across his knuckles, and the scars on his face were now silver as well. Those were the pieces of evidence of a torture tactic that had gone wrong.</p><p>Remus would bear them as a constant reminder of what had been forced of him. Despite them, Remus’ eyes landed on Sirius, bright green and twinkling in the light, so full of love and kindness that Sirius wanted to cry.</p><p>“Hello, Sirius.” He said, smiling as if he knew exactly what Sirius was thinking. “It’s good to see you again. You too, James and Lily. I’m glad to see you all here.” His tone was professional and kind, very much in Professor Lupin mode.<br/><br/>“Hey.” Sirius breathed. He knew that he had a stupid grin on his face, but found that he couldn't care less. <br/><br/>“I think you should come and sit down, Professor, before Sirius starts drooling like a dog.” James teased. There were some chuckles from around the room as Sirius blushed. <br/><br/>“Way to destroy my reputation, Potter,” Sirius said, finally coming back to himself. “I didn’t even have the chance to do it myself yet.” <br/><br/>“You don’t have to call me Professor anymore. You're more than welcome to call me Remus.” Remus said with a smile, pushing off from the doorframe and heading over to the seat beside Sirius.</p><p>Sirius stood, pulling the taller man closer to hug him tightly. Remus chuckled and squeezed Sirius in a hug for only a few seconds that he wished could’ve lasted longer. Before Remus pulled away, he muttered in Sirius’ ear. “We’ll have a proper hello later on. Professionalism is key here.”</p><p>Sirius nodded and let go, wishing he had the time now to get even so much as an ‘I love you’ out.</p><p>They both took their seats and Sirius fought to keep his face neutral as Remus’ hand found his beneath the table.</p><p>With Remus’ thumb brushing gently back and forth against his knuckles, Sirius felt better than he had in months. He squeezed the hand tightly and felt the same pressure be applied in return. </p><p>He glanced across the table at James and found his best friend smirking at him. He knew they were holding hands, could see the way Sirius now relaxed and was already well aware of how physical contact from the right people often comforted Sirius.</p><p>Sirius didn't bother to flip him off or glare at him, he just smiled and tried to focus on the introduction that Dumbledore was now making. <br/><br/>~</p><p>"Stop sulking, will you?" James said. </p><p>Sirius was indeed sulking, stood in the kitchen with James and Lily.</p><p>Remus had been dragged away too many times now. It was as if every person on earth wanted a piece of him tonight.</p><p>Ever since the meeting had finished twenty minutes ago, people had been desperate to talk to him about a variety of matters, such as how the mission had gone, or just asking him how his day had been. </p><p>It didn't matter how much Sirius looked over, how eagerly he tried to make his way to his boyfriend, someone was always there first. <br/><br/>“Is it too much to ask to get five <em>fucking</em> minutes alone with my own <em>fucking</em> boyfriend?!” Sirius exclaimed. <br/><br/>“Sirius, calm down-”<br/><br/>“No, James! I haven’t seen him for almost half a year and every time I think he's free, someone else comes to try and talk to him. It's pissing me off!”<br/><br/>“Well, he <em>has</em> been undercover for most of that time. These people are his friends, I’m sure they want to make sure he’s okay.” Lily tried to rationalize. <br/><br/>“I saw the looks people were giving us during the meeting. They all seem to know we're dating, they know that we’d want to check in with one another first. <em>Fuck</em>, this is driving me mad!” Sirius pulled out a cigarette and lit it, taking a few deep drags. “I just wanna give him a proper hug, maybe even a cheeky snog. They're taking the piss.”</p><p>He flicked some excess ash down the plug of the sink and returned his cigarette to his mouth. <br/><br/>“You’ll get that. Just wait. The meeting’s only been over for twenty minutes.” James said. <br/><br/>“Easy for you to say, you and Lily have had all the time in the world. We haven’t had any time at all. Not really.” Sirius said softly, frowning and fiddling with his cigarette in between drags.</p><p>If only he'd made different choices, then maybe he wouldn't have been so lonely. He regretted not asking for James and Lily’s help when he’d found out that Peter had been working with the Death Eaters.</p><p>He'd thought he was doing the right thing. In Sirius' mind, there would have been no point in getting James and Lily involved when he could take Peter on by himself.</p><p>Sirius had underestimated him.</p><p>Someone had been teaching the little rat, who was now tucked away in a cell in Azkaban and who had been making headlines for the last week.</p><p>Whoever had taught Peter how to fight, they’d been doing it well. His spells had been deliberate and meticulous in their cruelty, with no hesitation.</p><p>Sirius had truly believed that he and Remus would be back in time to spend the rest of their evening together with a cup of tea and a stack of essays the way they always did.</p><p>Instead, he’d spent the last few months feeling like there was pressure to deal with it all on his own. </p><p>“They’re not the only ones with all the time in the world now.” A voice called.</p><p>Sirius, James and Lily looked to their right, where the doorway that joined the kitchen to the dining room was, to see Remus standing there with his hands in his pockets. <br/><br/>“Moony,” Sirius said softly.</p><p>Remus softened visibly, a more vulnerable side of him showing. Suddenly, he wasn’t their twenty-year-old ex-Professor, but he was a lovesick man who had been away from his partner for longer than he’d ever wanted to be.<br/><br/>“We’ll give you two some time alone,” Lily said. <br/><br/>“If you give us any less than ten minutes, you aren’t allowed to marry Potter anymore. Consider this your first and final warning, Evans.” Sirius said, taking one last drag of his fag and stubbing it out in the sink before chucking it in the bin. <br/><br/>Lily just smiled and dragged James out of the room as Remus made his way over to Sirius.</p><p>They fell into each other’s arms, meeting in the middle and breathing a sigh of relief as they collided.</p><p>The doorway between the kitchen and dining room was wide and had no door for privacy, leaving most of the Order to see what they were doing, but neither of them could care now. <br/><br/>“I missed you,” Remus breathed. <br/><br/>“I missed you too.” Sirius echoed. “James, bless him, he tried so hard to help, and so did Lily, but they couldn’t understand. You were the only other one that experienced it and lived to tell the tale. I needed you and you weren’t there, and that isn't your fault, but I just ... I fell apart at the seams, Remus.”</p><p>Sirius was trembling and crying already. Remus hugged him tighter and pressed kisses into his hair. <br/><br/>“Look at me, Sirius.” Remus pulled back and gently brushed some of the tears from Sirius’ face. "I’ve been beside myself worrying about you. I wasn’t expecting us to get down to the Hospital Wing in time. And then I went on that bloody mission, and we caught Peter, but that damn letter from Minerva came …”</p><p>Remus paused and closed his eyes, shaking his head, not able to get the words out.</p><p>Sirius cupped his face and pulled him closer to lean their foreheads together. “It was an accident. I wasn’t thinking properly. I know I should’ve gone to Madame Pomfrey for help, even though she’d gone to bed. It was an easy mistake to make, the potion looks like a regular painkiller. But I’m fine now. I’ve got a pretty wicked scar. I asked Madame Pomfrey not to reduce it.” <br/><br/>Remus pulled back. “Show me?” he asked.</p><p>He was frowning. Sirius knew that the topic of scars was a touchy subject for Remus. They meant everything to him. Most of his body was covered in them, and Sirius' blase attitude about one that he'd gotten was an alien reaction to him.<br/><br/>Sirius stepped out of Remus’ embrace and revealed the scar on his hip, shaped like a star, raised in part and clear as day against Sirius' pale skin.</p><p>He didn’t know the ins and outs of everything that Madame Pomfrey had had to do to keep him alive, but there had very clearly been a big incision that had been made. </p><p>“How strange.” Remus mused, gently running his thumb over the scar. <br/><br/>“What?” Sirius asked, covering the scar once again.<br/><br/>“I have a scar in the same spot. It looks like a crescent moon,” Remus said, mirroring what Sirius had done and showing off the thicker shape of tissue that was indeed shaped like a moon. It was larger than Sirius', and he was confused at how he had never noticed it before.<br/><br/>“Is this new? I don’t remember ever seeing it.” Sirius asked. <br/><br/>“I conceal it normally. I’ve been so used to doing the bare minimum of magic so my signature can’t be traced that I’ve not been able to do it in months. Now, I’m used to having it out in the open.” The scar disappeared as Remus let his clothes hide it once again. </p><p>“I like it," Sirius said, smiling and brushing part of Remus' fringe out of his face. "You know, Remus, I’m a little annoyed at you,” <br/><br/>“What? Why?” <br/><br/>“I believe I was promised a proper hello,” Sirius smirked and Remus relaxed visibly, rolling his eyes, evidently glad that there was nothing urgently wrong that needed fixing.<br/><br/>“And what would a proper hello entail exactly?” Remus asked.</p><p>His hands came to rest on Sirius’ hips and he hooked his fingers into the belt loops of Sirius' skinny black jeans, pulling him closer sharply.</p><p>Sirius gasped at the sudden contact, his body warming, his breathing suddenly turning shallow.</p><p>He swallowed hard and trailed his hands up Remus' arms until his hands found one another at the nape of his boyfriend's neck.</p><p><em>So much for him being tired and weaker after the full moon.</em><br/><br/>“I believe it has a little something to do with your mouth being put to better use than talking.” Sirius flirted.<br/><br/>“And where exactly could it be put to better use? I haven’t a clue.” Remus said innocently. <br/><br/>“A lot of places, but I think most of them would get us into trouble with our colleagues,” Sirius said. <br/><br/>“Hmm, very likely. We might just have to save that for later then. Can you think of anything that wouldn’t be so inapp-”</p><p>Sirius cut him off by surging forward and pressing their mouths together. Remus responded immediately, completely prepared for the possibility of Sirius being impatient. </p><p>The hands gripping Sirius' hips tightened their hold as Remus guided Sirius backwards until he hit one of the counters behind them.</p><p>His breath hitched and caught in his throat, heart now racing at how fast the tension in the room had changed. </p><p>"You taste like ash and smoke," Remus said, pulling away for only a moment, brow wrinkling slightly. </p><p>"You've just seen me with a fag in my mouth, Remus, I don't know what surprises you so much about my mouth tasting like smoke. What did you think it was made of, mint?" Sirius joked.</p><p>"I take it back, I haven't missed you at all." Remus laughed, leaning closer to kiss him again.</p><p>Their hands wandered, tracing familiar paths over clothes and tugging at hair, gasping into each other’s mouths and finding comfort in reminding themselves of this feeling.</p><p>Remus trailed his hands down Sirius’ back until they reached Sirius’ arse, then to the tops of his thighs, tightening his grip on them.</p><p>Sirius put pressure on Remus’ shoulders and jumped, trusting his boyfriend as he was lifted and placed on the counter, his legs spread to accommodate Remus.</p><p>They kissed fervently, desperately, for several long moments, relishing in the reminder that this was their reality. They could do this now without risking their feelings for each other becoming known.</p><p>"Merlin, I've been waiting for this for months," Remus said softly.</p><p>"Then shut up and don't stop kissing me."</p><p>"Now <em>that </em>I can do." Remus chuckled, cupping Sirius' face and bringing him into another deep kiss.</p><p>Their kisses slowed until Sirius brushed his lips against Remus’ softly, his hands moving from Remus' and nothing else came, just the rise and fall of their chests as they leant their foreheads together, noses brushing now and then and igniting smiles from both of them.</p><p>Sirius’ arms moved to comfortably rest around Remus’ shoulders, hands buried in the thick, now shaggy waves of Remus’ hair that was curling at the nape of his neck.</p><p>Remus moved his hands so that they were now gently rubbing circles on the skin of Sirius’ waist with his thumbs. <br/><br/>“I don't think I've felt this happy in my life," Remus whispered. Sirius smiled, and it was his rare genuine one, with dimples and his feelings so openly displayed on his face, grey eyes full of love. </p><p>"Neither have I," Sirius whispered back. Somehow the honest in their words at that moment brought invoked stronger emotions than either of them had expected.</p><p>Both of their lives had been marked by pain and loss and sorrow. More of that was likely to come in this war.</p><p>Casualties could never be avoided, and Peter's betrayal would not be the only hard pill to swallow.</p><p>And even though they knew this, they had dared to find something worth fighting for in each other. Sirius pulled back and affectionately dragged some of Remus' hair out of his eyes.</p><p>"I love you." </p><p>Remus beamed brilliantly as if he could now see the world in a whole new light.</p><p>Though this wasn't the first time the words had been spoken, hearing it for the first time after so long apart, and being able to say it outside of Remus' office, was a monumental step forward in their relationship.</p><p>"I love you, too. I'm so glad I can say it in person again, it just doesn't feel the same in a letter." Sirius laughed softly. </p><p>"Would you be opposed to coming home with me tonight? I don't think I can stand another night in an empty bed." </p><p>"Of course. I don't want to ever have you out of my sight again." Remus said.</p><p>Sirius hummed happily, pulling Remus closer and ducking down to press another kiss to Remus' lips. </p><p>"I'll have to have some stern words with Dumbledore about having you god knows where for months on end." He said. Remus rolled his eyes. </p><p>"Feeling protective, are we?" </p><p>"Just glad that you're safe." Sirius shrugged. "It means I can do this as much as I want to."</p><p>He kissed Remus again for the hundredth time this evening, feeling Remus sink into it, letting his hands wander over Sirius' thighs and hips and waist, everywhere he'd wanted to touch for months. With Sirius sat on the counter, he and Remus were now the same height.</p><p>Remus eventually let one hand settle in the nape of Sirius' hair, which had grown a little longer in the last few months, now reaching his shoulders, and was curlier than it had been the last time Remus had seen it in its natural state. </p><p>His other hand rested on the small of Sirius' back and pulling him closer until Remus was the only thing stopping him from slipping off the edge of the counter.</p><p>Sirius' legs were wrapped completely around Remus' waist, trying to pull their bodies as close to each other as possible.</p><p>A series of wolf-whistles and catcalls jolted them out of their kiss and both of them jumped, Sirius' hands suddenly becoming talons in Remus' shoulders as their heads snapped towards the doorway, now filled with James, Lily, the Prewett twins, Marlene and Dorcas jeering at them. </p><p>"I thought I said ten minutes, Evans!" Sirius called. </p><p>"It's been fifteen, Black, we got concerned that you two would be doing something inappropriate in here," Lily replied with a smirk. </p><p>"Inappropriate? Me? <em>Never</em>?!" Sirius gasped, feigning innocence. "I'm incredibly appropriate, thank you very much! Very child friendly!"</p><p>"Says the one who spent six months trying to seduce his teacher." Remus scoffed. His cheeks went red with a blush as he admitted it. </p><p>"I think you're forgetting that I'd already seduced you <em>before</em> you became my teacher. Or is my memory of the painful return to my parents' villa in Rome from the thorough fucking-"</p><p>"Sirius!" Remus scolded. </p><p>"You asked for it!" Sirius said in defence, putting his hands up in surrender. </p><p>"<em>Y</em><em>ou're </em>the one that was asking for it. <em>Begging </em>for it, if I remember it correctly. '<em>Please, Remus, don't stop, don't stop</em>-'"</p><p>Sirius laughed and punched Remus' shoulder playfully. The members of the Order gathered in the doorway were smirking and muffling their laughter alongside them, watching them interact. </p><p>"Stop bickering, you two. Get your arses into the living room, we're getting a group photo." Marlene said.</p><p>Remus helped Sirius get off the counter safely and they straightened their hair and clothes. There was a camera set up and there were a few minutes of arguing as Marlene tried to organize everyone into the frame.</p><p>"James, Lily, Sirius, you three are new, you come down to the front. Remus, you stay where you are, you can carry on snogging Sirius in a moment. Dawlish, stop trying to show Dorcas those Muggle card tricks, they're not that impressive!" Marlene instructed. </p><p>Remus moved suddenly at the last minute as Marlene was setting the camera on a timer with her wand, sliding his hand into Sirius' and smiling at him as they looked at each other. The camera flashed and people relaxed again. </p><p>"Fantastic! Thank you, everyone, I'll send you all copies!" Marlene said. </p><p>"Hey, Marlene?" Sirius called. She turned to him and raised an eyebrow. "Get a picture of Remus and I, will you? It's been too long since we've had a one together."</p><p>Remus stood behind Sirius, wrapping his arms around Sirius' shoulders, feeling the hairs on the back of his neck rise as Sirius' hands settled on Remus' arms, holding him back as best he could.</p><p>Remus obliged Sirius' wishes as he looked over his shoulder, leaned back for a kiss and leant their foreheads together just after the telltale flash of the camera went off.</p><p>Sirius couldn't begin to describe all the different emotions in his heart. Somehow, an explorative walk in Rome had brought him down the path of fate to where he was now, so desperately and ridiculously in love.</p><p>He pulled back suddenly, his thoughts provoking a realisation. The room had quietened, with people talking softly in small groups around them.</p><p>Sirius began to curse violently, making the rest of the Order do double-takes as they overheard him. </p><p>"What's wrong?" Remus asked, turning Sirius around to face him. </p><p>"What's the date today?" </p><p>"July twentieth, why?" </p><p>"<em>Fuck</em>, I'm such an idiot! I can't believe I almost forgot!" Sirius buried his face in his palms for a moment. "Remus, where were we this time last year?" Sirius asked, removing his face from his hands.</p><p>"Um ... I was ... in Rome. You -" Remus stopped himself and realised. There were looks of worry around them as the Order realized that there might've been something seriously wrong. Remus muttered a string of curses under his breath. "Today isn't what I think it is, is it?" </p><p>Sirius nodded. "One year ago today, I wandered into a Muggle library in Vatican City. Someone nearly knocked me off my feet in a rush. I would've fallen flat on my face if not for a stranger catching me. This very handsome stranger managed to render me speechless, and I felt compelled to ask him to lunch as a thank you. And the rest is history."</p><p>"I wonder where that ability to make you speechless went. That might've come in handy this past year." Remus observed.</p><p>Sirius aimed to punch Remus' shoulder with the same playful tone that he had not ten minutes earlier, but Remus caught it and linked their fingers instead, using his free hand to pull Sirius closer, with a hand on his lower back helping him to achieve it a lot more smoothly. "And the rest is history." He echoed. </p><p>"Would you have changed any of it?" Sirius blurted out unintentionally. </p><p>"Not so much as a second," Remus said. </p><p>"Really? Even when I was being insufferable at the beginning of the year?"</p><p>"One might say you're <em>always</em> insufferable, just varying degrees at any given moment." Sirius grinned at the comment. "But no. Not even when you were upset with me for being a prat. After all, who knows what would've happened to us if anything had occurred differently?" </p><p>Sirius beamed. Knowing that Remus had been thinking the same was comforting.</p><p>He'd been so scared that Remus would still have residual guilt over not being able to hold back when it came to their rushed and desperate kisses in the familiar warmth of Remus' office.  </p><p>"Merlin, get a room, you two," James said. Sirius flipped him off and pulled back from his boyfriend to summon his leather jacket, which he'd taken off after getting too warm during the meeting. </p><p>"As much as I would love to stay, I should head home. A cup of tea and an early night await me. See you all later." Sirius said, raising his voice slightly to address the assembled group, who had returned to their own conversations once they had realised there was no immediate danger. </p><p>There was a series of goodbyes and Sirius looked over to Remus. "What do you say? Shall we go home?" He held out his hand, and Remus smiled as he took it. </p><p>"Couldn't imagine anything better." He said. Sirius beamed and they Disapparated. </p><p>~</p><p>"James, don't you <em>dare</em> wake them!" Lily hissed. </p><p>"Why not?! They're not answering the fireplace!"</p><p>"There's no rush, James! We can tell them another time, let them have some peace!"</p><p>James didn't respond as he wandered through the apartment, dodging the boxes and half-finished furniture scattered throughout the rooms. </p><p>"James, there are clothes <em>everywhere</em>, they're probably-"</p><p>"Sirius <em>always</em> has clothes lying everywhere, it means <em>nothing</em>."</p><p>"There's Remus' jumper!"</p><p>"It was probably from last night, Lils, calm down. They'll be asleep." James dismissed.</p><p>They reached the bedroom and James pushed the door, which was cracked open slightly, open further. </p><p>Inside, Sirius and Remus laying in bed. Remus' eyes were closed, and he had his arms wrapped around Sirius, face buried in the inky black curls, while Sirius was happily nestled into the crook of Remus' neck.</p><p>Both were shirtless, with Remus' scars on full display. </p><p>James was shocked to see the scar tissue crisscrossing across Remus' torso and arms, looking at the varying degrees of damage his body had taken over the years.</p><p>He'd known Remus was a werewolf for months. Of course, he had expected there to be scars, but he'd never understood just how much damage his old Professor had taken until now.</p><p>He remembered when Remus hadn't denied his condition, when Sirius had admitted that he knew and how fearful James had felt for Sirius' safety. </p><p>It had taken a little while to get used to the idea of his best friend dating a werewolf before he realised that Remus was probably the safest werewolf in the world.</p><p>He was softer and kinder than any wizard James had ever met before, and he'd never expected that kind of disposition from someone who was supposed to be a dark creature.</p><p>Remus was about as dark as the sun. And he made Sirius happy, which was all James really wanted.</p><p>He remembered all the times that he'd seen Remus speak with nothing but pride and encouragement to students, how he was as excited as they were when they successfully cast a new spell, and how he looked at Sirius like he was the most precious thing to walk the earth.</p><p>Remus was not just an exceptionally kind teacher or a sweet-natured werewolf. He was that genuine of a <em>person</em>, and for that, James could see why Sirius loved him so much. </p><p>Sirius was awake and was tracing a scar idly, and he looked up sharply towards the door when it creaked. He relaxed when he saw James, but he still looked slightly annoyed. </p><p>"Can't a man get some peace with his boyfriend without people interrupting him?" He croaked. </p><p>"We had some news, you weren't answering the fireplace."</p><p>"That, and James got worried about you," Lily added.</p><p>Sirius smiled tiredly, seemingly enjoying hearing those words.</p><p>Remus made a soft noise, frowning and shifting slightly in his sleep. It caught Sirius' attention and he pressed a soft kiss to Remus' neck before gently extracting himself from Remus' grip.</p><p>He reached for a pair of boxers and a shirt that were on the floor beside the bed and manoeuvred into them as he fought with the sheets to keep himself covered up. </p><p>Remus immediately woke up when Sirius was no longer in his arms, blinking slowly and heavily. </p><p>"Sirius?" He said, still trying to focus.</p><p>"Relax, I'm still here," Sirius said, leaning over to press a kiss to his forehead.</p><p>Remus reached for his glasses, slid them on and noticed James and Lily standing in the doorway.</p><p>He yelped in surprise and held out a hand somewhere to his side as he sat up. A shirt flew towards his outstretched hand and he shrugged it on quickly, looking incredibly embarrassed.</p><p>"Give us a minute, will you?" Sirius asked James and Lily. </p><p>James struggled to stifle his grin as he and Lily left, closing the door behind them. They waited in the living room for a few moments until Remus and Sirius showed their faces, both wearing their comfiest clothes and still looking slightly fatigued. </p><p>"Tea?" Remus asked. James and Lily shook their heads. </p><p>"Coffee and some toast, please, love. The jam is in the cupboard next to the fridge." Sirius called as Remus went to the kitchen to get himself a drink. He turned back to James and Lily. "So. What brings you two here at this ungodly hour?" </p><p>James and Lily cast blushing glances at each other. "Well, it's probably best if we wait until Lupin gets back so we can tell you at the same time," Lily said. Sirius frowned for a moment and then his eyes went wide. </p><p>"Merlin's beard." He said. "You're up the duff?" </p><p>Lily burst into peals of laughter and James went pale at the comment. </p><p>"No, Sirius, I'm not pregnant," Lily said, wiping the tears from her eyes and catching her breath for just long enough to answer. Sirius exhaled slowly, looking relieved. </p><p>"I'm not ready to be a godfather." </p><p>"Wait, you're going to be a godfather?" Remus asked, walking back into the room with two cups of tea and two plates of toast floating in midair. One of each went to Sirius, who accepted them gratefully. He looked at Lily and James in alarm. "You're pregnant?" </p><p>"No, we aren't pregnant!" James said. He sat down on the sofa. "Fuck me, if anyone mentions having kids again, I'm leaving. I'm not becoming a dad when I've barely been out of school five minutes. I think Mum would kill us both. And Sirius, for good measure." </p><p>"Why me?!" Sirius exclaimed. "I didn't knock your missus up!" </p><p>"We're promised her we'd be keeping each other out of troube. You're guilty by association." Sirius cursed. </p><p>"I don't think 'Tuney would ever forgive me if I got pregnant." Lily winced. </p><p>"Ugh, don't even get me <em>started</em> on your fucking sister." James groaned.</p><p>"What a cow," Sirius said through a mouthful of toast. </p><p>"Hey!" Lily exclaimed. "How would <em>you </em>like it if I called Regulus a knob?" </p><p>"Well, he <em>is</em> one, so I wouldn't object." Sirius shrugged. "If you aren't pregnant, what <em>are </em>you here at this time for?" </p><p>Lily flushed as if she'd momentarily forgotten the real reason why she and James were in Sirius' apartment and looked back to James, who was grinning madly. </p><p>"You're not going to be a godfather yet, mate, but you <em>are </em>going to be my best man," James said, standing again. </p><p>Sirius stopped eating and looked at James, then at Lily, then back to James, and then to Remus, at his plate of toast - which he stuffed into his mouth quickly before looking at James once last time. "You're getting married?" He mumbled around his food. </p><p>"Charming, Black," Lily said sarcastically. Sirius swallowed his food and ignore the comment. </p><p>"You're getting married," He said quietly. </p><p>"And I want you as my best man," James added. Lily held up her left hand, where there was a ring resting on her finger. Sirius held his arms out for James and the two embraced tightly. "You're getting crumbs all over my shirt," James mumbled into Sirius' shoulder. </p><p>"Who gives a fuck?! You're getting <em>married</em>!" Sirius crowed, pulling back and shaking James as best he could with a plate in one of his hands. </p><p>Remus congratulated Lily, and the two shared a brief hug as well, laughing at their partners' antics as they excitedly talked about how extravagant it would all be. Remus did his best to keep his plate well away from Lily as they hugged, not wanting to spill anything on her. </p><p>"When were you thinking of setting it for?" Remus asked. </p><p>"Probably before winter," Lily admitted. "It'll be rushed, for sure, but with everything going on, we want it done before anything kicks off too much. James asked my family's permission three weeks ago, went and visited them and everything. He proposed last night when we got home." Remus smiled. </p><p>"I'm really happy for you both." He said. Lily thanked him and then they were jolted out of their conversation by Sirius grabbing Remus by the arm. </p><p>"Remus, <em>we</em> should get married! We could have a double wedding! Think how wicked that'll be!" He exclaimed. </p><p>"Sirius, we can't get married, the Ministry doesn't officiate same-sex weddings," Remus said. Sirius stopped and frowned. </p><p>"They don't?" He asked. Remus shook his head. "Well, it'll change." He said. "We - we could always ask Dumbledore to pull some strings eventually, and we don't have to do anything now, but we <em>can</em>. Someday. Right?" </p><p>"You want to marry me?" Remus asked curiously. Sirius nodded, looking at him like it was obvious. "<em>Me</em>?" Sirius rolled his eyes. </p><p>"Obviously. I don't know any other twenty-year-old Remus Lupins that are werewolves and used to teach me." He said. Remus laughed. "If you don't want to-"</p><p>"I do," Remus said. "We will. Someday. Let's just focus on James and Lily right now, though. Let's wait a few months, something we're both very familiar with at this point, and maybe when the war is over or when things aren't quite so tense in the Ministry, we can talk to Albus, see if there's anything he can do. If not, we'll do it anyway, find someone that'll be willing to help us with the documents." </p><p>Sirius beamed and they turned back to their friends. </p><p>"Right!" Sirius said, clapping his hands together. "If we're getting this done before the year is out, let's get planning." </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0025"><h2>25. Chapter 25</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"Sirius, stop worrying, we'll be late!" Remus exclaimed. </p><p>They were putting the final touches to their outfits for James and Lily's wedding in what had now become <em>their</em> apartment.</p><p>Sirius had asked Remus to officially move in the week before. They had practically lived together for the entire summer anyway, but Sirius had wanted to make sure that both of them were on the same page. </p><p>It had been a miracle to pull off the wedding in a month, but somehow everyone had banded together just enough to make it work.</p><p>All of the Order would be there, as would Lily and James' family. At this rate, Sirius and Remus would be the only ones <em>not</em> there with how much time Sirius was putting into the smallest details. </p><p>Sirius finally came out of the bathroom, looking extravagant as per usual, with a finely tailored set of robes that probably cost more than half of the furniture in the apartment put together.</p><p>His hair was as neat as he could get it, tucked behind his ears and combed ever so slightly so as not to disturb its natural waves.</p><p>"What?" Sirius asked, looking down at what he was wearing and suddenly looking more insecure than Remus had ever seen him. "Is it too much? I don't have time to change." </p><p>"No," Remus breathed. "You look amazing." Sirius' cheeks went pink and he smiled, walking over to Remus and gently fiddling with the shoulders of his robes. </p><p>"So do you," Sirius said softly. "My incredibly handsome boyfriend." Remus beamed and leaned forward, pressing his lips to Sirius, wrapping an arm around his waist and Apparating. </p><p>"Oh, for fuck's sake, you two! Do you have to steal the limelight today? This is <em>my</em> wedding and you're almost late!" James yelled.</p><p>Sirius and Remus parted and looked towards the altar of the small church in Cokeworth, where Lily was from. They grinned at James and walked hand in hand towards him.</p><p>There were a few guests gathered in the pews, and they all looked to see who James was addressing.</p><p>The only people Sirius and Remus didn't really recognise were those that were presumably Lily's family, sat in the left-hand aisle. </p><p>"Come now, Jamie, I wasn't going to risk you looking better than me, was I? I have a reputation to uphold as the attractive one." Sirius teased, patting James' cheek when they reached him. </p><p>"You're a colossal knob, you know that, right?" James said.</p><p>"James Fleamont Potter, if I hear one more profanity come out of your mouth, I will drag you out of this church, rinse your mouth out with soap and we'll call the whole day off." Euphemia Potter said, standing and joining the three of them with her husband, Fleamont. "It's good to see you, Sirius! I feel like it's been years since the last time you came round for dinner." </p><p>Sirius let go of Remus to embrace James' parents. "Sorry, Effie, things have been awfully busy lately. Adjusting to life after school, planning a wedding, working, maintaining an entire apartment all by myself."</p><p>"<em>Please</em>, we all know that the only reason your apartment doesn't smell like burnt food all the time is that Remus does most of the cooking." James scoffed. </p><p>"And because Sirius is terrible at cleaning charms," Remus added. </p><p>James winced, remembering the time that Sirius had made their dormitory smell of moist wood and damp clothes for a week when he had tried to practice cleaning charms. </p><p>"I'm getting better!" Sirius exclaimed. "I managed the dishes last week! I didn't even drop any of them this time." </p><p>"Why not just do them the Muggle way?" Remus asked. "It's just as easy. And you really shouldn't rely on magic so much. It makes us that much more out of touch with Muggles." </p><p>"Life is more fun with magic." Sirius shrugged. </p><p>Remus rolled his eyes and smiled fondly at him. "Sirius, I love you more than life itself, but you're an agent of chaos and it's probably shortened your lifespan by <em>at least</em> ten years. It's probably shortened mine the same length due to the stress."</p><p>Sirius pressed himself closer to Remus' side and left a kiss on his cheek. "I love you too, Remus."</p><p>Remus couldn't help but chuckle at Sirius picking and choosing what he wished to respond to. It was always the romance that he chose.</p><p>"So this is the infamous Remus Lupin we've been hearing so much about," Fleamont said, raising his eyebrows, a small smile on his face. "Sirius can't stop gushing about you whenever he comes to visit."</p><p>"It's lovely to finally meet you, Mr and Mrs Potter. Sirius and James are always singing your praises to me," Remus replied, feeling his face warm up as he shook Fleamont's hand.</p><p>He'd heard a lot about James' parents, who Sirius and James adored with all their hearts, and were the only adults that they would ever actually listen to. </p><p>"There's no need to be so formal, Remus," Euphemia said. "Sirius is just as much our son as James is. We're glad he has someone that makes him so happy, and it makes you family now as well." </p><p>Remus thanked her, his blush deepening as she pulled him into a brief hug. </p><p>"Is that Lily's family?" He asked when they parted, looking over to the group of people he didn't recognise.</p><p>A young woman with dark hair was in the first row, probably around Remus' age. There was a man around the same age sat beside her, an older woman with ginger hair sat close by in the same row,  the three of them talking amongst themselves.  </p><p>"Yeah," James said, frowning. "Her older sister, Petunia, and Tunia's husband, Vernon. Her mother is there as well. Her dad's walking her down the aisle, so he won't be here yet. I'm surprised Tunia even came at all. Vernon makes her worse. He's a vile man. I don't know what she sees in him."</p><p>"They don't get along? Lily and Petunia?" Remus asked. </p><p>James shook his head. </p><p>"Having a sister who is a witch is a hard thing to accept when you don't develop any gifts yourself," Euphemia said. “It seems like neither of them can ever do anything right in the others' eyes."</p><p>Remus was tempted to talk to them, to see what exactly it was that made Petunia so angry about Lily experiencing this life.</p><p>It was never easy being a Muggle with a magic family member, but surely that didn't mean you cut them off completely.</p><p>His own mother had found it hard when she had married Lyall and had been scared when Remus had begun to display signs of magic. She had been even more scared when Remus was turned. </p><p>He hadn't spoken to his mother in months now, not since the new year at least. She would likely be worried sick, and he should really send her a letter, maybe Apparate over to France and see her and his father.</p><p>Though he had no siblings, Remus knew what it was like to have strained family relationships, and how hard it was to fix a bond that was teetering on the edge of being broken.</p><p>It had been too long since Remus had had a conversation with his father that hadn't resulted in his mother crying.  </p><p>"You alright, Moony?" Sirius asked softly, linking his fingers with Remus', a look of concern crossing his face. Remus simply smiled at him, as convincing as he could make it. </p><p>"Wonderful." He said. "I think I'm going to sit with Lily's family during the ceremony, fill out the seats a bit more. Maybe a kind face will make them feel a little less ostracised."</p><p>"Lils would like that," James said. "If there's anyone she trusts enough to make them see sense without mucking things up, it's you." </p><p>The Ministry official that would be proceeding over the ceremony caught James' attention, and the anticipation and apprehension began to rise.</p><p>Remus gave Sirius' hand a squeeze, his congratulations to James tumbling from his mouth, and went towards the Evans family. </p><p>He smiled as brightly as he could and watched as they noticed him coming closer. "You must be Lily's family, it's nice to meet you. My name is Remus Lupin." </p><p>"What kind of a name is that?" Vernon scoffed, glaring up at him. </p><p>"I suppose my parents liked their Roman mythology, especially when it came to wolves," Remus said brightly, shrugging his shoulders as if it were a joke. </p><p>"Are you a friend of Lily's?" Mrs Evans asked. "Did you go to school with her and James?"</p><p>"Sort of," Remus said. "The current Defense Against the Dark Arts professor is retiring, and the Hogwarts headmaster knows my father. He knew I had an interest in teaching and wanted me to do some training at the castle this past year. I'll be taking over the position full time when the new year begins. I taught Lily and James, and they're both incredibly close friends with my partner, so we all spend a lot of time together." </p><p>"You look awfully young to be a teacher. How old are you?"</p><p>"I turned twenty in March, so I'm not <em>that</em> much older than Lily.”</p><p>"Oh, you're only a few months older than our Petunia!" Mrs Evans said, gesturing to the dark-haired girl sat with Vernon. "This is our eldest daughter, she just turned twenty in May."</p><p>"Nice to meet you, Lily talks about you a lot," Remus said to her.</p><p>It was true, in a sense. She'd mentioned her sister a few times to Remus, but he knew that most of her concerns about Petunia, which was a comprehensive list at this point, was always in conversations with James.</p><p>Petunia's smile was forced; like she knew everyone expected her to be happy that her sister adored her and was proud to tell people about her.</p><p>"Is it normal for people to become teachers so young in your world?" Petunia asked. She looked almost hesitant to ask, like she was worried someone would hear her and berate her for being curious.  </p><p>"Not a lot of people are inclined towards teaching, and there aren't a lot of schools for us in the world, so I tend to work with older witches and wizards," Remus admitted. "Would you mind if I came to sit with you? I thought it might be nice for Lily to have a few more people on this side of the aisle." </p><p>"Of course not! Come, sit here." Mrs Evans said, patting the space beside her. Remus smiled and thanked her, sitting beside her. "So this is formalwear for people like you?" She gestured to his robes. </p><p>"For wizards, robes are a little more common, though witches in high up positions in our government sometimes wear them on official business. Usually, though, a lot of people wear business attire." </p><p>Mrs Evans nodded, seemingly interested in everything he was saying. "There are so many things we still don't understand about ... all of this. Lily does her best to explain, but she hides a lot of it away." </p><p>"She wants to protect you. I do the same thing with <em>my</em> mother. She's a Muggle, too. She worries so much about my father and I. Magic can be dangerous, and she often feels helpless. Coming from someone who's in a similar position to Lily, she doesn't want to put any of you at risk. Give her a bit of time." </p><p>Lily's mother looked relieved to hear the words, and soft music began to drift through the church.</p><p>Everyone stood and watched as Mary McDonald, Marlene McKinnon, Alice Longbottom, and Dorcas Meadowes walked through the doors. </p><p>They were Lily's bridesmaids, the four of them having become incredibly close ever since Lily had joined the Order. </p><p>When the girls had reached the dais, the moved over to stand with Remus and Lily's family, whispering quick hellos to Remus. </p><p>"Wait till you see her, Mrs Evans, she's an absolute stunner," Marlene whispered earnestly. Lily's mother was already crying. </p><p>"Blast it, where are those tissues?" She muttered.</p><p>Remus held out his hand and focused on summoning what she was looking for, handing them over when they appeared in his hand.</p><p>She took them from him gratefully and thanked him, gently dabbing at her eyes. </p><p>"Show off." Marlene hissed at Remus, a slightly envious look in her eye. "I'm terrible at wandless magic." </p><p>Remus smirked and held a finger up to his lips, miming to her to be quiet and returning his attention to where Lily and her father were now entering, gliding down the aisle.</p><p>Lily's face was almost split completely open in a smile, gazing right ahead of her at James.</p><p>Her father kissed her cheek and hugged her tightly when they reached the alter, shook James' hand and returned to his own wife.</p><p>~</p><p>The ceremony seemed to pass in the blink of an eye as James and Lily tearfully stumbled their way through their vows, both so incredibly happy.</p><p>Sirius chased after them as they walked down the aisle, holding his wand up and letting sparks and ribbons fly out of it, streaming over the pews and flying around the room, twining through people's hair and leaving the room in beautiful chaos.  </p><p>At the reception, Sirius made his presence well known from the beginning with his best man's speech. </p><p>"Evening, everyone," He started. "So for the sake of Lily's family, I'll introduce myself. My name is Sirius Black, I'm James' best friend and his best man. We've known each other since we were eleven, shared a dormitory together at school for seven years, which means I can say with great confidence that I don't envy Lily's future of living with him." </p><p>There was a rumble of laughter in the room, and James elbowed Sirius. "Prat." He hissed. Sirius grinned. </p><p>"I've also known Lily since we were eleven." He continued. "If truth be told, James and Lily didn't get along that well when we started school. But all three of us have realised that we have more in common than we thought. Now, I can't think of anyone better for either of them than each other. James,"</p><p>Sirius looked to his friend and felt the emotions welling up in his chest. </p><p>“Prongs, you've done more for me than you can ever realise. You and your parents welcomed me into your home and into your family when mine kicked me out. You never complained when I woke you up from nightmares of the things they used to say and do. After Peter and everything that happened on the Astronomy Tower, when I started getting nightmares again after two years without them, you didn't complain then, either." </p><p>James' eyes were starting to go misty as Sirius spoke, and Sirius was fighting hard to blink his own tears away. </p><p>"Lily, I know that James and I aren't related by blood, but he's my brother in spirit, and I'm proud that I can now call you family as well. These are the highest compliments I am capable of giving. When everyone else saw me as nothing more than a cocky Sacred Twenty-Eight kid and assumed that I had never struggled because of it, you took the time to look past it. You gave me a home, love, hope and a family to call my own when I had none. I love you both endlessly, and I wish you nothing but happiness and a very long, boring life together." </p><p>His voice cracked a few times, and as soon as he finished talking, James was up on his feet and hugging him tightly, both of them sniffling and burying their faces in each other's shoulders.</p><p>Soft murmurs and coos were coming from their friends as they embraced for a few seconds and pulled away. </p><p>"I fucking love you, mate, you know that, don't you? I'd never want anyone else to be my best friend." James said, shaking him slightly, grinning ear to ear.</p><p>Sirius sniffled and nodded, and James let go of him so that Lily could throw her arms around him. </p><p>"We will always be a family, Sirius. <em>Always</em>." She said. </p><p>"I know we will, Evans," Sirius said. He leant back and smiled. "Or should I say, Potter?" </p><p>Lily laughed wetly, and she gave his hair an affectionate tug before settling back into her seat. </p><p>There were a few more speeches until eventually, Remus stood. He was sat beside Sirius at the head table, and had remained quiet throughout the speeches, keeping the revelation of a speech of his own to himself.</p><p>Lily had asked him last minute the previous night, and Remus had been furiously scribbling away whenever he had a spare moment, trying to avoid Sirius' prying eyes. </p><p>"If you'd have asked me this time last year where I saw myself, I would never have imagined that I would be sat at the head table at the wedding of two of my ex-students."</p><p>Remus cast a glance at James and Lily. The idea of <em>having</em> friends, of having so many good things and good people in his life, was astronomically unbelievable.</p><p>He hadn't expected to ever have this, had always been taught to avoid people, to keep to himself.</p><p>And yet, this time it had worked. He had spent the last year being surprised constantly, and these three people had managed to shatter every preconceived notion that he'd had about the nature of others.</p><p>Whatever higher being or lucky star was looking over him, he thanked them at that moment for granting him this life. </p><p>"Most people would think Sirius and I wouldn't ever recover from what we experienced during the spring. I know that I can’t get the piece of myself that was lost that night back, but thanks to James, Lily and Sirius, I no longer feel like I have to struggle alone. James and Lily been there for Sirius and I when no one understood, looked past everything that makes people distrust us. For that alone, I hope life brings you nothing but the same love and joy that you bring to others.”</p><p>Remus raised his glass, saying, "To James and Lily," and hearing the echoes of the toast sound around the room as Lily and James smiled at him, eyes sparkling with unshed tears and he sat back down. </p><p>~</p><p>Much, much later, when all the food was cleared away, Remus was stood softly talking to Lily's family as she had her first dance with James, both of them so immersed in each other, that he almost jumped a mile when he felt a hand on the small of his back.</p><p>He looked over his shoulder as Sirius sidled up next to him, sliding his arm around Remus' waist. Remus affectionately tucked some of Sirius' hair behind his ear and smiled at him.</p><p>"Glad you could all come today," Sirius said to Lily's family. </p><p>"So are we," Lily's father said. "Those were some lovely things you said during your speech. Lily's told us a lot about James' best friend. It's nice to finally put a face to the name." </p><p>"What's all this about something happening during the spring?" Vernon sneered. "Are all of you so secretive?" </p><p>Sirius opened his mouth to speak but found no words there. How did you explain something like this to someone? And to someone so <em>rude</em>?! He looked to Remus, uncertain. </p><p>"Peter, a friend of Sirius and James, got caught up with some bad people," Remus said stiffly. "He tortured Sirius and I. We almost died. Another student, another friend of Sirius’, actually<em> did </em>die that night. He was tortured for longer than we were.”</p><p>”Julian tried to fall from the Astronomy Tower so Peter wouldn't get to kill, but the Killing Curse pushed him over the side before he had chance to fall. Remus and I were tied up, we couldn't do anything to save him." Sirius added.</p><p>Lily’s parents looked a little horrified to hear what had happened. Petunia was as uncomfortable as she had been all day, and so was Vernon.</p><p>"I'm sorry to hear that. It’s an awful thing to have to experience at such a young age." Mrs Evans said. </p><p>“It’s been hard, that’s for sure.” Sirius admitted. </p><p>She hesitated for a moment before she spoke again. "So, I’m guessing Sirius the partner you were talking about?" She asked. “I don’t mean to pry, I just ... you’ve been classed as a pair all evening, and neither of you brought plus ones, so I just assumed.” </p><p>Remus nodded. "Bit of a strange one, dating an ex-student," He chuckled nervously, rubbing the back of his neck. </p><p>"Disclaimer, we met before he was a teacher." Sirius clarified. "But yeah, definitely a shock to both of us." </p><p>"We made it official at the beginning of this summer, though," Remus added. "It wasn't appropriate while I was teaching." </p><p>A bit of a white lie, but necessary, Remus supposed. They would get better at explaining it should anyone ever ask again.</p><p>Vernon seemed to bristle slightly, and Sirius clearly noticed it as his fingers dug into Remus' waist a little more. He was itching to reach for his wand, Remus knew.</p><p>This was his way of keeping calm. He didn't want to fight tonight, and especially not on his best friend's wedding day, not when Vernon was part of Lily and James' family. </p><p>Petunia was looking at her husband worriedly, and the air between Sirius and Vernon seemed to crackle as Sirius' magic rose, sensing the hostility. Even Mr and Mrs Potter seemed to notice. </p><p>"Easy, Padfoot," Remus muttered. "James keeps looking over at us, I think he wants your attention." </p><p>Sirius finally looked away from Vernon and over towards James on the dancefloor, letting go of Remus' waist for a moment to step nearer to the dancefloor, watching his best friend intently. </p><p>"Sorry about him, he gets a little defensive," Remus said politely.</p><p>He didn't mean the apology, really. Not when it was so obvious that Vernon was uncomfortable with the idea of him and Sirius dating.</p><p>But tonight wasn't the night for fighting, and Remus wanted to avoid causing rifts. </p><p>"Remus," Sirius called. Remus' eyes met Sirius' and the younger man held out his hand. When Remus frowned, Sirius rolled his eyes and stepped a little closer. "James and Lily just invited us up."</p><p>"I can't dance," Remus said simply. </p><p>"Ridiculous, everyone can dance. You'll get the hang of it," Sirius replied. "Dance with me. Please, love. Do it for me." </p><p>Remus couldn't resist those eyes, and the way they gazed at Remus as if he were the most important person in the room, the <em>only </em>one in the world that mattered. </p><p>So he caved, excusing himself from the Evans family. He took his boyfriend's hand, raising his other  hand slightly and sending harmless little flares of magic up into the air, letting them hang and twinkle under the lights as he twirled Sirius and pulled him close. The two of them swayed, the world around them fading into nothing.</p><p>They leant their foreheads together, breathing in time and letting this moment settle in their memories. </p><p>"We'll get through this war, won't we, Remus?" Sirius whispered. </p><p>"Of course we will," Remus replied. </p><p>"How can you be so sure?" Sirius asked. "I don't want to lose you. I don't want to be scared every time you walk out the front door without me. You're going to be living at Hogwarts again come next week and who knows what the rota will look like for missions and patrols?"</p><p>"I won't stay at the castle," Remus said. </p><p>"What? You can't Apparate home every night-"</p><p>"I can, and I will." Remus interrupted. "I told you at the beginning of summer that I'm never letting you out of my sight again."</p><p> He leant back, cupping Sirius' face in one hand and letting Sirius see every inch of truth and fierce protectiveness in his eyes.</p><p>“I love you, Sirius. That will never change. It's you and me and James and Lily against the world. For as long as you'll have me." </p><p>Sirius smiled and leant closer to kiss him. When they parted just a few seconds later, those piercing grey irises told Remus everything he needed to know.</p><p>They would fight, and they would win. Through every casualty and every lost battle, every injury and the heartbreaking tension that would likely cause too many arguments to count as they feared for each other's lives, they knew that the choice they made today was for the long haul.</p><p>The journey they had started together in Vatican City the previous summer was only just beginning, and they would have all the time in the world so long as they kept fighting. </p><p>So when Sirius spoke, Remus almost anticipated the words, knowing that he would say the same thing in Sirius' position.</p><p>"Forever," Sirius said. "I'll have you forever." </p>
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